Jean McMillan

@@Jean McMillan ...

What are the behaviors you have "worked" most at during your weight maintenance phase(s)?

Thanks in advance.

@@Jean McMillan ...

What are the behaviors you have "worked" most at during your weight maintenance phase(s)?

Thanks in advance.

Oh, dear, I've worked at dozens of behaviors and still do and probably always do. As time goes on, the focus of my work changes. I'm changing, my world is changing, and just when I think I've got it all figured out, I go around a corner only to find an old ghost waiting for me. I had to work very, very hard at mindful eating in my first few years post-op. No more shoveling in the food so fast I hardly tasted it. Nowadays I'm working more on believing I'm thin. When I look in the mirror, one day I see Fat Jean, and the next day I see a skinny girl and think, "Who i s that girl? She looks familiar?"

Jean,

I, like many of us here I'm sure, came from a home where you finished what was on your plate. Anything short of that was being wasteful and insensitive to those who didn't have food on their plates. My parents certainly never intended to set me down this path of morbid obesity, but this skill was ingrained in me at a young age. I noticed that I was doing the same with my own children (four of them) and even my wife at times. If they wouldn't finish their food at a restaurant, I would often finish it myself (after eating my own) so as not to offend the server or anyone else who might notice how "wasteful" my kids were being.

It took time for me to come to this realization, but I'm there. I encourage my kids to only eat what they know they'll like (they can experiment from someone else's serving if they'd like) and, if they can't finish, asking for a container in which to take the food home is a good thing. I no longer hover over them making sure they "clean their plates."

I still talk to them about being wasteful and how there are starving people in the world, but the onus is no longer on them to cure the worlds ills.

All that sounds painfully familiar. Not only did my mother remind us constantly about the starving children in India, not only did we have to clean our plates before we left the table, not only was I generously endowed with genes that favored obesity...I also loved to eat (and still do).

One thing that's helped me come to terms with the starving children dilemma is getting involved in a social enterprise that's working directly with the needy. I've come to believe that my time and caring is even more precious than the piece of chicken I threw out last night.

I commend you for trying to teach your kids about the perils of wastefulness. Since you're setting them a good example (or as good as an example as you're able), they've got plenty going for them.

Jean

Guess what? You just got a new job! Isn’t that exciting? Except…it’s a tough job: you will now be the CEO of Lifetime Weight Management. But don’t worry. You can do it, and the pay is fabulous.

We’ll get to the job news, but first I’m going to tell you a job story of my own. I’m a writer and story-teller: that’s my job. Often my stories are fiction, but every word in this story is true.

Many years ago, I attended a business luncheon with a coworker who was naturally slim. The food was delicious: a huge, flaky croissant filled with chicken and grape salad, a mountain of potato chips (I adore potato chips), and strawberry shortcake for dessert. About one-third of the way through her meal, my coworker stopped eating and pushed her plate away.

“What’s the matter?” I said. “Don’t you like the food?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” she said. “I just can’t eat any more.”

She must have seen the baffled look on my face, because she added an explanation. “I eat a certain amount, and then I reach a point where I just can’t eat another bite, so I stop eating. I’ve always been this way.”

I wanted to offer to finish her lunch for her, but was too ashamed of my own greed to suggest it, and I was busy digesting what she had just said. I couldn’t remember ever in my life reaching the point where I couldn’t eat another bite of food. And although I had tried more diets and slimming plans than I could name, it had never occurred to me that I might become slim simply by stopping eating when I became full. My coworker was effortlessly slim and I was effortlessly obese. I subsided into silent envy over her natural advantage.

I spent the next 20 years suffering from morbid obesity and developing numerous health problems as a result of it. Finally, after much research and thought, I decided that weight loss surgery was my best option. On September 19, 2007, I had adjustable gastric band surgery. Ever since then I have been learning how to eat, and live, like a slim person. During that time, I’ve accumulated a lot of information, and have cultivated a lot of opinions that may not agree with yours, but of everything I’ve learned during my weight loss journey, there’s one truth you need to heed.

