brandyII

Anyone watch that show "The Moment of Truth" last night? It should be called "I'm an A-Hole and I'm on TV"

Froggie,

You're young enough to appreciate YouTube and "Shoes" did you ever see that?

Your shoes suck, my shoes rule!

I don't get that! If lawmakers ever drove in heels, they'd allow barefoot drivers!

I physically cannot drive in bare feet, I know a lot of people can but I have to have a shoe between my foot and the peddle am I weird, okay judge me go ahead judge me see if I care!

Wasabubblebutt,

I don't know what the exact facts are with yo yo dieting and metabolisms but I know that I've yo yo'd many times and dieted for almost 40 years of my life to no avail, and I also know my metabolism is shot. At this point my desire to go through another diet while on the band is also shot. So shoot me?

Hey! We're forgetting the Great pumpkin, here people! What about the Great Pumpkin!?

(That's for BrandyII)

Thanks Gloucester, I appreciate not being left out:lol:

Thanks everyone, I went on line last night but it didn't mention money so I avoided signing up with the free "tour" until I heard back from you all.

Sounds like I need to look for a special but still it's more the type of gym I would be interested in, I sometimes feel stupid because I don't use those machines, I'm not a gym person and have a treadmill at home and free weights but it's just not doing it for me and I need to get assistance with this.

Anyway thanks again brandyII.

AthinnerDenise,

I know what you mean I'm far from my "homeland" too! But now I've come to terms with it, I think. I don't have grandchildren yet, knock on wood, they're still in college but I'm sure I'd be like that too if/when I do take care, brandyII. My mom was born and raise in ChiTown.

Thanks KC, yes my dogs go to the vet almost as much as my kids went to their pediatrician when they were little. Very spensive! Hopefully Momiji will stay healthy and her "mom" will get a summer job too! I'll let you know when we get her and I'll try to post a pic when my husband can show me how, thanks Nancy.

KC,

Thanks we read something about that and also the breeder wants us to take her to the avian vet within 72 hours anyway so we've got an appointment for this coming Monday and they're driving almost 4 hours to get her on Friday!

I've got the cockatiels set up in another room. Do they need to be vaccinated too? I've never brought my birds to a vet before never really knew to but now that I'm getting this bird we knew we had to. I'm afraid if I brought the cockatiels in at this point in their life they might have have a heart attack or something you know!

Thanks Nancy.:smile2:

I've found the ACA and even CoDA groups to be helpful at times, although I could not attend as regularly as I wanted to. There isn't one I can make in my area at the moment, but I'm hoping I'll find something when I move to San Francisco soon.

I also did a lot of great work with with one on one therapy, plus some other group therapy through my healthcare that wasn't specifically 12 step but still quite helpful. And, like many have mentioned, I've had some success with Paxil and especially Wellbutrin over the years. Not so much with the Prozac. I was able to wean myself off of the wellbutrin a couple years ago.

It's just comforting to be reminded that I'm not alone!

Look at your avatar compared to mine. I know you're probably just a fish that is living in polluted waters but you looked really freaked out!! Mine is a piggy taking a warm relaxing bath. I'm still a piggy but I'm much more relaxed, lol. You're definitely not alone and I wish you all the luck and do hope you get to move soon, never been to San Francisco but it sounds like a great place to be although a bit $$$$$$$$. I didn't like Prozac either and wellbutrin never did anything for me as I used it when I went off my antidepressant to go on a weight loss drug a few years back and it made me into a crazy :smile2:! I'm on antidepressants and take an anti-anxiety med but mostly at night. I'm a night person anyway obviously since I live on the east coast and it's 1:15 am. Anyway good luck to you and you are not alone!!!!! brandyII.:smile2:

I looked up my area and don't see it available? Is there a particular website you know of. I know they have AA and OAs I've seen meetings listed in the local "Penny Savers". Sorry, I know I'm asking you all these questions all of a sudden, lol.

I don't know when ACOA started? I don't know if it was around but I know ALANON, and I remember my little sister went to that. I went to OA to see if it would help me from gaining weight. I was 125 pounds at the time, lol. But I just remember going to the meetings and driving home in tears don't know why but this was before I discovered therapy and antidepressants so who knows.

I too have suffered with having children and not know how my past would affect my parenting style or what "bad" things I'd pass along to my children or my husband pass onto them as well. He has has alcoholic brother but not parent, his dad died when he was 6 so who knows. Anyway my youngest is the issue when it comes to taking on those traits as far as I know more so than my eldest but I'm sure it's all going to be another bumpy ride into my future. But I'm not an alcoholic, brownieholic is more like it. But all the other garbage that goes along with being an ACOA. Anyway it's good to talk to you and you seem to know a lot about this. I guess I never really attributed alcohol to all my problems but I guess it probably had a lot to do with it. Thanks brandyII.

