Connie Stapleton PhD

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.


Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!
What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?
Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!
The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).
I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.
And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).
How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.
When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).
Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:
Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.
Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.
Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.
Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!
Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!
Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.
OK, Cari – sum it all up!
The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com
P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.

The Doc: Post-ops – this one’s for you! (However, if you're a pre-op, you'll benefit a bunch by reading this before your procedure!) A friendly warning for everyone reading this article – pre- or post-op – these words are not for the faint of heart! You're going to be asked some questions and also asked to be 100% completely honest with yourself as you answer the questions! Don’t worry too much. The questions are few in number. You don’t even have to tell anybody else your answers, but if you tell yourself even a “little white lie” you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice. The reason? Recovery from obesity requires being completely honest with yourself about what you are doing and what you’re not doing to manage a healthy weight. Then you have to honestly decide what you are willing to do if you want what you told your weight loss surgery medical team you wanted: your health back and to be able to do things you couldn't when carrying an extra 100 + pounds.


The Post Op: Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Just what are these questions? Can you flunk the test? The good news is, this isn’t a test, but the questions can test your patience a bit, and might be challenging to answer. The goal is honesty, so just do your best and don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. It won’t take long to figure out that there are many more questions where these came from (and the answers will likely be the same!)
What the Nutritionist told you (and hopefully the psychologist, your PCP and the WLS surgeon, as well):
1. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you are going to have to eat “healthy” portions of the right foods (and by “healthy” we do not mean “healthy” = huge; we mean “healthy” as in nutritionally healthy portions = measured/reasonable amounts of food).

Questions:
a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eat “healthy” portions of food after the surgery (with an implied, forever more)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods after surgery? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 2. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you need to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, Pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, Cookies, etc.).

Questions:

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Have you eliminated or reduced/minimized the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Physician told you (bariatric surgeon and/or primary care physician):
3. It is important that you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise.

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you/Did you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 4. It is important that you engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss.

e. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
f. Did you agree that you would, indeed engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss?
g. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
h. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you engaging in and maintaining some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Psychologist/Mental Health Provider told you:
5. It is important that you fully understand that unless you do what the doctor and nutritionist tell you to do for the rest of your life, you can (and most likely will) regain your weight. Are you willing to follow through with the nutrition and exercise guidelines after surgery in order to keep the weight off? (And if you’re lucky, they encouraged you to seek therapy if you struggle).

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed, do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you doing what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do in order to prevent regaining your weight?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO THERAPY? The Post Op & The Doc:
Above we have noted five topics basic to nearly every surgical weight loss program in this country:

1) the need to eat healthy portions of healthy foods,
2) the need to minimize simple carbohydrates,
3) using the first year to learn and implement healthy habits,
4) engaging in, and maintaining healthy support, and
5) it is possible to regain weight after WLS if you don’t follow what you were advised to do. The Post Op & The Doc have seventeen years collectively working in this field. We have seen and talked with thousands of patients who have shared with us that they did hear this information before surgery, they agreed to do what they learned, and they meant it. Yet many have been unable to follow through. That’s normal. It’s difficult to make the behavioral changes needed to keep weight off. If you start to regain, you can catch yourself and get headed in a healthy direction.

Many people are doing what it takes to get back on track so that they can get and keep their excess weight off. They do what they set out to do when they decided to have weight loss surgery: Improve their health and have the ability to do more of the things they want to do.

The best way to get into the habits needed to maintain a healthy weight or to get back on track is to use the Gotta Do Em's. The Gotta Do Em's are what it takes to get and keep weight off:

1. Make Healthy Food Choices
2. Maintain Portion Control
3. Exercise Regularly
4. Drink Water
5. Eat Breakfast
6. Plan Your Meals and Follow Your Plan
7. Keep a Food Diary
8. Keep an Exercise Diary
9. Use a Healthy Support System
10. Get Individual and/or Group Therapy There are lots of excuses for not following the Gotta Do Em's. It would be easy to say that you were overwhelmed with all of the information you were given pre-surgery and couldn’t possibly understand everything you agreed to. It would easy to say that you were just trying to get your forms completed so you could qualify for surgery and you therefore agreed to whatever you needed to. It would be easy to say you didn’t know then what you know now, so you were committing to things you weren’t prepared to honor.

Well, none of that matters because, the truth is, you can do what you said you would do and, if you really want what you say you want (improved health and a better quality of life), you must do those things you said you would.

The good news? You don’t need to do them alone. In fact, as A Post Op & A Doc always say, “No one can do this for you, but you can’t do it alone.” We all need support to sustain the Gotta Do ‘Em's. So utilize the support offered by your medical team, your program’s support group, and the people who love you and do the things you said you’d do! You’ll feel great about yourself and will get the results you were looking for as you headed into weight loss surgery.
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) at www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod and on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/apostopandadoc .

Cari DeLaCruz (The Post Op)
cari@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. (The Doc)
connie@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

The Doc: Post-ops – this one’s for you! (However, if you're a pre-op, you'll benefit a bunch by reading this before your procedure!) A friendly warning for everyone reading this article – pre- or post-op – these words are not for the faint of heart! You're going to be asked some questions and also asked to be 100% completely honest with yourself as you answer the questions! Don’t worry too much. The questions are few in number. You don’t even have to tell anybody else your answers, but if you tell yourself even a “little white lie” you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice. The reason? Recovery from obesity requires being completely honest with yourself about what you are doing and what you’re not doing to manage a healthy weight. Then you have to honestly decide what you are willing to do if you want what you told your weight loss surgery medical team you wanted: your health back and to be able to do things you couldn't when carrying an extra 100 + pounds.


The Post Op: Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Just what are these questions? Can you flunk the test? The good news is, this isn’t a test, but the questions can test your patience a bit, and might be challenging to answer. The goal is honesty, so just do your best and don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. It won’t take long to figure out that there are many more questions where these came from (and the answers will likely be the same!)
What the Nutritionist told you (and hopefully the psychologist, your PCP and the WLS surgeon, as well):
1. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you are going to have to eat “healthy” portions of the right foods (and by “healthy” we do not mean “healthy” = huge; we mean “healthy” as in nutritionally healthy portions = measured/reasonable amounts of food).

Questions:
a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eat “healthy” portions of food after the surgery (with an implied, forever more)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods after surgery? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 2. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you need to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, Pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, Cookies, etc.).

Questions:

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Have you eliminated or reduced/minimized the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Physician told you (bariatric surgeon and/or primary care physician):
3. It is important that you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise.

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you/Did you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 4. It is important that you engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss.

e. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
f. Did you agree that you would, indeed engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss?
g. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
h. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you engaging in and maintaining some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Psychologist/Mental Health Provider told you:
5. It is important that you fully understand that unless you do what the doctor and nutritionist tell you to do for the rest of your life, you can (and most likely will) regain your weight. Are you willing to follow through with the nutrition and exercise guidelines after surgery in order to keep the weight off? (And if you’re lucky, they encouraged you to seek therapy if you struggle).

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed, do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you doing what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do in order to prevent regaining your weight?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO THERAPY? The Post Op & The Doc:
Above we have noted five topics basic to nearly every surgical weight loss program in this country:

1) the need to eat healthy portions of healthy foods,
2) the need to minimize simple carbohydrates,
3) using the first year to learn and implement healthy habits,
4) engaging in, and maintaining healthy support, and
5) it is possible to regain weight after WLS if you don’t follow what you were advised to do. The Post Op & The Doc have seventeen years collectively working in this field. We have seen and talked with thousands of patients who have shared with us that they did hear this information before surgery, they agreed to do what they learned, and they meant it. Yet many have been unable to follow through. That’s normal. It’s difficult to make the behavioral changes needed to keep weight off. If you start to regain, you can catch yourself and get headed in a healthy direction.

Many people are doing what it takes to get back on track so that they can get and keep their excess weight off. They do what they set out to do when they decided to have weight loss surgery: Improve their health and have the ability to do more of the things they want to do.

The best way to get into the habits needed to maintain a healthy weight or to get back on track is to use the Gotta Do Em's. The Gotta Do Em's are what it takes to get and keep weight off:

1. Make Healthy Food Choices
2. Maintain Portion Control
3. Exercise Regularly
4. Drink Water
5. Eat Breakfast
6. Plan Your Meals and Follow Your Plan
7. Keep a Food Diary
8. Keep an Exercise Diary
9. Use a Healthy Support System
10. Get Individual and/or Group Therapy There are lots of excuses for not following the Gotta Do Em's. It would be easy to say that you were overwhelmed with all of the information you were given pre-surgery and couldn’t possibly understand everything you agreed to. It would easy to say that you were just trying to get your forms completed so you could qualify for surgery and you therefore agreed to whatever you needed to. It would be easy to say you didn’t know then what you know now, so you were committing to things you weren’t prepared to honor.

Well, none of that matters because, the truth is, you can do what you said you would do and, if you really want what you say you want (improved health and a better quality of life), you must do those things you said you would.

The good news? You don’t need to do them alone. In fact, as A Post Op & A Doc always say, “No one can do this for you, but you can’t do it alone.” We all need support to sustain the Gotta Do ‘Em's. So utilize the support offered by your medical team, your program’s support group, and the people who love you and do the things you said you’d do! You’ll feel great about yourself and will get the results you were looking for as you headed into weight loss surgery.
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) at www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod and on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/apostopandadoc .

Cari DeLaCruz (The Post Op)
cari@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. (The Doc)
connie@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

The Doc: Post-ops – this one’s for you! (However, if you're a pre-op, you'll benefit a bunch by reading this before your procedure!) A friendly warning for everyone reading this article – pre- or post-op – these words are not for the faint of heart! You're going to be asked some questions and also asked to be 100% completely honest with yourself as you answer the questions! Don’t worry too much. The questions are few in number. You don’t even have to tell anybody else your answers, but if you tell yourself even a “little white lie” you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice. The reason? Recovery from obesity requires being completely honest with yourself about what you are doing and what you’re not doing to manage a healthy weight. Then you have to honestly decide what you are willing to do if you want what you told your weight loss surgery medical team you wanted: your health back and to be able to do things you couldn't when carrying an extra 100 + pounds.


The Post Op: Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Just what are these questions? Can you flunk the test? The good news is, this isn’t a test, but the questions can test your patience a bit, and might be challenging to answer. The goal is honesty, so just do your best and don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. It won’t take long to figure out that there are many more questions where these came from (and the answers will likely be the same!)
What the Nutritionist told you (and hopefully the psychologist, your PCP and the WLS surgeon, as well):
1. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you are going to have to eat “healthy” portions of the right foods (and by “healthy” we do not mean “healthy” = huge; we mean “healthy” as in nutritionally healthy portions = measured/reasonable amounts of food).

Questions:
a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eat “healthy” portions of food after the surgery (with an implied, forever more)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods after surgery? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 2. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you need to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, Pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, Cookies, etc.).

Questions:

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Have you eliminated or reduced/minimized the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Physician told you (bariatric surgeon and/or primary care physician):
3. It is important that you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise.

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you/Did you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 4. It is important that you engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss.

e. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
f. Did you agree that you would, indeed engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss?
g. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
h. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you engaging in and maintaining some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Psychologist/Mental Health Provider told you:
5. It is important that you fully understand that unless you do what the doctor and nutritionist tell you to do for the rest of your life, you can (and most likely will) regain your weight. Are you willing to follow through with the nutrition and exercise guidelines after surgery in order to keep the weight off? (And if you’re lucky, they encouraged you to seek therapy if you struggle).

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed, do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you doing what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do in order to prevent regaining your weight?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO THERAPY? The Post Op & The Doc:
Above we have noted five topics basic to nearly every surgical weight loss program in this country:

1) the need to eat healthy portions of healthy foods,
2) the need to minimize simple carbohydrates,
3) using the first year to learn and implement healthy habits,
4) engaging in, and maintaining healthy support, and
5) it is possible to regain weight after WLS if you don’t follow what you were advised to do. The Post Op & The Doc have seventeen years collectively working in this field. We have seen and talked with thousands of patients who have shared with us that they did hear this information before surgery, they agreed to do what they learned, and they meant it. Yet many have been unable to follow through. That’s normal. It’s difficult to make the behavioral changes needed to keep weight off. If you start to regain, you can catch yourself and get headed in a healthy direction.

Many people are doing what it takes to get back on track so that they can get and keep their excess weight off. They do what they set out to do when they decided to have weight loss surgery: Improve their health and have the ability to do more of the things they want to do.

The best way to get into the habits needed to maintain a healthy weight or to get back on track is to use the Gotta Do Em's. The Gotta Do Em's are what it takes to get and keep weight off:

1. Make Healthy Food Choices
2. Maintain Portion Control
3. Exercise Regularly
4. Drink Water
5. Eat Breakfast
6. Plan Your Meals and Follow Your Plan
7. Keep a Food Diary
8. Keep an Exercise Diary
9. Use a Healthy Support System
10. Get Individual and/or Group Therapy There are lots of excuses for not following the Gotta Do Em's. It would be easy to say that you were overwhelmed with all of the information you were given pre-surgery and couldn’t possibly understand everything you agreed to. It would easy to say that you were just trying to get your forms completed so you could qualify for surgery and you therefore agreed to whatever you needed to. It would be easy to say you didn’t know then what you know now, so you were committing to things you weren’t prepared to honor.

Well, none of that matters because, the truth is, you can do what you said you would do and, if you really want what you say you want (improved health and a better quality of life), you must do those things you said you would.

The good news? You don’t need to do them alone. In fact, as A Post Op & A Doc always say, “No one can do this for you, but you can’t do it alone.” We all need support to sustain the Gotta Do ‘Em's. So utilize the support offered by your medical team, your program’s support group, and the people who love you and do the things you said you’d do! You’ll feel great about yourself and will get the results you were looking for as you headed into weight loss surgery.
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) at www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod and on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/apostopandadoc .

Cari DeLaCruz (The Post Op)
cari@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. (The Doc)
connie@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

The Doc: Post-ops – this one’s for you! (However, if you're a pre-op, you'll benefit a bunch by reading this before your procedure!) A friendly warning for everyone reading this article – pre- or post-op – these words are not for the faint of heart! You're going to be asked some questions and also asked to be 100% completely honest with yourself as you answer the questions! Don’t worry too much. The questions are few in number. You don’t even have to tell anybody else your answers, but if you tell yourself even a “little white lie” you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice. The reason? Recovery from obesity requires being completely honest with yourself about what you are doing and what you’re not doing to manage a healthy weight. Then you have to honestly decide what you are willing to do if you want what you told your weight loss surgery medical team you wanted: your health back and to be able to do things you couldn't when carrying an extra 100 + pounds.


The Post Op: Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Just what are these questions? Can you flunk the test? The good news is, this isn’t a test, but the questions can test your patience a bit, and might be challenging to answer. The goal is honesty, so just do your best and don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. It won’t take long to figure out that there are many more questions where these came from (and the answers will likely be the same!)
What the Nutritionist told you (and hopefully the psychologist, your PCP and the WLS surgeon, as well):
1. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you are going to have to eat “healthy” portions of the right foods (and by “healthy” we do not mean “healthy” = huge; we mean “healthy” as in nutritionally healthy portions = measured/reasonable amounts of food).

Questions:
a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eat “healthy” portions of food after the surgery (with an implied, forever more)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods after surgery? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 2. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you need to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, Pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, Cookies, etc.).

Questions:

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Have you eliminated or reduced/minimized the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Physician told you (bariatric surgeon and/or primary care physician):
3. It is important that you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise.

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you/Did you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 4. It is important that you engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss.

e. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
f. Did you agree that you would, indeed engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss?
g. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
h. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you engaging in and maintaining some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Psychologist/Mental Health Provider told you:
5. It is important that you fully understand that unless you do what the doctor and nutritionist tell you to do for the rest of your life, you can (and most likely will) regain your weight. Are you willing to follow through with the nutrition and exercise guidelines after surgery in order to keep the weight off? (And if you’re lucky, they encouraged you to seek therapy if you struggle).

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed, do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you doing what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do in order to prevent regaining your weight?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO THERAPY? The Post Op & The Doc:
Above we have noted five topics basic to nearly every surgical weight loss program in this country:

1) the need to eat healthy portions of healthy foods,
2) the need to minimize simple carbohydrates,
3) using the first year to learn and implement healthy habits,
4) engaging in, and maintaining healthy support, and
5) it is possible to regain weight after WLS if you don’t follow what you were advised to do. The Post Op & The Doc have seventeen years collectively working in this field. We have seen and talked with thousands of patients who have shared with us that they did hear this information before surgery, they agreed to do what they learned, and they meant it. Yet many have been unable to follow through. That’s normal. It’s difficult to make the behavioral changes needed to keep weight off. If you start to regain, you can catch yourself and get headed in a healthy direction.

Many people are doing what it takes to get back on track so that they can get and keep their excess weight off. They do what they set out to do when they decided to have weight loss surgery: Improve their health and have the ability to do more of the things they want to do.

The best way to get into the habits needed to maintain a healthy weight or to get back on track is to use the Gotta Do Em's. The Gotta Do Em's are what it takes to get and keep weight off:

1. Make Healthy Food Choices
2. Maintain Portion Control
3. Exercise Regularly
4. Drink Water
5. Eat Breakfast
6. Plan Your Meals and Follow Your Plan
7. Keep a Food Diary
8. Keep an Exercise Diary
9. Use a Healthy Support System
10. Get Individual and/or Group Therapy There are lots of excuses for not following the Gotta Do Em's. It would be easy to say that you were overwhelmed with all of the information you were given pre-surgery and couldn’t possibly understand everything you agreed to. It would easy to say that you were just trying to get your forms completed so you could qualify for surgery and you therefore agreed to whatever you needed to. It would be easy to say you didn’t know then what you know now, so you were committing to things you weren’t prepared to honor.

Well, none of that matters because, the truth is, you can do what you said you would do and, if you really want what you say you want (improved health and a better quality of life), you must do those things you said you would.

The good news? You don’t need to do them alone. In fact, as A Post Op & A Doc always say, “No one can do this for you, but you can’t do it alone.” We all need support to sustain the Gotta Do ‘Em's. So utilize the support offered by your medical team, your program’s support group, and the people who love you and do the things you said you’d do! You’ll feel great about yourself and will get the results you were looking for as you headed into weight loss surgery.
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) at www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod and on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/apostopandadoc .

Cari DeLaCruz (The Post Op)
cari@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. (The Doc)
connie@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

The Doc: Post-ops – this one’s for you! (However, if you're a pre-op, you'll benefit a bunch by reading this before your procedure!) A friendly warning for everyone reading this article – pre- or post-op – these words are not for the faint of heart! You're going to be asked some questions and also asked to be 100% completely honest with yourself as you answer the questions! Don’t worry too much. The questions are few in number. You don’t even have to tell anybody else your answers, but if you tell yourself even a “little white lie” you’ll be doing yourself a great disservice. The reason? Recovery from obesity requires being completely honest with yourself about what you are doing and what you’re not doing to manage a healthy weight. Then you have to honestly decide what you are willing to do if you want what you told your weight loss surgery medical team you wanted: your health back and to be able to do things you couldn't when carrying an extra 100 + pounds.


The Post Op: Sounds ominous, doesn’t it? Just what are these questions? Can you flunk the test? The good news is, this isn’t a test, but the questions can test your patience a bit, and might be challenging to answer. The goal is honesty, so just do your best and don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. It won’t take long to figure out that there are many more questions where these came from (and the answers will likely be the same!)
What the Nutritionist told you (and hopefully the psychologist, your PCP and the WLS surgeon, as well):
1. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you are going to have to eat “healthy” portions of the right foods (and by “healthy” we do not mean “healthy” = huge; we mean “healthy” as in nutritionally healthy portions = measured/reasonable amounts of food).

Questions:
a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eat “healthy” portions of food after the surgery (with an implied, forever more)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods after surgery? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you maintaining “healthy” portions of the right foods ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 2. In some way, shape or form, during your pre-surgical preparation, the dietician told you that in order to keep your weight off over time, you need to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, Pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, Cookies, etc.).

Questions:

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to eliminate or reduce/minimize the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? Have you eliminated or reduced/minimized the simple carbs that you eat (meaning white rice, white potatoes, pasta, white bread, most “baked goods,” “junk food,” and sugary foods (most “baked goods,” candy, soda, sweet tea, cake, cookies, etc.)ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Physician told you (bariatric surgeon and/or primary care physician):
3. It is important that you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise.

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you/Did you utilize the first 12 – 18 months (the “honeymoon period”) to establish healthy lifestyle habits regarding food and exercise?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? 4. It is important that you engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss.

e. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
f. Did you agree that you would, indeed engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss?
g. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to engage in and maintain some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
h. ARE YOU DOING IT? Are you engaging in and maintaining some form of physical exercise (keeping in mind your physical conditions) more days of the week than not, in order to maintain your weight loss ever since you’ve had WLS?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? What the Psychologist/Mental Health Provider told you:
5. It is important that you fully understand that unless you do what the doctor and nutritionist tell you to do for the rest of your life, you can (and most likely will) regain your weight. Are you willing to follow through with the nutrition and exercise guidelines after surgery in order to keep the weight off? (And if you’re lucky, they encouraged you to seek therapy if you struggle).

a. Did you get this message during your pre-surgical preparation for WLS?
b. Did you agree that you would, indeed, do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight?
c. Did you mean what you said when you agreed to do what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do for the rest of your life, or you could (and most likely would) regain your weight? (I’m fairly certain you did mean it.)
d. ARE YOU DOING IT? DID YOU DO IT? Are you doing what the doctor and nutritionist told you to do in order to prevent regaining your weight?
a. If not, what’s up???
b. If not, what are you willing to do in order to get back on track with this? ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO THERAPY? The Post Op & The Doc:
Above we have noted five topics basic to nearly every surgical weight loss program in this country:

1) the need to eat healthy portions of healthy foods,
2) the need to minimize simple carbohydrates,
3) using the first year to learn and implement healthy habits,
4) engaging in, and maintaining healthy support, and
5) it is possible to regain weight after WLS if you don’t follow what you were advised to do. The Post Op & The Doc have seventeen years collectively working in this field. We have seen and talked with thousands of patients who have shared with us that they did hear this information before surgery, they agreed to do what they learned, and they meant it. Yet many have been unable to follow through. That’s normal. It’s difficult to make the behavioral changes needed to keep weight off. If you start to regain, you can catch yourself and get headed in a healthy direction.

Many people are doing what it takes to get back on track so that they can get and keep their excess weight off. They do what they set out to do when they decided to have weight loss surgery: Improve their health and have the ability to do more of the things they want to do.

The best way to get into the habits needed to maintain a healthy weight or to get back on track is to use the Gotta Do Em's. The Gotta Do Em's are what it takes to get and keep weight off:

1. Make Healthy Food Choices
2. Maintain Portion Control
3. Exercise Regularly
4. Drink Water
5. Eat Breakfast
6. Plan Your Meals and Follow Your Plan
7. Keep a Food Diary
8. Keep an Exercise Diary
9. Use a Healthy Support System
10. Get Individual and/or Group Therapy There are lots of excuses for not following the Gotta Do Em's. It would be easy to say that you were overwhelmed with all of the information you were given pre-surgery and couldn’t possibly understand everything you agreed to. It would easy to say that you were just trying to get your forms completed so you could qualify for surgery and you therefore agreed to whatever you needed to. It would be easy to say you didn’t know then what you know now, so you were committing to things you weren’t prepared to honor.

Well, none of that matters because, the truth is, you can do what you said you would do and, if you really want what you say you want (improved health and a better quality of life), you must do those things you said you would.

The good news? You don’t need to do them alone. In fact, as A Post Op & A Doc always say, “No one can do this for you, but you can’t do it alone.” We all need support to sustain the Gotta Do ‘Em's. So utilize the support offered by your medical team, your program’s support group, and the people who love you and do the things you said you’d do! You’ll feel great about yourself and will get the results you were looking for as you headed into weight loss surgery.
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) at www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod and on our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/apostopandadoc .

Cari DeLaCruz (The Post Op)
cari@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. (The Doc)
connie@apostopandadoc.com
www.conniestapleton.com/apod

Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges.


Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges. For at least five solid weeks, food is even more ubiquitous than usual in our eating-obsessed society. It's almost impossible to avoid fanciful confections almost anywhere you go from Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Cookies, candy, fudge and a host of other home-made delights in the break room at the office. Gift baskets abounding with fruits, nuts and bottles of apple cider arrive at the doorstep. samples of gooey baked goods with sparkling decorations are handed out from kiosks in the grocery store. And bubbly libations accompany the gourmet delicacies served at every office and neighborhood social gathering.

For people who have had WLS and are serious about maintaining a healthy weight, the fact that the average American gains 7 & 12 pounds throughout the holiday season, can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

Another anxiety-producing holiday stressor can be the family gathering. Most of us spend time with relatives during the holiday season. Like food, there are lots of varieties of families; some food and some families are healthy and others are not! Regardless of the emotional health of one's family, nearly all family holiday gatherings revolve around a meal, featuring time-honored secret family recipes and dishes that aunts, uncles and cousins eagerly await all year long.

At no other time of year are there so many triggers that have the potential to steer off course those who have used food as a way to deal with emotions. In her brilliant, practical book, The Beck Diet Solution , Dr. Judith Beck notes several categories of triggers that can ultimately lead to eating. Three of these categories are emotional, biological, and environmental.

Identify the Triggers in this scenario:

Your family has decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma Smith's house this year. You haven't been to that house in nearly a dozen years, since moving out of state. When you were a child you adored spending time at your grandma's house. She is the person who taught you about gardening, how to sew, and how to bake. It's hard to think about Grandma Smith without recalling the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. As soon as you walk in the door, the smell of her homemade biscuits mingled with the traditional aroma of the turkey and dressing takes over your entire being. Before you can turn and walk toward the kitchen, you see cousin Sally. Sally was the mean cousin when you were kids. She called you fatty Patty and always tattled to the adults when you did anything wrong. You are assaulted by her booming voice, Hey, there, fatty Patty!' What have you done to yourself? You're not fat anymore! You wish you could just punch her, but refrain from doing so as Aunt Cindy wraps you in a bear hug. That smell! Her perfume. It takes you back to the time you ate three pieces of her birthday cake before dinner. Her husband, uncle Bill had screamed at you for what seemed like an hour, but Aunt Cindy had wrapped you up in a hug then like she was doing now and she was wearing that same scent! You finally make it into the living room and see the old blue rocker that you and Grandma sat in countless evenings while she read to you. Your eyes mist with tears. However, your thoughts are interrupted by the angry sounds of two male voices coming from the next room. They were at it again. Your twin uncles. They never got along well and used to get into fist fights, scaring you when you were a child. You would take a bowl of Grandma's homemade cookies and hide in the closet upstairs until they would leave. Just the sound of their harsh tones made you turn and look for a sweet treat to take your mind off the fear you felt, even now as an adult.

There are lots of triggers in this story with potential for thoughts and feelings that could lead to eating as a coping response. Emotional triggers include reminiscing on the happy memories of spending time with Grandma in the garden, while sewing and when baking in the kitchen. Cousin Sally's name-calling would certainly trigger an emotional response, as would the memory of Uncle Bill screaming at a young Patty who ate Aunt Sally's birthday cake.

Biological triggers in this scenario would be the sight and smell of the food when Patty walked into Grandma's. Salivating at the thought or actual smell of the food is also a biological trigger. The sound of angry voices producing anxiety is another example of a biological trigger, as is the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume.

The blue rocking chair in the living room would be an example of an environmental trigger. The closet upstairs where Patty hid when she was a child is also an environmental trigger.

Triggers and Emotional Eating

Songs often evoke strong emotions. When you hear a song that played at your high school prom where you slow danced with your first love, you experience the joyful emotions you did when you were in that high school gymnasium-turned-ballroom. Holidays, and especially family holiday gatherings similarly evoke strong emotions. For an emotional eater, this can lead to high calorie disasters. In the scenario above, Patty experienced a range of emotions based on in-the-moment triggers and intensified by memories from the past.

Emotional eaters often turn to food when they are experiencing emotions, sometimes as a way to avoid unpleasant feelings. It may be tempting for Patty to grab an entire pie off the counter and run to the upstairs closet to gobble the pie down in an attempt to get away from the hurt of Cousin Sally's rude remark, to forget about the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume and the memory of being severely scolded by Uncle Tim years ago, and to quiet the sound of her twin uncles' arguing.

Triggers are powerful. In order to make it safely through this minefield of eating triggers during the holiday season, a person needs to have a plan in place ahead of time and then they need to utilize the plan throughout the season!

A Post Op & A Doc have created an entire program for WLS patients to help them get through the holidays while maintaining their commitment to their health. You can download the plan called APOD's GPS Great Plan for Success and take it with you as you head into the holiday season! Go to www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod/ and look on the right hand side of the page to print off your copy!

The following Ten Tips can also help you prepare ahead of time for dealing in a healthy way if you are overwhelmed by the urge to eat after being triggered at the family holiday gathering. (You can use these to safely navigate the holiday trays in office break rooms, at neighborhood social gatherings, and any other place you are deluged by tempting holiday goodies!)
Anticipate triggers. Think about situations you are likely to encounter throughout the holiday season that pose threats to your healthy eating habits. Make a list of probable triggers you will encounter at your family holiday gatherings and use the following steps to deal with them in healthy ways.
Visualize healthy responses to triggers. Instead of responding to triggers in an unhealthy way (yelling, arguing, eating) start preparing now to respond to them in a healthy way by visualizing yourself calmly walking away from arguments. Imagine yourself walking outside and taking a few minutes for yourself to regroup before returning to the situation. Picture yourself finding a place to call a supportive friend and talking about how you're feeling. All of these healthy responses will keep you away from the high calorie options you may have turned to in the past.
Learn quick relaxation techniques. When we encounter triggers, we often become tense, anxious, scared or angry. In a highly emotional state, you are more likely to react rather than respond. Reacting may mean mindless eating of empty calories. If you are able to utilize a simple, quick relaxation tool, you will be better able to respond to triggers in a healthy, rational manner. One example of a simple relaxation techniques is to very slowly breathe in and out 12 times. You can do this in a room full of people and no one will even know! Another simple technique is to slowly count to 10, 20, or 100 however long it takes you to feel calm enough to respond in a healthy way. Get away from the crowd and mentally note ten things you are grateful for. This will definitely improve your frame of mind and you can resume your activities with a better outlook, a sure defense against harmful overeating.
Remind yourself why. In preparing for the holiday gatherings, write answers to these questions and have it on your smartphone or an index card to read if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed emotionally and/or feel tempted to eat things you will regret later:
What are the negative consequences of eating unhealthy foods and of overeating?
What are the reasons I decided to lose weight and improve my health habits?
What are the benefits thus far of losing weight and improving my health habits?
[*]Say to yourself, I made up my mind! When you're aware that your desire to eat/overeat has been triggered, say to yourself, I made up my mind: a. to stick to my healthy eating plan. b. to focus on relationships rather than food. c. to honor my recent weight loss by maintaining healthy behaviors during the holiday season. d. whatever else you have made up your mind about!
[*]Focus on your own behavior. It's easy to get worked up about things other people are saying (perhaps they make negative comments to, or about you or others). It's just as easy to get upset over other people's behavior (family members who may be arguing, or drinking too much, or vying for everyone's attention). Focus on your own behavior. After all, you have no responsibility for anyone else's! And you have full responsibility for you own behavior which, by the way, includes what, when, and how much you eat!
[*]Keep a progress piece in your pocket . A progress piece can be anything that reminds you of the progress you have made losing weight and/or improving your health. For example, if you are now able to bend over and tie your shoes after losing weight, carry a shoestring with you. If you recently flew on an airplane and no longer needed a seatbelt extender, carry your boarding pass or a picture of a plane with you. When you're tempted to engage in unhealthy eating, look at your progress piece and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done and remind yourself of the commitment you made to continue your healthy behaviors.
[*]STOP. Imagine a large STOP sign in your mind that you can pull out whenever you need to before indulging in food (or behavior) that you will later regret.
[*]Set boundaries. If people give you a difficult time for eating healthy (Why can't you just have one bite? or You must have a piece of Aunt Sally's pie or you'll hurt her feelings.), set boundaries by saying, I've made up my mind to eat healthy, even on Thanksgiving. I don't expect you to understand, but I hope you will respect my decision.
[*]Plan your work and work your plan. Take an index card (or make a note on your smart phone) with any of the above suggestions or other things that work for you to help you get through difficult food and/or family situations so that you maintain your healthy lifestyle behaviors. Read your reminders any time you feel the need to and UTILIZE them!


Happy holidays to you and your families! Enjoy the relationships they last so much longer than the food!

Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges.


Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges. For at least five solid weeks, food is even more ubiquitous than usual in our eating-obsessed society. It's almost impossible to avoid fanciful confections almost anywhere you go from Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Cookies, candy, fudge and a host of other home-made delights in the break room at the office. Gift baskets abounding with fruits, nuts and bottles of apple cider arrive at the doorstep. samples of gooey baked goods with sparkling decorations are handed out from kiosks in the grocery store. And bubbly libations accompany the gourmet delicacies served at every office and neighborhood social gathering.

For people who have had WLS and are serious about maintaining a healthy weight, the fact that the average American gains 7 & 12 pounds throughout the holiday season, can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

Another anxiety-producing holiday stressor can be the family gathering. Most of us spend time with relatives during the holiday season. Like food, there are lots of varieties of families; some food and some families are healthy and others are not! Regardless of the emotional health of one's family, nearly all family holiday gatherings revolve around a meal, featuring time-honored secret family recipes and dishes that aunts, uncles and cousins eagerly await all year long.

At no other time of year are there so many triggers that have the potential to steer off course those who have used food as a way to deal with emotions. In her brilliant, practical book, The Beck Diet Solution , Dr. Judith Beck notes several categories of triggers that can ultimately lead to eating. Three of these categories are emotional, biological, and environmental.

Identify the Triggers in this scenario:

Your family has decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma Smith's house this year. You haven't been to that house in nearly a dozen years, since moving out of state. When you were a child you adored spending time at your grandma's house. She is the person who taught you about gardening, how to sew, and how to bake. It's hard to think about Grandma Smith without recalling the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. As soon as you walk in the door, the smell of her homemade biscuits mingled with the traditional aroma of the turkey and dressing takes over your entire being. Before you can turn and walk toward the kitchen, you see cousin Sally. Sally was the mean cousin when you were kids. She called you fatty Patty and always tattled to the adults when you did anything wrong. You are assaulted by her booming voice, Hey, there, fatty Patty!' What have you done to yourself? You're not fat anymore! You wish you could just punch her, but refrain from doing so as Aunt Cindy wraps you in a bear hug. That smell! Her perfume. It takes you back to the time you ate three pieces of her birthday cake before dinner. Her husband, uncle Bill had screamed at you for what seemed like an hour, but Aunt Cindy had wrapped you up in a hug then like she was doing now and she was wearing that same scent! You finally make it into the living room and see the old blue rocker that you and Grandma sat in countless evenings while she read to you. Your eyes mist with tears. However, your thoughts are interrupted by the angry sounds of two male voices coming from the next room. They were at it again. Your twin uncles. They never got along well and used to get into fist fights, scaring you when you were a child. You would take a bowl of Grandma's homemade cookies and hide in the closet upstairs until they would leave. Just the sound of their harsh tones made you turn and look for a sweet treat to take your mind off the fear you felt, even now as an adult.

There are lots of triggers in this story with potential for thoughts and feelings that could lead to eating as a coping response. Emotional triggers include reminiscing on the happy memories of spending time with Grandma in the garden, while sewing and when baking in the kitchen. Cousin Sally's name-calling would certainly trigger an emotional response, as would the memory of Uncle Bill screaming at a young Patty who ate Aunt Sally's birthday cake.

Biological triggers in this scenario would be the sight and smell of the food when Patty walked into Grandma's. Salivating at the thought or actual smell of the food is also a biological trigger. The sound of angry voices producing anxiety is another example of a biological trigger, as is the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume.

The blue rocking chair in the living room would be an example of an environmental trigger. The closet upstairs where Patty hid when she was a child is also an environmental trigger.

Triggers and Emotional Eating

Songs often evoke strong emotions. When you hear a song that played at your high school prom where you slow danced with your first love, you experience the joyful emotions you did when you were in that high school gymnasium-turned-ballroom. Holidays, and especially family holiday gatherings similarly evoke strong emotions. For an emotional eater, this can lead to high calorie disasters. In the scenario above, Patty experienced a range of emotions based on in-the-moment triggers and intensified by memories from the past.

Emotional eaters often turn to food when they are experiencing emotions, sometimes as a way to avoid unpleasant feelings. It may be tempting for Patty to grab an entire pie off the counter and run to the upstairs closet to gobble the pie down in an attempt to get away from the hurt of Cousin Sally's rude remark, to forget about the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume and the memory of being severely scolded by Uncle Tim years ago, and to quiet the sound of her twin uncles' arguing.

Triggers are powerful. In order to make it safely through this minefield of eating triggers during the holiday season, a person needs to have a plan in place ahead of time and then they need to utilize the plan throughout the season!

A Post Op & A Doc have created an entire program for WLS patients to help them get through the holidays while maintaining their commitment to their health. You can download the plan called APOD's GPS Great Plan for Success and take it with you as you head into the holiday season! Go to www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod/ and look on the right hand side of the page to print off your copy!

The following Ten Tips can also help you prepare ahead of time for dealing in a healthy way if you are overwhelmed by the urge to eat after being triggered at the family holiday gathering. (You can use these to safely navigate the holiday trays in office break rooms, at neighborhood social gatherings, and any other place you are deluged by tempting holiday goodies!)
Anticipate triggers. Think about situations you are likely to encounter throughout the holiday season that pose threats to your healthy eating habits. Make a list of probable triggers you will encounter at your family holiday gatherings and use the following steps to deal with them in healthy ways.
Visualize healthy responses to triggers. Instead of responding to triggers in an unhealthy way (yelling, arguing, eating) start preparing now to respond to them in a healthy way by visualizing yourself calmly walking away from arguments. Imagine yourself walking outside and taking a few minutes for yourself to regroup before returning to the situation. Picture yourself finding a place to call a supportive friend and talking about how you're feeling. All of these healthy responses will keep you away from the high calorie options you may have turned to in the past.
Learn quick relaxation techniques. When we encounter triggers, we often become tense, anxious, scared or angry. In a highly emotional state, you are more likely to react rather than respond. Reacting may mean mindless eating of empty calories. If you are able to utilize a simple, quick relaxation tool, you will be better able to respond to triggers in a healthy, rational manner. One example of a simple relaxation techniques is to very slowly breathe in and out 12 times. You can do this in a room full of people and no one will even know! Another simple technique is to slowly count to 10, 20, or 100 however long it takes you to feel calm enough to respond in a healthy way. Get away from the crowd and mentally note ten things you are grateful for. This will definitely improve your frame of mind and you can resume your activities with a better outlook, a sure defense against harmful overeating.
Remind yourself why. In preparing for the holiday gatherings, write answers to these questions and have it on your smartphone or an index card to read if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed emotionally and/or feel tempted to eat things you will regret later:
What are the negative consequences of eating unhealthy foods and of overeating?
What are the reasons I decided to lose weight and improve my health habits?
What are the benefits thus far of losing weight and improving my health habits?
[*]Say to yourself, I made up my mind! When you're aware that your desire to eat/overeat has been triggered, say to yourself, I made up my mind: a. to stick to my healthy eating plan. b. to focus on relationships rather than food. c. to honor my recent weight loss by maintaining healthy behaviors during the holiday season. d. whatever else you have made up your mind about!
[*]Focus on your own behavior. It's easy to get worked up about things other people are saying (perhaps they make negative comments to, or about you or others). It's just as easy to get upset over other people's behavior (family members who may be arguing, or drinking too much, or vying for everyone's attention). Focus on your own behavior. After all, you have no responsibility for anyone else's! And you have full responsibility for you own behavior which, by the way, includes what, when, and how much you eat!
[*]Keep a progress piece in your pocket . A progress piece can be anything that reminds you of the progress you have made losing weight and/or improving your health. For example, if you are now able to bend over and tie your shoes after losing weight, carry a shoestring with you. If you recently flew on an airplane and no longer needed a seatbelt extender, carry your boarding pass or a picture of a plane with you. When you're tempted to engage in unhealthy eating, look at your progress piece and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done and remind yourself of the commitment you made to continue your healthy behaviors.
[*]STOP. Imagine a large STOP sign in your mind that you can pull out whenever you need to before indulging in food (or behavior) that you will later regret.
[*]Set boundaries. If people give you a difficult time for eating healthy (Why can't you just have one bite? or You must have a piece of Aunt Sally's pie or you'll hurt her feelings.), set boundaries by saying, I've made up my mind to eat healthy, even on Thanksgiving. I don't expect you to understand, but I hope you will respect my decision.
[*]Plan your work and work your plan. Take an index card (or make a note on your smart phone) with any of the above suggestions or other things that work for you to help you get through difficult food and/or family situations so that you maintain your healthy lifestyle behaviors. Read your reminders any time you feel the need to and UTILIZE them!


Happy holidays to you and your families! Enjoy the relationships they last so much longer than the food!

Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges.


Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges. For at least five solid weeks, food is even more ubiquitous than usual in our eating-obsessed society. It's almost impossible to avoid fanciful confections almost anywhere you go from Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Cookies, candy, fudge and a host of other home-made delights in the break room at the office. Gift baskets abounding with fruits, nuts and bottles of apple cider arrive at the doorstep. samples of gooey baked goods with sparkling decorations are handed out from kiosks in the grocery store. And bubbly libations accompany the gourmet delicacies served at every office and neighborhood social gathering.

For people who have had WLS and are serious about maintaining a healthy weight, the fact that the average American gains 7 & 12 pounds throughout the holiday season, can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

Another anxiety-producing holiday stressor can be the family gathering. Most of us spend time with relatives during the holiday season. Like food, there are lots of varieties of families; some food and some families are healthy and others are not! Regardless of the emotional health of one's family, nearly all family holiday gatherings revolve around a meal, featuring time-honored secret family recipes and dishes that aunts, uncles and cousins eagerly await all year long.

At no other time of year are there so many triggers that have the potential to steer off course those who have used food as a way to deal with emotions. In her brilliant, practical book, The Beck Diet Solution , Dr. Judith Beck notes several categories of triggers that can ultimately lead to eating. Three of these categories are emotional, biological, and environmental.

Identify the Triggers in this scenario:

Your family has decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma Smith's house this year. You haven't been to that house in nearly a dozen years, since moving out of state. When you were a child you adored spending time at your grandma's house. She is the person who taught you about gardening, how to sew, and how to bake. It's hard to think about Grandma Smith without recalling the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. As soon as you walk in the door, the smell of her homemade biscuits mingled with the traditional aroma of the turkey and dressing takes over your entire being. Before you can turn and walk toward the kitchen, you see cousin Sally. Sally was the mean cousin when you were kids. She called you fatty Patty and always tattled to the adults when you did anything wrong. You are assaulted by her booming voice, Hey, there, fatty Patty!' What have you done to yourself? You're not fat anymore! You wish you could just punch her, but refrain from doing so as Aunt Cindy wraps you in a bear hug. That smell! Her perfume. It takes you back to the time you ate three pieces of her birthday cake before dinner. Her husband, uncle Bill had screamed at you for what seemed like an hour, but Aunt Cindy had wrapped you up in a hug then like she was doing now and she was wearing that same scent! You finally make it into the living room and see the old blue rocker that you and Grandma sat in countless evenings while she read to you. Your eyes mist with tears. However, your thoughts are interrupted by the angry sounds of two male voices coming from the next room. They were at it again. Your twin uncles. They never got along well and used to get into fist fights, scaring you when you were a child. You would take a bowl of Grandma's homemade cookies and hide in the closet upstairs until they would leave. Just the sound of their harsh tones made you turn and look for a sweet treat to take your mind off the fear you felt, even now as an adult.

There are lots of triggers in this story with potential for thoughts and feelings that could lead to eating as a coping response. Emotional triggers include reminiscing on the happy memories of spending time with Grandma in the garden, while sewing and when baking in the kitchen. Cousin Sally's name-calling would certainly trigger an emotional response, as would the memory of Uncle Bill screaming at a young Patty who ate Aunt Sally's birthday cake.

Biological triggers in this scenario would be the sight and smell of the food when Patty walked into Grandma's. Salivating at the thought or actual smell of the food is also a biological trigger. The sound of angry voices producing anxiety is another example of a biological trigger, as is the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume.

The blue rocking chair in the living room would be an example of an environmental trigger. The closet upstairs where Patty hid when she was a child is also an environmental trigger.

Triggers and Emotional Eating

Songs often evoke strong emotions. When you hear a song that played at your high school prom where you slow danced with your first love, you experience the joyful emotions you did when you were in that high school gymnasium-turned-ballroom. Holidays, and especially family holiday gatherings similarly evoke strong emotions. For an emotional eater, this can lead to high calorie disasters. In the scenario above, Patty experienced a range of emotions based on in-the-moment triggers and intensified by memories from the past.

Emotional eaters often turn to food when they are experiencing emotions, sometimes as a way to avoid unpleasant feelings. It may be tempting for Patty to grab an entire pie off the counter and run to the upstairs closet to gobble the pie down in an attempt to get away from the hurt of Cousin Sally's rude remark, to forget about the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume and the memory of being severely scolded by Uncle Tim years ago, and to quiet the sound of her twin uncles' arguing.

Triggers are powerful. In order to make it safely through this minefield of eating triggers during the holiday season, a person needs to have a plan in place ahead of time and then they need to utilize the plan throughout the season!

A Post Op & A Doc have created an entire program for WLS patients to help them get through the holidays while maintaining their commitment to their health. You can download the plan called APOD's GPS Great Plan for Success and take it with you as you head into the holiday season! Go to www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod/ and look on the right hand side of the page to print off your copy!

The following Ten Tips can also help you prepare ahead of time for dealing in a healthy way if you are overwhelmed by the urge to eat after being triggered at the family holiday gathering. (You can use these to safely navigate the holiday trays in office break rooms, at neighborhood social gatherings, and any other place you are deluged by tempting holiday goodies!)
Anticipate triggers. Think about situations you are likely to encounter throughout the holiday season that pose threats to your healthy eating habits. Make a list of probable triggers you will encounter at your family holiday gatherings and use the following steps to deal with them in healthy ways.
Visualize healthy responses to triggers. Instead of responding to triggers in an unhealthy way (yelling, arguing, eating) start preparing now to respond to them in a healthy way by visualizing yourself calmly walking away from arguments. Imagine yourself walking outside and taking a few minutes for yourself to regroup before returning to the situation. Picture yourself finding a place to call a supportive friend and talking about how you're feeling. All of these healthy responses will keep you away from the high calorie options you may have turned to in the past.
Learn quick relaxation techniques. When we encounter triggers, we often become tense, anxious, scared or angry. In a highly emotional state, you are more likely to react rather than respond. Reacting may mean mindless eating of empty calories. If you are able to utilize a simple, quick relaxation tool, you will be better able to respond to triggers in a healthy, rational manner. One example of a simple relaxation techniques is to very slowly breathe in and out 12 times. You can do this in a room full of people and no one will even know! Another simple technique is to slowly count to 10, 20, or 100 however long it takes you to feel calm enough to respond in a healthy way. Get away from the crowd and mentally note ten things you are grateful for. This will definitely improve your frame of mind and you can resume your activities with a better outlook, a sure defense against harmful overeating.
Remind yourself why. In preparing for the holiday gatherings, write answers to these questions and have it on your smartphone or an index card to read if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed emotionally and/or feel tempted to eat things you will regret later:
What are the negative consequences of eating unhealthy foods and of overeating?
What are the reasons I decided to lose weight and improve my health habits?
What are the benefits thus far of losing weight and improving my health habits?
[*]Say to yourself, I made up my mind! When you're aware that your desire to eat/overeat has been triggered, say to yourself, I made up my mind: a. to stick to my healthy eating plan. b. to focus on relationships rather than food. c. to honor my recent weight loss by maintaining healthy behaviors during the holiday season. d. whatever else you have made up your mind about!
[*]Focus on your own behavior. It's easy to get worked up about things other people are saying (perhaps they make negative comments to, or about you or others). It's just as easy to get upset over other people's behavior (family members who may be arguing, or drinking too much, or vying for everyone's attention). Focus on your own behavior. After all, you have no responsibility for anyone else's! And you have full responsibility for you own behavior which, by the way, includes what, when, and how much you eat!
[*]Keep a progress piece in your pocket . A progress piece can be anything that reminds you of the progress you have made losing weight and/or improving your health. For example, if you are now able to bend over and tie your shoes after losing weight, carry a shoestring with you. If you recently flew on an airplane and no longer needed a seatbelt extender, carry your boarding pass or a picture of a plane with you. When you're tempted to engage in unhealthy eating, look at your progress piece and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done and remind yourself of the commitment you made to continue your healthy behaviors.
[*]STOP. Imagine a large STOP sign in your mind that you can pull out whenever you need to before indulging in food (or behavior) that you will later regret.
[*]Set boundaries. If people give you a difficult time for eating healthy (Why can't you just have one bite? or You must have a piece of Aunt Sally's pie or you'll hurt her feelings.), set boundaries by saying, I've made up my mind to eat healthy, even on Thanksgiving. I don't expect you to understand, but I hope you will respect my decision.
[*]Plan your work and work your plan. Take an index card (or make a note on your smart phone) with any of the above suggestions or other things that work for you to help you get through difficult food and/or family situations so that you maintain your healthy lifestyle behaviors. Read your reminders any time you feel the need to and UTILIZE them!


Happy holidays to you and your families! Enjoy the relationships they last so much longer than the food!

Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges.


Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges. For at least five solid weeks, food is even more ubiquitous than usual in our eating-obsessed society. It's almost impossible to avoid fanciful confections almost anywhere you go from Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Cookies, candy, fudge and a host of other home-made delights in the break room at the office. Gift baskets abounding with fruits, nuts and bottles of apple cider arrive at the doorstep. samples of gooey baked goods with sparkling decorations are handed out from kiosks in the grocery store. And bubbly libations accompany the gourmet delicacies served at every office and neighborhood social gathering.

For people who have had WLS and are serious about maintaining a healthy weight, the fact that the average American gains 7 & 12 pounds throughout the holiday season, can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

Another anxiety-producing holiday stressor can be the family gathering. Most of us spend time with relatives during the holiday season. Like food, there are lots of varieties of families; some food and some families are healthy and others are not! Regardless of the emotional health of one's family, nearly all family holiday gatherings revolve around a meal, featuring time-honored secret family recipes and dishes that aunts, uncles and cousins eagerly await all year long.

At no other time of year are there so many triggers that have the potential to steer off course those who have used food as a way to deal with emotions. In her brilliant, practical book, The Beck Diet Solution , Dr. Judith Beck notes several categories of triggers that can ultimately lead to eating. Three of these categories are emotional, biological, and environmental.

Identify the Triggers in this scenario:

Your family has decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma Smith's house this year. You haven't been to that house in nearly a dozen years, since moving out of state. When you were a child you adored spending time at your grandma's house. She is the person who taught you about gardening, how to sew, and how to bake. It's hard to think about Grandma Smith without recalling the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. As soon as you walk in the door, the smell of her homemade biscuits mingled with the traditional aroma of the turkey and dressing takes over your entire being. Before you can turn and walk toward the kitchen, you see cousin Sally. Sally was the mean cousin when you were kids. She called you fatty Patty and always tattled to the adults when you did anything wrong. You are assaulted by her booming voice, Hey, there, fatty Patty!' What have you done to yourself? You're not fat anymore! You wish you could just punch her, but refrain from doing so as Aunt Cindy wraps you in a bear hug. That smell! Her perfume. It takes you back to the time you ate three pieces of her birthday cake before dinner. Her husband, uncle Bill had screamed at you for what seemed like an hour, but Aunt Cindy had wrapped you up in a hug then like she was doing now and she was wearing that same scent! You finally make it into the living room and see the old blue rocker that you and Grandma sat in countless evenings while she read to you. Your eyes mist with tears. However, your thoughts are interrupted by the angry sounds of two male voices coming from the next room. They were at it again. Your twin uncles. They never got along well and used to get into fist fights, scaring you when you were a child. You would take a bowl of Grandma's homemade cookies and hide in the closet upstairs until they would leave. Just the sound of their harsh tones made you turn and look for a sweet treat to take your mind off the fear you felt, even now as an adult.

There are lots of triggers in this story with potential for thoughts and feelings that could lead to eating as a coping response. Emotional triggers include reminiscing on the happy memories of spending time with Grandma in the garden, while sewing and when baking in the kitchen. Cousin Sally's name-calling would certainly trigger an emotional response, as would the memory of Uncle Bill screaming at a young Patty who ate Aunt Sally's birthday cake.

Biological triggers in this scenario would be the sight and smell of the food when Patty walked into Grandma's. Salivating at the thought or actual smell of the food is also a biological trigger. The sound of angry voices producing anxiety is another example of a biological trigger, as is the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume.

The blue rocking chair in the living room would be an example of an environmental trigger. The closet upstairs where Patty hid when she was a child is also an environmental trigger.

Triggers and Emotional Eating

Songs often evoke strong emotions. When you hear a song that played at your high school prom where you slow danced with your first love, you experience the joyful emotions you did when you were in that high school gymnasium-turned-ballroom. Holidays, and especially family holiday gatherings similarly evoke strong emotions. For an emotional eater, this can lead to high calorie disasters. In the scenario above, Patty experienced a range of emotions based on in-the-moment triggers and intensified by memories from the past.

Emotional eaters often turn to food when they are experiencing emotions, sometimes as a way to avoid unpleasant feelings. It may be tempting for Patty to grab an entire pie off the counter and run to the upstairs closet to gobble the pie down in an attempt to get away from the hurt of Cousin Sally's rude remark, to forget about the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume and the memory of being severely scolded by Uncle Tim years ago, and to quiet the sound of her twin uncles' arguing.

Triggers are powerful. In order to make it safely through this minefield of eating triggers during the holiday season, a person needs to have a plan in place ahead of time and then they need to utilize the plan throughout the season!

A Post Op & A Doc have created an entire program for WLS patients to help them get through the holidays while maintaining their commitment to their health. You can download the plan called APOD's GPS Great Plan for Success and take it with you as you head into the holiday season! Go to www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod/ and look on the right hand side of the page to print off your copy!

The following Ten Tips can also help you prepare ahead of time for dealing in a healthy way if you are overwhelmed by the urge to eat after being triggered at the family holiday gathering. (You can use these to safely navigate the holiday trays in office break rooms, at neighborhood social gatherings, and any other place you are deluged by tempting holiday goodies!)
Anticipate triggers. Think about situations you are likely to encounter throughout the holiday season that pose threats to your healthy eating habits. Make a list of probable triggers you will encounter at your family holiday gatherings and use the following steps to deal with them in healthy ways.
Visualize healthy responses to triggers. Instead of responding to triggers in an unhealthy way (yelling, arguing, eating) start preparing now to respond to them in a healthy way by visualizing yourself calmly walking away from arguments. Imagine yourself walking outside and taking a few minutes for yourself to regroup before returning to the situation. Picture yourself finding a place to call a supportive friend and talking about how you're feeling. All of these healthy responses will keep you away from the high calorie options you may have turned to in the past.
Learn quick relaxation techniques. When we encounter triggers, we often become tense, anxious, scared or angry. In a highly emotional state, you are more likely to react rather than respond. Reacting may mean mindless eating of empty calories. If you are able to utilize a simple, quick relaxation tool, you will be better able to respond to triggers in a healthy, rational manner. One example of a simple relaxation techniques is to very slowly breathe in and out 12 times. You can do this in a room full of people and no one will even know! Another simple technique is to slowly count to 10, 20, or 100 however long it takes you to feel calm enough to respond in a healthy way. Get away from the crowd and mentally note ten things you are grateful for. This will definitely improve your frame of mind and you can resume your activities with a better outlook, a sure defense against harmful overeating.
Remind yourself why. In preparing for the holiday gatherings, write answers to these questions and have it on your smartphone or an index card to read if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed emotionally and/or feel tempted to eat things you will regret later:
What are the negative consequences of eating unhealthy foods and of overeating?
What are the reasons I decided to lose weight and improve my health habits?
What are the benefits thus far of losing weight and improving my health habits?
[*]Say to yourself, I made up my mind! When you're aware that your desire to eat/overeat has been triggered, say to yourself, I made up my mind: a. to stick to my healthy eating plan. b. to focus on relationships rather than food. c. to honor my recent weight loss by maintaining healthy behaviors during the holiday season. d. whatever else you have made up your mind about!
[*]Focus on your own behavior. It's easy to get worked up about things other people are saying (perhaps they make negative comments to, or about you or others). It's just as easy to get upset over other people's behavior (family members who may be arguing, or drinking too much, or vying for everyone's attention). Focus on your own behavior. After all, you have no responsibility for anyone else's! And you have full responsibility for you own behavior which, by the way, includes what, when, and how much you eat!
[*]Keep a progress piece in your pocket . A progress piece can be anything that reminds you of the progress you have made losing weight and/or improving your health. For example, if you are now able to bend over and tie your shoes after losing weight, carry a shoestring with you. If you recently flew on an airplane and no longer needed a seatbelt extender, carry your boarding pass or a picture of a plane with you. When you're tempted to engage in unhealthy eating, look at your progress piece and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done and remind yourself of the commitment you made to continue your healthy behaviors.
[*]STOP. Imagine a large STOP sign in your mind that you can pull out whenever you need to before indulging in food (or behavior) that you will later regret.
[*]Set boundaries. If people give you a difficult time for eating healthy (Why can't you just have one bite? or You must have a piece of Aunt Sally's pie or you'll hurt her feelings.), set boundaries by saying, I've made up my mind to eat healthy, even on Thanksgiving. I don't expect you to understand, but I hope you will respect my decision.
[*]Plan your work and work your plan. Take an index card (or make a note on your smart phone) with any of the above suggestions or other things that work for you to help you get through difficult food and/or family situations so that you maintain your healthy lifestyle behaviors. Read your reminders any time you feel the need to and UTILIZE them!


Happy holidays to you and your families! Enjoy the relationships they last so much longer than the food!

Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges.


Tis the season ready or not! The holiday season can be one of the most joyful times of the year with its dazzling colors, familiar music, social gatherings, and yes, food, food and more food! For those who have recently lost a significant amount of weight following WLS or have remained serious throughout the year about managing the healthy weight they have sustained since having WLS, the food-infested holiday season can present physical and emotional challenges. For at least five solid weeks, food is even more ubiquitous than usual in our eating-obsessed society. It's almost impossible to avoid fanciful confections almost anywhere you go from Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Cookies, candy, fudge and a host of other home-made delights in the break room at the office. Gift baskets abounding with fruits, nuts and bottles of apple cider arrive at the doorstep. samples of gooey baked goods with sparkling decorations are handed out from kiosks in the grocery store. And bubbly libations accompany the gourmet delicacies served at every office and neighborhood social gathering.

For people who have had WLS and are serious about maintaining a healthy weight, the fact that the average American gains 7 & 12 pounds throughout the holiday season, can evoke strong feelings of anxiety.

Another anxiety-producing holiday stressor can be the family gathering. Most of us spend time with relatives during the holiday season. Like food, there are lots of varieties of families; some food and some families are healthy and others are not! Regardless of the emotional health of one's family, nearly all family holiday gatherings revolve around a meal, featuring time-honored secret family recipes and dishes that aunts, uncles and cousins eagerly await all year long.

At no other time of year are there so many triggers that have the potential to steer off course those who have used food as a way to deal with emotions. In her brilliant, practical book, The Beck Diet Solution , Dr. Judith Beck notes several categories of triggers that can ultimately lead to eating. Three of these categories are emotional, biological, and environmental.

Identify the Triggers in this scenario:

Your family has decided to have Thanksgiving dinner at your Grandma Smith's house this year. You haven't been to that house in nearly a dozen years, since moving out of state. When you were a child you adored spending time at your grandma's house. She is the person who taught you about gardening, how to sew, and how to bake. It's hard to think about Grandma Smith without recalling the smell of fresh bread wafting throughout the house. As soon as you walk in the door, the smell of her homemade biscuits mingled with the traditional aroma of the turkey and dressing takes over your entire being. Before you can turn and walk toward the kitchen, you see cousin Sally. Sally was the mean cousin when you were kids. She called you fatty Patty and always tattled to the adults when you did anything wrong. You are assaulted by her booming voice, Hey, there, fatty Patty!' What have you done to yourself? You're not fat anymore! You wish you could just punch her, but refrain from doing so as Aunt Cindy wraps you in a bear hug. That smell! Her perfume. It takes you back to the time you ate three pieces of her birthday cake before dinner. Her husband, uncle Bill had screamed at you for what seemed like an hour, but Aunt Cindy had wrapped you up in a hug then like she was doing now and she was wearing that same scent! You finally make it into the living room and see the old blue rocker that you and Grandma sat in countless evenings while she read to you. Your eyes mist with tears. However, your thoughts are interrupted by the angry sounds of two male voices coming from the next room. They were at it again. Your twin uncles. They never got along well and used to get into fist fights, scaring you when you were a child. You would take a bowl of Grandma's homemade cookies and hide in the closet upstairs until they would leave. Just the sound of their harsh tones made you turn and look for a sweet treat to take your mind off the fear you felt, even now as an adult.

There are lots of triggers in this story with potential for thoughts and feelings that could lead to eating as a coping response. Emotional triggers include reminiscing on the happy memories of spending time with Grandma in the garden, while sewing and when baking in the kitchen. Cousin Sally's name-calling would certainly trigger an emotional response, as would the memory of Uncle Bill screaming at a young Patty who ate Aunt Sally's birthday cake.

Biological triggers in this scenario would be the sight and smell of the food when Patty walked into Grandma's. Salivating at the thought or actual smell of the food is also a biological trigger. The sound of angry voices producing anxiety is another example of a biological trigger, as is the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume.

The blue rocking chair in the living room would be an example of an environmental trigger. The closet upstairs where Patty hid when she was a child is also an environmental trigger.

Triggers and Emotional Eating

Songs often evoke strong emotions. When you hear a song that played at your high school prom where you slow danced with your first love, you experience the joyful emotions you did when you were in that high school gymnasium-turned-ballroom. Holidays, and especially family holiday gatherings similarly evoke strong emotions. For an emotional eater, this can lead to high calorie disasters. In the scenario above, Patty experienced a range of emotions based on in-the-moment triggers and intensified by memories from the past.

Emotional eaters often turn to food when they are experiencing emotions, sometimes as a way to avoid unpleasant feelings. It may be tempting for Patty to grab an entire pie off the counter and run to the upstairs closet to gobble the pie down in an attempt to get away from the hurt of Cousin Sally's rude remark, to forget about the smell of Aunt Cindy's perfume and the memory of being severely scolded by Uncle Tim years ago, and to quiet the sound of her twin uncles' arguing.

Triggers are powerful. In order to make it safely through this minefield of eating triggers during the holiday season, a person needs to have a plan in place ahead of time and then they need to utilize the plan throughout the season!

