theantichick

There is no revenge like living well.

Soo....the first serious discussion with the MOMD (man of my dreams) was that he had to stop sitting on my couch in the altogether. As I am a Brooklyn girl, I pulled no punches. I leaned in close and whispered in his ear...'I can't have my couch smelling like ass'. I'm still working on him using plates, eating with a little less 'gusto', and general neatness where none existed before. I love him to pieces so these things are not deal breakers...only little flys that I have to swat away from time to time. More important...is that he's all in with this relationship. Got a call this morning from my son who is moving the family from Jersey to PA this weekend. As I suspected, his friends are bailing right and left and he now needs mom to drive one of the cars to the new house. Probably. I won't know till 8:30 tomorrow morning when the friend who offered to drive either shows up or does not. Means that MOMD and I have to take the train from NYC to Jersey, head up to PA with the car, help move stuff when we get up there...or for me, help to watch my grandson, and then....take the bus back to NYC that evening because there is no furniture available for us to use to sleep over. What was MOMD's reaction to all this? Two words...'road trip!'. I think that trumps a little ass on my couch and crumbs on my floor now and then. Ex#1 didn't see the issue with what he called "skid marks" on the sheets, couch, whatever. (shudder) Only one of MANY reasons he's an Ex. Current hubby shuddered upon hearing the story and made derisive comments about Ex#1's hygiene skills. Hubby would also approach your situation with a "whatever we need to do" attitude. Current hubby is a keeper, obviously.

I couldn't stand the OA meetings. I found them way too rigid.

Only if I eat something that doesn't agree with my sleeve. I have been working with a therapist for going on a year on my food issues, emotional eating, overeating, odd food preferences, etc. Combined with the new habits with the sleeve, I know that I'm doing better 90-95% of the time than before I started all of this. So if I decide I want a small amount of something, I don't consider it cheating, and I don't feel bad about it. I know for me, this whole process has led me to realize how messed up my relationship was with food. I'm learning to seek comfort in people and other things besides the brownie box. I am learning to express and feel my emotions instead of numbing them or stuffing them down with food. Along with that, I have to quit letting my old mental tapes assign moral judgment to food. There is no "good" food and no "bad" food, and I am not good or bad because of the food I choose. There can be foods that aren't helpful to my goal of losing weight and being healthy, and foods that are helpful. It's good to keep that in mind. But 90-95% improvement in my diet is HUGE, and I give myself credit for that. I'm not perfect, and it's unrealistic to expect myself to be perfect. I think most people with weight issues have old baggage to let go of around food in order to have a healthy relationship with it and use it as fuel instead of emotional bandages. For me, the whole concept of "cheating" and "good/bad" food is wrapped up in that, and I'm done with it.

@@Hiraeth Well, to be fair, Ex#1 made a bit of a scene when he VERY loudly announced to the owner that she could HAVE her F*ING table, and then when the poor lady at the front said "have a nice evening" on our way out, he turned around and shouted in front of the line of people waiting for tables that we would never come back to that place again. But that was well after the owner had made a butt of herself. LOL.

Just please put a towel down when you sit nekkid on the sofa to watch TV. LOL.

I wondered about that too. The truth is that once you're healed, you can generally have whatever food you want, just not in the quantities you used to. There are successful vets here who have lost their excess weight and kept it off, who enjoy a glass of wine, or a small square of really good chocolate. The key is moderation and choice. For me, eating some of the crap I used to eat wasn't really about my choice. I was driven to eat it. The cravings were out of control. Now, in addition to the surgery, I also started working with a therapist about my emotional eating and food issues months before the surgery. So the surgery isn't the only thing that's contributed, but it's a huge thing. After the surgery, those cravings were just gone. I used to have a real thing for Little Debbies, specifically honey buns. When I was cleared for soft foods, hubby and I were at the grocery store and we walked by the display. A voice in my head said "hey, Little Debbies would count as soft food, right? That would be good, grab some" but it wasn't like before surgery, it was just a thought and not a full-on craving. I then thought about what one would actually taste like, and it just wasn't appealing. I was able to walk away without any issue. So the thoughts are still there, holdovers from the old days, but the cravings are gone. After I was cleared for any foods, I have occasionally tried something that used to be something I would binge on. Like double stuffed Oreos. My tastes truly have changed. It now tastes like cardboard chocolate Cookies filled with vanilla flavored lard. NOT worth precious sleeve space. Now, I got some good Ghirardelli chocolate squares for Christmas. I still love a good chocolate, that hasn't changed. But I wasn't compelled to binge on them. I ate one square and I was good for the day. I've never had Christmas chocolate last past Christmas Day. Other people raided my stash, is the only reason they're gone now. And I'm fine with it. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I can still have awesome food and drink when I really want it, but it's my choice and not a craving compelling me. What I don't do is waste valuable sleeve space on foods and drinks that aren't worth it. It's awesome, really.