Like it or not, no bariatric surgery of any description is magic. The WLS patients I know have all worked hard for their success. Adjustable gastric band. Roux-en-Y. Vertical sleeve gastrectomy. Sleeve plication. Duodenal switch. The surgical procedure happens only once (good Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise), but one thing, common to us all, happens every day for the rest of our lives. Weight loss and weight loss maintenance require attention, commitment and action every day for the rest of our lives. It’s a job – a career – we must do or die.

A smart, mature, diligent acquaintance who did her research before she took the weight loss surgery plunge said to me once, “I had no idea how much work this was going to be.”

The work is not just in the weight loss but in lifestyle changes. The work doesn’t end once you reach your goal weight, but believe me: it is so very, very worth it. I love this new job of mine. I love the improved health and high energy and increased self-esteem and size 4 clothing, and I hope I never grow tired of it or take it all for granted.

A lifetime of work ahead of you can seem overwhelming. Think of it as a lifetime of learning. Learning is a good thing. If you stop learning, you stop growing. And if you stop growing, you die.

My mother, who struggled with obesity most of her life, used to say that there was a tall, thin brunette inside her just waiting to get out. I will always have a short, fat blonde girl inside me just waiting to get out. But having weight loss surgery has given me some wonderful tools for lifetime weight management, and I hope that proves to be the same for you.

Recently I bought some jeggings in size XS. At first I was OK with the way they fit, but after wearing them for a few hours, I found myself constantly hiking them up from my hips to my waist. Then I spent hours of negative thinking about how annoying it was to buying those jeggings but not be able to keep them on my body before I suddenly thought, "Jean! These are SIZE EXTRA SMALL! It's annoying that they don't fit well, but it's fabulous that extra small is too big on you! EXTRA SMALL, Jean Do you not get it?"

Over and over I'm reminded that the mental/emotional weight loss journey takes a lot longer than the physical one. I'm annoyed that XS jeggings fit too loosely, then I'm grateful that I can wear XS jeggings thanks to WLS. One day I look at myself in the mirror and all I can see is the pudge in my midsection. The next day I try on XS jeggings and think,"Hey, girl! You're looking so fine!"

It makes my formerly-blonde (now silver) head spin at times. It can be very disconcerting, but man, oh man is it worth all that work!

At one of the pre-op nutrition classes I attended, the dietitian gave us a longlist of foods to avoid - stuff like fried chicken - and I overheard another patient groan and say, "That all seems like a lot to give up."

I think focusing on loss - as in loss of favorite foods - is only human, but not helpful for long-term weight loss success. Unless you have particular medical conditions that prohibit the intake of certain foods, you'll be able to eat a wide variety of good food. It's not the spaghetti that's a problem. The real problem is eating too much of it. Getting to a point where you can enjoy a few bites and then put the fork down is just part of the WLS journey.

You are one smart cookie!

Well, consider the source...small mind, big mouth... from someone who may be misinformed.

None of us are immune to big mouth syndrome. I'm glad to be an American who's (mostly) free to express my opinion in public on any subject - health included..

I'm happy with the weight loss my sleeve has made possible, but I still fiercely miss my band. Rosie's WLS opinions sound important because she's a celebrity, but being a celebrity doesn't automatically gift you with wisdom. In the end, Rosie is still a human being who will have to account for her life and choices when she meets her Maker. And any celebrity talking about any WLS procedure probably does us a favor by shining a light on the topic of morbid obesity and its treatment (surgical or otherwise) even if their commentary is negative.

Your bariatric report card doesn’t look so good? That might be good news: a wake-up call, with some opportunities for improvement.

Back in the olden days, there was a space for teacher comments on the back of my report card. Here my teacher could write comments about areas in which I exceled or (more often) I needed to improve. Mine usually had to do with talking during class too much (except when I shut my mouth because I didn’t know the answer to a question). So, what opportunities for improvement await you this semester?

