MBird

It's healthy to want the things you want. What you desire is healthy. The problem is when we are unhealthy for whatever reason emotionally, we choose unhealthy partners. I'm going to go out on a little limb here and may be way off base. What I think from all you say is that early on you both had issues. I suspect he was really the charmer when you initially met as young adults. I also suspect that the mask fell off very fast, and you've been dealing with a lot. I also suspect he's a bit Narcissistic. I don't like labels but the comment regarding you being crazy as you implore him to not treat you as he does by asking WHY he does, kind of stood out like a huge red flag. Whatever is happening with him is bad. There is a poster on here who suggested a book for you and described her own abuse. She hit the nail on the head. And you did too when you talked about the fat you gained being so tied to your childhood issues once you were married and realized the status quo of your bad marriage. The weight gain is like insulation, comfort when hurt. I think your best recourse is to get counseling on your own. I even suggest a therapist, because if he is a Narcissist, or has some other mental issue, he's probably nearly broken your spirit. I can almost imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on. The label doesn't even matter, what matters is he's being utterly selfish and cruel. And I'll tell you something, I was with an abusive guy too. Spent 14 years trying to get away, once I did, wow. I felt better. I learned a lot. What we don't know is how stumped our own self growth is when we stay in relationships that negate us from who we really are. I think counseling as you break away will help you, this way if things get ugly you're not completely without someone to lean on. Also one last piece of unwarranted advice, please. Don't engage him about the weight issue. Don't bring it up. If he brings up your weight, just listen and say you understand his views and let it go. Be kind and pleasant but don't engage arguments or rude comments. Be like a strong object, feel little, react even less. Otherwise he just takes more pot shots and you give him more fuel to fire. You'll be in my prayers and thoughts. If you feel you need to message for any reason, please do.

OP here, they changed my date to May 23, so excited to be a month sooner. Wishing you all the very best on your journeys!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too. Giving you hugs.

Dknal2, First, you look amazing. About husband, I'll try to be kind but honestly, when I read that it's his insecurity and he is "afraid" I tend to get all sorts of angry. The way I see it, you've worked hard to add years to your life, to improve the quality of your life, to feel good about yourself. A good man wants his woman happy. He also wants her to stick around. A good husband and partner encourages their mate to be at their best because they know if their partner is healthy and happy, it works to the benefit of the relationship as a whole. Rude comments about your physique are abusive, and in my book a deal breaker. That he went on Facebook to talk to someone about you and his feelings, before doing counseling to talk to someone about his feelings so that the relationship is stronger, tells me he is not loyal and not someone who copes in a healthy or honest way. He has control issues but is also emotionally abusive, especially, because when someone plays the kind of games he does, by complementing your hair and make-up while putting down your body, they are purposely trying to set you up for failure, not being supportive, not caring about your feelings. Playing games and being emotionally underhanded. He is devaluing you and trying to make you feel bad about something that makes you happy. If he isn't attracted to you, that's ok. You can go your own way and find someone who is and he can find his ass a donkey butt. You worked hard and look amazing and you need people around you that support your new, healthy and motivated lifestyle, and who will encourage your motivation. Not squelch it. It doesn't matter about most marriages suffer etc., it matters how yours is doing and how you feel. Reading your replies, you are so deeply unhappy and sad, and I don't blame you, I'd be devastated. And. I've been there. You'd be better off single, working your new life and health, and getting over a controlling spouse than to take anymore of that crap. Just my own opinion. I hope I don't offend you but it makes me so angry when partners do this to their spouse, abuse is abuse. He needs to love your heart and mind. Support you, period. I've been with guys who try to slow me down, and in my mind, and experience, it never got better. I had to go.

Thank you for sharing your list of needed things ~ and all the best on your journey [emoji4]

Fantastic!

Thank you! Good luck to you too [emoji4]

My date was moved from June 19th to May 23. I'm excited about this, and while I'm not required to start a pre-op diet I'm starting tomorrow anyway. This is very exciting news indeed. I'll be updating on my blogs from here on out, as I feel I gathered all the information I could on pre-op, and post op surgery from my doctor and these forums. I don't really need a buddy but Im open to anyone who wishes to exchange emails.

