JoJoBanana

Don t you all think we make excuses "if I weren t fat-I could~"or "if I was a size 10 I would~ "....and We think thin means happy.So as we approach"normal" it scares us. Then we have to face the real "us".....and we do have issues-we wouldn t be fat if we didn t.! We are self-destructive. Thats why we over eat-over drink- smoke or eat chocolate even when we don t want to.!
I remember years ago-thinking I needed to go to overeaters annonymous.I ate when not hungry-ate when over full-ate things I didn t even want. that was before the Lord gave me the BAND.
I ve been banded for 3 years and am 10# below my goal for some reason.
My daughter says I need to get some fluid out of the band.I always have a "spit bottle" with me in my bag or in bed.It honestly doesn t get easier. I can t eat eggs-bread-pasta-meats-salad-veggies(unless they are mush).I eat mashed potatoes/gravy-sometimes mac&cheese-homemade soups low in salt.and ONLY water.I seem to have a lot of fluid to spit-like the slime. I do not over eat-still 1/2 to 1 cup portion. I eat after noon usually after 4pm.Crackers and crunchys do better than most things. I recently found that refried beans are agreeable.1/2 can.good for you-right.
I like getting into a size 10-and the compliments I get.I haven t been a real social person but when someone says "wow you look great-you lost a lot of weight"(almost 90#)i just thank them and tell them i have stomach problems .!........I am still so ashamed of myself~ I couldn t admit I was voluntarily banded.Only my daughter knows.I cannot do it on my own.So I am in this sort of forced anorexia thing-i don t eat or can t eat or eat very little.My choice to be"normal".I can live with it.A smaller size feels better than food tastes.
But don t think you ever get over the wanting food.! You don t. I love the food network programs-always have. And watching a nice big red steak makes my mouth water.I miss the meat.
My Dr asked me a year or so ago if I wanted him to take some fluid out of my band for Christmas so I could "enjoy the Hollidays"-I immediately said "oh no thank you-I ve enjoyed a lifetime of Hollidays-Thats why I m like I am".I haven t had a fill for probably a year and half.
If I had one wish-I would have the fluid out for 5 minutes so I could guzzle a jug of water and then refilled to this level.When i do drink too much or too fast it comes back.BUT I m terrified of not having this band. We are complex aren t we.?
Thanks for letting me vent a little. I live alone and my cat just doesn t seem to care.!