Here’s an example from my own WLS journey. It was an offshoot of my New Year’s resolution, which was to log my food every day. After weeks of living that resolution, I was dissatisfied with its effect on my weight, and suddenly realized that although I’d been faithfully logging my food every day, I hadn't been paying much attention to the resulting nutritional data.

In that instance, I had earned an A for effort and an F for achievement. That’s partly because I love keeping logs and journals. I can play with Excel documents 'til long after the cows come home, without any expectation of coming up with useful information. I analyze things just for the fun of analysis, so it’s far too easy for me to overlook the ways in which I might use all that stuff to improve my insight or change my behavior.

So if I don’t pay attention to the data in my food log, I can’t evaluate the quality of my food intake. I’d been logging about 1400-1500 calories a day (a calorie goal that accounted for my exercise level and weight loss goal) without taking the time to notice some major inconsistencies in my macronutrients, especially Protein. I need to pay attention to my protein intake not just because my body needs good-quality protein to repair the muscles I use during my daily workouts, but because low protein intake often represents maladaptive eating. Rather than slow down and eat carefully so that solid protein doesn’t cause me problems, I take the easy way out and eat the easy stuff, almost always in the form of carbs that don’t offer much satiety value, never mind nutritional value.

When I was a clueless little kid, I had to rely on adults to tell me exactly how to improve my school grades, but I’m glad to report that I’m not a clueless little kid any more. I’m an occasionally clueless adult. If my realization about the quality of my food intake had never materialized, eventually I would have asked an expert, like my dietitian or doctor, for guidance. Armed with their suggestions, I would get back on the bandwagon and give that food log another honest try. And (fingers crossed) eventually earn an A for achievement!

Well, you do get extra points for being honest about it!

I want to give myself a B+ but I know I don't deserve it. Too many tastes and nibbles here and there are impeding my weight loss. So, I give myself a B today.

I haven’t seen a report card for 35 years, but I clearly remember the looming importance of each semester’s report card. In elementary school, we were graded on effort as well as achievement. Tell us honestly: what’s your bariatric effort grade today?

When thinking about your report card, please grade yourself for both achievement and effort. Anybody who thinks having weight loss surgery is "taking the easy way out" is sadly mistake. Of course it's easier than weight loss without surgery - that's the whole idea! But easier doesn't mean automatic, either.

I’ve seen 2 different effort and achievement trends in fellow post-ops’ WLS journeys:

1. Weight loss is relatively easy in the beginning, when you’re at your heaviest and also most gung-ho, but eventually it gets harder as you get smaller (and burn fewer calories), the novelty of your surgery wears off, and your underlying eating issues (like stress eating, emotional eating, etc.) aren’t addressed.
   
2. For band patients, weight loss can be hard in the beginning, when you don’t yet have enough fill in your band, but eventually you and your band click and the weight loss gets easier.
   

Both situations #1 & 2 require extra effort on your part sooner or later. Neither situation is better or worse, but your awareness and understanding of your situation can help you deal with it with less “poor me” and more “go me!”

I’ll illustrate this with an example from the frivolous but always fascinating aspect of life: hair. I have straight, thin hair, and not a lot of it. I wish it were thicker, curlier, shinier, but it’s not. With the help of my hairdresser, I can make my hair look better, but agonizing about it does not do a single thing to make my hair curl.

Similarly, I have an inborn intolerance for idleness and am easily bored, especially when it comes to food and exercise. I wish that weren’t so, but it is. With the help of my nutritionist, food magazines, and cookbooks, I manage to plan and prepare healthy, delicious, interesting meals. With the help of my fitness instructor, I manage to participate in a wide variety of fitness classes that are never boring.

In the “go me!” department, I’m pleased to report that I’m so accustomed now to eating small meals off small plates, I don’t even think about it anymore, except when I’m dining out and my meal arrives on a dinner plate. That is quite an accomplishment for a girl who once ate a 5-pound lobster all by herself, and followed up with half a gallon of ice cream, spooned directly from the container into my mouth!

