Sleeve1stFitNext

Updates: Sorry I have not posted any updates. 

3/26 - Surgery went excellent. I was up and down, out of the bed. Enough energy to laugh and smile and walk around. Everything was awesome. I had a better reaction then everyone in my recovery room. I found out the hard way it was because the good ass drugs they were shooting in my IV.

3/27 - Released from recovery at 7am. I had an excellent recovery. They gave my mom instructions for me and she has been up my ass and around my corner in regards to it. I get released and we go to Home Depot and Target. Her saying is the Surgeon said you have to walk and I am going to make you walk lol. Love you mom. First night home was miserable, could not get comfortable.

3/28 - Took a chair into my shower and sat under the warm running water. BEST IDEA EVER! I do that 3 times a day. Helps soothe the aching. Had my first dumping. Surgeon prescribed pain kills with a cruncher to be mixed and taken like a shot. I have been sipping slowly throughout the day. I tried to take the shot and immediately got sick and puked. I called and told them what happened.

I have a breathing test tube thing and a thermometer to check my temperature 4 times a day to ensure I am not getting a fever or infection.

3/29 - Slept way better and got more comfortable. Will try my protein shakes today. So far I am getting down 5 sips of water every 30 minutes. I have to set reminders because I cannot tell if I am thirsty. When I drink, I get up and walk around after.

So far, just missing those lovely IV drugs. I was on cloud 92 and I miss that feeling but it could be worst.

6/8 - KETO KETO KETO. I am trying everything I can with KETO. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

6/9 - Breakfast: Had two egg whites, and 1 slice turkey bacon. Lunch: Turkey lettuce wrap (delicious). Dinner: Protein shake. Got my Hidrate bottle and immediately fell in love. I went as far as purchasing another one in Teal. I plan on having all the colors. Yayyy. Having difficulty with this 64 oz water intake I see. All this time, I thought I was drinking way more water than I was. SMH.

6/10 - Meal prepped for the week. Mozzarella stuffed chicken with Mushrooms. It is soo delicious. Low carb and high in protein. The remaining prep for breakfast was turkey bacon (BLT) with lettuce as the bread. 

6/11 - Nothing out of the ordinary happened. 

6/12 - Could not get out of bed. I felt burnt out and just exhausted. I went to work but could not function enough to hit the gym. I slept so long.

6/13 - Still felt exhausted. No gym and had a massive headache. It could possibly be this NYC heat. My fan is not cutting it anymore. 

6/14 - I actually had enough energy to workout (with the help of C4). I have been slacking in my vitamins for the evening so I am wondering if this could be the reason why I was out of it. It does not help that I am overworked as well. However, that C4 gave me a kick that I needed. I still have a buzz going. I hope I do not crash. I only took 1/2 scoop which is below the recommended. My mom went and brought some organic Turkey Burgers lol. She was sooo excited and happy. She goes, "Look Mocha. It is for you. I know you cannot have the other food at the cookout but I got you some Turkey burgers and I will make some chicken and shish kabobs for just for you ." She had the biggest smile. It was too cute. 

Well this is it for now. I am sorry that I do not post regularly like I used to. I am taking on a new business project and it is taking a lot of my time.

9/12 - Went to the trainer to new a training regiment. The first was just cardio and light lifting to get me smaller and my body to be a lot more flexible. Now, is the real stuff. I have a HIIT workout 3 days out of the week. Heavy cardio of 30/30 for 45 minutes and a light elliptical day. 

Monday: HIIT

Tuesday: 30/30 Cardio

Wednesday: HIIT 

Thursday: Light Elliptical 

Friday: HIIT 

She says now its time to get to the real stuff. She knows that I want my body to look like and she created this to start me off. I have 4 weeks of it. She also added room to modify the work out if I am really hurting to do one less set. I am just so excited. This a work out that she does but her's is way more intense and done a faster pace. Will be increasing my calorie intake from 775 to 1000 calories on these HIIT days. I will need to make sure that I am eating enough to sustain my body. 

9/17 - My mom decided to buy me a Pandora Bracelet. Lol she was not prepare for the cost of it and told me, "Happy Birthmas" lol. She told me to add charms and numbers for every goal I achieved. She told me she was proud of me and was so happy for all my hard work. 