In the days before online reviews, I had the absolute WORST experience at a restaurant in Ft. Worth. It was an Italian place with singing waiters and booths with swinging doors (the teens LOVED the place because you could make out with your date... LOL). Anyway, Ex#1 and I went there on Valentine's weekend. We knew it would be crazy, but we wanted a nice dinner before our concert that evening. We waited a long time for a table, but not out of line with it being V-day weekend. We placed our order, and waited. And waited. And waited. Our drinks/water were not refilled, it had been 45 minutes since we placed our order and nothing had come out. I flagged down our waitress, and asked how much longer, keeping in mind we had concert tickets and while we'd left what we thought was plenty of time for V-day delays, it was getting late. She came back and said the kitchen was starting on our meal next. I was surprised that we'd been there almost an hour and our meal had not even been *started*, and said so. I wasn't rude, didn't ask to speak to the manager, nothing. Just surprised. The next thing I know, the owner is at our table, wanting to know what the problem was. I said there wasn't really a problem, I wasn't lodging a complaint, I was just surprised that we'd been there over an hour and no one had even started cooking our order yet. She leaned in over my shoulder, started shaking her finger in my face, yelling at me that we had NOT been there an hour, she'd checked the time, it had only been FIFTY minutes. And that she had a line out the door waiting for tables, and we should feel lucky that we had a table. Ex#1 informed her that she could HAVE the table, in that case. She called the waitress over and very loudly told the waitress to make sure we were charged for our drinks (sodas, btw, we hadn't had any alcohol). I was floored. I'd never been treated like that in a restaurant before. Until she got literally in my face shouting and shaking her finger in my face, neither I nor Ex#1 had gotten upset or raised our voices, or even said we had a complaint. But as I said, this was before Yelp and Google reviews, so I didn't think I had any recourse. At the time, I was an administrative assistant in the executive offices of a large hospital chain in Ft. Worth. We started doing one of those "paradigm shift" quality initiative programs where every employee (several thousand) was required to attend. As part of the exec team, I was in the first group to go. We were asked to share customer service experiences, and I shared mine. The team leaders were so horrified by that customer service experience, that it was repeated to EVERY group that went through the program with my hospital, and very likely with other corporations as well. And named the restaurant by name. It was closed by the end of the year. I don't know that I had anything to do with it, but I don't know that I didn't. You never know when your story will make an impact that will change a business. I always let management know when I have a bad experience, because I want them to have an opportunity to fix the problem. I also make sure they know when I have exceptionally good service, because I know they get more complaints than attaboys. (Freaks the servers out too when you ask to see a manager, and they can't figure out what they've done wrong... ) I agree that the split fee itself is not that big of a deal. But if I'd gotten that response from the manager, I'd have posted a complaint as well. And to have the owner come back with an attack instead of a reasoned response tells me that the owner has no business in the restaurant industry. Customer feedback, even when it's not an attaboy, is an opportunity to improve your business. Treating it as an attack has no place in a customer service industry. It would have been different if the OP had been antagonistic or upset with the manager or server to start with, which it doesn't sound like she was. Even if a manager doesn't have a duty to de-escalate, they certainly have a duty not to escalate a situation, which he clearly did here.

Most people need education about what science is learning about the factors of being overweight, and what lifestyle changes can and cannot do. My response is in my blog (see link in my sig about "Easy Way Out"). Once I share some of that information, most of the people in my life have been supportive. Those who haven't, I don't have time for them. Good luck, and remember that you have to take care of yourself first. People will come around, or they will show themselves the door. It's hard, but your life will be better in the long run.

I'm not terribly big (started out a 42-44 D), so I can get away with stretchy sports bras and the "genie" style bras. I'm about to buy one, maybe two "normal" bras for the blouses that don't look right with a uniboob since none of my old bras are even close to fitting at this point, and I'll probably buy them a little snug in the band and just pray the cups don't deflate much further. I'm holding off on buying high-end stuff until I'm at goal, of course.

I guess we should just shut up and join @@OutsideMatchInside in the peanut gallery.

Way to go!!

I had the sleeve 8/17, and didn't have pain that bad. I don't like hydrocodone, so my doc had written orders for IV dilaudid and oral tramadol (which is less potent than hydrocodone). The dilaudid, which is usually considered stronger than morphine, didn't do anything for me. The tramadol wasn't quite enough to completely take my pain to zero, but it wasn't bad enough for me to want to deal with the side effects of the hydrocodone, so I didn't bother asking the nurses to call the doc to change the orders. I just took the tramadol and walked more. By day 3 my arthritis hurt worse than my surgical sites.