Do you need a bariatric back to school plan? The bariatric surgery school includes schoolbooks, notebooks, pencils, crayons and the advice described in my Back to School series of articles. Here's the first one.

BACK TO SCHOOL - #1

Introduction

September’s almost here, and it’s back to school season. Back to the basics, back to reading, writing, and arithmetic. Actually, any time is a good time for a bariatric refresher course. It’s easy to lose your focus and take a few too many side trips to the land of potato chips and chocolate while you trudge along the weight loss surgery trail. When post-ops ask how to get back on track, the most common response is a very sensible one: BACK TO BASICS. You’ll find this valuable advice in Finding Your Bariatric Brain Again, by 7 Bites_Jen http://www.bariatricpal.com/page/articles.html/_/support/post-op-support/finding-your-bariatric-brain-again-r231, and I’m going to address the topic in a series of three articles.

Back to basics advice is covered in greater detail in two sections of Bandwagon: in the 21 rules for success (chapter 6) and the 15 eating skills (chapter 12). Although Bandwagon was originally written for adjustable gastric band patients, much of its material applies to every and anybody who’s had weight loss surgery. You don’t have a copy of Bandwagon? That’s easy enough to remedy. Click here to order your very own copy. http://jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com/

Back to the Basics: The 3 R’s

While you’re waiting for your copy of Bandwagon to arrive, let’s talk about the 3 R’s: readin’, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic. What are the 3 R’s of weight loss success?

1. R is for Reading – learn to read your body’s signals about hunger, satiety, and appetite.

2. R is for Writing – keep a food and exercise log. Studies show that people who keep a food log lose more weight than those who don’t.

3. R is for Arithmetic – weight loss, as hard as it can be to achieve, involves very basic arithmetic. As long as you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. This doesn’t mean that you have to count calories to lose weight, or count calories for the rest of your life, but if you’re struggling and not sure why, try calorie counting for at least one week. Free online tracking programs and food log programs like the ones available at sparkpeople.com and livestrong.com) make it easy to log your food intake and calculate your calories. And by the way, calorie counting is most accurate when you’re weighing and measuring your food. Yes, more arithmetic!

What is it that’s making you look fat when you look in the mirror? Is it the garment, or the mirror, or your own critical eyes? Be honest, now.

A skewed body image is fairly common in obese or formerly-obese people. Back in bad old days, I couldn’t see or comprehend how fat I was. I could see it in photographs, but not in the mirror. Seven years later and 115 pounds lighter, I’m beginning to see and believe how small I am now.

I still struggle with my dislike of a particular body part. Although the dislike is somewhat balanced by my like for other body parts and the sized XS clothes I wear, that awful body part bugs me. I can see the size labels on my clothes and the numbers on my scale, but the mirror tells a different story. Just like poor Jema in this article’s cartoon, I still have fat days. So, what’s going on in that teeny organ I laughingly call my brain? Let’s pick up that rock and take a look at the creepy crawlies underneath it. Call it shock therapy, aversion therapy, or unflinching honesty. It must be done sooner or later, so let’s do it now.

My big bugaboo is my belly, and its reign of terror has gone on for 50+ years. Even when I was just overweight, not yet obese, my belly caused a business associate who hadn’t seen me in a while to ask, “Jean, when’s your baby due?” And when I said curtly, “I’m not pregnant,” this jerk said, “Hmmm. Are you sure about that?”

Now, I often say that I have no desire to ever wear a bikini again, not in public and not in private. That’s not due to modesty or age-appropriate dressing. It’s because I don’t think the world is ready to see my belly. According to the body fat quiz at http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html?ic=4004 ), my body fat percent is now 21.5% - ideal for a woman of my height and age. That 21.5% fat includes both subcutaneous (under the skin) and visceral (surrounding my internal organs), and it amounts to 25 lbs. of fat. In my mind, every ounce of that is located on and in my belly.

