Syntax_Attack

I am glad you were honest with your surgery team and didn't get it cancelled altogether. I would definitely use this time to see a therapist as well that can help you with the self control issues. Better to work to get it right now than struggle with it after the surgery. Please keep us updated.

5 hours ago, AshAsh1 said:

I’m just glad in the meantime all these community members will get to read about your “views” and hopefully the next time they scroll past your name, they will just roll their eyes and not give you the time of day, I know I won’t.
The sad thing is, the beginning of this post, we had a respectful conversation about change. And I supported, not agreed, but supported the decision to lock down gender rooms. But, one decision to speak about something you clearly don’t understand may make you a lot of enemies.

If I make enemies of people for simply having a different point of view then those are the type of intolerant people I don't care to have as friends anyway.

6 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

I think expressing that is fine.

I think using it as a platform to degrade people who have noncisnomative gender experiences...is bigoted.

And....noncisnormative gender experienced people will always be part of the equation when you're talking about gender bans.

You might want such a change....and if you bought a TON...and I mean a METRIC TON of stuff from the bariatric store....you might get your wish.

But ultimately, from a business standpoint, I think Alex would be unwise to create perceptions of discrimination.

But since it's his site, he can certainly make any rules he wishes.

My gut feeling, though....is that most folks are satisfied with the honor system for using those boards and your request is not worth the hassle of potentially excluding a good customer and contributor.

Well obviously there are those that agree with both keeping them open and closed, so I guess we will indeed see.

9 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

So...you are a gay dude who wants to keep the women out of the guys room?

Can you help me to understand what topics must be segregated by physical gender on a weight loss support board, and why?

I am a straight guy who fully supports gay rights. But the reason for that is sometimes men and women are uncomfortable speaking about sensitive gender specific topics with the other sex chiming in. Some guys may want to discuss how the surgery may affect things like erectile dysfunction or "man boobs", perhaps some women are uncomfortable discussing their menstrual cycle or changes to their breasts or genital areas. Some people aren't uncomfortable with it and that is fine but others are, and if you are going to have the guys/gals only forum rooms I think it would be better if they were locked down.

1 minute ago, Creekimp13 said:

If you don't have an intimate understanding of gender identity difference....maybe it's one of those topics you should avoid having big public opinions about. (cause, you know....you come off like an asshat... just like the thin people who think they know everything about being fat)

Again....Free speech does not mean speech free of consequences.

What makes you think I know nothing about it? Just because I disagree doesn't mean I know nothing about it. There are a large number of doctors, biologist, psychologists, and other professionals that have studied it that also don't believe that a change of gender is possible and it is a dysmorphia just like other types (mentioned earlier in this thread) and the best treatment is to bring the patients' minds into alignment with reality rather than humoring that delusion. Hell there are even people who have transitioned and then gone back that believe that the current way of handling it is wrong. And just as people who disagreed when the consensus that homosexuality was a mental illness spoke out against the mainstream consensus were told to shut up people who go against the mainstream will always be shouted down and called all manner of names. I won't be silent just because you disagree with me.

9 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Dude, you are trying to disprove the validity of people with gender dysphoria...which is a real condition that is fully recognized by the American Psychiatric Association....by saying "it's just like they think they're animals"

Dehumanizing people is a strategy that has been historically employed by proponents of slavery and genocide.

And you seriously wonder why some folks experience your remarks as bigoted?

Free speech does not mean speech free of consequences.

People do form opinions of those who say thoughtless things.

I was not comparing them to animals i was using the example of "otherkin" which is also a group of people who think they are something they are not (look it up if you don't believe me on that one). Secondly the APA has always been highly political, which is why in the past when being gay was thought of as deviant it was also labeled as a mental illness. I am not dehumanizing those that think they are transgender, they are just as human as me. I just don't believe you can change your sex/gender.

