B.Annie

I'm not traveling out of country, but plan on being alone for surgery and recovery. Simply because I don't want my husband there. We have 3 kids and it will be better for everyone if he keeps them home since the hospital will be 2 hours away. When I'm home, I'll have no choice but to care for the kids since my husband will be working and he works 12-15 hour days. Even with all of that, I'm really looking forward to being alone for it all! I've been battling a bit of embarrassment about needing to go this route and would prefer just to take care of it and not bother anyone close to me. It's been my choice and feel more obligated to handle it on my own.

Whew. Well you're honest with yourself and that's a start. I've heard of people "eating their way through the surgery", but never heard someone admit to it. For that, I'm very glad you posted. Let me start by sharing that I am pre-op so can only relate to being an extreme carb lover who also has a long history of binging. Even saying the word "carb" brings on the most severe head hunger. I assume since you paid out of pocket, you were able to get surgery without any requirements which would aid in preparing you for the limitations so I will start from where you're at now with that assumption. I will seem harsh. Please know I intend to be straight forward because I have to personally hear it myself right now as well due to head hunger. You have already had the surgery before being mentally prepared. Since you can't change the surgery, your option is to grow up and get a grip on yourself. Or, you can choose to be the proof outsiders need when stereotyping us about finding the easy way out, cheating at losing weight, and being lazy. If you choose to actually work at this, here are a few recommendations. Tell your doctor. If you can't, join a support group in person asap. Talk to your PCP about being on a dr monitored diet. Track ALL calories. Every single thing that goes in your mouth, put in MyFitnessPal and keep your calories at 1200 (I'm personally at 1000). Step away from carbs. Easier said than done, but if I can do it, so can you. Understand you have an addiction. Treat it as such. Get rid of all temptations, pre plan your meals, cook at home or bring a meal or shake out with you. Buy pre cooked GRILLED chicken breast for those moments you don't want to cook. Pop one of those in the microwave and you have an almost instant meal that will dull bad cravings. Get a nutritionist and remain honest with them. And finally, for everyone else's sake whose going through the aggravation of educating the masses about how hard we work to be successful at this, please don't contribute to the stereotype and fail. Be stronger than your addiction, tell your head to shut up and keep your hands away from junk. Our minds and bodies are stupid when it comes to this stuff. Consider them your enemy and get back in charge of yourself!

PS, my husband is in your shoes. He doesn't want me to do this surgery since he's scared of the potentially bad and doesn't really believe in what he considers "unnecessary" procedures. He explained that to me and we chatted back and forth. He heard my reasons and desires and then swallowed his negativity and said "I trust you and support whatever decision you make. I personally worry about it and don't want you to do this, but if you feel it's best, I'll be here for you." That was the best way to go about his fears. I know he'd be thrilled if I said no to surgery, but now I trust that he trusts me on this one and will be my support. It's what I need, especially since I will not be telling anyone else about this.

Your title says it all! You want to be supportive, so now you need to be. You have agreed to marry him and when you take your vows, you will not be promising each other to love and care only when convenient or comfortable. Change is inevitable in marriage and you have the amazing opportunity to walk WITH him through this change he feels is necessary. And what's amazing is that he WANTS you there with him as his support system even though you currently are anything but. It shows how much he wants to trust you will want what's best for him too. We all know our own bodies better than anyone. Trust he knows his and doctors won't allow this without reason. Be a help mate to him. Not an inconvenience, hurdle, or reason to not care for himself. Show him who he needs you to be during marriage. And if you honestly can't do that, you should re-evaluate who you are. Not who he's going to be after. Good luck, please ask any questions, keep us updated, and I pray things work out the way they need to - whatever that may be.

6 weeks ago My PCP was the one to recommend WLS and refer me to my surgeon. My PCP had already seen me for 3 months prior to the referral, so that left only 3 months more of dr monitored weigh ins. With a bit of phone work and scheduling magic, everything fell in line beautifully with my nutritionist, cardiologist, pulmonologist, and psychologist. I've officially received clearance for all of those requirements. What hit me this morning was that I only have 2 months of PCP weigh ins to focus on and so far in the past 6 weeks have lost 30 pounds on my dr monitored diet and exercise program. I had gone into the diet with a personal goal to lose a total of 18-28 pounds before surgery. Now I have a personal goal to lose a total of 60. When I changed my goal, I realized that all of this weight loss talk could actually be real! I can make a life change and still feel like "me". I can believe that my body will actually lose weight and surgery will work if it only has 123# more to lose (instead of 180 that it would have had). I am now excited to try to lose more weight before surgery because it gives me hope FOR the surgery. My PCP and husband are the only people who know about this and my PCP says how excited she is every time she sees my name on her calendar because she looks forward to how much more weight I've lost. Her hugs and high 5s at each visit is Such motivation! Anyway, all of this to say that after all these years of being identified as "morbidly obese", "super obese" and the like, I finally have hope for a lighter future. It's an amazing feeling! Just a bit of a success story to go along with your other research. HW 328 CW 298 Surgery Date TBD

I am pre-surgery and thought this question would be best suited for this group. The only person I have told and will tell about getting WLS is my husband. Its just what's best for me. I do have friends and family who love to sit around the dinner table to eat and chat. When family visits, where to eat is always topic #1. We have sunday breakfast with my FIL twice a month. What do I tell other people when i cant eat "normally" pre/post op? I will not skip these times with family as it would do more harm than good, so im looking for a good way to explain my new eating habits in a way that woll not draw more questions. Anyone have any experience in this?