Hi seeker, I'm not required to do a pre-op diet but I'm doing a month long one anyway. Nothing to be scared of I will do only liquid but may have a protein drink once or twice a week if I become too tired, then back to only liquids. I'm also going to be walking. I've water fasted 27 days and juiced for three weeks. While it isn't the same, I can share with you my experience regarding discipline. The first three days of liquid diets are generally the hardest. About seven days in I felt pretty good and was able to stay on it much easier. My advice is to measure your portions of solid food and be sure to skim off the top - don't do rounded cups. Drink a lot of water, it helps you feel full. Eat no solid food after 6pm if you can help it ( unless awake lake and eat a late breakfast ) you'll know what works for your body. I suggest the solid food Morning, liquids later, that's what I'm doing. I wish you well on your journey, you can do this! Drop me an email if you need encouragement

I was raised Catholic, an Atheist twenty years, and am non denominational Christian now. I have tons of Atheist friends and friends from differing religious backgrounds. I keep my views to myself and don't proselytize, and generally find many Christians very unchristian, and most practitioners of faith very much unlike their faith. I find some Atheists embittered. Good and bad in anything. I honestly try not to judge and let people go their own way, I figure it's their bit. Most Christians and atheists haven't bothered to study theology or critically look at it anyway. I've told loved ones they'll be in my prayers and meant it. I do pray, I also offer to help them out anyway I can, or put together care packages depending on what they need or what the occasion is. I generally read two pages of the Bible in the morning or evening, contemplate and then pray for my loved ones and myself, especially concerning troubling issues. I guess the point is, no matter what ones faith or lack of is, to just try and be a good example to others and kind, or patient, is the important thing to me. Nobody is perfect but I guess it's where a person's heart is coming from that matters. It wouldn't matter to me if someone couldn't spend money on me by putting together a care package, or if they offered to say a simple prayer if I knew they love me and their heart means well. It's about character, I suppose. To me someone saying "I'll pray for you" is like saying "I'll keep you in my thoughts." There is nothing wrong with that in my personal opinion.

I'm going to have surgery in June with the likelihood my date is moved up. I had joined a Facebook bariatric group thinking I'd find support and possibly friends there, but unfortunately left the group due to the outrageous number of posts regarding how soon people could eat pizza, drink alcohol, eat I cream or drink soda pop, etc., etc. then the myriad of unhealthy recipes that were posted was upsetting, even as I scrolled past them. Then, I came here. It's the same difference. The people who have knowledge are vastly outnumbered by the addicts and self indulgent. What's worse is if anybody speaks the truth, which is that the vast majority of people here are seeking a quick fix, don't want to put in the work, are food addicts and compulsive over eaters, and even lazy, then they risk the wrath of people who disagree and want to mess up for their own ignorant and selfish reasons. Stupidly and indulgence win out the day. I'm always from the school of thought if I know something or have information I ought to impart that to others. Knowledge is power and the truth is always better. It pisses me off to have to keep my mouth shut so that stupid or misinformed people win out the day spreading their crap all over these forums and ruining it for those of us who actually can use the encouragement and not use this site as a crutch for our self indulging. I was thinking of leaving. Then I realized I'm not alone after reading a post on here expressing the same outrage. Plus, I'll stick around for the few people who actually can use the help and viable info, not to mention have real issues with support outside these forums for reasons beyond what is normal, either they have limited net access and funds, or get a doctor that isn't up to par, plus I feel it's my duty to give out the correct information. And yes, there is actually correct information about this stuff. It's really easy to find and a great doctor will give it. Some of what I read is preposterous. Reading stupid crap such as it's okay to drink soda or pop because the stomach muscle left over from the surgery won't stretch - B.S! NOT TRUE, and if that isn't the worst if it, not acknowledging what sugar and fake sweeteners do to our bodies is the icing on the cake. Nobody is that daft in 2017. Rather than attack and change the nature of the addictions, people seek any excuse to indulge them. It's tiresome and boring. Have some guts, and stop spreading stupidity to others. Believe it or not, some of us want to be healthy and actually live longer by correcting the habits that got us here in the first place. If you don't like it, fine. It's not my job to encourage bad behavior, not for myself or anyone else. Leave a rude comment or not, that's your bit. At the end of the day it's about adding years to our lives and making the best out of a tool that not everybody has an opportunity out to use.