So, what can I do about my belly? I’m sometimes tempted to click on one of those omnipresent internet ads that proclaim, “Trim belly fat with this one weird old trick,” but I don’t because I suspect the trick is just too weird for a sensible senior citizen like me.

I exercise 5 days a week, doing aerobic/cardio training, strength training, flexibility and stretching. I’m working on better posture and firming up my abdominal muscles. A Tummy Tuck would probably help, but it’s not going to happen unless I win the lottery (after buying a ticket for the first time, of course), so I dress carefully to hide my “too fat” mid-section, in clothing that’s not clingy and doesn’t smack of maternity-wear.

I’m hiding my trouble zone not just from other people but from myself when I dress like that. In introspective moments of reflection, I ask myself if I’m continuing my old can’t-see-the-fat trick. Shouldn’t I finally face that demon?

Maybe, maybe not. Obsessive thinking has rarely helped me deal with life’s challenges. A very honest friend confirms that fat belly is real. Rather than allow it to run my life, I’m going to try changing the way I react to it. I think that’s a strategy that will help me in lots of different ways, some of them unrelated to my faulty body image. I also suspect that lots of different people underestimate the power of their own thoughts. If negative thinking about your own body troubles you too, why don’t you join me in the effort to put the negative stuff in its place and cultivate positive thinking?

And dare I suggest a laugh or two? Check out the Jema & Alice cartoon you’ll find here: http://jean-onthebandwagon.blogspot.com/2014/07/does-this-make-my-butt-look-bio.html

Self-pity is a popular commodity in the WLS community. I often say things like, “You want my pity? Sorry, you can’t have it. I’m saving all of mine for a truly deserving person – like me.” Let’s see how Jema and her dog deal with self-pity in today’s Jema & Alice cartoon, Come to My Pity Party!

Admit it. You know what self-pity is, at least well enough to know it at a glance as you trudge on and on towards your weight goal. So take a look at this cartoon and see if you recognize anything about it.

In today’s episode of the WLS adventures of Jema and her faithful dog, dark clouds hang over their heads and rain a deluge of self-pity onto Jema’s life. What climate condition started that rain? The cause is an emotional meteorological phenomenon commonly known as envy. Jema has been comparing her WLS journey to everyone else’s and comes out crying because they’re all so successful that she’s a failure in comparison. Or so she believes….

I understand how Jema feels because if I let them, envy and self-pity walk hand in hand through my life. They trample right over the good stuff and cultivate the bad stuff. The kind of stuff that gets me nowhere near my goals.

Jema’s problem today is that she attended a support group meeting and left it thinking evil thoughts about another bandster who’d reported a 50-pound weight loss already. Jema had "only" lost 35 pounds. What was wrong with her? Why was Debbie Doolittle but not Jema blessed with superior band success? Jema’s been a good girl too, in fact, a very hard-working and deserving girl. As our heroine wails in today’s cartoon, “It just isn't fair!” So she throws herself a pity party while Alice plays the violin. And then?

And then, she dries her eyes and moves on. She decides to use her rival’s weight loss success as inspiration instead of punishment, Debbie Doolittle might even have some tips to share at the next support group meeting. Somehow, some way, Jema’s going to find the silver lining in her dark cloud.

OK, party’s over. Back to work!

Click here to see today's cartoon:

https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1554342973151004146#editor/target=post;postID=8785291681792807452

If I didn’t have a sense of humor, I could never have survived 60 years of living, including 2+ decades of morbid obesity and the 6+ years of my WLS journey. Don’t get me wrong – I took my band (and later, my sleeve) surgery very seriously because I felt that this was my very last chance to get healthy – but laughter is part of what makes my life happy, and makes it much easier to bear my ridiculous fear of starving to death.

Today’s episode is: I’M GONNA STARVE! That title is exactly what I thought in the beginning about my post-op life – Deprivation! Suffering! Starvation! I know I’m not alone in this because through the years I’ve seen so many posts on the “When will this get easier?” theme.