I was soooo jealous of the people in my support group. I was really like why do I not look like them and why am I not losing like they are? Then I did a side by side comparison for support group and noticed it. I really could not believe the difference. Sometimes we truly have to look backwards to see how far we have come. I never liked comparing myself to others but I always felt a little way about people reaching their goals faster then me. However, after this picture, I will never feel that way again. I am proud of my success and how far I have come. Granted I am starting to notice lose skin, but I will take that over being unable to jog up the steps or run across the street. 

After reaching the goal of 200 lbs (finally dang I thought I would never get there lol). I went to the Spa. I was soo proud of myself and how I looked. I even got myself a Male Masseuse. He even complimented me on how soft my skin was and how well hydrated it looked. I felt so pretty with my facial and nails done. I did not worry if the bed was going to hold my weight or if I was going to fit on it. I fit just fine. 

Afterwards me and my mom went to Buffalo Wild Wings (Her favorite Spot). I was able to fit into the booth without having to suck my tummy in, lift it up or push it down. I looked at my mom and I said, "Mom I fit!! I really fit!!" She started laughing at me. The Waitress was really confused. My mom told her, "My annoying daughter lost over 60 lbs and now can fit in the booth..sooo...this is an important moment for her." 

Went to visit my Dad and he was shocked to hug me. (Note: My Dad lost a lot of his eyesight to Diabetes and he now takes very good care of himself. He was one of the reasons why I wanted to change). He said, "Moocha!! I wrap my arms around you now!!" I said, "Daddy so can I lol !!". We spent hours talking about Game of Thrones and how much weight we have lost. My dad used to weigh almost 385 lbs. He now weighs 220 lbs (he did this by going vegan and working out). I am very proud of him. It has taken him 2 years but he never gave up. The man is amazing. 

I have placed a picture I took at the restaurant lol. 

6/5  - Still doing my Keto Diet. It is working. I am very proud of sticking to it.

6/6 - Went to the surgeon for a 2 month followup. I weighed in at 213.4 lbs. He was very happy at my progress and the way I am healing. He said that amount of weight loss is amazing. I went to get my blood work done to make sure that my vitamins and nutritional intake is great. 

6/7 - Had a Glazed Donut. It was the best Donut I have ever had. I THREW IT UP within 10 minutes. I needed to do it to myself. I was starting to slowly eat something I was not supposed to so I just gave in and now that I know I cannot have it. I feel better. 

5/2 - Busy day at work. Purchased a naked burrito with no rice. I had extra chicken, guacamole, lettuce and beans. It was the best I have ever had. Went to the gym. I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes and then got on the bikes for 30 minutes. All a light workout. 

5/3 - Ate the second half of the naked burrito lol Nothing out of the ordinary happened.

5/4 - Was a lazy day. I slept in and only went outside to walk my dog lol. I seriously ate 1/2 lb of turkey in bed lol. I still managed to walk a lot. I take my dog for walks around the block. I snacked on it all day. Thats all I ate. Thats all I wanted. I had 70 oz of water as well. 

9/5 - Went to my for my 6 month Check up. I am good. My hair falling out has slowed down a lot. Thank goodness!!! I am doing well. He wants me to increase my exercise. My workout increase below: 

1) Weight lifting: 

From 3 days to 4 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

2) Bikes: 

From 4 days to 5 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

3) Walking: 

From 10,000 to 12,000 steps 7 days a week. 

9/6 - I went to the gym and worked out. I was feeling myself today. I have stayed at the Onederland and I am happy to post that picture. Finally sticking!!!!

Worked out with the trainer. I an really proud of this success. 

5/9 - It was a decent day. I cannot complain. I decided to focus on liquids. Just protein shakes and water. I felt like I needed more water than anything else. Saw the gym at the new building, it is amazing. Personal trainer and all. I will be signing up once I am back from vacation, I will be able to do a lot of workout stuff. 

Today is the ending of day 4 on my liquid (greens) diet. I decided yesterday to visit my granny and little cousins since I was in Manhattan. Did not prepare to stay the night. I did not have any protein shakes. I ended up getting some cucumbers which are allowed on my diet and eating those. I had a 2 sugar free Popsicles, 1 can of carnation milk (fat free) with some tea. I finally found a pharmacy that had the premier protein shakes. The only issue is, between yesterday and today, my protein intact is low. I am feeling obnoxiously happy and I am not sure if I am delusional or what. 