For people so open minded you all sure can't handle a difference of opinion. I don't hate anybody including anybody who identifies as transgender. Just because I don't buy into all this gender swapping stuff doesn't mean I am a bigot. Just as if you don't buy into the Otherkin stuff and don't believe that a person who identifies as a wolf is one doesn't make you a bigot. But hell if that is enough for you to label me one, so be it, no sweat off my back.

27 minutes ago, Kat410 said:

You do not know what you are talking about.

Gender and biological sex are two different things.

To call people delusional based on how they identify is one of the highest forms of delusion.

You don't need the guys room locked down - you need your own room to go sit and think quietly and perhaps consider the value of educating yourself beyond your narrow view of the world.

1. 1.

   the state of being male or female

Not they really aren't. Gender EXPRESSION is different from gender but gender and sex are the same thing. Moreover people identify as things they aren't all the time and we recognize it as delusion. It is not uncommon for people to identify as holy or historical figures (Jesus, Napoleon) People with Coutard's syndrome identify as dead, there are people who are able bodied that identify as disabled and refuse to walk or act blind, to the point they will try to maim themselves to match their perception. Anorexics identify themselves as overweight even when severely underweight. Just because someone identifies themselves as something doesn't mean they are that thing. And given the DEFINITION of delusional someone who thinks they are something they are DEMONSTRABLY not is in fact delusional. Now if someone wants to alter themselves or present a certain way I would say that is their right. But what is not acceptable to me is demanding that others play along or characterizing those who won't as bigots. I am no more a bigot for not believing that then I am for refusing to pretend a human who thinks they are a dog is one.

2 hours ago, AshAsh1 said:

Actually, @Alex Brecher please grant Syntax_Attack his wish and restrict women from entering the male only room's. He needs a restrictive audience with his closed minded and blatantly discriminatory comments. It's in this communities best interest to limit who can see his posts. Maybe he'd argue to open a bigotry room as well and he can be the only one allowed in.

Not buying into nonsense isn't bigotry, it is just accepting reality. With the exception of those incredibly rare individuals who are born with a genetic intersex condition everyone is either male or female. You can't change your gender any more than you can change your age, race, or species. If this offends some people so be it but it is not bigotry to refuse to play along with someone's delusions.

1 minute ago, StrawberryLaray said:

Lol that's not what that means at all. You are really foolish. You are making yourself look stupid.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using BariatricPal mobile app

https://www.cnn.com/2016/04/13/living/gender-fluid-feat/index.html

"For some people, gender is not just about being male or female; in fact, how one identifies can change every day or even every few hours."

2 minutes ago, StrawberryLaray said:

There are lots of people who are gender Fluid or somewhere on the spectrum. I wouldn't laugh, it could be one of your friends or family members.

I love it, gender Fluid is my favorite flavor of this. I identify as a man today and a woman tomorrow, and a demiboy an hour later, and then no gender 3 minutes later but only for 37 seconds!! Fantastic!!

1 minute ago, Creekimp13 said:

If you'd like to be educated about them, look up the term genderqueer or non-binary gender identity.

I could also look up otherkin, or headmates, or a ton of other things people claim to be.

3 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

And what about people who don't experience gender?

LMAO, wow just wow.

6 minutes ago, Oceanlove said:

Well I called mr surgeons office spoke to the nurse. Explained everything and she said stay on the diet. She will talk to the surgeon on Monday when he’s there and see if we have a go for Wednesday or not. She said she’s not sure if he will or not. I told her I lost 20 pounds as well.

So here’s to a very stressful weekend ahead and hoping I don’t have to reschedule all my work days etc. and if so it’s nobody else fault but my own.

I think this is the best thing you could of done, you want to make sure you are ready for this so you can be successful in the long term. I wish you the best of luck no matter how it goes. And if it needs to be put off for a while so you can prepare yourself mentally it is not the end of the world. There is always another day!