To reach the easier part of my WLS journey, I had to do some mental, emotional and spiritual fine-tuning. The idea of a middle-class woman living in a rich and obese country like the USA actually starving to death was and is absurd. Absurdity is ideal material for a comic strip. I hope you’ll get a laugh or two from I’M GONNA STARVE.

Even 6.5 years after the start of my WLS journey, I'm amazed when I look at photos like this:

As you know Jean I tend to over analyze everything. My issue is the opposite of yours. I walk away from a meal constantly asking myself if I had too much. Not that I am excessively full or anything just I am constantly thinking about my portions and think "should I've been able eat that much?, Did I miss the satiety signal" I have been one of those lucky ones who got banded and lost interest with food. Head hunger is a memory that I don't have to work to hard at suppressing with will power.

I have not had a fill since Jan 29, 2013 and I have a 6 month follow up coming on April 4 so I am constantly analyzing and trying to decide whether or not I need a fill.

Jim, the fill-no fill decision isn't one you need to make alone. You can (I hope) talk with your surgeon about the pros and cons your busy brain has been analyzing.

I went to our annual Rockies baseball ticket dispersal meeting yesterday. We went to a New York Style restaurant and I ordered a sampler of ravioli, lasagna and stuffed shells. I only ate about 1/3 of it but the other guys around me were stuffing their faces with so much food it made me wonder as you have?

Each one of the other 3 guys would shove a large bite of something in their mouth and before they even chewed twice had another huge bite shoved in over the top of the last one. My old paternal instincts took over and I kept saying, "slow down and enjoy this wonderful food"(on the inside of course). My "on the inside voice" seems to be speaking a lot lately. Fortunately, it's on the inside so I'm no pissing too many people off.

I spent most of my meal in the nearly almost stuck stage of my meal.

tmf - my husband eats like that, and sometimes it disgusts me. I look at that way of eating and think "now, that can't be healthy". I don't say anything, because I have to remind myself that I'M the one who had surgery, not him.......or others that eat like that. But it is eye opening, isn't it?

Eye opening indeed!

Years ago, a Chinese friend told me a story about taking another American out for dinner (in China, where I used to travel a lot). She was aghast at the amount of food he shoveled in, complete disregarding Chinese meal etiquette (you take a few bites from the communal bowl and send it on to the person beside you; you don't take any more food until the neighbor on your other side sends another bowl of food your way). If it weren't for my friend cluing me into meal etiquette, I could very well have been another American gobbling food and hardly even tasting it.

At work the other day, I felt my eyes wanting to pop out of my head when I watched a coworker eat a sandwich in about 3 big bites. Whew! I'm glad those big bite days are behind me.

I eat pretty good 99 percent of the time. Since I've had wls I really don't feel satisfied with my food. It's not that not getting enough, it's just it's not enjoyable to me anymore. Sounds crazy.

Doesn't sound crazy to me. My band somehow erased or at least greatly reduced my enjoyment of food. That was a really weird experience at the beginning!

Sometimes, definitely! When we go out to eat and there's this table FULL of awesome looking food and I know good and well I can only eat a fraction of it. There's ALWAYS going to be the 300+ pound girl inside of me that just wants to EAT EAT EAT! Just gotta try to keep her beat down as far as I can most of the time!

My mom (who also struggled with her weight) was short and blonde (like me). She used to say that inside her was a tall, thin brunette waiting to get out. I have a short, fat blonde girl inside me, waiting to get out.

I know. Weird question. After decades of being able to out-eat my husband (9" taller and does manual labor for a living), I should count my lucky stars that I can't eat much nowadays. And I've been at the WLS game for 6-1/2 years now, so you'd think I'd be used it by now. In the final 18 months or so of my happy coexistence with my band, I realized that I just didn't care about food all that much. It was wonderful to be freed from slavery to my appetite.