Yesterday, I only had 350 calories of food with a Protein intact of 18g. Today is much better with 390 calories but a protein intact of 40g. I am hoping that I have not truly starved myself.

Tomorrow, my goal is to catch up on my protein. I am thinking that the 3 shakes, and two cups of broth can put me back on track. I weigh in tomorrow as well. Maybe I will see some pounds dropped (fingers crossed). 

5/25 - Went to the gym and worked out cardio. My shoulders were really killing me from the workout the day before. I did not get to see the trainer today because he does not oversea cardio days. I ended up working out for an hour and trying to keep my heart rate in cardio.

I went home and started reading up on Ketogenic diets more. I found out that when Bariatric patients are required to do a liquid diet (low in carbs), we end up putting out body into a Ketogenic state. This allows our body to start burning fat as a energy resource. I was really intrigued and decided to do a full Ketogenic diet as an experience. I have foods that I omitted (red meats, bacon). I very barely would eat red meat prior to surgery so it was easy to omitted that option. I meal prepped enough chicken for the week. I can eat YASSO  frozen yogurt ice cream which is 100 calories and low in sugar with 5g of protein. I used to eat them for dessert twice a week. I made chicken breast, brocolli, mozzarella cheese (reduced fat). The remaining chicken breast, I am using to follow the Ketogenic Diet now. 

5/26 - Went to my Granny's house to spend time with her. She loves seeing my progress and oh baby does she like to hear about the foods I can and cannot eat. She enjoys seeing my meal preps and just praises me for sticking to staying away from junk food.

For breakfast: I had boiled egg whites (hate the yoke). 

For snack: I had 7 olives and a powerade zero calorie drink.

For Lunch: I had 4 oz of chicken breast, 1 tsp of guacamole and 1 tbsp of sour cream. 

For snack: the remainder of my brocolli and cheese.

For Dinner: I will have 4 oz of salmon and 1 tsp of guacamole.

I have attached a picture below of my portion8 container. This takes me about 45 minutes to eat in it's entirety. 

And a picture of the happiest baby I know. My little cousin. 

My doggy is now back home in his cute little splint and cone. He is soo adorable and annoyingly smart. He figured out how to push the cone back so he can bite at the splint. He also is running on 3 legs but walks on all 4 (Except in the dirt lol). 

My stall is finally over. I moved 1 lb on the scale on Sunday. I finally moved. I have been bouncing between 203 - 205 lbs for the longest. I am finally 202 lbs. I think its over. I have been sticking to my Keto and meal prepping. I cannot believe that I look like this. I feel amazing. I look amazing and although I have a long way to go, I am soo proud of the progress that I have made. I am almost to my second goal of being under 200 lbs. I have made the decision that I want to bring in the New Year at 155 lbs. That is an average of 9 lbs over the next 5 months. I can handle that. I have already prepared my Keto weeks and the grocery lists. I just want to reach that third goal by the end of the year and I believe that I can. 

My ex-bf has been texting me and calling me a lot. Honestly, I really do miss the fool. I just do not want his insecurities destroying my progress. I am highly conflicted. I know he is a great person and I truly love him a lot. I just do not understand why he has any insecurities. The man workouts and is built. He is very handsome and extremely intelligent. As of now, he is being supportive. Sending me work out routines to try, new recipes and even went as far as to get me a class doing Aerial Silks (Something I have showed extreme interest in). I really need to have a one on one with myself regarding our relationship.

4/13 - Was not able to really eat anything. All I wanted was water. I was no hungry and had to force myself to drink some protein shakes. I was not stomaching my pureed chicken and beans. Eggs was not staying down neither. Overall, it was not a good day. My vitamins were making me sick, just chewing them. I would spit them out. I ended up only being able to drink 1 protein shake (30G) and drinking almost 70 oz of water. It was like all my body wanted was water. I started drinking it at 8am and did not stop until 11:30pm. 

4/14 - It got better. Was not able to stomach soft or pureed foods. However, I was able to drink 3 protein shakes (90g). I got in 64 oz of water on the mark. 

4/15 - Tried to eat some grilled chicken from Chipotle, just the chicken and black beans that I smashed up (It was my Granny's B-Day and she always wanted to go). I chewed just a little and ran to the bathroom and dumped. It was immediate. I was really confused because I thought grilled chicken was okay to eat. 