Just now, StrawberryLaray said:

I think it is silly to restrict to men and women only. People are people. When you do that you might really be missing out. Don't assume that a woman (or man) might not have insight into your specific topic. We have spouses, siblings, etc that help us gain experience in all sorts of ways.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using BariatricPal mobile app

And if you have no problem with that then there are all of the other forums, where most people do post their questions when they want that insight. But sometimes people are uncomfortable with discussing intimate details with members of the opposite sex and that is what these spaces are supposed to be for.

2 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

What I mean by that is, I think all posts should be private to registered users. That would a good start for privacy. Then, you could tackle the gender issue. I'm just saying, why care if women can post on it, if the whole damn world can see it? It might be well within the capabilities of most forums, but I don't think its being implemented in any of the posts here (non viewable to non registered users).

AH, well I can understand why they may not want to lock down all posts to only registered users as you probably want to look at the community in general before joining. But in the case single gender rooms they could easily require you to be a registered member AND lock it down by gender of said registered members, which is what I am proposing. They don't have to have all of the sub forums remain open to non-registered users, they can lock down individual rooms.

I was sleeved on 5/21. Highest weight was 315lbs, surgery day weight was 308lbs. Today I am down to 275lbs, so that makes my loss since surgery 33lbs in under 3 weeks.

I'm not sure what you mean by:

3 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I think there's a bigger bridge to be built than narrowing it down per gender.

But it is well within the capabilities of most forum platforms to lock down even viewing a specific sub forum to registered users and those that meet a certain criteria (in this case gender). And I am not saying this is a perfect solution (someone could create a fake account to browse if they wanted to). But the enemy of the good is the perfect, and this would be a good thing to do IMO.

Just now, AshAsh1 said:

Also, I understand it was a sensitive issue, but you do realize that it is a public forum. ANYONE that has access to the internet can see these posts. I don't think the ability to reply or not makes the sensitivity of posts go away.

True, but some topics people are more comfortable speaking about with members of their own sex. If the single sex forums are locked down by gender to registered users then it would be easier to broach those subjects.

5 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

In the meantime, I wonder if you put it somewhere in the title? I know that you shouldn't have to, but it might help. Its hard to see the room on the app. It's in very small, light colored, print.

I can't speak for the women's forum as I don't look at it but as far as the men's forum there are some who don't care. For example these are parts of replies were posted on a fairly sensitive subject for the OP.

On 3/17/2016 at 11:03 AM, bayougirlmrsc said:

Im a rebel.... so im going to break the law here and post in the men site.....

On 11/8/2016 at 11:53 AM, Raymia said:

Why is the guys room more interesting.... Love it

Obviously some people simply don't care or respect the posters in the gender specific rooms and I think that this discourages people from posting. This is probably a major reason the Guys forum is all but dead. I am sure the opposite happens in the Gals forum and of course would be just as rude but I think locking the forums down is the best solution.

I was lucky, due to my BMI being under 50% I had no pre-op diet. Just the stop eating and drinking midnight before restriction.

I was getting my fluids in 3-4 days post op as well, took about a week for me to get all of my Protein in as well. As the Matt said, don't push yourself and if you feel pressure or pain you are going too fast but otherwise sip away.

Just now, Orchids&Dragons said:

Wow, that's pretty rude

I very much agree with you!

2 minutes ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

Try to be fair - men wander into the ladies' forum as well. We just see the "Recent Topic" and click. I don't think anyone is intentionally butting in. But it would be nice to have a screen. As you mentioned, there might be a lot more participation on sensitive topics.

A good reason for women to support the change as well (hence me asking for both to be locked down and not just the men's room)! I am sure it can be just as annoying for the gals as it is the guys. But yes there are posts where the women explicitly state that they know it is the men's forum but don't care.

1 minute ago, Matt Z said:

I've asked Alex (the founder) to look into this. He stated he was going to do so.

Awesome, hopefully another request will show this is an issue that more would like to see addressed and maybe even speed up the change if they intend to do so.