I have a very similar fear. Spent a lot of time in counseling learning to love myself after some traumas that left me happily fat and unwanted. What i realized after some serious soul searching was that my fat identity is exactly what will allow me to love my skinny identity. Embrace fat you and learn what you love most about how you present yourself now so you can incorporate that confidence into your new mind and body. My fat me is confident and fearless. Thats what i will pack for my new body. As far as compliments go, i find them easier to handle when i turn it around on the person sincerely. If they say, "wow you look great", i say "i was just about to say the same about you! Tell me, (then ask a question like, whay makeup do you use, where did you get that outfit, etc). Takes the focus off of you and on to them.

Ha. Its funny how the most simple idea makes the most sense. I overthink. Thanks!

I'm still in my 6mo preop period and have been eating low carb (35g), high Protein. After getting used to the diet change, I decided to start taking the required Vitamins so i dont have to get into another new habit after surgery. My concern is that the chewable vitamins total 17g of carbs. Thats half of my carb allowance per day just for vitamins!! It wont help to switch to pills because after surgery it will be difficult and they dont absorb as quickly. Are there any low carb chewable vitamins that anyone is taking? I havent looked into liquid vitamins yet, so opinions on that would be great too. Ill be asking my pcp next week if the Vitamin carbs count toward my daily goal as well.

Amber, I'm going to follow this post because, even though im still pre surgery, I know im going to have this same question if i become as remarkably successful as you have been. Im inspired by your achievement and since i know i will have the same eating/work out mindset as you show, i can only pray that i will also have similar results. That being said, i am NOT going into surgery with an amazing support system- my husband is and will remain the only one who knows about this and he is a non confrontational person who would really let me walk all over him if i wanted. That only goes to state that he is not a support system, though he loves me dearly and is not against it. Hes simply prefers to ignore the issue of my weight and food addiction. My only advice is to work on this for yourself and once you get to a point where you are either satisfied or can no longer loose safely, express that simple fact to those around you. Most of the time, the biggest thing people are looking for is confidence and reassurance that their loved one is happy. Once you reach a maintenance point, share the news! Tell everyone that youre proud of how far youve come and are now looking forward to safely maintaining the new you. Your support system should then easily transition into one who supports your maintenance instead of rapid loss. For the heck of it, throw yourself a party for you and those closest to you, celebrating your goal and kicking off the maintenamce part of your journey. Good luck!

Nope. Im not telling anyone except for my husband and he respects that. I have zero interest in explaining a backstory+current situation+education of the process+ reasonings, etc to 50 people. Im happier not sharing this particular life event because now im not bothered by those too many personal questions. Might sound mean to some. After a very interesting and open book life, ive found sanity in keeping something to myself. HW 327 SW___ CW 312

Thank you for the replies! My dr. monitored diet consists of eating 800-1000 calories, 75-95g of Protein and 38g carbs. Hopefully I will be able to start my preop liquid diet at the end of March. After surgery, i will be limited, for sure. Ill also have the tool of surgery to help it not FEEL like such a limitation. Ill chat with my pcp next week and for now ill look into the ones mentioned.

Getting bypass after april (surgery date not set yet). My surgeon is Dr. Spunger in Phoenix/Scottsdale. I live in Prescott though.

While im not excited, im looking forward to a new life. My biggest feeling is embarrassment! My husband is the only one who knows about me persuing this option. Im embarrased to tell anyone else.

They said you haven't proved your ready? Meaning you havent lost a certain amount of weight or didnt complete the insurance requirements? My insurance requires a lot of hoops to jump through but im only required to lose 1 pound in 6 months - that one pound has to be in the 6th month if not before and maintained until the 6th month. Ive heard of insurance denials, but never one from a surgeon himself. Im interested to see why!

Yup. Feeling pain. Met with the specialist yesterday to start the process. My insurance requires 6 months of dr. Monitered diet and weigh ins, i have to see a nutritionist for one appointment, a blood test, pulmonology test, cardiovascular test, meet with a psychologist once, sleep apnea test, attend a seminar, and join a support group. (I think that was all... could be more) Just think about it this way, youve been your weight for long enough to decide to have surgery. 6 months, while annoying, isnt the longest wait you've done. Also, my doctor said that i can use previous dr visist as part of my 6 consecutive month weigh ins. Ive already seen my dr in jan and feb and since i was weighed during those visist EVEN THOUGH they were not to discuss weight loss, they count toward my 6. So my 6 month wait has been reduced to 3 1/2. Hes also allowing me to use a previous sleep apnea study i had done last year for a different reason and because i went into the office with a notebook and pen, took notes, and communicated to him that id research all options for awhile (he asked questions to verify), he said that he would also mark the seminar step complete. Lastly, when he asked me if i had any questions, i told him I downloaded this support group ap and shared some the scenarios that i was wondering about. After he answered my questioned, he said that I also just met my support group requirement. After 1 visit, just by being prepared, i went from 6 months + 8 "hoops" to 3 1/2 months + 5 hoops. Surgery is expensive and insurance companies would prefer not to pay. They make it difficult in hopes youll give up. Dont give them that satisfaction.