brandyII

Man I'm starting to lose faith in you people, grab your torches why don't you and run everyone who doesn't agree with you out of town! What a welcoming to a person with a complication. Maybe she didn't come across the way you wanted her to but you immediately assume the worse from the woman and think she's got some major plot going on to send all people to Mexico! I just don't understand a lot of you????? sorry brandyII

Froggi, don't worry about it! You're going to be fine! If you need reassurance ask your own doctors. I don't think I even had approval until one week prior to surgery and I didn't worry about it because everything was being handled the way it was supposed to be. But you can always double check if you have any questions about it. brandyII.

I grew up in the DC area and know that your libraries rock but in small towns they really suck, I know I miss the good ones I grew up with brandyII.

Froggi, you know what's better than a lily pad, a three foot above ground pool with a queen size air mattress! Libations and men are optional.:redface: A girl can only dream!!!!

im confused im in the chatroom and people are telling me if i lose weight on my 6 month diet for insurance that insurance will deny me WTF?

Well I don't know what they're talking about. My surgeon put me on a 5 week liquid diet to shrink my liver (I think that's what that was) and also I thought it had something to do with proving that I was capable of losing weight. Well I lost 25 pounds and I think my daughter lost around 40 prior to surgery. I'd ask them for specifics. I mean are they talking doctors, insurance, what???:confused:brandyII

こんにちわみなさん！

Konbanwa, neveragain-san!

Watashi wa erisu desu, brandy2 no kodomo desu! I do not know how to say "gastric bypass surgery" in japanese, BUT I did have it in May. Be nice to my mom!

hajimemashite! :biggrin2:

Elyse

froggi, it's okay go to your happy place. I sense you are upset we won't let the bad people hurt you! By the way, is your happy place on a lily pad?

Is this fricken grade school now, people grow up!!!

KatW,

Thanks I needed to hear that and you are a very insightful person. I think some of us learn this lesson at a later age than others. I wish I could have felt as good about myself now as I had when I was younger and even thinner or fatter. Maybe it's a blessing that comes with age, who knows.

I have ridden the self esteem roller coaster with my husband. I met him in 1978 and we've been together pretty much ever since. When he first met me I was fat and saw me go up and down with my weight and never said anything derogatory about it. He didn't have to because of my self loathing during that time I took care of it for both of us and it was a toxic part of our relationship, not the fat but my self loathing.

This gift of self esteem that I'm acquiring now by actually studying and also learning from you great peeps is a gift that I've also giving to him and our relationship. Is a marriage or relationship better with a happy person or a miserable one? It doesn't really matter if my body is fat or thin to him it's how I am inside that counts. It may sound crazy to most people who read this, but it's very true for me at least.

Sex is not just an expression of lust, although that part is nice but you're expressing to one another how much you love and appreciate them in a physical, emotional and mental sense. Everything always goes to sex in these threads!!!

Thanks, brandyII, one who is working on her self esteem at this point in time and hopes to continue to do so even if she is berated by a few miserable people who don't seem to get it...................:redface:

Georgiag,

I'll move on when people stop posting me about it! This is not my first negative encounter with Jachut and will not be my last.:redface:

I'm still passionate about everything I've said and she's moved on to Rants and Raves so unless you want to discuss self esteem in the Mental Health and Lapband Life Social Group you should probably move on also because this is not the appropriate place for it, thanks brandyII:thumbup:

I hope no one takes this as being mean but I've been reading your post, Maybe you could go back and read over your own post and you'll see what others are seeing.I think you have issues that run way deeper then the band. I've never seen such a self pitty party. You don't leave any room for anyone to feel your pain as you are so into poor me. in an earleir post you mentioned going to see a shrink(no offence intended) about why you can't lose weight maybe it would be better to talk to them about why you can't love yourself or why it's poor me so much. I'm a large women, wouldn't be here if I wasn't. But I really like the person I am if I wasn't me I would want to be my friend LoL point being work on that self esteem and maybe you'll gain a better insight. wishing you all the best my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thanks for your professional advise, I find you charming as well:thumbup:

You're just silly but really do frogs snap at the bubbles?

cheese makes my self esteem happy :redface:

Eating it or cutting it?

