MrsFlipFlops

I'm sure if I told people my weight they would be thinking "How does she walk around?" :-)

I remember thinking at 220 I was SO fat, and again at 250, and at 280... well, you get the idea. I guess everything is just relative.

Yeah, I couldn't wait to be just 299. I could fit into my skinny jeans! lol.

I haven't read this whole thread, but Smartie, I think you shreadding the magazine was awesome. I don't think you should apologize, but you should talk to him. If you don't like him looking at that kind of porn, he shouldn't look at it. And he shouldn't allow it to come within moments of your daughter. What if he had run into the house for a moment and she had just opened it?

annie- I SO know where you're coming from. I posted something similar a couple weeks ago. I thought all the weight was the cause of my problems and when it didn't improve like I felt it should, I realized (well, someone here helped me realize) that the weight perhaps wasn't the CAUSE, but the SYMPTOM. I found that without food to quiet my inner self, I have a lot of issues I need to work out. So... I started going to lapband support groups and I'm looking into going to a counselor. I don't think I have an abnormal amount of issues, just ones that I have suppressed and never coped with because my coping mechanism was always food.< /p>

So my suggestion? Maybe talking to someone will help.

I'm sorry you had a bad night... guys are fickle anyway.

Good luck!

I haven't been meandering LBT as often as usual, so I was missing out on some of my favorite groups... like ya'll! So I thought I'd check in.

I was with a friend at lunch the other day, my best friend who I've know since I was a baby. She told me how good I was looking. I mentioned I had lost 80 pounds. Then, being funny, I said, "80 down, 100 to go!" And she said, "Whatever." She didn't believe I had that much extra weight on me.

Thus leads me to believe that normal size people have NO idea. My sisters and I always say that 300 pounds is thrown around a lot in that on TV they'll say "She was ginormous, 300 pounds or something" or a friend might comment on someone being 300 pounds. They think they've excluded you from that category because certainly you're not 300 pounds. I remember someone making a comment about how big someone was, she said, "She was really big, like 300 pounds or something" and I thought to myself, "Huh, what would she do if I said I was 380?"

This experience with my friend just led me to decide when people ask how much I've lost, that maybe I shouldn't tell them. Then they'll start trying to do the math in their heads and suddenly realize, 300 wasn't as big as they had thought.

I will be really glad when this part is OVER!

Amen to that! I'm going crazy!

Now if only I can find a BIG BOX of Midol! lol... I never knew I was this PMSy... but I've got all the classic symptoms.

xtight, that's my theory as well. I told my mom and dad and two sisters, plus one good friend. My mom told her sister and the next thing you know, it's spreading like wild fire... my extended family is VERY against surgery. They're all do it yourselfers, and if you can't you're weak type people. I guess their opinions have made me scared to tell my in laws. Although, I started to think how this is going to be an issue at EVERY gathering. When my husband and I start having kids, it's going to be a big thing too...

So trayrenee, I mean, you're right in that I don't know how they'd react. I guess I just don't want to talk about how fat I was/am. Sometimes I know we feel if we don't say anything, it's not there. Perhaps if they mention something about how I'm not eating a lot, I can just say it then. It'll probably come down to how I feel at that moment. It's really the fear of the unknown...

This whole journey has been about conquering fear for me. Fear of surgery, fear of not having the comfort of food, fear of the unknown thinner world, fear of my parent's reactions and what not... I have another fear that maybe a year down the line I'll have the guts to tell my in laws I had surgery and they'll be offended I didn't tell them sooner. Maybe I should conquer that now and just tell 'em.

These were all good tips. It's true, I shouldn't be so worried what other people think... it's a nasty habit!

lindsey- that's one of those most embarassing moments I would think of later. You're right, not telling would have been worse! That sounds like an awful experience, I'm so glad you shared!

We are going to the in laws for Thanksgiving. I haven't told them about surgery, and my dh thinks I should. I don't know how they would react and don't necessarily want to tell them. Last time we visited, my mother in law made a comment about eating everything on our plates (she gave me a TON of food). I slipped a lot to my husband, but there was still stuff leftover that had to be thrown away. I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to offend her by not eating much, but I don't know how, where, or when to tell them. Thoughts?