4/16 - I had some some egg whites with low fat cheese, just tuna and a protein shake. I was able to get in 56 oz of protein. I was really nervous, trying to eat. I still feel the restriction and when I reach my limit, I start burping which is my sign to stop eating. I have not tried any other foods yet. I am waiting until my NUT Appt to see what foods I can add. 

4/17 - I had a pretty good day. I just forgot to take my vitamins. Nothing out of the ordinary happened on my end. 

4/18 - Was having a conversation and eating with a co-worker. I was not paying attention to how much I ate and ended up taking a bite too much. I have been sitting here for the last 45 minutes with this bubbling/foaming filling in my chest and throat. I am not sure if my sleeve is creating a lot of acid to digest it or if I need to dump. I do not have my normal symptoms so I think I am good there. I have tried walking around but that feeling will not go away. It fills like I drank soap and my stomach is making bubbles and my saliva is really thick and foamy. 

4/23 - Had a lazy day. I will admit, I did not eat enough (was not hungry). I just had a lazy Sunday, nothing out of the ordinary. Played video games all day. Just normal couch potato things. I also purchased a Hidrate Spark 2.0. Shout out to @Newme17 for posting about it. 

4/24 - Got my Portion8 container and I was sooo hype. I will have to cook on Thursday and meal prep accordingly. Drank a lot of water. I had chicken and green beans. I wanted to try something new with my chicken (I added salsa and taco seasoning with low sodium) Made myself a naked burrito.

4/25 - Today is my little brothers b-day. He turned 17 years old today. We took him to Hooters. I got tempted and ended up eating a piece of bread from the chicken sandwich. It was delicious but I was bloated. 

5/6 - Woke up bruised and sore from my gym incident. I just went to work and minded my business. I was not really in the mood for people. Nothing special happened. 

5/7 - Got into it with an employee. He got in my face and that was it. My manager had to get involved. He really pushed my buttons. I repeatedly said that I was not talking about him. I was having a discussion with my manager in regards to call roll overs and this idiot decided to interject himself. He is not a Supervisor. He felt as though I was speaking about him when I was speaking about a fellow Supervisor (He is not even a permanent employee. He is seasonal). I advised him 6 times that I was not and then told him to go back to work and do his job. He then got up and got in my face. I told my Manager that this is the second time he has done that and he cannot come back here next year for the season. I told my Manager, I will be nice and work with him for the remaining time that they are here but I will be sending an email to HR. This the last time he will be able to do that. My Manager was very understanding, noting that I am not an aggressive person. Everyone who works with me knows that I am the best person to work for. I like having fun and joking around. 

I fit into a size 12 ya'll. A SIZE 12!!!! OMG!!! Yes. I only lost 2.2 lbs but I dropped 2 dress sizes. I have to get a 14 in pants because my butt is big and the 12 wont go past my booty. 

This week is buffalo chicken for lunch and breakfast is turkey bacon and eggs. That is small bag of ranch (1 tbsp). 

Sorry for the delay. So many updates: 

4/8 - I had a nervous break down. Got into it with my little brother over Popeyes lol. I know I can't have any but it did not stop me from grabbing him up and saying, "give me some damn chicken, give me some beans, give me some mash potatoes and give me a biscuit" lol my mom had to break it up lol.

Then I gave her the ASPCA sad look and start singing, "In the eyes of an angel, give me Popeyes". I then went into the kitchen and started pulling snacks from the cabinets, screaming and crying "If I cant have this, no one can have it."  My mom endedup calling her friend (she had gotten the sleeve last year) and asked her what was going on. She told my mom that I was having moment and just needed to get the frustration out. Once I was done, my mom told me I was grounded lol. I told her I was grown and she said, "With that behavior, I do not think so." Needless to say, I have not been able to hang out with my friends lol 

4/9 - Started eating more protein was able to get in 30 oz of chicken and 55 oz of water. Still cannot go outside to play.

4/10 - Still cannot go outside to play. Drank 64 oz of water, only able to get down 28 oz of protein

4/11 - Went to Applebees and accidentally took a sip out of a straw. No issues except I could not eat. I ended up getting a kids turkey burger with nothing. The waitress had the cook chopped the burger into small pieces. I ended eating less than 1/4 a turkey burger. Damn I was sad. 