Which post did she change or remove, was it her third one?

Post #16, you can see where she origonally typed it at 11:15 PM and then it was last edited at 11:57.

She's not denying she did it but it's kind of unfair to change it like that (twice) and make me look like the bad guy or a bit nutty:drool:, am I wrong?

I agree with that. I don't hate myself, I just hate the fact that I let myself get so unhealthy. Two totally different things.

It takes two people to argue. Just sayin...

Here's my two cents.

I didn't read anywhere on this thread where Jachut made derogatory comments about fat people. She stated HER experience and thoughts about HER life as being fat, no one else's. I don't get why you were so defensive about HER experience. She said that she was lazy, unmotivated, and careless as a fat person and she said that not all fat people were that way. So, I didn't take any of that as being derogatory or insensitive to others. I'm confused as to why you felt the need to argue her first two posts :redface:.

The question of whether or not an obese/overweight person can have good self-esteem is going to vary from person to person. It all depends on how you feel about yourself. Do I think it's possible? Yes. Am I there? Not quite, but I'm getting there. It's getting better and better as I lose weight.

I myself edit my posts, usually due to spelling errors as I was a typist for many years and it's just a habit, I don't use spell check here and so time to time I'll see a stupid error I've made and I'll edit it out.

FYI

I responded to a heated response from Jachut and then when I came back to read more posts she had edited out some pertinent material so as to not look as mean, I'm only assuming! An example, if you trust my honesty "utter twaddle" was used and if you were to look I don't think you'll see it in her post.

Then she completely removed it, except for the first and last sentence and wrote something that I never would have responded to like that.

I guess the joke is on me, I've learned from that and now know if you're going to respond to some nasty post make sure you ALWAYS place it in quotations first or you'll get screwed in the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!! brandyII

Wherein "Phat," according to "trusty" Urban Dictionary, either means 1) cool and/or 2) hot and tempting.

What part of your personality empowers you on your weight loss journey? If you'll excuse the outdated street lingo--tell me why you have a phat personality! Is it your unfailing sense of humor? Your enduring passion for keeping active through exercise or work? What about a wealth of compassion for others?

This is a challenge to engender more positivity today; to do something productive with introspection.

For me, I think it's pretty cool that I cunningly adapted to growing up with alcoholic parents. It's even more amazing that I was brave enough to haul my own butt to therapy when I was 19-21yrs old. Clearly, I have it in me to take care of myself, so today I remind myself to embrace this "phatness" and use it to take care of my body.

Please feel free to shamelessly use or completely drop the word "phat."

You are cool :smile: tommaney and as I've said before your "third eye" has much to do with it!

Major survival skills dealing with two alcoholic parents let alone one!!!! That is quite impressive:thumbs_up:

It is the shit as they say but the way you deal, I deal(t) and others deal(t) with having alcoholic parents is such an accomplishment and a credit to ourselves:thumbup:. If we "pat" ourselves on the back it's because we've finally come to terms of having to nurture ourselves because our parents were nursing the bottle and self medicating.

I loved my father although this was a major problem that affected the whole family but he was a brilliant man. Because of that he fathered 5 brilliant kids. Everyone has their PhD or their Masters or both or me her MRS. (worked and sent hubby of 27 years through college) but who knows I may have enough self esteem to get that AA one day!:redface: (I'm referring to associates degree). I chose to move out of a crazy house and work when I should have been finishing college. That was a coping mechanism that worked short term for me. Can't go back now!