I can't speak for everyone, whether a 12 step program works for everyone. i know for myself that when I feel swept into the abyss, working a program has helped me recover my equilibrium, if not allowed me to brush it off. I know that I have found understanding by talking and sharing with other people such as yourself who have had similar experiences to my own. As an ACOA, it is hard to find understanding from a person who has not experienced the craziness of a household in the grips of an addiction, but very easy to find understanding from someone who has also lived it! I have not always enjoyed it, but I have found over the years some space for myself outside the chaos that was childhood- and sometimes, still now- and I am grateful for it!

I didn't at first like the meetings- after my first one I didn't return for 6 years. WHen I went back, I thought I had nothing in common with so many of the people there. Over time, I realized that in my case, I was wrong. i have never left again in 6 years.

Kat W

Do people go if they are an ACOA and their parent(s) are now deceased?

I can't speak for everyone, whether a 12 step program works for everyone. i know for myself that when I feel swept into the abyss, working a program has helped me recover my equilibrium, if not allowed me to brush it off. I know that I have found understanding by talking and sharing with other people such as yourself who have had similar experiences to my own. As an ACOA, it is hard to find understanding from a person who has not experienced the craziness of a household in the grips of an addiction, but very easy to find understanding from someone who has also lived it! I have not always enjoyed it, but I have found over the years some space for myself outside the chaos that was childhood- and sometimes, still now- and I am grateful for it!

I didn't at first like the meetings- after my first one I didn't return for 6 years. WHen I went back, I thought I had nothing in common with so many of the people there. Over time, I realized that in my case, I was wrong. i have never left again in 6 years.

Kat W

I think it's good if it gives you the strength to deal with an alcoholic parent(s) without letting them control your life or bringing you down with them as they normally do.

I don't know if those meeting would have helped me while my father was alive maybe I just went to the odd few and still suffered from depression and anxiety myself. Now I go to therapy and it helps along with medication. I guess I needed support but didn't know what kind to get when I was younger or maybe couldn't put it into action as my father was such a powerful force in my life. Now I don't have to worry about him anymore and hope that I don't have to deal with any of my children or siblings in that way in the future.:smile2: brandyII.

I would never knock a group like that as I know it helps a lot of people, I guess with me it just wasn't what I needed. I'm better in a one to one setting like therapy.

I was seriously thinking of checking out Curves because they're everywhere. But I have a few questions if there's anyone out there who can answer them for me without contacting a Curves consultant first.

1. How often do you go or can you go?

2. About how much does it cost?

3 Do you have to make an appointment to go?

Thanks brandyII if anyone out there is still awake or available:smile:

I'm happy for your. It's something that a lot of people don't realize that boys have just as many of those issues as girls do these days. My daughter will be 20 next month and is doing a lot better and now that she's had the gastric bypass I'm hoping she'll do well but I still worry and worry about replacing food with alcohol still, in the back of my mind.

Anyway it's good to talk about and actually brought out some of those old tears talking to you about her time in the psych hospital. And now someone just started a thread on adult children of alcoholic parents and now I have another fun one to share in, take care Nancy!

I guess I never liked OA or alanon or any of those groups, I found them to be more depressing. I guess it doesn't work for everyone. Some people are just the type of people who can get sucked in to the abyss and others can brush it off like it's not even happening. I'm a sucked in type person so now that my father has passed I'm doing a lot better, not perfect but it helps!!

Thanks so much for responding BrandyII. I totally understand--even though I can't feel it myself yet-- about the peaceful feeling once they are gone. I don't mean to sound morbid either--but it is just so difficult to watch (or even just know from afar) that they are steadily declining.

Well I was about your age when my dad first had to go to detox, actually he still worked then and they made him. There are five kids in my family and most were extremely angry at him. We did an intervention once and that was the craziest thing ever, no professional, just 5 very angry children and one alcoholic confused and laughing parent. I hope you don't have to deal with them on your own even though I know how family dynamics can be and you could have 10 brothers and sisters and still being the only one dealing with them. So good luck and if you ever need to get it out and share I'm always here, take care brandyII.

Tommaney,

Good thread cuts to the core, my father started detox facilities in 1986 after his father died and I can't count how many programs we put him in between then and 2006 when he died. Good luck to you I know how hard it is and can't imagine how it must be to have both parents alcoholics and be living with them, if you can survive this you can survive anything!! brandyII.

Hi,

I also am an adult child of an alcoholic parent (father) mother died when I was 14 years old, but I am blessed now that he has passed away and has been two years last February.

I only say blessed because I allowed myself to be emotionally tortured by his alcoholism even when he was an airplane ride away in order to see him but of course the phone was always there and he always called me or I him.