4/12 - Took all my vitamins on time. Yayy me!!! I am able to eat 2 (7oz) chickens over the course of 6 meals. I also added 2 steamed small pieces of broccoli. Now I am focusing on getting in my water. So far I have gotten in 30 oz. 

The following updates for 3/16:

1) Did my stress test. They got my heart rate up to 185/bpm. We did the sonogram as well. I found out that I have a very strong and healthy heart.  I got approved right there by the cardiologist. 

2) Went to see my new PCP. Honestly, she seemed very judgmental. She asked me why I did not take other types of appetite suppressants. I was like, "I don't know....maybe because the ones that I have tried has not worked." She then started naming other brands and I was just confused. I really thought that she was going to denied me surgery. I ended up receiving her approval after she did my blood work and a EKG of her own. 

IDK. I am just glad that I am getting surgery. 

4/1 - Was able to stomach a small amount of banana. I cannot eat that much though. I was actually able to get more walking in. I have created an alert on my phone to remind me to drink water every 15 minutes. When I wake up, I can stomach 8 sips. After that time, I can take 3 - 4 sips down each time. This allows me to get in 16 - 20 oz of water.

4/2 - Tried to drink Gatorade (was not paying attention that it was not sugar free and was my brothers regular Gatorade). I dumped immediately. It was quick and once the Gatorade was out, I felt so much better. I took 4 sips and immediately started feeling nauseous, sweating and my mouth filled with saliva. I learned my lesson to make sure I read the right labels. Slept majority of the day away. I just did not have the energy to do much of anything.

4/3 - Started my protein shakes again. They taste really sweet. It takes me slightly uncomfortable. I can take 4 sips. I am trying really hard to get down the protein but it is not easy. I just really want some chicken lol. I am so over protein shakes at this point anyway. Tomorrow is going to be my follow up appt. I just hope that I can progress to pureed/soft foods.

4/20 - So my little punk brother ate my meal prep and even took two containers to school. I woke up this morning to an empty fridge lol. Last night, I have three small containers of chicken and broccoli and two small containers of beans. His reasoning? He is doing it to make me cook tonight lol. I said what? He said, "It is Taco Casserole Thursdays and this is tradition and you have failed to make it for almost 2 months. I cannot allow these atrocities against my stomach to go unpunished." He told me that this is food warfare and hung up lol.

I called my mom and told her and she started laughing. She said this is what I get for the whole Popeyes incident. She told me to just make the Casserole since I am off today and she wont be home until late. So I told her, I will make the Casserole. However, their is something that little punk does not like to eat and that is sour cream. I will make the Casserole and put sour cream in it. I will get the last laugh. 

I ended up boiling two large eggs and just eating the egg whites with a little salt sprinkled on top. I am defrosting a turkey burger for lunch. I now have to go to Whole Foods and get the ingredients for the Casserole:

Turkey Ground Beef

Reduced Fat Cheese

Salsa

Brown Rice (rice substitute if I can find one)

Bean paste

Tortilla chips 

Sour Cream (Lots and Lots of Sour Cream )

4/27 - Went to see my PCP. I weighed in at the same weight lol. She said it was actually okay due to me having ate and drank during the day.  My blood pressure is normal and my sleeve is doing amazing. Today I cooked the following:

1) Cauliflower cheese sticks (reduced fat cheese) - I did not like it. I will not be making that again.

2) Steamed shrimp with zucchini noodles, with (1 TSP of Alfredo sauce from whole foods). The zucchini noodles were not good . I keep my food separated when I eat which is awesome.  I ate my 6 of shrimps and lightly dip it in the Alfredo sauce.  That was delicious. 

On Saturday, I am thinking steaming me a tilapia. I went to trader joe's and purchased a wild tilapia. It is costed some money but it will be worth it (I hope). The only fish I have ever eaten that was not packaged is fried fish. 

4/28 - Took the grilled chicken that I had left over and tried something different. Cut the chicken in half and put reduced fat cheese (1 slice) and some seasoned asparagus. I backed it for 10 minutes and out came the most delicious and heavenly thing I have made. My mom had some and she was like what is that ? lol I told her food made from the Gods. 

