MsMerLo

For 20 years, I dieted, and lied to myself.
Went back and forth between two extremes. You might be familiar with them.
One was called....Screw it, you're fat, so what? I drank a two liter of Pepsi daily, loved bread, french fries, chicken tenders, and chocolate turtle ice cream pie. I also love food that was good for me. And food that had sprinkles. And grease. And sugar. And anything hot out of an oven. And....well, you get the picture. My husband laughed at me for putting excess bacon on my veggie burgers.
The other me was....The Fitness Nazi. I was the autistic savant of calorie counting. Like Rain man, I could look at a deconstructed plate of stuff and guess calories with the accuracy of a food scientist. I was all about counting my grapes, going from one fad diet to the next. This time, I'm going to find the answer to fast weight loss. Must be thin. Not healthy. Not strong. Thin. And I'd like to be thin as fast as possible, please. Need to go to the gym. I hate the gym. Go anyway, you're fat, you must repent and be punished by the gym to be excused of your sin of fattness. Must never again eat anything white, or carb, or that casts a shadow. I'm a perfectionist, dammit. I can DO THIS!
Speaking of Fatness. Remember The Hunger Games? I went to a costume party last year as the fat version of Katniss Everdeen: Fatness NeverLean. My flaming dress had porkchops on it.
For 20 years...I went back and forth between two lies. I'm not either of these people.
I'm not in denial about how bad obesity is for your health. I care. But I'm not a Fitness Nazi either. I don't care about being thin.
For me...I needed to make peace with food, not fight a war against it. And man, sometimes if feels like that's all we do. Just endlessly battle. I'm tried, man. Just really tired of the war.
What helped me the most...is escaping an extremist mindset.
I'm tired of extremes.
I don't want to binge on crap anymore. Screw that self destructive nonsense.
I also don't want to starve anymore or eat "healthy" things I HATE. Screw that self destructive nonsense, too.
I don't want to eat stuff I don't like..."because it's good for me." I want to eat stuff that I DO like that's good for me. Sometimes those things are hard to find! But they're out there. They're worth finding and taking the extra effort to make.
I'm tired of lying to myself. 20 years of dieting lies...up, down, up down. What's the point? I don't want to be either of those two people, I just kept running from both of them.
I had to find balance. I had to love my life, love my diet, love my self enough to stop the self abuse of both extremes. I HATE the fat binger. I HATE the thin fitness nazi.
Finding the plan that works for the individual is tough. And it's gonna be different for everyone. It's not one size fits all. (nothing one size fits all works for me...lol)
If I were doing low carb and crazy low calories, I'd probably shoot myself or others. I feel horrible on that plan...and I know from experience that I'll crash and burn on it eventually. It works great for some folks....but I'm not one of them.
These days I'm working on being really really honest with myself. I'm picking things for my diet on a new criteria...Do I genuinely like eating this? Is it good nutrition? Can it fit in a balanced day of healthy eating?
When I exercise, I don't think about how many calories it burns anymore, or how long I have to do it, or what gets me the most burn in the least time. I think....Do I enjoy doing this? Do I look forward to it, or dread it? Can I do this with a friend for support and have a good time?
I want to love my new life.
I want a Forever diet that I love.
I want a Forever exercise plan that I love.
I want balance.
I'm done with immediacy and urgency and extremes.
I'm losing weight slow and steady. If I lose 3-5 pounds a month, I am so happy with that. I didn't put all this weight on in a few months, I'm not gonna lose it in a few months.
They say you'll lose weight for 18 months or so after surgery. I've got 16 months to go. If I lose 2-3 pounds a month, I'll make my goal. I'm in no hurry, because I'm working on my forever diet that I can love and live with.......not my "until I'm skinny" punishment diet.
Sometimes I really think the key to this whole mess is finding a way to be honest with yourself...resolve the two extremes and find the middle ground.
Just some thoughts. Take what ya like, and leave the rest:)

Hello, I'm one week out from my gastric sleeve. I feel great, have had zero complications. I just finished the mandatory in-home nurse check up appointment. I had asked her if it was okay that I drink more than 4oz at a time because I have no pain or problems doing so, and my meal plan only calls for 4oz of Protein Shake 5x a day right now.

Today was the first day I could have anything other than clear fluids, so I did drink 8oz of Protein shake this morning, over about 20-30 minutes without issues.

She said I'd stretch my sleeve out if I didnt follow the 4oz rule. I didn't question her, just said Okay well I wont do that again..

But I am wondering... is it really possible to stretch my sleeve out already from just fluids like Protein Shakes?

Hi all! This community has provided such incredible support for me and I wanted to share what my journey has been like leading up to and day of surgery in hopes that it helps others. I’m 37 y.o., 5’9”, HW 265 SW 253 GW 170.
Leading up to surgery, I did a 2 week liquid diet relying mostly on Premier Protein shakes, Protein2o Water, Bone Broth and Mios favored drops that you put in water. The first 3 days I cheated by eating some eggs, grilled chicken and salad along with the shakes.
My pre-op apt took place at the hospital 6 days prior to surgery. There they gave me a surgical clearance form that I needed to take to my primary care physician. I didn’t know this was a requirement ahead of time and scrambled to get an appointment. Also, during the pre-op apt I disclosed that I often take marijuana edibles to help me sleep. They said that wasn’t an issue but struggled to find the appropriate medicinal term in their system...yes, there was an actual code for cannabidiol.
2 nights before and morning of surgery I was given special soap to shower with. Day of surgery I was instructed to arrive at 730 but wasn’t told actual surgery time. Upon arrival I learned my time was 930 and I was second surgery of the day for my doctor. Actual surgery takes an hour. I was given an IV, Pepcid to help with acid and some other shot in my belly to prevent blood clots.
When I woke up from surgery I was moaning with pain an felt like I was going to throw up. Dry heaved a few times but nothing came out. Nurses were right there and gave me zolfran for nausea and started my morphine drip. I remember it being very painful but it probably passed in 15 min and I fell asleep.
Things were a blur until about 4. Not sure how long it was until I was taken to my room but once there, they checked vitals, drew blood, and put some sort of machine on my calves that pumps air to help circulation and prevent blood clots. At 430 the nurses helped me up to go pee and take my first walk. They had a special container in the bowl to measure my urine. First walk was slow and I did half a lap.
Pain isn’t too bad. As people have said, it feels like I did 1000 sit-ups. Although I am fully taking advantage of the morphine! It doesn’t help with gas pain though, for that you have to walk. It’s 1230am and I just finished my 4th walk. After the first one, walking is easy and it makes me burp which is a good thing. I’m trying to push myself with walking and get all the gas out at the hospital while I have the morphine to help with pain from soreness.
I also have a breathing thing I’m supposed to blow into every hour to help prevent Fluid build up in the lungs and phenomena. I haven’t been as diligent there and surprisingly the nurses don’t remind you. Another tip, ask the nurse for wet, cotton mouth swab. It was a life saver. Worst dry mouth of my life!
Now I’m just waiting for morning where they will have me drink some fluid in front of an X-ray machine to see if there are any leaks. Following that they have me going straight to stage 2 purée and I’ll need to eat/drink something else before I’m discharged. Provided everything goes well, they expect me to go home around 1. I’m going to walk as much as I can throughout the night to get the rest of the air out. Surprisingly, the nurses don’t remind you to walk (my roommate has only been up once) so you have to stay disciplined and lookout for yourself.
Anyway, I know this was suuuuuper long but I hope it helps ease the nerves for some of you anxiety ridden, over-analyzers such as myself. Wish me luck tomorrow! I’m still super anxious