The major coping mechanism my family members use is their sense of humor, which we all get from our paternal grandmother, the Irish side of the family. It has taken most of us through much pain. I use my sense of humor/sarcasm to get through most awkward situations and I suppose I attempt to use it when it comes to my personal wl journey especially after going to my surgeon's office every month or so and the scale is either moving at slow to dead snail speed. I'm not a super star in that area but I do exercise now which I've come to use also as a coping mechanism.

brandy II has left the building to be PHATABULOUS somewhere else:thumbup:

I love all of these suggestions. That mirror one is going to be hard for me, to be sure! Will it be a cop out if I just start with "I have cute feet"? Because seriously, I do. Perhaps I can start at the bottom and build from there...

Feet are great! You naturally begin at one end so starting there is perfectly acceptable. My only mirrors are high at face level so I'm used to just looking at my head and I think most women self conscious about their bods do. I know it's not easy but I'm sure a daily affirmation of how wonderful we are as Molly said is a good thing, maybe more than one!:redface:

I am not a shoes person because I prefer to let them be free but a lot of women are really into their shoes and maybe it has something to do with their feet I don't know, I can't relate. I'm not out in Birkenstocks or whatever they are but I prefer socks inside and tennises outside!

Another thing is to ask a "loved one" or good friend to tell you some positives about you, physically, or your character etc... it's nice to get it from as many sources as possible!

brandyII:smile:

Along what BrandyII suggested, I've heard also of looking in the mirror and just telling yourself "I love you.". And when you mess up and are feeling bad about it -- looking at yourself in the eye, in the mirror, and saying "I forgive you." Assuming, of course, that you do. :redface:

Sounds good Molly, your pic always makes me smile! brandyII:thumbup:

Well one thing affecting my confidence is my body, not my mind or my personality but my body.

I've heard that you should take a look at yourself in the mirror, naked, full length and instead of doing the typical thing we normally do and go and pick out our problem areas or not even be able to disrobe and look at ourselves in the mirror but really look at yourself and say what you like about your body.

It's kind of a scary thing for a lot of people especially women, but that is an assumption. I know men are just as body conscious as women but they do have a tendency to pee in public so it's a little different!

Anyway, I like the way my arms are even though my MIL thinks they're too fat! Okay I've said it, I like my pudgy arms. Remember now you have to train yourself to say what you like and don't focus on your negatives, everyone has positives and we are our harshest critics, well most of the time:wink_smile: brandyII

My tech was nice and gave me a little hint. I saw the CPAP machine next to the bed after it was over and asked her what it was and when she told me I said I hope I never have to use one of those and she said "well you would if you needed to wouldn't you"? It was one of those weird moments where you knew she was looking right through you and yes I did need one but it took a while to get back to the pulmonologist. But they never made me do a second study thank God!

My daughter had the study done and a second one and had disrupted sleep from snoring but no apneas and doesn't need the machine.

Good luck to you and if you need one by chance CPAPTALK is a good forum.

brandyII.:rolleyes2:

tommaney,

I guess due to my maturity level I am quite fond of some cartoons although I don't watch the Simpsons that much anymore couldn't help but recognize your fishy.

I myself have changed my avatar a few times and one of my faves was Cartman dressed as the tooth fairy. You know how I like to live in fantasy land!!! Did I say that?

Anywho you do deserve to be portrayed with a "third eye" as you are a very wise person and your wisdom is needed here. I tend to be a little too passionate sometimes and it can cloud my vision!

Please start a fresh thread, this one is tainted!!! brandyII

tommaney,

You are a very wise person and I do believe it may have something to do with your "third eye" but I'm not sure.

I still feel the anger coming from this thread and it really wasn't meant to provoke but to discuss as you have kindly turned things around and were able to do so but for some reason there's anger still lurking but at least it wasn't written in "red" that tends to bother me more. It's one thing to wear bright colors like a red but it's another thing to write an angry message on a thread in red!

I do believe what you say about looking people in the eye, strangers you're dealing with in a store or a work setting whatever and smiling. When you give you get! It's contagious and there are very few people who if given a chance to be treated with kindness and with a smile do not give it back in return.

