NanaRenan

Ah....he probably externalizes everything then.... "That cop gave me a ticket." instead of "I was speeding." "That teacher gave me an 'F'." instead of "I didn't study." How is he with the kids? Better? Worse?

Most importantly, you need to be safe!! No question. But, let me poise this question before you. Anger is a 'blanket emotion'. Meaning it isn't a stand-alone thing it always, always, ALWAYS is a cover-up for something else. The most common culprits are LOSS of CONTROL and FEAR -- combine those, FEAR OF LOSS OF CONTROL and it's a biggie! I'm a bi-polar II....high-functioning, low-symptoms. But I 'suffered' a lot before I was diagnosed...at times thinking I was losing my mind. It was amazing to me that my usually mild-mannered husband became angrier and more belligerant the sicker I got!! I found it especially hypocritical because he was very solicitous of his mother and her mental health issues. UNTIL MY counselor asked me to ask him to come in to help ME. She asked him if he was aware that he got angry. He was. Then she explained the above thought to him -- and asked, "What was he covering up with the anger?" He began to cry and admitted that he was terrified something would happen to me -- that I might die or commit suicide or have to be institutionalized for periods of time -- leaving him and the kids alone. You might say, "So you thought yelling at her was the best choice?" No, of course not. It's not a tho't out choice, it's just a reaction. So, I'm not trying to play arm-chair analyst, I'm just offering you a glimpse of what COULD be going on on the other side and the suggestion that it might be worth looking into....as much as you can and remain safe. Oh, yeah -- my husband got mad and left me in the ER once because I was filing my nails while my son was getting his nose stitched up! LOL What appeared 'unconcern and nonchalance' to him, was me being practical -- I knew I'd be holding and nursing an injured toddler the rest of the night and I had a knick in my nail that I didn't want to scratch him. Bottom line -- he was use to women who freaked out at every little thing, so to him, my level-headedness somehow made it seem like I didn't care my child was hurt. Incidentally, that was HIS first trip to the ER for stitches, but about my fourth -- he eventually learned to calm down himself! LOL Gosh, we're all just so frickin' complicated, aren't we? It's a wonder anybody ever stays together.

<p>Stop Breaking The Damn China!</p> <p> </p> <p>Sorry! But that's what my Weight Watcher's counselor used to say. "If you break a tea cup, do you go bust up the entire set? No! Just clean up that mess and be more careful next time."</p> <p> </p> <p>Calling yourself a screw-up and punishing yourself is like breaking all the china!</p> <p> </p> <p>Now, my first suggestion is, NARROW YOUR FOCUS.</p> <p> </p> <p>I don't know who all you live with -- the snacky things you mentioned in your list of cheating are things I've been able to completely remove from my house because my husband and grown children are all on board with helping me.</p> <p> </p> <p>That said, I can still find things I shouldn't snack on in the pantry, so I commandeered a corner of the counter for MY pantry. I don't even have to open the door to look for any of it, because there are 'boogey men' in there! LOL</p> <p> </p> <p>Same thing in the fridge! My clever husband -- when we shopped and I started pre-op -- cleaned off one shelf just for me. And it works!</p> <p> </p> <p>Last night he kept calling and calling my son -- they were eating out at his favorite place and offered to pick him up a plate and drop it off. He couldn't figure out where they were with his food! LOL (He's cutting back, too, at lunch, so he's pretty hungry by dinner!)</p> <p> </p> <p>Come to find out, they'd dropped it by about an hour before he got home. I was in the shower, so I didn't know they'd been there. Sure enough, I'd been in the fridge several times since then and hadn't noticed the large take-out of barbeque sitting just below my shelf of shakes and Jello!!!</p> <p> </p> <p>Maybe that'll help you a bit -- at least it's worth a try!</p>

Its true -- any sort of 'personal growth' can trigger a host of feelings IN THE OTHER PERSON. I've been married for 28 years and my marriage is about as stable as they come. But, I realize: We're both 'middle-aged' and that can have it's own brand of drive-by insanity. I've been obese for more than half that time. We -- like all couples -- have a certain comfortable complacency that could get dislodged So...we've already made a pact that at the first sign of problems, or feelings like something is going awry, we will head straight to the nearest counselor!! In fact, this summer we enrolled in a Marriage Matters class at our church -- mostly newlyweds and engaged couples -- we've been happy to learn that we did manage to learn a lot of GOOD communication skills on our own (well, through God's help!) over the years. But no one is ever TOO good to benefit from education. Maria, I think you're smart to think ahead. Brandy Girlfriend, I'm sorry you're going through this. But it sounds like the issues are more his than yours. Sounds to me like he has a lot of fear! Still -- its none of my business, but 13 years and 2 precious daughter is a lot to have at risk. Is he aware there's a problem and willing to work on it? Because if he's 'been there' and stood by you while you struggled with a weight problem, maybe you'll be able to be there and stand by him while he assesses where he is and how he feels about everything.

