Karleena

No, I didn't figure you had done anything wrong. [Hugs]
If things are too messed up with your current doctor, maybe shop around for another one?
You SHOULD love yourself, no matter what! Eventually you'll get your procedure done, and you'll lose some weight. But the real work begins when the scale stops moving, and you will need a core of steel to make it through and be successful long term.
All these trials you face today are strengthening you (even if it doesn't feel that way right now). You are working your way to become a strong, independent, woman that is tough as nails!

I've been fighting to get it for five years and after all that? Nothing. Just false hope. I'm just tired of fighting a loosing battle at this point. I am tired of getting kicked around that tell me to loose weight. This mistake that was no part of mine should have been taken care of weeks ago by my doc, but instead they waited and let my time run out. It feels purposeful. I can't let my heart get broken again. I have to learn to love myself no matter what size I am and accept this may never happen, even if the world hates that a women of my size exists. I'll go through the motions, but won't let my heart get hurt again.