okayestmom

Uh oh! Something happened to Matty this week. I was in a local Wawa (think east coast convenience store) and a gorgeous girl ran smack into me while I was grabbing a grape Propel - just couldn't deal with anymore water today. She was texting and walking ... okay, yeah, this missed me as Gen X'er. Well she looked up at me and flashed me one helluva smile. I was feeling pretty good that day so it was time to bring out some game, "So you know I can't let a gorgeous girl who crashes into me go without getting her phone number." LOL! She turned beet red, asked for my phone and sent herself a text message from mine. She said, "Because you men never call ..." I don't know quite what I was thinking but figured it would be one heck of a ride. What is it with me and short girls? I seem to attract them and I don't honestly care about height. She's all of 5'4". I knew she was young but it didn't occur to me how young. What did I just get myself into?

I told myself no dating until the scale reads 190 but this new me is feeling sexually driven like I have never been before. Well, she's right I wasn't really planning on calling her so she called me. So I told her my age (41) and was shocked to hear that she generally goes for men older than 35. We must've talked on the phone close to 3 hours. You're going to think I am lying when I tell you she's a 3rd year med student and is interested in training to be a bariatric surgeon. The stars might've just aligned but I want to go slow and told her that I had weight loss surgery. She's totally my type - the professional, highly educated, and ambitious woman. That's what frightens me, because in the past, this has lead to unhealthy relationships. Well, I've got a date lined up for Saturday and I just want to have some fun. I needed money in order to make this happen so I sold a bunch of old computer equipment and managed to raise some capital for this adventure. I know I won't be drinking alcohol but that's okay.

This is going to sound really freaking weird but I feel like I am in the twilight zone ... like this is all a bad dream I am going (or hoping) to wake up from. I hate food! I mean I fscking hate it! It tastes like saw dust ... I am never hungry and never have a desire to eat. Eating hurts and no one knows really WTF is going on. I mean they think the cause of this is the stomach ulcer but what if all this stuff heals up and I am still messed up? I am down 60 pounds and almost 6" from my heaviest but I could care less. I sleep but it feels like I get none at all. When I wake up even though my stupid CPAP says, "Hey dumbass! You had less than 1 apnea an hour. GTFU!" It's supposed to be really easy to find work because unemployment is low, yet I keep getting turned down for work. At this point, I am like what next?