I think the most that changed in our relationship after surgery was really all about me. My hubby has been nothing but supportive. In fact, that day after surgery, I was in a lot of pain and couldn't lay down and couldn't sit up. Within hours, he had gone out and bought and had delivered a comfy recliner that helped the WHOLE week. He's amazing.

But really what changed was me, like I said. I felt that I had all these issues because of my weight, and when they didn't start going away when I was losing weight, I realized some of my issues affected our relationship BEFORE and I need to really deal with them now that I have nothing to blame them on. I know it's cliche, but I think the biggest thing is communication and allowing them to go through this journey with you. My husband isn't obese, so it would be easy to simply say to myself, he doesn't understand. If I go out with friends and come back upset about food, or when I'm missing food, or when I feel fat, or when I feel different... whatever it is, I express how I'm feeling and why and we work through it together. It makes me feel supported, and it makes him feel included. He gets on lapbandtalk to see what other people have to say. He keeps track of what I can eat and what I can't and I keep him updated with that kind of thing.

It's like the Friends episode where Rachel is pregnant and Ross is feeling left out. He brings her her fave sandwich which is tuna and pickles, but it turns out she can't stand pickles anymore due to her pregnancy. Poor Ross didn't know, thought he was being thoughtful. I aim to keep our relationship out of that stage. I keep him updated so he never has to feel out of the loop.

costco was a GREAT deal too, about half (or even less) than in the regular stores. I spend 12 dollars for 84 tampons... Tampax Pearl, my fave's.

I had a two and a half week break, then it started up again, and it is HEAVY! Like, changing tampons EVERY HOUR! Crazy. So, after getting annoyed of going to Walgreens practically every day, I went to costco and got me MAJOR boxes of tampons and pads. I'm pretty sure I have a three month supply. (Embarassingly enough, on my way out the door, I saw my boss's boss... so bad, but who cares, I have a BOATLOAD!) :smile2:

Good luck slim... I feel ya.

Hi Mr Boswell! Welcome.

Donna- that's true.

But to add to that, the responsibility of living in a society means that the people have to assign values to behaviors. Else, everyone is free to do as their individual "truth" dictates. I believe relativism should be applied on an individual level, which dictates we determine what is true for ourselves. But on a societal level it would never function. So the question is, how does a society dictate what they believe their "truths" to be? Is it done by vote? By judges? By a ruler? By a previously stated document? I'm not being facetious about this, I'm really curious about everyone's thoughts.

Besides, science hasn't proven what makes a person gay. Maybe there is something physiologically different as some theories suggest. Some theories also suggest murderers have physiological differences. It doesn't make me want to redefine what it means to kill.

I've already addressed the race issue, but you seem to have issues with it. A black MAN can marry a white WOMAN, a black WOMAN can marry an asian MAN. I didn't realize this was so complicated. Gender is what DEFINES marriage to be what it is. Without man and woman, marriage becomes genderless.

Nanook- your post makes me sad. You claim to be accepting of people, yet what you seem to really mean is that you are only accepting of people who believe what you do.

I've thought about this thread for several days. I will try to keep the sarcasm out of this post, because isn't that the problem with online posts? You can't hear my voice, just like I read into people's messages their tone. It's never my intention to make someone feel persecuted. Ready, no, I do not know what it's like to be gay in this world and I never will. I can see from my own experiences as an outsider to that topic looking in that it is a struggle. I do know what it's like to feel persecuted for reasons I will not go into here, so I can understand the sentiment. I can relate to being stuck in a situation where my life was threatened for what I believe. So while I will never completely understand what it's like to be gay, I can empathize and attempt to. Also, in regards to when I said people resort to name calling, it wasn't directed to you. Although you do appear to me to be very condescending. I appreciate your previous post, ReadySteady. I do. However, I could have posted the same thing. I feel like you don't understand and that in time you will. I can't make you understand, you're limited by your experiences and I get that. (See how condescending you come off? "No offense")

The only reason I want it to be called "marriage" is for the reasons I listed a long time ago, that Ms.FF only chose to pick and choose through Just like people pick and choose their verses in the bible, just like the people seem to pick and choose where the seperation of church and state should start.