Four teens at once, Band Chick, I know you spend some time in the grocery store!!! Aieeeyee!!! I'm interested in maybe getting DH and I into the geo-caching, too! Sounds like physical as well as mental exercise. Thanks for responding. Now, where are the rest of them Crazy Ates....?

Nope, no straws. I've made 'taste' or 'lick' the new 'sip'.....I could almost be drinking from an eyedropper! I have found that if I concentrate on my posture it helps some. Still no gas pains. I've gone the whole day without pain meds, too. But I think I'm going to be ready for them by bedtime.

PS -- I agree with JulieNYC. Your doctor needs to keep his frustration level down a little. It's all work and business with them and sometimes they forget what a huge psychological/emotional/physical metamorphosis it is that the average person's just not equipped to navigate alone. I'd try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but then I'd strongly suggest that if he 'requires' a weight loss pre-op, then he should also 'require' a pre-op diet!

Ooh, girl, I hear ya!! My husband and I wanted to take a cruise for our honeymoon but had neither the time nor the $$ so he promised we'd do it someday! Well, life threw a lot at us and it took 28 years for us to have the chance. Trust me....I did not spend 28 years expecting to be 320 lbs on my first cruise!!! But, the alternative was pass up the chance to go on that cruise (we went with 50+ friends) on the outside chance that I may lose the weight SOMEDAY. I bought a couple of stylish new things -- in a bigger size than I'd ever bought before. And I went and enjoyed myself as best I could. All the while thinking, "I WILL do this again, once I've lost the weight, I will treat myself to this experience again!" Most of us have had a lot of misery in our lives because we let "someday" get in the way of enjoying right now. Surgery or not, commit yourself to having the best time possible in November and promise that a year from now, things will look completely different.

Its all a matter of what's more important, TIO--the food or the friends...? If it's the friends, you'll find a way to deal with the inconveniences that will improve over time. If its the food, there's not much point having the surgery anyhow. Your choice, TIO

***bump*** I need some help! Guess my silly title is getting me ignored!

Good question, ADMO, and I don't have the answer. I just looked at it the liquids was going to get me used to not chewing and help me be in a different frame of mind post-op.

Today's official (first thing in the AM) weigh-in was 300.6 But, I'm having this illicit love affair with my digital scales right now. I know its cheap and tawdry, but I can't help myself! So, it was peeking out from under the island, giving me this come-hither look awhile ago and I just had to have a quickie!!! It was 298.8!!!:clap2: I'm not gonna jump the gun, here, but I think tomorrow might be the day I roll into "TWOTerville"!!!! :scared:

WTG, BHG!!! btw -- I love the line about Louisiana food! LOL I was raised on the stuff, so I know that's right!

Thanks for letting some of your shameless joy slop over on us!!! I'm so happy for you and SHRIMP -- golly that sounds good! I can't wait! :hungry:

Wow! That sounds doable -- I might even get my daughters to see if they'll do it, too! My mother died from strokes related to her diabetes. My older sister has had double bypass on her heart related to her diabetes. I was only diagnosed with it about 8 months before I got banded, but I would like to see my daughters and grandchildren live without that threat hanging over their lives! Thanks for sharing this.

Remember, you did something that MILLIONS need and are either too afraid to get it or can't afford to get it. And it seems to me it would be a great topic for discussion with a psych group because there's SO much psychology involved in weight issues. But then I'm pretty much an open book kinda gal. What you see is what you get, nothing held back. Not everyone is willing or able to put it all out there like that...and I'm not bragging or anything. It's just my particular way of coping with my own issues. But -- all that aside -- even though I think its all great to be open and up front, if someone told me something, I would keep it in confidence until they told me otherwise.

