Crystal*

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's tough. Luckily my husband has been very supportive and helpful. I didn't tell anyone else because I didn't want to have to endure the snide remarks or judgmental looks or comments like, "Why can't you do it on your own instead of doing something so drastic?" Is your mom overweight? If she isn't she probably doesn't understand your struggle.

Yeah Doctors have a lot of schooling and training to become licensed but who is to say they are not God's Instruments as well. Doubt or loss of faith does not cause Obesity but Bariatric surgery gives you tools to help being a success from that day forward!

I can relate to what you are going through. I started this journey in January and that’s when I mentioned it to my mother. She pretty much blew it off and was like “you don’t need that “ , “you are not that big”, “ just exercise and stop eating late .” So I continued going to my dr appointments and I kept trying to bring it up whenever I would see her. Fast forward to today , I got the news that I was approved and I haven’t shared that with her and we talk about everything. So it bothers me , but I have a super supportive husband that says nobody needs to know unless you want too tell them. I’m going to try and educate her on why I’m doing this and hopefully she will understand and support me just like she has with everything else in my life. If not it will be ok because in the end we all made this decision to live longer healthier lives. Good luck to you !!!!!

The vets on here are giving you some really good, solid advice,
I can't offer much in terms of that kind of support, but I wanted to take a minute to tell you a few things that even I CAN see.
First, give yourself some grace. You are here, asking for help. NOT because you are some quitter or a failure, but because YOU ARE A FIGHTER!
Second, don't let anyone make you feel like "a waste of time". f**k THAT BS!!! Go back to that a-hole Surgeon just to get the information you need and move on.
Third, you are not hopeless. I really DO understand that feeling of despair, of feeling hopeless. (I suspect there are a lot of other people here who do, too.) However, I think its a lie we all tell ourselves at one time or another. You DO have hope as, even now, you are still looking for answers and working for a solution. If you are breathing you have hope. Hold on to it and don't let go.
You can do this!
-Sending you some peace and, hopefully, just a tiny mirror reflection of the strength you have within yourself that even this stranger can see. ❤️

I had considered the sleeve but i have read that long term there is a better chance of keeping the weight off with the bypass. I kind of figured if I am going to go through with a surgery, I should probably have the procedure done that will help me be most successful.

Onederland is when you get below 200 pounds. I have a few pounds to get there. It will be the first time in 12 years that I will be under 200 pounds.

Glad to hear you found a center of excellence! And to share a quote from my surgeon, who is not only my bariatric surgeon but the President of the Illinois state chapter of the American Society of Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery: Knee surgery is actually more risky than laparoscopic WLS nowadays. Crazy isn't it?! Depending on how long ago the friend had the surgery, her age, underlying health conditions..... the list goes on and on as to why everyone reacts differently to the surgery.

Just out of curiosity, have you considered a sleeve instead of bypass? The thing that caught my eye when I started researching was when medical professionals getting WLS turned away from bypass -- made me more skeptical of bypass, I think. Of course, it is the gold standard with many years of documented success. If it was an option, I would consider one of the concierge ESGs.

The only thing with the sleeve is that is not recommended for anyone already suffering from severe acid reflux or GERD. There is a very high revision rate from VSG to RNY for that reason alone. The sleeve works well but it is discouraged for that reason.

If you compare the complications for the two surgeries, as far as leak rates, blood clots, that kind of thing that would land you back in the hospital it seems that they have similar percentage rates for both procedures. That is what our surgeon told us and he encouraged us to decide what procedure we were most comfortable having after the information session based on an individual basis.
Whatever you decide, you’ve found a great place here for plenty of people in every stage of the weight loss surgery spectrum!