4/29 - Went on Pinterest and found a video on making Tilapia. I looked like a deer in headlights. First thing, What the hell is Parchment Paper? lol I literally walked around my supermarket 6 times before I FOUND it. I even asked for directions lol. My mother had never cooked with it before and every thing was in a skillet, pan, crockpot or steamer. It actually came out pretty delicious, the lemon and garlic did not over power the tilapia. It was a perfect blend. I made it with some asparagus. Shockingly, 1 month ago I had never eaten asparagus, now it is delicious. 

4/30 - Finished up my left over chicken and tilapia. I am seriously out of food. I will need to buy something to eat for tomorrow. I will just head to Applebees and order 1 grilled chicken, 1 shrimp, broccoli and garlic green beans. I will just have to make sure though because when I get there I can never make my mind up.  

My average calorie intake is anywhere from 500 - 700 calories a day. That is if I cook my own meals. I keep my water intake around 54 - 64 oz. Having a hard time keeping up with that though. I have noticed that I am eating cold food more and more often. Vitamins are on point. I take those everyday with the phone reminders. My protein intake is anywhere from 50g  - 80g. If I eat a lot of protein, I am not drinking enough water. If I drink enough water, I am not getting enough protein. It is like a double edge sword. I pretty much alternate between the two. On the days that I workout, however I do not have this problem. It seems to be only on my regular days. 

I was talking to my boyfriend and I guess he was looking up someone stuff on bariatric surgery and he calls me nervous. I answered and he says, "You never told mhe your hair might fall out." I figured it was a minor issue and well hair grows back so whats the biggy right?  He then tells me that if my hair was to start falling out that he would shave is head so I would not feel bad. I was shocked, he loves his man bun lol I told him thanks but it would not need to happen because I have been eyeing this Tina Turner "Private Dancer" wig for ages lol.  Just the thought of him offering to shave his head really made me smile. 

4/4 - My Surgeon put me on the pureed/soft food stage. I am to introduce these foods slowly into my diet. He gave me a strict schedule that I am to follow. I am just excited that I can cut back on the shakes lol. He told me to start taking my vitamins on Sunday (4/9). They have to be chewable and to make sure I get the biotin because he knows how I am about my hair lol. I tried pickle juice last night. Bad idea. It gave me heart burn and made me burp a lot. 

4/5 - Made two egg whites for breakfast with some WW cheese. I was able to get 10 tiny bites in before I got full. My heart hurts (they were delicious). I have all 6 of my meals prepped for today. I have a 6 oz pouch of tuna with light mayo and some cheese. (I am lactose intolerant but cheese is delicious). I will be alternating between the two for today.  

4/6 - Well this was a bad day. I thought hey why not try something. My mom made spaghetti and meat sauce. So I took a small amount of meat sauce and pureed it. It was DELICIOUS. 5 minutes later, I was nauseous, light headed and hot with the chills. I ended up puking the meat sauce. I put it on my not ready to eat list lol. Was unable to stomach any thing other than water for the remainder of the day. 

4/7 - So the food I made for work, actually was turned into 6 meals because I could not eat more than 10 small bites. Had 10 bites of the egg whites and cheese for breakfast. Had 10 bikes of the tuna and cheese. I am going to finish the day off with a Premier Caramel Protein Shake for dinner. This will help me to get my protein up. I have been drinking zero calorie sugar free Vitamin Water (this is helping me with the B12 and electrolytes). 

5/10 - When to the gym before work to get in a 1 workout. The trainer is cool, she is really into auras and energy. Of course I find out my energy is all wrong. I need to become one with my inner self and she said I needed to get a massage to loosen up my muscles. I am a tense person physically. Overall, relieved a lot of stress. The personal trainer is like a mixture of a zen person with massive knowledge of working out. It's actually not bad. She is a beast and pushes you. The nice part is the first 15 minutes is just meditation and stretching. She gets your muscles ready. Her stretches are equal to a full workout for me lol. I was already sweating and asking or water. Had liquids all day. Protein shakes and water. I was really behind on the water part. 

5/11 - Made Pesto Chicken. Does not sit well in my sleeve at all. Gave me the rumbly in my tumbly. Had a half of protein shake. I was not very hungry today. Made catfish and did not like it either, actually dumped. Hello Fresh is not the option, cancelling the subscription. It is not them, I just keep looking at their recipes and it is high in carbs and calories and I just do not think now is the time to be adventurous with food. After trying 2 meals and getting sick twice in one day, really threw my plans off. Silver lining, laid in bed and just slept.