I think the answer to that question is as individual as the family who's facing it. I have four kids and I did not work full-time outside the home until my youngest was in first grade. And then I only did it for four years before I went BACK to being a SAHM. I don't think I did something right and everyone else is doing it wrong, I think I did what was best for me. Here are some of my reasons: I was raised by a SAHM and frankly, that's about the only really good thing I can see in my upbringing. I thank God she stayed home because she was too old-fashioned to work. My husband's mother worked and he was kept by his grandmother whom he adored. But his mom still worked and mine was in another state, so barring one of them keeping our kids, it would have to be me. I got married at the end of my Junior year and didn't graduate. I did get a G.E.D. but not until just before my first was born. I frankly couldn't make enough to make going to work worthwhile. My husband was fortunate to work for a corporation with good benefits AND have an immediate supervisor who owned a side business and could schedule him to work as much as he was able...for nine years he worked both jobs and would only have one Saturday and Sunday off every five weeks. We called those our B&B days and it ain't Bed and Breakfast, it was beans and bologna. With him working two jobs I had to work twice as hard to make what he made stretch!! I taught myself to sew so I could make mine and the children's clothes and I took in sewing for people. I babysat. I have carpel tunnel from clipping coupons. I've sold Tupperware, Mary Kay and House of Lloyd. I bartered for goods and services. I cooked everything from scratch because we couldn't afford hamburger helper. And frankly, it hurt to have people assume that because I was at home he must make a lot of money. Because all of our friends and family that were double income brought home WAY more than he did -- and they all had only two or three kids. We chose to have four and we did what it took to survive. Bottom line: I'm not a high energy sort of person. If I sell the best 40 hours of me each week, then what's leftover is the scraps. I don't like me when I work. And what little extra income I bring in working full time ended up going to Pizza Hut and Taco Bell because I was too exhausted to shop or cook. Plus I hated not being able to help a friend when they were sick or attend a funeral because I couldn't get off work. Take my kids to the doctor when they needed it. So, that's why I decided to go back to staying home. Plus, my granddaughter had come along and I wanted to be able to keep her for my daughter. We got transferred and we down-sized dramatically on our house so that our payment dropped enough to make my check unneccessary. We ate out less and hung out together more and reconnected as a family. We survived. And I always look at it like this. If something were to happen to my husband's job, or he was suddenly unable to work, I can go out and put in 40 weeks. But if I was already working 40 and spending all of that, how could I generate more hours to work? Sorry for the ramble. Each family has to make the choice what's right for them. It's like losing weight -- if one diet fit all, none of us would be here today. But we each know what we're capable of doing, how much we're willing to sacrifice and hopefully, can correctly assess how our family is impacted and make the best possible decision accordingly.

Great story, thanks for sharing. Glad you got the problem fixed -- an extra cc.....?? How weird is that!!?! And congrats on getting to enjoy a trip down memory lane with the burgers and stuff. Now, back to the task at hand!!

That was me -- she of the ginormous liver! :clap2: And, incidentally, I know how you feel at being cancelled -- I was cancelled twice ON SURGERY day, once before I went into OR and once after I went in and was put under. I realize now that that two week delay, God probably allowed it to happen -- cause if my liver was STILL that big, there's no way it would have been small enough on the original date. Sweetie, you CAN do this. You MUST do this. My mother had a stroke in 2000 and died a few weeks later. I came home from being with her for a few weeks and told my husband, "I've seen my future and I don't like it!" I've been trying since then to get surgery!! And I don't think of myself as particularly tenacious or strong willed. Except -- I DO want to live a healthier life. I may not get any more than the 75 years my mother got, but by golly, they're gonna be worth living!!! We're here, we'll hang with you. Cry it out. Then pick yourself up and start over again.

Absolutely -- the Internet was made for whining! LOL It's there when you need to do it and you can walk away if you get tired of hearing it! :pound: I'm feeling good. I came home Wednesday afternoon and I'm getting more mobile and less sore every day. I'm anxious to be up and doing. My daughter just dropped by with the grandkids -- they're off to buy uniforms for back to school. :think I SO would have loved to go with them. And next year I'll be useless cause I'll be wanting to shop for me! LOL

Guess we're all different. I don't care who knows, I figure the truth probably isn't as bad as what they're guessing. Probably came from my childhood. My mother was a seamstress and I can remember grown, mature, professional women turning all whiny and sniveling when mother measured them and wrote the numbers down. As a seamstress myself, I've had so many customers want to argue with me about what size pattern to buy or what size they are. IT'S JUST A NUMBER!

ditto for me

It takes a long time and that works both ways!! I'm newly banded, but I had significant weight loss in 1988 to have the same affect -- saw a photo of an Easter picnic and wondered, "Who's that in the cool hat?" It was me. Now, I don't know if you've been overweight all of your life, but for those of us who haven't, we have the same HEAD ISSUES on the way UP the scale. Something happens one day and you realize, "Good grief, when did I get so fat?" It'd been happening for years, but your head wasn't paying any attention. Once you convince it of the "new" reality and then that reality changes -- you have to start all over convincing it again. Meanwhilw, BRAVA my friend!!! I'm sure you're GORGEOUS and look GREAT!!

As long as your 'socializing' doesn't revolve around eating contests, you'll be fine. I'm such a talker that before banding I often had to race to gulp down my food because everyone else had been eating while I was talking. Now, I'll just pop it in a take home container and eat on it a couple of more meals. People do it all the time. I remember a manager years ago -- a lovely, trim and elegant lady -- we met for lunch one day at a very nice Mexican resturant and she ordered ONE TACO ala carte. I tho't, "Aha, now we know why she still has her high school figure!" Wish I'd paid more attention and tried adopting that sort of lifestyle back then. Oh, well.....I'm gonna master it now. And expect to eat out every bit as much OR MORE than before surgery!

Probably another 'proud' graduate of the "Public Humiliation as Motivation" school of thought. I've met many of them in my life -- was born and raised by one! But you'd think, having "been a fatty' himself, he'd stop and think, what if my daughter inherits my weight issues -- how would I feel if someone talked to her or my wife like that....?