Wow. As a nurse, that makes me suspect some very unclear communication, either on the part of the surgeon/staff or on the part of what you understood. My surgeon has one of the most liberal diet progression plans I've seen, and she knew from our conversations that she could give me the written lists and some general guidelines and I'd know what to do with them because I'm an RN. She started me on full liquids - which on her plan includes Jello, pudding, and greek yogurt and a couple of other pudding consistency items - on day 2 after I kept Clear Liquids down fine on day 1 coming out from surgery. There was no negotiation on that for the first 2 weeks until my first checkup. Protein shakes, and the things on the full liquids list, period. She entirely skips the puree phase, as she says it's not functionally much different from the soft/mushy foods phase if your teeth work well, and most people hate it and aren't compliant. So I had a list of soft foods that I could START introducing after my 2 week checkup. One food at a time, from the softest and moistest foods first working my way to firmer consistencies. One new food at a time, tested a couple of times before adding another new food. This was for no less than another 2 weeks. At my 4 week checkup, she allowed me to start adding in "normal" foods, except for a list of problematic foods such as raw veggies and things with seeds or small hard particles. Those were allowed after 6 or 8 weeks, I forget. I didn't actually try any of them until well after 2 months. But again, it was adding ONE food at a time, trying it several times before adding another. So if your surgeon really said just "try foods as tolerated" then s/he failed to clearly communicate what the goal of the progressive diet is, and what you're trying to accomplish. That sounds like you can try all the foods in each phase for a day or two and if nothing causes a problem, go on to the next and you're on solids in under a week. Even if that's what s/he *said*, it is very doubtful to me that is what s/he *meant*. Doctors are not the greatest at patient education, it's not generally in their training. A surgeon who is truly advocating progressing the diet that rapidly has very likely not been doing it long enough to lose a patient to a leak or abscess.

Actually, as a registered nurse, I would say that the point of going through the phases of diet post-operatively is to allow the suture line to heal, and to allow the new structure of the stomach to slowly accommodate to the new functioning through gradual adaptation. Which is why the physicians give the diet progression instructions the way they do. Please see my post on the subject (link in my signature, "I'm not a doctor but..."). Once your surgeon has cleared you for a full diet, I agree that we all need to learn to eat more intuitively. But during the healing phases, it's more important to adhere to your surgeon's instructions to avoid infections, leaks, and other complications that can lead to more surgery, hospitalizations, and death.

Thank you for posting your first-hand experience. I have had people in the past act like I'm being all dramatic when I say that people have died or landed in the ICU with a leak from disregarding their physician's post-op diet advancement instructions. My surgeon kept saying, "remember, it's a little surgery on the outside, BIG surgery on the inside". Once your suture line is healed, knock yourself out "cheating" on your diet plan. You'll only be sabotaging your success. Violate your surgeon's diet advancement instructions, and you're literally gambling with your life.

Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry for your loss. This is why I posted my "rant" about not "cheating" post-op. It's not cheating, it's risking your life. (link in my signature). I'm a nurse, and I've seen the results of not following the doctor's instructions post-op. Not specifically from WLS, but from other abdominal surgeries. This is not the time to "trust your body". It is the time to follow your post-op instructions to the letter. It's one thing if your doc says "sure, try some pudding if you feel like it" and you do. It's quite another to decide you're up for some sort of solid food when your doc has you on liquids still. You're risking a lot.

It didn't count for me with Cigna unless a doctor was weighing me in once a month. They had me see a doc for it while we worked on the other requirements. sent from mobile device

I had surgery on Wed, worked from home the next week starting on Mon, then back at the office the week after that. I'm in IT, so no physical exertion at work. If I'd had the time, I'd have liked that first week completely off and then worked from home the following week. sent from mobile device

Our two mobile garbage disposal units. sent from mobile device

My wonderful husband does most of the cooking at our place, and he often plates my food for me. It was a learning curve for him in the beginning because at least here in the South we seem to have all lost our ever-loving minds when it comes to knowing what a serving of something is. For the longest time, I could eat 1/4 cup of whatever it was, no more. Sometimes not that much. He'd routinely give me "just a small bit" and it would be almost a cup of food. I finally asked him to start measuring out with a cup the food he was giving me. He was amazed at how little food it is, but has adjusted his concept of what a "serving size" means, at least for my food. However, he is now battling the bulge because he still eats large portions, but because of childhood conditioning to clean the plate, feels somehow that he must eat whatever is left of my food when I'm done. Since we're not allowed to just dump it in the dog dishes anymore (vet was quite clear about it) we're having to address his conditioning. LOL. He's not terribly overweight, he's very tall and just has a little bit of a paunch developing. But he doesn't want it to get out of hand, because then he'd have to buy new clothes, and that's an unnecessary expense, dontchaknow? LOL. Guys are funny sometimes.

Yes, I really liked several of the flavors, but roadside lemonade was my favorite. I froze it into popsicles and made it with extra Water during my first few days/weeks post-op to get a different taste than the shakes.

I don't advise advancing your diet before your doc allows. See link in my signature about "cheating" on post-op diets.

I've been told to quit using our dogs as food disposal units, they've gotten too chubby. LOL.

I don't know how far you're wanting to go. My doc is Melanie Hafford, her office is at 161/MacArthur in Irving. She doesn't run a huge clinic like True Results, and I think that makes her more responsive to the patient as an individual. Every interaction I've had with her and her staff has been awesome.