I won't delve too deeply into it as I don't have to deal with "him" anymore just the the pain from the past that still lingers and I being the closest one to his "makeup" have taken on food as an emotional soother instead of alcohol.

He was 80 and did die of a heart attack and had taken a cab from his Assisted Living Facility where I had place him a few months before to buy a gallon of scotch and they found him the next day still grasping that glass of scotch in his hand as it had froze around it over the night hours. It's a wonderful picture but I'm fortunate not to have seen in person.

I wish all of you luck who still deal with living alcoholic parents as I'm sure there are many of you. It's not easy but for some reason once they die it is a bit easier and I'm not a cold person, I'm just honest a lot of pain went away when he died. brandyII:smile:

One more thing, I put off having RNY surgery three years ago to take care of him because he was falling down and cracking his head open on a constant basis in his apartment and going to the ER and not cleaning up his apartment and the smell still lingers but I had the surgery (changed it to lap band) after he died and maybe I should have waited, I don't know but while I was taking care of him I lost weight but after his death put it back on so just an after thought......................

I took my daughter, she was 17 at the time to a new psychiatrist because I knew the medications she was on for her depression and panic attacks weren't helping. The new doctor happened to be at a psych facility thinking that would be a better choice plus they dealt with adolescence and children too.

Anyway she had been cutting and told me so and had felt suicidal. I thought that all I had to do was find a new doctor and after my daughter was honest and told her about her cutting and suicidal thoughts they pretty much forced me to put her in there. I say forced because I felt like they gave me no choice either she was going to kill herself or she go into for treatment.

She really had no treatment but from their point of view they were keeping her from harming herself. She did not feel safe there and felt violated as they did a strip search on her upon entering the facility. This is a girl who also has major body issues and recently had the gastric bypass surgery.

Needless to say, I've dealt with depression issues with myself and other family members but when it came to my own child being put into a facility like that which in some ways is kind of prison like which I'm sure is debatable but still it killed me inside as I can imagine it killed you inside too when your son went away to prison. I was lucky enough where it was close enough where I could go there a couple times a day but I don't think that was a good time of her life! It wasn't for me either and at least I know next time to search out probably a better option, I don't know. :confused2: Sometimes we really do the best we can and have no choice but we still feel every second of it and those seconds last a long time.

It must have been hard for you also having gone through something similar to my daughter and then dealing with your son on top of it. I hope you're feeling better now, it's really hard. I still have many emotional issues when it comes to food and so I'm not the best lap bander in the world and probably never will be. But I'm not going to go off my medication just to speed up my metabolism either, been there, done that.

Good luck to you and I hope you do much better than I have you certainly deserve all the happiness you can grab now, as you've had it pretty hard!! take care Nancy.:smile2:

Good luck to you Angie, sounds like you need a break!!!! brandyII

newhope4me,

See and it all worked out in the end. It's not an uncommon situation that kids have issues like that due to problems they don't know how to deal with whether it's similar to yours or compounded also with just being a teen and dealing with all the stuff they do on a normal basis.

I was a pretty good kid but by the time I was a teen I was hanging out with the druggy type kids self medicating I suppose. I turned out well and my kids have some issues with depression or anxiety but it's in our genes, not much we can do about that now except seek professional help.

A lot of their friends though did end up coming here not because we were the "cool" house and I was giving them alcohol or cigarettes but because it was a stable kind of a safe house with no screaming and I guess just a somewhat normal life that most of them didn't have.

I'm lucky not everyone has that kind of a home situation but I guess I kind of was intent on my kids not having the kind of life I had growing up with a mother dying too young and being raised by an alcoholic father (who functioned at work) but who was not exactly Mr. Brady at home. So spanking really isn't always the main problem it's what's underneath the spanking or hitting that's the problem. How parents interact with their kids when there are problems and I guess you get it where a lot of people don't.

I used to work as an assistant in a special ed class for kids with special needs, ADD ADHD and sometimes they just had some real emotional problems and tended to act out in a normal classroom environment. They were difficult and we were taught how to deal with them when they acted out but sometimes when their parents would show up it kind of broke your heart because on one hand these kids had problems but then you saw the interaction between the child and the parent and you kind of understood that things may not get better and you worried what happened when they were home together. I'm probably just over sensitive and didn't work there long enough to be jaded but it always made me kind of sad.

I'm glad that things have worked out so much better for you and your son. It's not easy when you're in a situation especially if you need to involve the police that in itself is a real heart breaker because you're basically using tough love but it's killing you at the same time! I haven't dealt with that end of things but have dealt with putting a child in a psych hospital for about a week and that was something I've never thought would hurt so bad!

Anyway good luck to you, you sound like a great parent and should be proud!:smile2: brandyII.

I think most right wingers would disagree with you, I'm familiar with both sides of the fence and I'd say most right wingers would not think of ABC as right wing at all!