Your posture has a lot to do with it also. I kind of learned that when I was diagnosed with cervical arthritis and my PT was working with me on that. I do have bad posture and tend to be top heavy. I'm working on it. If you project confidence and self esteem or self worth, love etc... you'll start feeling it inside. Especially if it's something new to you and hasn't been used in a while. It's a good thing and thanks for stepping up to the plate with kindness and reason! brandyII

What is it with this friends number? So I have no friends - is that supposed to make me feel better, more inspired to lose weight, more wanting to come visit this site? Whose idea was that then?

Loads of people who visit this site seem to have no friends. :confused2:

Don't you think that people with friends already know it? This is a silly no-use addition to the site and should be got rid of.

I'm going to get flamed for this post, but since I have no friends I don't care.:rolleyes2:

Ask someone to be your friend and then they'll probably ask you back!:rolleyes2:

Oh, golly, I'm failing already. I have to have the last word! I should have closed this thread before I went out but its just there taunting me.

I dont believe in taking things private and attacking people by PM so I'll say it here.

Brandy, grow up. I removed that post precisely because I realised it was too strongly worded, well before you'd replied to it. And I did it without any catty little notes on the bottom.

its never been about fat or thin to me. I dont care about the size of someone's body. There's some awesome people here, people who are strong, determined, who face challenges and do their darndest. You know, they're not all thin either - actually since I've never met them, I really cant form opinions of them based on how they look can I?. They're just genuinely interesting, smart, efficient people. Then there's wimpy excuse making whiners, ahem, like yourself.

I'm sorry to bust your bubble my dear. Your continuing insistence to view this as a fat or thin issue is simply another manifestation of your inability to face your issues. You cannot accept that I just plain think you're an ineffective personality, so you must turn it into I dont like you because you're fat.

Sorry also that you appear not to be able to read. I think I said that being fat and having self esteem were not mutually exclusive. Or is that too many big words for you?

You come here, ask for advice and then turn petulant when the opinions dont justify your own self delusions. Its exactly like the thread in R&R, all hunky dory whilst people are saying "poor baby, its not your fault" and then all claws when someone disagrees. When you put yourself out there, you get all sorts of opinion back. Mine included.

I think my original post was quite appropriate, despite me not knowing what forum I was in. It need not have caused any debate. It wasnt desgned to. But because it challenged your precarious view of the world with you as helpless victim, it turned bad.

Get some help, seriously.

Jachut, first of all I owe you an apology as I called the post I typed from my email setting your "original" post and I was wrong. That post was obviously edited because in the original one you referred to my way of thinking as "utter twaddle". I still have no idea what that means so maybe you should enlighten me. I'd appreciate it.

I also took the time to respond to your first post, prior to your editing of it and prior to erasing the whole thing and replacing it with a whole "new" post.

My passion remains although your "original post" does not! Not all of us have self esteem and some of it or most of it has been related to our weight problems growing up from childhood into adulthood. Sometimes we need to learn to overcome the negativity brought on through the years by others and ourselves and society in general.

Becoming a healthy smaller size person is wonderful but does not necessary equal self esteem.

If I were an animal I'd be a bear, warm and fuzzy on the outside but come near my den and my cubs and I'll attack. There are always a "few" that have fallen through the cracks and they may need a bit more attention in this world and a little more help along as they make their journey.

Why attack a thread where we're discussing self esteem in a Mental Health support group which was started for those of us who have issues with weight relative to "mental health issues"?

If you want to attack me personally do it through a PM I really don't care or do it on any thread I've posted in the Rants and Raves Section but there's got to be safe places where we can go and discuss without being attacked in such away, peace and thank you, brandyII:thumbup:

Sorry Jachut but I don't like responding to a post and then having you actually remove the whole thing and replace it with a totally new one so I had to type it up, hope I did you justice, brandyII.:smile: