Connie Stapleton PhD

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

POSITION AVAILABLE: Hours: M-F 24/7. No vacation pay. No sick days. No experience required, but must be willing to learn on the job… and put forth a tremendous amount of effort. GREAT BENEFITS.


If you saw that employment ad, would you apply for the job? Most of us would probably be curious…but that business about no vacation days and no days off may lead us to say, “No, thanks!” What if the job opening was for…MARRIAGE? Let's say you would be applying to be a wife or husband? Would you take the job?
What if the job opening was for PARENTHOOD? You'd be applying to be a mother or father. Would you sign on the dotted line?
Those two "jobs," spouse and parent - fit the job description above. You don't get days off from being a mom, dad or spouse - not if you want to be a really good parent or want your relationship to be healthy. You have to show up every day -- whether you feel like it or not.
In 2007, Cari (the Post Op of A Post Op & A Doc) accepted a position that was neither spouse nor parent (although she also held both of those positions). Her new job had the same requirements: 24/7, 365 days a year. Her new position was as a WLS post-op living a life in Recovery From Obesity. Oh, she didn't know it at the time, but living healthy is a full-time job. The benefits have been incredible for her – being able to enjoy improved health, wear cuter (and less expensive) clothes, enjoy activities she couldn’t when carrying excess weight (biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few), being able to travel with ease, and enjoying an improved self-esteem leading to a more enjoyable work and social life.
Those benefits come with responsibilities, because being healthy is a JOB. Being healthy doesn't just happen. You have to show up and do the work. You don't get to "take a break" because you're tired and you don't get to play hookey or take sick days. If you're sick, you still need to take care of yourself.
Are you treating your obesity like a full-time job, or a hobby?
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time job. What sort of performance evaluation would you give yourself? How would a real-life employer deal with you if you weren’t performing the job duties you signed up for when you accepted the job?
Most employers would give you a warning and expect you to improve your efforts and performance in order to secure your position. If you continued to put forth minimal effort and consequently didn’t meet even minimal performance criteria, you’d eventually be fired.
When you made the decision to have weight loss surgery, you were made aware of the requirements for keeping your weight off: eating healthy foods in healthy portions, drinking lots of Water, and getting exercise on a regular basis, to name a few.
If you’re not following through with the job criteria you accepted when you decided to have weight loss surgery, who’s going to give you a warning? Maybe the doctor or nutritionist – if you attend your follow-up appointments. If you continue to treat your weight loss surgery like a part-time position or hobby, the benefits won’t be part of the package. But who can fire you?
A better option than quitting is to go after that great benefit package the job of healthy living offers and get some ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. Get to support groups, make an appointment with your nutritionist, get into therapy, find a mentor who lives a healthy lifestyle, and commit to your job/yourself. In order to perform better on your job, you need solid instruction on healthy living, eating and thinking.
This on-the-job instruction requires a whole lot more than a single visit to a nutritionist, a stopover at a support group meeting, a session with a surgeon and a 1-hour psych-eval. Yeah. A LOT MORE.
It might take a solid year or more of working with a life coach or personal trainer. It might take regular attendance at 12-Step meetings. It might take annual attendance at educational conferences, targeted toward living fully in Recovery From Obesity. It might take 3-5 years of therapy (we vote "highly likely" on this one)…Heck, It might take ALL of these things, and more.
THINK ABOUT IT: In the past, most obese people did a horrible job of managing a healthy weight. In fact, an employer would have fired The Post-Op (Cari) after moments of observing her on the job, based on how she took care of her health when she was at her highest weight. The idea that anyone would magically and immediately be able to perform the job of taking good care of their health simply by having weight loss surgery seems a bit…far-fetched. Don't you think?
To live fully in Recovery From Obesity, people need regular and ongoing ON-THE-JOB TRAINING. If you want a certificate suitable for framing or perhaps a 90-Day chip from OA, and a smiley face on your lab results as rewards for your efforts – go for it! Positive reinforcement… in non-edible forms!
Recovery From Obesity is a full-time position that requires ON-THE-JOB TRAINING for a long, long time. Understand that the benefits are the result of your very own effort and investment (of both time and money). What sorts of "training" programs are you involved with aiding your "job performance" in Recovery From Obesity?
A Post Op & A Doc have a copy of the Gotta Do ‘Em’s (and a lot more free handouts for you) on our website and on our Facebook page.

Obesity is a selfish disease. A lot of people think that sounds mean and untrue. They think obesity is actually a sign of someone who doesn’t have time to take care of him or herself, because they are so busy taking care of everyone else that they ignore their own needs. In other words, they believe that obese people are actually selfless, not selfish.


Let’s say it’s true that some obese people spend a great deal of time “doing” things for other people. Why do obese people do that? Is it because they truly care only for others? Or perhaps they feel “obligated” (lest people think badly of them or less of them)? Maybe they do so much for others for fear they won’t be included by others if they don’t? Maybe they do so much for others because it makes them feel better about themselves?
Here’s another question: What, exactly, does that “caring for others” look like? In a lot of “obese homes,” the obese parent(s) feed their children junk food because they don’t want to “deprive them” of “fun foods” that “other kids get to eat…” In other words, they “selflessly” take care of their kids by feeding them junk. How, exactly is poor nutrition caring for a child? Could it be that the obese parent(s) feels guilty about their own, poor eating behaviors? Maybe they don’t want to have to explain why they are “allowed” to eat one way, but the kids are expected to eat another? Could it be that the obese parent(s) really want the junk food at home for themselves and use the kids as an excuse for having it there? “I wouldn’t want them to have to be deprived because I can’t have it.”
Makes you think. Doesn’t it?
Obese people are definitely going to find ways to take care of (feed) their obesity – with frequent trips to the fast food drive-thru, late night runs to the market to pick up ice cream, or having dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet (because it’s a “good value” for the money). Obese people create ways to take care of their own “needs” very well. They take great pains to ensure there are always emergency treats squirreled away in the pantry or bottom drawer at the office, just in case. They’ve always got some Cookies, chips or candy in the car (so they won’t starve.) Does this make them selfish? Not in and of itself… What makes the behaviors of the obese person selfish are the consequences to other people… Read on.
Let’s talk for a minute about the many obese people who have co-morbid diseases including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and diabetes (to name a few). Diabetes and each one of these diseases individually kill people every day. The combination of obesity with any of them (and obese people usually have several co-morbid diseases, especially as they get older), increases the likelihood of a premature death. Ah – but, “I can always take medicine” and “more medicine” and “more medicine” to treat those other diseases. The reality? In effect, many obese people are saying, “I’d rather take more and more and more medications, all of which have side effects, than to change my eating and eliminate the need for the medications. By changing my eating behaviors… I could eliminate the diseases. But I’d rather eat.”
Right now, you might be thinking: Obese people like to eat – everyone needs to eat – how is that selfish?
Easy: It’s not just about the food.
Let’s talk about the effects on others of the above-mentioned behaviors.
What happens when an obese person’s health declines to the point that he/she isn’t able to walk easily? Perhaps they eventually need a scooter to get around? And maybe they become couch-bound or bed-bound? The ability of the obese person to get around on their own affects everyone involved in their lives – especially if the non-obese members want to engage in outside family activities. Spouses and kids often forego sporting activities, extra-curricular events, and social gatherings because it creates too many problems for the obese parent, who is unable or unwilling to drive the kids to events, is too embarrassed to attend events, or is unable to get around once they get to an event. Kids and spouses often have to cater to the obese parent at home by fetching them food, books and TV remotes. Family members have to help with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing the obese family member. Many a teenager has dedicated considerable time to care-taking for obese parents and in the process, misses out on an important developmental stage of life. The obese person needs help attending numerous doctors’, wound care and physical therapy appointments.
Ultimately, the obese person’s needs dictate what others can and cannot do. That doesn’t sound all that “selfless,” especially when an obese adult, like an adult alcoholic or adult compulsive shopper or adult cigarette smoker has options for seeking treatment and therapy. Yes, there are many contributing factors to obesity, many that a person has no influence over (genetics, diseases). There are even more contributing factors to obesity that one can influence (environment, food choices, exercise). On the contrary, the above examples sound like the actions of a person who is looking out for “number one” – not someone more concerned with the needs of others…which sounds suspiciously like the definition of selfish, don’t you think?
Now, don’t get us wrong, being selfish isn’t necessarily a negative thing…there are healthy ways to be selfish, including:
Going to the gym regularly to take care of your health, even if it means you’ll miss some television time with the family.
Not bringing junk food into the home – even if the kids might like it – because it’s not good for your health, or theirs.
Spending money on Vitamins and supplements each month, even if it means you’ll have less money for “entertainment” or “dining out.”

Basically, healthy selfishness means that you take care of yourself in healthy ways. You take care of yourself AND keep in mind the important people in your life and how your actions will affect their lives as well.
It’s important to note that being selfless is not necessarily better than being selfish, because selfless people often ignore their own needs and wants, resulting in their feeling unworthy, unvalued or unimportant. And most of the time, also leads to their feeling resentful (being the “victim” of always doing for others … although it’s really being the victim of their unconscious neediness). That’s not a good thing, either! In other words, both extremes – being selfish and being selfless - are equally unhealthy.
Of course, this couldn’t be an article by A Post Op & A Doc without noting that seemingly “selfish” or “selfless” people (whether obese or not) are not “bad,” which the words (selfish especially) connotes. Like anyone whose lives on the continuum of dysfunction (which means all of us), obese people have learned to use food for what is referred to in the world of psychology as “experiential avoidance.” This means food and the obsession on food, weight, scales, recipes, food shows, etc. keeps them from dealing with “unacceptable” thoughts, feelings, memories, and/or physical sensations (such as anxiety, sadness, etc.). Don’t believe us? That’s okay. Getting to that awareness is a process. What’s important is to understand that we are not “dissing” anyone for being “selfish.” Ultimately, it’s important to be grateful for eating and food that was, at one point in time, for most obese people, a way to cope with situations or people that caused emotional distress. The “selfish” or “selfless” behaviors we are talking about are the long-term result of not dealing with life by numbing with food because one didn’t have the skills. In life today, as an adult, you can learn (and, we believe, have the ability to respond = responsibility,) to learn to deal with life stressors in healthy ways … without “using” food or other numbing agents (shopping, alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc.). Hopefully, you’ll read this as an invitation to dig deep into your issues, learn healthy responses to life, and be a healthy “selfish” or “selfless” person.
Ultimately, a healthy, balanced person understands and meets their physical, emotional and spiritual needs while keeping in mind the needs of others. Does this sound like something many obese people practice? We would argue that it doesn’t. Adults who haven’t known how to meet their needs in balanced ways, can now take the opportunity to learn healthy “selfish” and “selfless” ways of behaving. (Note: it usually requires therapy in addition to changing behaviors).
Wait… this is getting deep! Why is this article called “Me, My Selfie & I”?
In this fast-paced, Facebook world, where everyone has a camera phone, people spend all day connecting with other people through status updates and tweets about what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they’re eating, how they’re dressed, and who they’re dating. And, it often doesn’t seem to matter how mundane it is.
Apparently everyone thinks their “friends” need to know, “Hey! I’m at Starbucks, drinking a sugar-filled Frappuccino with whipped cream and criticizing that guy at the next table. And, just to convince you I’m actually there, here’s a picture of ME and my drink (but not the annoying guy at the next table.)” “Hey! Guess where I am now? I’m in the try-on room in the junior department of that cool clothing store and I can’t believe I fit into a size medium. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of my butt in some teeny jeans. Don’t think that’s my butt? Here’s a picture of me in front of the mirror, holding my phone towards the mirror so you can see me… with my real butt in my teeny jeans. Whoo-hoo! I rock!” “Now I’m at the gym, sweating a lot. See? Here I am with sweat running down my face. Phew!” “After that workout, I’m hungry, so here I am at the restaurant eating this amazing food. (See the food? See me with the food? Oh, I had to have the person at the next table take my picture so you could see me and the food at the same time.)” “Man, it’s been a long, hard day…so now it’s time for some ‘me time’ at the nail salon. I’m having a pedicure (here’s a picture of my feet – I had them put little diamonds on my big toes. I really love my toes…) Here’s a picture of me wearing new shoes so you can see my painted toenails.”
And that was just today.
Maybe you think that sounds nasty or sarcastic or absurd, but we ask you: how many of your Facebook friends fit that description? Maybe YOU fit that description…?
Okay, it’s true that when people lose a lot of weight, they feel good about themselves and are no longer afraid to have their picture taken. This is a sign of increasing confidence (you say). It’s evidence that the person finally cares about him or herself (you contend). There is nothing wrong with having a lot of pictures of you (you believe) – after all, you spent a lot of years on the other side of the camera. You’re making up for lost time.
Well, we won’t argue about someone’s self-confidence, self-worth or belief about their appearance, but will say that, at some point, 4,000 pictures of you on your Facebook wall can give others the impression that you don’t have any friends or family in your life – or, at least none that you care enough about to include in your photos. It can seem pretty selfish…which makes us wonder why they don’t call Selfies, “Selfy-ishes.”
Maybe you see yourself in this article. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you can understand how selfish obesity really is…and maybe you recognize that you need to work on achieving a balance of “healthy selfishness” in your own life. Whatever the case, next time you think you need to post a selfie…why not invite someone to join you in the shot? You can still hold the camera, if it makes you feel better.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

Obesity is a selfish disease. A lot of people think that sounds mean and untrue. They think obesity is actually a sign of someone who doesn’t have time to take care of him or herself, because they are so busy taking care of everyone else that they ignore their own needs. In other words, they believe that obese people are actually selfless, not selfish.


Let’s say it’s true that some obese people spend a great deal of time “doing” things for other people. Why do obese people do that? Is it because they truly care only for others? Or perhaps they feel “obligated” (lest people think badly of them or less of them)? Maybe they do so much for others for fear they won’t be included by others if they don’t? Maybe they do so much for others because it makes them feel better about themselves?
Here’s another question: What, exactly, does that “caring for others” look like? In a lot of “obese homes,” the obese parent(s) feed their children junk food because they don’t want to “deprive them” of “fun foods” that “other kids get to eat…” In other words, they “selflessly” take care of their kids by feeding them junk. How, exactly is poor nutrition caring for a child? Could it be that the obese parent(s) feels guilty about their own, poor eating behaviors? Maybe they don’t want to have to explain why they are “allowed” to eat one way, but the kids are expected to eat another? Could it be that the obese parent(s) really want the junk food at home for themselves and use the kids as an excuse for having it there? “I wouldn’t want them to have to be deprived because I can’t have it.”
Makes you think. Doesn’t it?
Obese people are definitely going to find ways to take care of (feed) their obesity – with frequent trips to the fast food drive-thru, late night runs to the market to pick up ice cream, or having dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet (because it’s a “good value” for the money). Obese people create ways to take care of their own “needs” very well. They take great pains to ensure there are always emergency treats squirreled away in the pantry or bottom drawer at the office, just in case. They’ve always got some Cookies, chips or candy in the car (so they won’t starve.) Does this make them selfish? Not in and of itself… What makes the behaviors of the obese person selfish are the consequences to other people… Read on.
Let’s talk for a minute about the many obese people who have co-morbid diseases including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and diabetes (to name a few). Diabetes and each one of these diseases individually kill people every day. The combination of obesity with any of them (and obese people usually have several co-morbid diseases, especially as they get older), increases the likelihood of a premature death. Ah – but, “I can always take medicine” and “more medicine” and “more medicine” to treat those other diseases. The reality? In effect, many obese people are saying, “I’d rather take more and more and more medications, all of which have side effects, than to change my eating and eliminate the need for the medications. By changing my eating behaviors… I could eliminate the diseases. But I’d rather eat.”
Right now, you might be thinking: Obese people like to eat – everyone needs to eat – how is that selfish?
Easy: It’s not just about the food.
Let’s talk about the effects on others of the above-mentioned behaviors.
What happens when an obese person’s health declines to the point that he/she isn’t able to walk easily? Perhaps they eventually need a scooter to get around? And maybe they become couch-bound or bed-bound? The ability of the obese person to get around on their own affects everyone involved in their lives – especially if the non-obese members want to engage in outside family activities. Spouses and kids often forego sporting activities, extra-curricular events, and social gatherings because it creates too many problems for the obese parent, who is unable or unwilling to drive the kids to events, is too embarrassed to attend events, or is unable to get around once they get to an event. Kids and spouses often have to cater to the obese parent at home by fetching them food, books and TV remotes. Family members have to help with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing the obese family member. Many a teenager has dedicated considerable time to care-taking for obese parents and in the process, misses out on an important developmental stage of life. The obese person needs help attending numerous doctors’, wound care and physical therapy appointments.
Ultimately, the obese person’s needs dictate what others can and cannot do. That doesn’t sound all that “selfless,” especially when an obese adult, like an adult alcoholic or adult compulsive shopper or adult cigarette smoker has options for seeking treatment and therapy. Yes, there are many contributing factors to obesity, many that a person has no influence over (genetics, diseases). There are even more contributing factors to obesity that one can influence (environment, food choices, exercise). On the contrary, the above examples sound like the actions of a person who is looking out for “number one” – not someone more concerned with the needs of others…which sounds suspiciously like the definition of selfish, don’t you think?
Now, don’t get us wrong, being selfish isn’t necessarily a negative thing…there are healthy ways to be selfish, including:
Going to the gym regularly to take care of your health, even if it means you’ll miss some television time with the family.
Not bringing junk food into the home – even if the kids might like it – because it’s not good for your health, or theirs.
Spending money on Vitamins and supplements each month, even if it means you’ll have less money for “entertainment” or “dining out.”

Basically, healthy selfishness means that you take care of yourself in healthy ways. You take care of yourself AND keep in mind the important people in your life and how your actions will affect their lives as well.
It’s important to note that being selfless is not necessarily better than being selfish, because selfless people often ignore their own needs and wants, resulting in their feeling unworthy, unvalued or unimportant. And most of the time, also leads to their feeling resentful (being the “victim” of always doing for others … although it’s really being the victim of their unconscious neediness). That’s not a good thing, either! In other words, both extremes – being selfish and being selfless - are equally unhealthy.
Of course, this couldn’t be an article by A Post Op & A Doc without noting that seemingly “selfish” or “selfless” people (whether obese or not) are not “bad,” which the words (selfish especially) connotes. Like anyone whose lives on the continuum of dysfunction (which means all of us), obese people have learned to use food for what is referred to in the world of psychology as “experiential avoidance.” This means food and the obsession on food, weight, scales, recipes, food shows, etc. keeps them from dealing with “unacceptable” thoughts, feelings, memories, and/or physical sensations (such as anxiety, sadness, etc.). Don’t believe us? That’s okay. Getting to that awareness is a process. What’s important is to understand that we are not “dissing” anyone for being “selfish.” Ultimately, it’s important to be grateful for eating and food that was, at one point in time, for most obese people, a way to cope with situations or people that caused emotional distress. The “selfish” or “selfless” behaviors we are talking about are the long-term result of not dealing with life by numbing with food because one didn’t have the skills. In life today, as an adult, you can learn (and, we believe, have the ability to respond = responsibility,) to learn to deal with life stressors in healthy ways … without “using” food or other numbing agents (shopping, alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc.). Hopefully, you’ll read this as an invitation to dig deep into your issues, learn healthy responses to life, and be a healthy “selfish” or “selfless” person.
Ultimately, a healthy, balanced person understands and meets their physical, emotional and spiritual needs while keeping in mind the needs of others. Does this sound like something many obese people practice? We would argue that it doesn’t. Adults who haven’t known how to meet their needs in balanced ways, can now take the opportunity to learn healthy “selfish” and “selfless” ways of behaving. (Note: it usually requires therapy in addition to changing behaviors).
Wait… this is getting deep! Why is this article called “Me, My Selfie & I”?
In this fast-paced, Facebook world, where everyone has a camera phone, people spend all day connecting with other people through status updates and tweets about what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they’re eating, how they’re dressed, and who they’re dating. And, it often doesn’t seem to matter how mundane it is.
Apparently everyone thinks their “friends” need to know, “Hey! I’m at Starbucks, drinking a sugar-filled Frappuccino with whipped cream and criticizing that guy at the next table. And, just to convince you I’m actually there, here’s a picture of ME and my drink (but not the annoying guy at the next table.)” “Hey! Guess where I am now? I’m in the try-on room in the junior department of that cool clothing store and I can’t believe I fit into a size medium. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of my butt in some teeny jeans. Don’t think that’s my butt? Here’s a picture of me in front of the mirror, holding my phone towards the mirror so you can see me… with my real butt in my teeny jeans. Whoo-hoo! I rock!” “Now I’m at the gym, sweating a lot. See? Here I am with sweat running down my face. Phew!” “After that workout, I’m hungry, so here I am at the restaurant eating this amazing food. (See the food? See me with the food? Oh, I had to have the person at the next table take my picture so you could see me and the food at the same time.)” “Man, it’s been a long, hard day…so now it’s time for some ‘me time’ at the nail salon. I’m having a pedicure (here’s a picture of my feet – I had them put little diamonds on my big toes. I really love my toes…) Here’s a picture of me wearing new shoes so you can see my painted toenails.”
And that was just today.
Maybe you think that sounds nasty or sarcastic or absurd, but we ask you: how many of your Facebook friends fit that description? Maybe YOU fit that description…?
Okay, it’s true that when people lose a lot of weight, they feel good about themselves and are no longer afraid to have their picture taken. This is a sign of increasing confidence (you say). It’s evidence that the person finally cares about him or herself (you contend). There is nothing wrong with having a lot of pictures of you (you believe) – after all, you spent a lot of years on the other side of the camera. You’re making up for lost time.
Well, we won’t argue about someone’s self-confidence, self-worth or belief about their appearance, but will say that, at some point, 4,000 pictures of you on your Facebook wall can give others the impression that you don’t have any friends or family in your life – or, at least none that you care enough about to include in your photos. It can seem pretty selfish…which makes us wonder why they don’t call Selfies, “Selfy-ishes.”
Maybe you see yourself in this article. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you can understand how selfish obesity really is…and maybe you recognize that you need to work on achieving a balance of “healthy selfishness” in your own life. Whatever the case, next time you think you need to post a selfie…why not invite someone to join you in the shot? You can still hold the camera, if it makes you feel better.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Obesity is a selfish disease. A lot of people think that sounds mean and untrue. They think obesity is actually a sign of someone who doesn’t have time to take care of him or herself, because they are so busy taking care of everyone else that they ignore their own needs. In other words, they believe that obese people are actually selfless, not selfish.


Let’s say it’s true that some obese people spend a great deal of time “doing” things for other people. Why do obese people do that? Is it because they truly care only for others? Or perhaps they feel “obligated” (lest people think badly of them or less of them)? Maybe they do so much for others for fear they won’t be included by others if they don’t? Maybe they do so much for others because it makes them feel better about themselves?
Here’s another question: What, exactly, does that “caring for others” look like? In a lot of “obese homes,” the obese parent(s) feed their children junk food because they don’t want to “deprive them” of “fun foods” that “other kids get to eat…” In other words, they “selflessly” take care of their kids by feeding them junk. How, exactly is poor nutrition caring for a child? Could it be that the obese parent(s) feels guilty about their own, poor eating behaviors? Maybe they don’t want to have to explain why they are “allowed” to eat one way, but the kids are expected to eat another? Could it be that the obese parent(s) really want the junk food at home for themselves and use the kids as an excuse for having it there? “I wouldn’t want them to have to be deprived because I can’t have it.”
Makes you think. Doesn’t it?
Obese people are definitely going to find ways to take care of (feed) their obesity – with frequent trips to the fast food drive-thru, late night runs to the market to pick up ice cream, or having dinner at the all-you-can-eat buffet (because it’s a “good value” for the money). Obese people create ways to take care of their own “needs” very well. They take great pains to ensure there are always emergency treats squirreled away in the pantry or bottom drawer at the office, just in case. They’ve always got some Cookies, chips or candy in the car (so they won’t starve.) Does this make them selfish? Not in and of itself… What makes the behaviors of the obese person selfish are the consequences to other people… Read on.
Let’s talk for a minute about the many obese people who have co-morbid diseases including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea and diabetes (to name a few). Diabetes and each one of these diseases individually kill people every day. The combination of obesity with any of them (and obese people usually have several co-morbid diseases, especially as they get older), increases the likelihood of a premature death. Ah – but, “I can always take medicine” and “more medicine” and “more medicine” to treat those other diseases. The reality? In effect, many obese people are saying, “I’d rather take more and more and more medications, all of which have side effects, than to change my eating and eliminate the need for the medications. By changing my eating behaviors… I could eliminate the diseases. But I’d rather eat.”
Right now, you might be thinking: Obese people like to eat – everyone needs to eat – how is that selfish?
Easy: It’s not just about the food.
Let’s talk about the effects on others of the above-mentioned behaviors.
What happens when an obese person’s health declines to the point that he/she isn’t able to walk easily? Perhaps they eventually need a scooter to get around? And maybe they become couch-bound or bed-bound? The ability of the obese person to get around on their own affects everyone involved in their lives – especially if the non-obese members want to engage in outside family activities. Spouses and kids often forego sporting activities, extra-curricular events, and social gatherings because it creates too many problems for the obese parent, who is unable or unwilling to drive the kids to events, is too embarrassed to attend events, or is unable to get around once they get to an event. Kids and spouses often have to cater to the obese parent at home by fetching them food, books and TV remotes. Family members have to help with activities of daily living such as bathing and dressing the obese family member. Many a teenager has dedicated considerable time to care-taking for obese parents and in the process, misses out on an important developmental stage of life. The obese person needs help attending numerous doctors’, wound care and physical therapy appointments.
Ultimately, the obese person’s needs dictate what others can and cannot do. That doesn’t sound all that “selfless,” especially when an obese adult, like an adult alcoholic or adult compulsive shopper or adult cigarette smoker has options for seeking treatment and therapy. Yes, there are many contributing factors to obesity, many that a person has no influence over (genetics, diseases). There are even more contributing factors to obesity that one can influence (environment, food choices, exercise). On the contrary, the above examples sound like the actions of a person who is looking out for “number one” – not someone more concerned with the needs of others…which sounds suspiciously like the definition of selfish, don’t you think?
Now, don’t get us wrong, being selfish isn’t necessarily a negative thing…there are healthy ways to be selfish, including:
Going to the gym regularly to take care of your health, even if it means you’ll miss some television time with the family.
Not bringing junk food into the home – even if the kids might like it – because it’s not good for your health, or theirs.
Spending money on Vitamins and supplements each month, even if it means you’ll have less money for “entertainment” or “dining out.”

Basically, healthy selfishness means that you take care of yourself in healthy ways. You take care of yourself AND keep in mind the important people in your life and how your actions will affect their lives as well.
It’s important to note that being selfless is not necessarily better than being selfish, because selfless people often ignore their own needs and wants, resulting in their feeling unworthy, unvalued or unimportant. And most of the time, also leads to their feeling resentful (being the “victim” of always doing for others … although it’s really being the victim of their unconscious neediness). That’s not a good thing, either! In other words, both extremes – being selfish and being selfless - are equally unhealthy.
Of course, this couldn’t be an article by A Post Op & A Doc without noting that seemingly “selfish” or “selfless” people (whether obese or not) are not “bad,” which the words (selfish especially) connotes. Like anyone whose lives on the continuum of dysfunction (which means all of us), obese people have learned to use food for what is referred to in the world of psychology as “experiential avoidance.” This means food and the obsession on food, weight, scales, recipes, food shows, etc. keeps them from dealing with “unacceptable” thoughts, feelings, memories, and/or physical sensations (such as anxiety, sadness, etc.). Don’t believe us? That’s okay. Getting to that awareness is a process. What’s important is to understand that we are not “dissing” anyone for being “selfish.” Ultimately, it’s important to be grateful for eating and food that was, at one point in time, for most obese people, a way to cope with situations or people that caused emotional distress. The “selfish” or “selfless” behaviors we are talking about are the long-term result of not dealing with life by numbing with food because one didn’t have the skills. In life today, as an adult, you can learn (and, we believe, have the ability to respond = responsibility,) to learn to deal with life stressors in healthy ways … without “using” food or other numbing agents (shopping, alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc.). Hopefully, you’ll read this as an invitation to dig deep into your issues, learn healthy responses to life, and be a healthy “selfish” or “selfless” person.
Ultimately, a healthy, balanced person understands and meets their physical, emotional and spiritual needs while keeping in mind the needs of others. Does this sound like something many obese people practice? We would argue that it doesn’t. Adults who haven’t known how to meet their needs in balanced ways, can now take the opportunity to learn healthy “selfish” and “selfless” ways of behaving. (Note: it usually requires therapy in addition to changing behaviors).
Wait… this is getting deep! Why is this article called “Me, My Selfie & I”?
In this fast-paced, Facebook world, where everyone has a camera phone, people spend all day connecting with other people through status updates and tweets about what they’re doing, where they’re going, what they’re eating, how they’re dressed, and who they’re dating. And, it often doesn’t seem to matter how mundane it is.
Apparently everyone thinks their “friends” need to know, “Hey! I’m at Starbucks, drinking a sugar-filled Frappuccino with whipped cream and criticizing that guy at the next table. And, just to convince you I’m actually there, here’s a picture of ME and my drink (but not the annoying guy at the next table.)” “Hey! Guess where I am now? I’m in the try-on room in the junior department of that cool clothing store and I can’t believe I fit into a size medium. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture of my butt in some teeny jeans. Don’t think that’s my butt? Here’s a picture of me in front of the mirror, holding my phone towards the mirror so you can see me… with my real butt in my teeny jeans. Whoo-hoo! I rock!” “Now I’m at the gym, sweating a lot. See? Here I am with sweat running down my face. Phew!” “After that workout, I’m hungry, so here I am at the restaurant eating this amazing food. (See the food? See me with the food? Oh, I had to have the person at the next table take my picture so you could see me and the food at the same time.)” “Man, it’s been a long, hard day…so now it’s time for some ‘me time’ at the nail salon. I’m having a pedicure (here’s a picture of my feet – I had them put little diamonds on my big toes. I really love my toes…) Here’s a picture of me wearing new shoes so you can see my painted toenails.”
And that was just today.
Maybe you think that sounds nasty or sarcastic or absurd, but we ask you: how many of your Facebook friends fit that description? Maybe YOU fit that description…?
Okay, it’s true that when people lose a lot of weight, they feel good about themselves and are no longer afraid to have their picture taken. This is a sign of increasing confidence (you say). It’s evidence that the person finally cares about him or herself (you contend). There is nothing wrong with having a lot of pictures of you (you believe) – after all, you spent a lot of years on the other side of the camera. You’re making up for lost time.
Well, we won’t argue about someone’s self-confidence, self-worth or belief about their appearance, but will say that, at some point, 4,000 pictures of you on your Facebook wall can give others the impression that you don’t have any friends or family in your life – or, at least none that you care enough about to include in your photos. It can seem pretty selfish…which makes us wonder why they don’t call Selfies, “Selfy-ishes.”
Maybe you see yourself in this article. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you can understand how selfish obesity really is…and maybe you recognize that you need to work on achieving a balance of “healthy selfishness” in your own life. Whatever the case, next time you think you need to post a selfie…why not invite someone to join you in the shot? You can still hold the camera, if it makes you feel better.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

Sometimes you have an incredible experience, and you feel grateful for the connections you have made and for the opportunity to be part of a powerful event. You even have the chance to process how incredible it all was with the other people involved in putting it all together. Remarkable. Satisfying. Rewarding. We got to partake of that recently.


How often does it happen that the next day, as you’re in the process of getting back to the business of everyday life, that you have a completely random incident that sends a message to your soul that what you are working so hard to do is important and can have such a powerful impact on lives? We had that happen very recently.
We came to Shreveport at the invitation of Katy and Dr. George Merriman, who are the brilliance behind Surgical Specialists. The producer of the powerful documentary All of Me, Alexandra Lescaze, was also with us in Shreveport. Along with Dr. Merriman’s staff, we were part of an impactful evening for men and women who have had, who are considering, or who are in the process of preparing for weight loss surgery. The Merriman’s provided a healthy meal for the participants as they viewed All of Me, a story highlighting the impact of weight loss surgery on real lives. A panel discussion followed. Just a word about this. To begin with, it is rare that a bariatric practice takes the time and effort to host events for patients. It is even less often that an entire staff emphasizes the importance of therapy for their patients as a part of the weight loss journey. I have extreme gratitude for the knowledge and passion Dr. Merriman and Katy Merriman, along with their incredibly insightful nutritionist, have in relation to this reality. We, The Post Op & The Doc followed the panel discussion with a short presentation highlighting the need to work through underlying personal issues that prevent people from keeping weight off when they lose it. We shared our “Recipe for Recovery,” warned against “Food Porn,” and shared our Gotta Do Ems. The audience was receptive and awakened to the realities of life after weight loss surgery, and sent away with specific suggestions for making the most of their Recovery from Obesity.
The Merriman’s then hosted us to a truly phenomenal dining experience. A quiet, intimate atmosphere that allowed for wonderful conversation, good humor and an opportunity to share knowledge and experience. After dinner, we sat in our hotel room with Alexandra and further processed the positive impact that realistic information and an emphasis on the importance of therapy has on people going through the process of weight loss surgery - and into what Cari refers to as “the Bariatric After Life.” And of course, when Alexandra went to her room, we continued to yammer away until we fell asleep practically mid-sentence!
The alarm went off in the morning just moments after we both woke up. This meant we needed to get a move on, as we had to jump aboard the shuttle to the airport 45 minutes later. Which we did, after the hotel staff finally decided who was going to drive the van. For some reason, this appeared to be quite an ordeal.
There were no other passengers, so we made idle chitchat with the driver as we began our 12-minute journey to the airport…. We chatted about the pretty day; was he from the area; blah, blah. This led to the inevitable question of why we were in town. We said we were at an event and had just been there for the weekend. He assumed the event had been at the convention center near the hotel. No, we said it was a smaller event. What was the topic, he asked. Weight loss surgery. LapBand? All forms.
Then he said, “I lost a lot of weight with yoga and bike riding. I used to weigh 283 pounds. I keep trying to get a friend of mine to have weight loss surgery. He needs it badly.”
“Really!” we said, without wanting to pry into his life or launch into the benefits of weight loss and weight loss surgery – or his personal life.
A few moments of silence followed, before he offered, “And therapy. I had lots of therapy.”
“Really!” We responded again, not having mentioned anything about “the Doc” being a psychologist. (But inside we were both thinking, “WHAT? Did he just say therapy? He just offered that he’d had a lot of therapy as part of his weight loss journey? And out of nowhere? Cool!)
“Yep. I had a great therapist. He told me to go home and look in the mirror and say, ‘I love you, Sam (not his real name). You’re an all right guy.’ I went home and tried that, but all I could hear was, ‘You fat fu#^er!’ ‘You’re a piece of sh*#!’ That voice was so loud. I just heard it all the time. But I stood in front of the mirror every day for 90 days and said, out loud, ‘I love, you, Sam. You’re an all right guy.’ And that other voice – it went away!”
“That’s really awesome. Good for you!” (Our thoughts were something like, “My God! Very cool… but how bizarre that he is sharing all this with us.”)
“And it was easy to lose weight after that. It wasn’t even about the food. It’s about a loving relationship with yourself. It’s about the truth. It’s about always telling the truth – to yourself and others. It’s about living the truth.”
“Wow! That’s really powerful.” (Of course, we’re thinking, “HOLY SH*#! This guy has some incredible insight and has really done some great work.”)
“Yep. I had to get through all of that childhood stuff. I had a really great counselor.”
Our thoughts, “DAMN! We wish he could share that message with the people at the event last night… and with everyone, actually!
At that point we each shared our experiences of having been through a lot of therapy. Part of what we do, we told him, is try to help people having weight loss surgery understand the necessity of utilizing therapy as part of the process.
We shared that we believed he could help a lot of people. He said, “I don’t know. Kids have mushy brains but adults… they really gotta want help if anything is gonna sink in.”
We talked later about children and their “mushy” little brains and the impact harsh words have on their self-esteem, their hearts and their souls. Sam apparently believed that as children become adults, those “mushy” brains harden and solidify, along with the negative messages entombed within. Maybe in the brain-hardening process, people’s hearts and minds “set” at the same time. Perhaps that’s true to an extent. It seems that for many adult brains, as well as for their hearts and minds, the hardness is a shell that can be fairly easily cracked and at least partially dissolved. It requires a dose or two or a thousand of a compassionate, trusting listener. It requires vulnerability, the willingness to share one’s truth. As a side note, we, The Post Op & A Doc recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability. It was extraordinarily powerful! We encourage you to watch it.
Our conversation became slightly lighter in tone, as our 12 minutes was winding down… and because Sam had missed the exit to the airport, having been engrossed in our discussion.
“How long did it take you to get good at the yoga?” Doc asked.
“It took me about six months to get really comfortable with it. I stopped lifting weights all together and replaced it with yoga, which I do three times a week. When you learn to do the breathing that goes with yoga, it’s a powerful experience. I’ve become so much more aware of myself, my thoughts and feelings, other people and their emotions, as well. I also follow the work of Caroline Myss.”
“No WAY!” the Doc exclaimed. “One of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit, is one of the books that has helped me make the most sense of my life.”
“Yeah. I love all of her stuff. She’s made a huge difference in so many people’s lives.”
A short silence, which he broke with, “It’s nice to know there’s an afterlife. It makes it easy to sit back and enjoy life and connect with other people. I’ve had so many experiences to know there’s life after this.”
“We agree, Sam.” We also agreed we could take a lesson from this man who truly has a sense of peace about him… “Yeah. Caroline Myss. She’s made an impact on a lot of lives… including mine. She gives it to people straight,” Doc added, thinking of The Post Op and the Doc’s “firm and fair” approach to working with people. As are Katy and Dr. George Merriman. As is Lisa, their dietician. The weekend was coming full circle as we pulled up at the airport.
Sam said, “I don’t usually drive the shuttle. I’m an engineer at the hotel and just help out when they need me to. And I don’t usually tell people all of that.”
“We appreciate you sharing those parts of your life with me, Sam. You made my day.”
We hugged.
We gave him a couple of bucks and told him to enjoy a cup of coffee. He said, thanks, he would.
We walked into the airport, grateful for that experience with a kind, highly self-actualizing man. And for the affirmation that what we are doing – encouraging people to get therapy as part of the process of life after weight loss surgery: to work through negative self-talk, to deal with childhood issues that interfere with a healthy present, to learn healthy coping skills and to accept their feelings. To live life fully in Recovery from Obesity.
And to know the simplistic joys in life. Like Sam does.
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.


Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!
What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?
Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!
The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).
I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.
And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).
How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.
When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).
Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:
Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.
Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.
Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.
Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!
Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!
Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.
OK, Cari – sum it all up!
The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com
P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.


Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!
What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?
Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!
The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).
I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.
And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).
How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.
When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).
Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:
Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.
Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.
Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.
Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!
Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!
Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.
OK, Cari – sum it all up!
The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com
P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.


Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!
What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?
Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!
The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).
I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.
And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).
How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.
When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).
Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:
Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.
Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.
Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.
Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!
Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!
Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.
OK, Cari – sum it all up!
The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com
P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.

The Post Op: What a strange title for an article about Recovery From Obesity, unless of course, Roxy is obese…which, she isn’t. She is actually a big dog with a stubborn streak. She’s a lot like me (The Post-Op), which is where the idea of this story originated. It can be easy to make life more complicated than it is, especially with complicated instructions and rules, but if you’re a dog, you really only hear about two words at a time so, you’d better make those words count! If you’ve ever had a dog, you know that common commands – uh, behavior modifications – are “sit”, “stay” and “heel.” My personal favorites are “speak” (for obvious reasons) and “Drop it! Leave it! That’s not yours!” The last one usually involves things like my dirty laundry, clean socks, or the cat’s food, but basically, the message is to step away and leave it alone.


Think about junk food in the break room at work. Oooh…tempting, but if you want what you say you want when you choose to have weight loss surgery (improved health and less weight), and if you try to tell yourself you “can’t have it,” chances are, you’ll want it even more. That’s where a seemingly “negative” instruction works really well. Next time you feel the pull of the chocolate chip Cookies, try this: “Drop it! Leave it!” This works equally well in the cookie aisle at the grocery store or the family reunion picnic! And applies to more than just cookies!
What if it’s not food that’s giving you the problem? What if you keep finding yourself in the midst of family or Facebook drama and “just can’t stop it”? Well, next time you’re seduced by the drama say, “Drop it! Leave it!” That kind of behavior is not healthy; it’s distracting and destructive, and who needs that?
Are you starting to understand why the subtitle of this article is, “Letting go of Stinkin’ Thinkin’ and Bad Habits in Recovery From Obesity?” Yes? No? Not exactly? Roxy didn’t understand the message the first time either, so I’ll hand it over to The Doc!
The Doc here! I loved it when Cari first used her humungous, solid-muscle dog Roxy as an example for “dropping” and “leaving” things. If you’ve ever had a dog, you know exactly how sternly you sometimes tell the pooch to “DROP IT” or “LEAVE IT!” I had a beautiful Doberman for a while (sadly, she died at the age of 6 from a heart condition common to the breed). One time on a walk (yes, she was on a leash), a tiny little toy dog ran up to her and Lucy (my Doberman) snatched her up like a rag doll and started tossing the yelping little pup to and fro in the grips of her Dobie-sized teeth. You can imagine how loudly and firmly I yelled at her to “DROP IT” and “LEAVE IT!” (She did and the tiny dog was fine!) There may be times you need to use the same degree of firmness with yourself… when it comes to unhealthy food choices, the use of negative self-talk and negative other-talk (gossip, comparing, snarking).
I get sad when I think of how “natural” it is for most of us to verbally, mentally and emotionally abuse ourselves with thoughts and words. We (theoretically) wouldn’t treat the ones we love with harsh, critical words. I say theoretically because, tragically, it often is our loved ones we treat the worst (along with ourselves). Many of us talk more kindly to co-workers and store clerks and passers-by than we do to our own spouses and/or children. BAD HABITS, indeed! Sad habits, for sure.
And what power our words have. Much stronger than the ability of my Doberman to literally drag me down the street when I “walked her.” Our words cut to the core. Think about it… you can probably recall with ease the most hurtful comments that have been uttered to you - about you. I’ll bet your kids can recall the harshest things you have said to them, no matter how long ago it’s been. And your spouse? Hopefully they aren’t so accustomed to hearing you speak negatively and critically about them (and you) that they barely notice it any more. You can change this by DROPPING IT (the negative words) and LEAVING IT. This is not who you want to be. Put GOBS of effort into changing your self-, and other-talk so it is kinder, gentler, and more encouraging. (This can only be done with practice, practice and more practice).
How about food choices and exercise habits? Are you doing well in these areas? If you are, we extend tremendous congratulations to you because, for the obese and formerly obese, making healthy food choices (to include portion size) and getting exercise were not in the category of “long-standing habits.” Quite the opposite. Poor eating habits and life as a couch potato were more the standard habits.
When you decided to have weight loss surgery, you were, in effect, saying “DROP IT,” and “LEAVE IT” in a firm voice to yourself when it comes to unhealthy foods and a sedentary lifestyle. DROP IT… that is not the same as “maybe I’ll have a cookie just this once.” LEAVE IT… means “leave it alone”… walk away or get it out of your house (as opposed to “leave it there” to torment you until you cave…).
Cari and I hear it a lot, and you may be thinking it as you read this, “It’s not as easy as you make it sound.” We know it’s not easy to change long-standing bad habits, whether they are negative self- and other-talk or eating and exercise habits. That’s why you need to have tools (for changing behaviors) like you have the tool of WLS to make it easier to eat less and therefore, to lose weight. The following are some tools to help you change your long-time negative habits into healthy new habits you can use for the rest of your life:
Practice kind self- and other-talk. When you hear yourself (in your head our out loud) saying something unkind, stop yourself as soon as you catch it, and change it into something neutral or positive.
Get support. The Post Op & The Doc are forever saying, “You can’t do this alone… and no one can do it for you!” So DROP IT (the idea you don’t need help) and LEAVE IT (the false pride). Instead, utilize the support that is out there for you.
Write things down. When you’re upset or even when you feel accomplished, write it down! Getting the negative stuff down on paper will help unburden you from going over and over and over the same negative thoughts in your head. If you’re feeling happy or proud, your written word can be used as a reminder that you CAN get through the rough times and as a guide for how to get through another difficult time in the future.
Celebrate success. Whether it’s engaging in positive self-talk, stopping the gossip train, making healthy food choices, or getting your exercise completed, Celebrate with a written page about how proud you are of yourself by sharing your success at support group, or by encouraging another to do the same!
Make use of goals. Cari and I refer to daily goals as “Gonna Do ‘Ems.” Each day, set a small, achievable goal for health, and a second goal for life that is related to some other area of your world. Remind yourself in the morning that you’re Gonna Do these things TODAY!
Maintain daily accountability to yourself and to another. At the end of the day, check in with yourself regarding your Gonna Do ‘Ems and let someone else know what you did. Then celebrate in a positive, non-food related way.
OK, Cari – sum it all up!
The Post Op: Recovery From Obesity is serious business, and it’s easy to want to give up and give in. After all, most of us have years and years of practice (in dog years, I had 280) with negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors, and very little experience with healthy self-talk and behaviors. It’s really easy to do what “comes naturally” (too often, the negative). BUT, consider the fact that the “natural” behaviors weren’t always natural; you learned and perfected negativity over time until, one day you were able to be mean and destructive to yourself without even thinking about it. That means in order to undo years of negative thought and behavior, you’ll have to put forth consistent effort and do some training, just like my dog. The good news is, by following the steps The Doc explained above, you can start modifying your unhealthy behaviors and begin treating yourself in a kinder, healthier way TODAY. By the way, I don’t yell at Roxy. I say it and expect her to listen. Perhaps you should try the same thing with yourself. Don’t yell… just say it: “Drop It. Leave it.” And carry on with your healthy new self!
Cari De La Cruz and Connie Stapleton, Ph.D.
The Post Op and The Doc
info@apostopandadoc.com
P.S. Be sure to watch our APODCast this month on Wednesday, March 19th titled “DROP IT, ROXY!” For details, go to our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/APostOpandADoc.