SkiGirlDenver

hey everyone out there in lap band land -- I have a question/concern.
I am getting banded on May 23rd -- and I am sooooo excited -- I have been debating this surgery back and forth for 2 years now and have finally made the decision (after a ton of research and conversations) to move forward. But as the date gets closer I find myself getting more and more scared. Not about the surgery, or the post-op diet/eating change but a lot more about what happens if the band and losing weight doesn't change anything. Here is basically my concern in a nut shell -- I have this really great guy friend -- we hang out all the time and have a complete blast together -- we confide in each other and support each other and in general are just great friends. For a long time I thought we would be more than friends -- you know how it is -- but one night he was a little tipsy and was brutally honest and up front -- basically said as much as he loved me as "a friend" he is only attracted to really skinny girls (which clearly since I am on this site and getting this surgery I am not really skinny). For a while it really hurt our friendship (this all happened about a year ago), but after alot of work on his side and a ton of apologies, I finally let him back in as a friend, and I just put all the other stuff out of my mind. Anyway -- long story short -- we went to dinner tonight and I told him (for the first time) about my plans to get the lap band and the surgery and how excited I was etc. He was great -- super supportive and thought it was a great idea -- but then he said "but you know, you'll always be the fat girl to me." I was stunned -- I couldn't understand why he would say something like that to me -- I've always been such a good friend to him. But then it really got me thinking -- what if he is right? Will I always see myself as the "fat girl" -- the life of the party with a great personality who every guy loves as a friend but never a girlfriend. Will I be able to see myself as anything more than what I was? Will I finally value the person inside once I look like I want on the outside? All these questions really got me very scared and make me want to back out even though I KNOW this surgery is the right step. I guess in a nutshell I am most scared b/c my weight has been the excuse for so long -- I wasn't married b/c I was fat, I didn't have a boyfriend b/c I was fat, I didn't get that job b/c I was fat -- always the same thing. What happens if I get the band and I lose the weight and nothing changes -- is the answer then that I am just a bad person? And if nothing changes am I strong enough to deal with it when my easiest excuse is gone?
Anyway -- sorry for the long rant -- am just really struggling here -- I want this surgery but am so afraid of it at the same time -- is anyone else feeling like this or have felt like this -- would love to hear from you.

Hello May Bander's --
I just got my surgery date -- yeah -- its May 23rd -- Friday of Memorial Day Weekend -- that way no one at work needs to know. I totally can empathize with how everyone is feeling -- I am terrified that this won't work for me and that I won't lose any weight and will feel like a complete failure. But here is how I am trying to think about it -- I KNOW if I don't do it, I won't lose any weight and am pretty sure a year from now I will be the same or heavier -- so that is probably the worst outcome. Chances are it will work and if it doesn't then I am no worse off. (OK maybe a little worse off but I am trying to be an optimist :blushing:). My doctors is being really good -- trying to set realistic expectations for 30-40lbs in the first year -- at first that sounded so SLOW i was disappointed but then I thought -- hey it took me 10 years to get this big if it takes a few years to get it off so be it -- maybe that will mean my skin will snap back. Good luck fellow Mayster's and I hope we can all stick together and support each other through this crazy journey we are about to embark on.