You and I are nearly identical with our story! I’m 33 y/o too, my heaviest weight was 277lbs after my 3rd pregnancy. I’ve been on and off diets since I was in middle school and have always been considered overweight. I’ve yo-yo dieted for the past 2 years jumping anywhere from 249-277 and after another failed attempt last June I put my foot down and said enough is enough. I told my husband I was doing this and I was not changing my mind, thankfully he’s been 100% on board and an amazing support system. I am sorry you husband isn’t quite there yet but I think with time and some education he will get there. I haven’t told anyone else this is the surgery I am having, they all think I am having surgery for severe GERD which technically this will fix that so it’s not a total lie! Lol, I just did not want anyone else’s opinion on my health, it’s my body and I am the one who knows it best, their opinions wether good or bad are not helpful for me. Take time and enjoy the journey too, I read, googled and searched RNY every day since I made this decision. If there is such a thing as over prepared I am there! Haha, I am now sitting in the waiting room of my pre-op appointment and surgery is Dec. 5th! The journey has gone so slow yet so fast at times so take time to reflect and learn and you will be there before you know it!

Thank you all for your responses, it really does make me feel less alone in this decision! @ColleenErin1974 That's great you have been so successful! what is "onederland"? I agree it is hard to get people to understand. Even people that have struggled with their weight! @Daisy30uk I am definitely to that point where surgery seems like a necessity if I ever want to feel "young" again. I have a fatty liver, am constantly tired, my feet, ankles and knees ache when I get up to walk around. I am fortunate enough to not have diabetes or high blood pressure. Yet. Given enough time I am positive I will get those too. The surgeons I am going to be referred to and the hospital where the surgery will eventually be performed at are both listed as bariatric surgery center of excellence, according to obesity help.com. I just quickly checked that out online:-). So that makes me feel more at ease! I think that when I go to the weight loss seminar and when I have a consult with a doc, I will be bringing my husband so he can get a better understanding of the whole process. I have done a lot of reading on the subject so I feel pretty well informed. I think if my husband hears what a doctor has to say, he will be more on board with my decision. @kcvasquezI love that idea, telling people the surgery is for GERD! I may consider doing the same when the time comes because so many people in my family are super judgemental. and I just don't feel like dealing with their crap. I actually have gerd pretty bad so I would technically not be telling a lie either hahahaha! It must be very exciting being so close to your surgery date!!! I wish you luck for a quick recovery and much success. I will definitely be following your journey. I am new here so I will have to figure out if it's like following people on Facebook 😉

Welcome! All your fears are understandable - so many of the people that you talk to and the articles that you read will tell you all about the complications rather than the successes and I strongly believe that there are way more successes than those who have complications. Plus, there are many complications and health issues with being obese too. The most important thing is that you do your research from finding a good surgeon (does your insurance recommend a Center of Excellence?) to learning what you can about the procedure and what you need to do to make it a success and to avoid complications where it is possible to have some control over them, plus recognizing the signs of potential issues post op as well. Make the most of your six month supervised diet to learn what you can - I know a lot of people (myself included) wanted surgery the next week / month and were impatient to get on our journey, but in the end, having those six months was useful time to find out as much as I could about what I would be able to eat, things to expect and all the other things that you might come across. It was also time for my husband to accept the fact that I was going to do this since initially he was very concerned about it though supportive of me doing it but that concern made me drag my heels. As for your other family, it is understandable that they have concerns given what happened in the past but I would continue to pursue your decision regardless, answer any questions that they have and try to allay their concerns. You are not your Uncle's ex wife, she may have had underlying issues that you are not aware of, or maybe did not follow what she was meant to do (not saying this is the case, but there may be things that happened that your parents are not aware of) and things are very different now to back then.

Good luck with your journey! I hope that you will update us as you progress!

Well, first off, Congratulations [emoji323] on your decision to take this journey. This is a total lifestyle change and takes time to get there. I am almost 5 months out from having my RNY. You and I had similar stats. My heaviest was 268 pounds and I am now 3 pounds away from “onederland”. I haven’t been this weight in over 12 years.
It is hard to get people who have not struggled with their weight to understand that this is not the easy way out. This is a very long and hard process that you need support throughout. Here you will get that support.
Good luck on your lifestyle change! Feel free to message me anytime and I’ll share whatever I can to help you out on this journey. You can do this! [emoji3]