A Post Op & A Doc have created an entire program for WLS patients to help them get through the holidays while maintaining their commitment to their health. You can download the plan called APOD's GPS Great Plan for Success and take it with you as you head into the holiday season! Go to www.conniestapletonphd.com/apod/ and look on the right hand side of the page to print off your copy!

The following Ten Tips can also help you prepare ahead of time for dealing in a healthy way if you are overwhelmed by the urge to eat after being triggered at the family holiday gathering. (You can use these to safely navigate the holiday trays in office break rooms, at neighborhood social gatherings, and any other place you are deluged by tempting holiday goodies!)
Anticipate triggers. Think about situations you are likely to encounter throughout the holiday season that pose threats to your healthy eating habits. Make a list of probable triggers you will encounter at your family holiday gatherings and use the following steps to deal with them in healthy ways.
Visualize healthy responses to triggers. Instead of responding to triggers in an unhealthy way (yelling, arguing, eating) start preparing now to respond to them in a healthy way by visualizing yourself calmly walking away from arguments. Imagine yourself walking outside and taking a few minutes for yourself to regroup before returning to the situation. Picture yourself finding a place to call a supportive friend and talking about how you're feeling. All of these healthy responses will keep you away from the high calorie options you may have turned to in the past.
Learn quick relaxation techniques. When we encounter triggers, we often become tense, anxious, scared or angry. In a highly emotional state, you are more likely to react rather than respond. Reacting may mean mindless eating of empty calories. If you are able to utilize a simple, quick relaxation tool, you will be better able to respond to triggers in a healthy, rational manner. One example of a simple relaxation techniques is to very slowly breathe in and out 12 times. You can do this in a room full of people and no one will even know! Another simple technique is to slowly count to 10, 20, or 100 however long it takes you to feel calm enough to respond in a healthy way. Get away from the crowd and mentally note ten things you are grateful for. This will definitely improve your frame of mind and you can resume your activities with a better outlook, a sure defense against harmful overeating.
Remind yourself why. In preparing for the holiday gatherings, write answers to these questions and have it on your smartphone or an index card to read if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed emotionally and/or feel tempted to eat things you will regret later:
What are the negative consequences of eating unhealthy foods and of overeating?
What are the reasons I decided to lose weight and improve my health habits?
What are the benefits thus far of losing weight and improving my health habits?
[*]Say to yourself, I made up my mind! When you're aware that your desire to eat/overeat has been triggered, say to yourself, I made up my mind: a. to stick to my healthy eating plan. b. to focus on relationships rather than food. c. to honor my recent weight loss by maintaining healthy behaviors during the holiday season. d. whatever else you have made up your mind about!
[*]Focus on your own behavior. It's easy to get worked up about things other people are saying (perhaps they make negative comments to, or about you or others). It's just as easy to get upset over other people's behavior (family members who may be arguing, or drinking too much, or vying for everyone's attention). Focus on your own behavior. After all, you have no responsibility for anyone else's! And you have full responsibility for you own behavior which, by the way, includes what, when, and how much you eat!
[*]Keep a progress piece in your pocket . A progress piece can be anything that reminds you of the progress you have made losing weight and/or improving your health. For example, if you are now able to bend over and tie your shoes after losing weight, carry a shoestring with you. If you recently flew on an airplane and no longer needed a seatbelt extender, carry your boarding pass or a picture of a plane with you. When you're tempted to engage in unhealthy eating, look at your progress piece and give yourself credit for the hard work you've done and remind yourself of the commitment you made to continue your healthy behaviors.
[*]STOP. Imagine a large STOP sign in your mind that you can pull out whenever you need to before indulging in food (or behavior) that you will later regret.
[*]Set boundaries. If people give you a difficult time for eating healthy (Why can't you just have one bite? or You must have a piece of Aunt Sally's pie or you'll hurt her feelings.), set boundaries by saying, I've made up my mind to eat healthy, even on Thanksgiving. I don't expect you to understand, but I hope you will respect my decision.
[*]Plan your work and work your plan. Take an index card (or make a note on your smart phone) with any of the above suggestions or other things that work for you to help you get through difficult food and/or family situations so that you maintain your healthy lifestyle behaviors. Read your reminders any time you feel the need to and UTILIZE them!


Happy holidays to you and your families! Enjoy the relationships they last so much longer than the food!

"Letting Go: How to let go of old hurts so you can heal"
Letting go. “Let go” of a kite string and your kite soars to the heavens. “Let go” of a rope during tug-of-war and it drops. Sounds easy!
In daily life, people say, “let it go” This refers to “letting go” emotionally, or no longer being upset by people or situations. If you aren’t “letting go”, you must be “holding on”, meaning you are clinging to some negative emotion(s) that prevents you from getting on with life.
Sounds easy. Letting go of a kite string or a tug-of-war rope is easy. What about “letting go” of hurt resulting from your mother calling you derogatory names? How easy is it to “let go” of the fear you felt as you watched your father beat your mother? Is it easy to “let go” of your own habit of referring to yourself as “stupid”? No - letting go of emotional issues is not easy.
There are similarities to the process of letting go of emotional issues and letting go of a kite string or a tug-of-war rope. Having a fight with your husband about which route to take to the movie theater may upset you for a few minutes, but letting go of the frustration should be as easy as letting go of a kite string.
Some emotional issues are more like a tug-of-war game. If the game isn’t important to you and you let go of the rope, you won’t be upset with yourself. In real life, this is like going shopping with a girlfriend and hoping to have lunch at a new deli. Turns out she has her heart set on Italian food. Because you are not concerned about where you eat, you “let go” of your initial disappointment that she doesn’t want to go to the deli, and you eat Italian. You don’t “hold on” to the frustration. You “let it go” and enjoy your day.
If the tug-of-war game means a lot to you, you will hold on to the rope longer. If your opponent is physically stronger and it becomes clear that you are going to get hurt if you continue to hold, you “let go” of the rope so you don’t get rope burns. In life this could be like attempting to resolve an emotional wound with a sibling who treated you badly throughout high school. She regularly made fun of you in front of friends. You have “held on” to the pain for years and want to “let go” of the power that the feelings, and your sister, still have over you. You confront her: ”I felt angry when you made fun of me in front of my friends all through high school. I was hurt because I looked up to you and wanted you to like me. I am choosing to let go of my anger toward you and will no longer be intimidated by you”. Your still-cruel sister laughs at you and calls you “ridiculous”. No matter. You didn’t talk to her so she would agree with you. You talked to her so you could stop being intimidated by her and so you could let go of painful emotions. You put up a good fight at the tug-of-war match and smartly “let go” of the rope (stopped fighting with your sister) before she hurt you further (like getting rope burns).
Many emotional issues are like this. It’s good to stay in the game to demonstrate your strength and willingness to fight for yourself. If the others involved don’t respond in healthy ways, it may be good to let go of the rope. That doesn’t mean you have “lost”. It means you have done what you needed to do and have chosen to “let go” in order to avoid getting hurt further. In life this means standing up for yourself. It means protecting yourself from harmful people and situations. It means taking yourself seriously and treating yourself with the care and respect you treat your best friend.
Sometimes we hold on to painful emotions for too long and for unhealthy reasons. This is equivalent to holding on too tightly to the rope in tug-of-war and ending up with badly burned hands. A woman may blame her husband for not being a good partner. She complains to her friends that “he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me”, and “he doesn’t hold my hand”. In therapy, she recognized that it was easier to “hold on” to resentment toward her husband than to admit she is afraid of intimacy and did not make attempts to improve her marriage, either.
How do we let go of emotional issues?
Identify the issues (this often requires therapy):

childhood wounds and being angry with mom/dad/whomever
betrayal by friend/spouse/whomever
a history of being harshly criticized/called names and having residual low self-esteem

Recognize thoughts and feelings related to the issues:

I am angry with my father for beating my mother and brother; it was very scary to witness that.
I am hurt that my friend shared what I told her in confidence. I think it was rude.
I am sad that I was called names and am angry that my self-esteem was damaged. I think it’s terrible that parents can treat their children so cruelly.

Determine what we need in order to “let go” (meaning that the issue no longer has power over our lives).

My father is deceased, but I need to talk about and feel what it was like when I was a child. I need to talk about how situations in my present life remind me of back then and how I sometimes feel like I did then. I also need to learn to respond to my situations in the present from an adult perspective and not that of a scared child.
I need to let my friend know how badly I was hurt. I need to remember that she may or may not apologize for her behavior and that my purpose for sharing my feelings with her is so that I don’t develop resentments toward her or keep negative feelings inside myself. I need to hear her side of the story and see if I can understand her perspective. Then I need to determine if this is a healthy friendship and if I want to continue in it.
I need to tell my parents how badly they hurt me and affected my self esteem. I need to stop calling myself derogatory names. I need to stop using low self-esteem as an excuse for not taking healthy risks.

Follow through with action, remembering to let go of the rope if there is danger of additional hurt. Sometimes people are stubborn and because they need to win they will hold on long after their hands are badly burned. We need support in the way of healthy friends or a trained therapist to “let go” of past hurts.

We need to let go of past hurts to help ourselves heal.
Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
www.conniestapletonphd.com
WLS Magazine
4/12