Thank you, everyone. I appreciate it. Taking a deep breath and moving on.
To cheer myself up today, i tried on every item of clothing in my closet and packed up 3/4 of it to go to Goodwill! It's all too big/loose/baggy. So that was fun...
My doc didn't give me an "expected". His Nurse Practitioner did, and her number had me at 180. I'm sitting here at 5 mos post op at 181.
What surprised me was when I saw my doc at the 3 mo post op visit he said to buckle up because I was entering the "sweet spot" after surgery, and that the greatest loss comes between months 3-9. Told me to make the most of it and keep up the good work. By those calculations, I have 4 more months in the sweet spot and think reaching my "perfect" weight of 140 is very do-able. If I don't make it that low? So what. I feel wonderful!!! And THAT is what counts.
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I'm going to be the really mean one here. Don't try to force the surgery just because of the insurance window. They approved you once, they'll approve you again.
It sounds like you're not sufficiently prepared for the surgery. This process is only 20% stomach, 80% HEAD! Your head isn't in the game yet. One slip-up is a cheat. One week of binging is self-sabotage. You're looking for an excuse to cancel because you're afraid. If you've read these boards, you've seen people who have totally wasted the opportunity provided by their surgery with self-defeating behavior.
You need to spend the time to get your priorities set, imo. Because after the surgery you will have cravings, you will want comfort foods, you will want to gnaw off your own fingers sometimes with hunger. And you may very well resent others being able to indulge. Don't think that because binging will cause you to throw up right after surgery that you are "cured". There are many ways of "eating around" restrictions and you will have to be constantly on your guard.
Please understand that I'm not trying to be hateful. I want you to succeed. But right now, I think you need to spend time with a therapist, not a surgeon. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
Yes people have had their surgeries cancelled for not following the diet. Most don't, but you've stated you've got a fatty liver that needs to be shrunk. If they get in there and the liver is too big or in the way... they will close you up and not continue the surgery.
The bigger issue is (and I'm sorry if this comes off as callous, but it's a reason why we all have to do psych evals before hand because not being able to control what we eat past surgery can cause *MAJOR* complications), what's going to happen after your surgery? Yes the pre-op is hard. But post op is just as hard for a while too.
Why do you want the surgery? Don't answer here, but you need to ask yourself this.
When you feel like cheating, you need to ask yourself what's more important, that piece of pizza, or your life.
Honestly, only you have to answer to you and your actions. But it doesn't seem like you are taking stock of how important this change is... that's a lot of food, that's not "cheating".... cheating is "oh I had a bite of something" not, "I haven't been following the diet for a week+". Sorry for being blunt, but, what you posted here is a major problem, and you **NEED** to come clean with your surgeon, surgical staff, nutritionist and psych.
Odds are post bypass there are going to be plenty of things you can't eat... what are you going to do then?
None of your choices were even smart "cheats"... pre-op is when you need to start figuring out the better choices to make,
Yes we are all human and we all make mistakes, but how many mistakes does it take to realize you need to stop? Normal stomachs can take over 15 mins to realize you've eaten, pounding half a pizza and then 2 donuts 2 hours later... IS.NOT.HUNGER. That's compulsion / addiction / "head hunger".
You should be nervous. These actions are major red flags. You need to make the hard choices for yourself and your health. No one else is going to do it for you. Even post surgery, it's not going to be some magic wand that gets waved and you never get real or "head" hungry. Doesn't happen. Cravings are still going to happen. Desire to eat that pizza is still going to happen. But ***YOU*** need to say "no". YOU need to decide to eat something better. YOU need to decide that you don't want to be fat anymore and only YOU can decide that you want to live.
So here's what you do. Stop. All of it. Stop all of the excuses. Stop all of the disappointment in yourself. Stop giving in. Stop giving up. Stop caving in.
Now, today.
Start following that diet to the letter. Start making better choices. Start exercising. Start getting in 64-128oz of waver. Start realizing that food does not control you. Start realizing that if you don't change, your health is not going to improve. Start changing into a better you.
Each day, you should look in the mirror before bed and be honest with yourself. Did you do what you were supposed to? Did you do the right thing?
You **CAN** do this. You just have to MAKE yourself do this.
Stay Strong.