I didn't pick and choose what to debate. I felt I had covered all your reasons by giving the quote that stated civil unions will have all the rights and privileges associated with traditional marriages. I didn't know I needed to copy and paste every topic you mentioned. Still though, pensions are something determined by the company who grants them. Sometimes they grant full benefits to spouses, many already include benefits to domestic partners.

A brother and sister COULD get married if we changed the definition of marriage. According to the definition that's the LGBT community wants to force on society, the folks who would like to marry their relatives should be very excited.

My argument here and every where else I've posted in any board is that we have obligations as citizens and members of our communities to weigh pros and cons of every topic and live that way. I'm glad some people here believe what they do because they've thought about it, pondered it. Whether you agree with me or not, I'm proud of anyone who at leasts thinks about it.

As far as "comparing" homosexuality to pedophelia or incest... well, I have two thoughts. I'm sure the pedophiles feel discriminated against too. But that doesn't make you want to change the age of consent, does it? Secondly, if I relate that in my mind, you can see how serious of a situation I take this. Instead of everyone saying I'm making comparisons, perhaps they should consider the gravity of our actions. It's not that I don't like gay people and I want to restrict them somehow, it's that I don't agree with homosexual marriage. Just like every one here has something they don't agree with, be it death penalty or abortion, taxes or the bailout. I have the right to believe what I believe and voice my opinion about that belief. I have the right to vote my belief. Just like everyone here does. I don't think pro gay marriage people are "intolerant" because they want to change the definition of marriage for everyone. I know they are just voting their own conscience, just like I am mine.

I believe in equal rights and privileges. Besides agreeing that marriage is not a "right" per se, more like a social more (that's moray). However, a man can marry a woman if they want the bundle of goodies associated with it. No one is excluding any ONE or GROUP of people. Regardless of race, gender, religion a MAN can marry a WOMAN. That's the definition of marriage.

Keith Obermann annoyed me. Since when did all our news become editorial? Obnoxious.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_ZvPR09N4Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_ZvPR09N4Q[/ame]

This woman has the same rights as gay people. She can stand on a street corner, yet somehow, this little old woman, who is simply standing for her beliefs just like the hundreds of people behind her, gets assaulted. Bold move by the LGBT community.

Ready- I wasn't comparing your relationship to that of a goat, etc... I was examining other possibilities. However, you did seem to skip the "Can I marry my sister?" question. Convenient.

Secondly, people in America can choose to get married, everyone can... a man to a woman and a woman to a man. If you want to be married and get those discounts, a woman can find a man and marry him for the tax benefits. You can do that under our law. You just don't get those "perks" if women finds a woman to "marry". The people have now spoken TWICE, which is more significant than a 4-3 judicial ruling.

I feel like I've said everything I feel like saying about this topic. I get annoyed when people are narrowminded and try to thrust their labelistic views on everyone and refuse to have a conversation. Instead, some have resorted to sarcasatic comments and name calling. That's not helpful. It just means that you have nothing of substance to back up your claims. I have beliefs that do not include homosexual "marriages". That doesn't make me intolerant, it makes me human. I've taken a topic, weighed the pros and cons, and made a decision. Like we all should do as citizens.

Sunnyside- I'm learning more and more every day. I have been hearing about and reading about people who are moving away from the US for financial reasons. What made you decide on Malaysia and how did you go about making that huge move?

Yeah, I appreciate the comment of "Wow, you're looking terrific recently." But the comment of "You've lost a TON of weight, I mean really!" is just bad. Seriously? a TON? Come on!

I think I may go in to see someone. That's a real hard step to make. It's just so bizarre how much of an emotional journey this weight loss thing is. I feel like I've spent more emotional energy than I have physical energy!! I went in for a fill today, and it just felt so good to be able to sit and talk to people about it, and to find they feel the same way.