Lmao

lol!

I just want to apologize before hand if I offend you, and I'm not there or know him, so I can't really say what is happening on his end or what he's thinking. From what I glean, you probably should look for support elsewhere and have a friend pick you up from surgery. I have to admit, his comments are coming across very childish and cruel from what you are typing here. I wouldn't put up with that sort of unkindness from a partner. It's selfish, whether it's fear or something else. This is about your health not his feelings. Being obese is a disease, many diseases are treated through surgery. My unwarranted advice is to stop trying to talk to him about your surgery. Use the forums here, talk with family and friends that care, and completely shut him out of the process. He obviously, from all you've typed here, seems to not care, feel comfortable, and/or is uneasy and uninterested in being supportive. Maybe it will change after, when he's see's you're ok. But it doesn't matter. What matters is being strong for yourself. Exercise, proper eating, training your mind to focus on what you need to do for yourself is what matters, not seeking the validation of someone who doesn't want to give it. My partner is supportive but only attended one seminar. I'm okay with that. I'm doing it for me, not him, not anybody else, ME.

I always forgive. I must or I suffer, or cannot let go. I forgive myself first by realizing I've issues too, that I'm imperfect. If they abused me, I allowed it but why? Once I learn the why, I understand myself, the understanding helps me forgive. Then I can forgive them, the process is the same. I understand them, then I forgive them. It doesn't mean I condone what they did or accept the negativity of the situation, nor does it mean I want them near me, but it better than thinking I'm imperfect and tolerating their bad behavior or, harboring continual anger. To me, not forgiving feels worse to me than to them, it just keeps me in a constant state of negativity, as if suspended in the reoccurring memory of how I was wronged - and that's just no good for my mental health or spirit. To me personally, people who cannot forgive are lost, and that's terribly self destructive and sad. It's worth the work and effort to get to the other side.

I know a 21 year old who was sleeved. Your doctor sounds biased for some hidden agenda, what, who knows. Consider speaking with other doctors and consider researching more on your own, too. It alarms me your doctor is telling you this. And worse, that he assumes you cannot keep the weight off or cultivate a healthier lifestyle to keep the weight off. Very negative, and IMO, bad doctor. I'm sorry to be so blunt, it just concerns me for you.

I'm Las Vegas, and have almost two months to go before my surgery. It will be moved up, though. I'm with Dr. Soong at the Surgical Weight Control Center. Wishing everybody a safe and happy journey.

Fresh veggies, Fish, Bio Chem protein powder, legumes, chicken, roast, eggs, apples, clementines, nuts ( with shell ) decaf tea, Perrier, beef jerky.

It's been a long year, the hope was I'd be approved and on the table by October. But I had no comorbidity that I knew of. My insurance required it. I felt liquids the rest of the day. I figure I will drop weight, at least. For anybody who feels like it will never happen, or the journey is slow, stick with it. Please. It's going to be so worth it. At least I think so.

awwww, Im sorry the dates were too far out! I love how they do it, very slow for me and this allows me to learn all i can about it, and I know Soong is one of the top in Nevada, so I cant be more happy. When do you have yours or did you have it??? And agree! Vegas heat SUCKS. Im not looking forward to it AT ALL. Its going to be awful. But, I can walk early and in the evening, so it will work out well. Where are you?

https://www.bariatricpal.com/forum/392-insurance-amp-financing/

I've not had my surgery so can't say, but perhaps call your doctor and ask them?

Well said.

Lawdy, that's gross lol. I would say so! Definitely stress related. I've not had any since the last I posted about, so I'm hoping that's it. Keeps fingers crossed*