Bloo- there are also local agencies where you can pay a sliding scale if you feel like you'd like to meet with a counselor. You can access them by calling 211 from a land line, or looking up United Way in your area. They maintain a book of agencies, fees, and services. Congrats on your weight loss though! I can't imagine getting to the two's, but I am encouraged that it can happen!

Fanny- I agree. I suppose it's the ones from family we remember the most. My parents are great people who meant well, and I do consider myself to be very close to them. My dad has never really made comments about my weight. My mom on the other hand, my sisters and I just ignore her and those types of comments. She and my aunt will discuss some health food kick, like eating raw, or only eating things with certain ingredients... it's a never ending show of unhealthy fad after another... and she will say "I wish my girls would eat this, but they don't touch anything green." For the love! She doesn't see us eat! How in the world does she know what we eat? I think she just likes being the one who knows it all, and wants the attention from my aunt. It's like she wants my aunt to think, "Oh, goodness, your girls are so fat and unhealthy, if only they followed us." It's like the old women talking on the porch about youngun's.

I'm glad you have such a supportive family. I have been lucky to have a husband very supportive. He, like Kimmy's fiance, loved me when I was fat, proposed when I was fatter, pulled me off the couch during surgery, and constantly tells me I'm beautiful no matter what size I am.

The reason is not so simple to explain as it begins with the start of our existence on earth, our purpose, our functions as genders, our goals, etc... You're asking me to put a series of novels into one paragraph, which I cannot do. However, I'll try. It redefines marriage for society, with a definition I do not agree with. That alone undermines the sanctity of my marriage. I don't want my children (which I do not yet have) learning that a gay relationship is the same as a marriage. (BTW, CA law can require kindergarteners to learn the concept of marriage in schools Education Code § 51890).There cannot be two marriages. My marriage is not the same as a homosexual relationship. Mine is previously defined, and yes, I believe, one that is defined by God. If we redefine it, marriage becomes genderless. Marriage is essential to society. The unit of a family is important, one that keeps our children grounded, historically better citizens, off drugs, away from teen pregnancy. The definition of marriage has been used for thousands of years. Yet now people want to change it for the attractions of a few. I believe a child is ideally born into a stable family with a mother and a father, as we know children need both gender influences. This is not to diminish familes that have different situations due to death or divorce or illness or what not.

As for the racism aspect, again, as I said before... and to mimic your words "that's ridiculous." Again, the definition of marriage is one between a MAN and a WOMAN. He is a man, I am a woman. It has never been defined as a union between a white man and a white woman, or a black man and a black woman. In addition, we didn't get married for legal benefits, tax purposes, or for the discounts we allegedly are entitled to. For me, the legality wasn't ever the point. We took vows in front of friends, family, and God. Gays are free to do the same if they like. It just shouldn't be labeled as a marriage.

The point of the law here is to define and determine appropropriate behavior, just like we've defined stealing and murder and determined what's appopriate. No one is interested in arresting all the gay people and plopping them in jail (unlike the racial laws in the south).

Same gender attraction does not allow for society to continue. And no, I don't believe the only reason to get married is to make babies but the concept supports my belief (and the reason that we're all here today- your birth took two genders to create). If the only way to perpetuate the species is between opposing genders, then is is contrary to nature to have two same gender beings together as that would be the end of the species. Rationally, why would it be okay to have a committment that stops the species from existing? .... Why don't we live in the bottom of the ocean? Because we weren't designed that way. Why do same gender relationships not produce more members of society. Because we weren't designed that way.

I don't believe the world is overpopulated, so that argument doesn't work with me. I think we should be better stewards of our resources- but that there are enough resources for many more people. Animals everywhere have a common purpose in mind, to not go extinct. It's embedded into us. Even gay couples can agree, they want babies too. To raise someone, to leave a piece of themselves on the earth and to continue their species. Unfortunately, we, by nature, were not designed to do it with someone of the same gender.

I'm glad this thread got resurrected. :eek: I LOVE it!

Comments from parents hurt a lot. When I was 12ish, my dad was mentioning that I needed to lose weight (never mind that I wasn't obese, just about 20 pounds overweight) and I said "What? Boys love curves!" And he said "Not those kinds of curves." Sting ola!