Since losing my band, and after living with my sleeve for 1-1/2 years, I now find myself very often feeling disappointed that I can't eat much at a meal. I love to cook, and the food looks and smells and tastes wonderful. I take a few bites of Protein, then veg, then maybe a starch, and I literally cannot eat another bite. But oh boy, do I want to eat another bite. Or 10. Or 100.

Does anybody else deal with this kind of thing?

thanks,

Jean

What’s your incentive to work out and eat healthy day after day after day?

Believe it or not, I’ve never watched “The Biggest Loser” television show, but I’m very familiar with a phenomenon I call The Biggest Loser Effect. For several years now, a local health club has run a Biggest Loser Contest two or three times a year, as a way to boost club membership, improve attendance, and (of course) motivate people to lose weight. Individuals or teams work out, participate in exercise classes, weigh in weekly, and the winning man, woman, and/or team collects a nice price consisting of cash and services (for personal training, massages, pedicures, etc.). The club lays claim to some pretty impressive success stories, like a husband and wife who lost over 100 pounds between the two of them. That’s a good thing. If health doesn’t motivate you to lose weight, maybe cash and prizes will.

But who or what’s going to motivate you to keep going back to the health club, watching what you eat, and avoiding the morning temptation of a warm bed or the evening temptation of a nacho platter and a pitcher of beer? Who’s going to get your lazy butt over to the gym every day and power you through 45 minutes on the treadmill, stepper, or weight machines? When your lungs are searching for air and your straining legs are attempting the 9th jumping jack, is a piece of paper imprinted with “Federal Reserve Note” going to keep you going?

Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that I’m what makes Jean jump the 10th time, and I’ve watched dozens of people of all shapes, sizes and ages leap into the Biggest Loser Contest with only a dim idea of how much work (and luck) will be involved in winning that prize. They show up for one or two classes, do a few reps with two-pound hand weights, wipe the sweat from their brow, and head off to McDonald’s for a light Breakfast of sausage biscuits with hash browns, a cinnamon roll, and a giant Dr. Pepper (remember: I live in the South)…never to be seen again, except maybe on the obituary page of the local newspaper.

That’s what I mean by The Biggest Loser Effect. The contest is a good start, a pledge to make important changes. Just stepping on the scale in a public place like a gym is a big deal. But the contest isn’t enough. Weight management is a contest that goes on for the rest of your life, and the grand prize is far more valuable than $500 or even $1,000,000 cash. The prize is living 10 or more years longer and healthier than you would have otherwise. The Biggest Loser Contest winners are the people who think about their eating and exercise all week long, not just when weigh-in time rolls around on Saturday morning.

It may sound like I’m making fun of the losers who quit, but I can spot the quitters so easily because I used to be a quitter myself. A friend made me laugh the other day when she told me about checking through her “vast library of DVD’s” to find a Leslie Sansone exercise video. It reminded me of a “less is more” phase I went through a few years ago, during which I cleared my house of a lot of the clutter that had accumulated through the years, including my own vast library of exercise videos, some of them still sealed in their original packaging. Apparently I had thought that simply purchasing an exercise video would count as real exercise, or I played the video once, quit after 10 or 12 minutes, and sent it to the video graveyard in my bookcase. So I know whereof I speak. And I also know I’m going to go on being a loser, but I’m not going to go on being a quitter. Are you?

Right now...my goal is to find peace....peace with myself and the decisions I make. I had WLS to lose weight, to feel better and so far it is working. The 82 lbs off my 5'4" frame feels amazing and I look in the mirror in awe most days...as a dieter since the age of 16 who knew I could begin to achieve the elusive idea of losing weight AND keeping it off AND not being miserable, dieting or denied.

But I'm now at a point where I beat myself up over every decision I basically make. The biggest one of course is my WLS....happiest decision I ever made and then the fear creeps in...how long will it last? what's happening inside of me? was this, IN FACT, the best long-term decision? Then there is the issue of food choices. I did not get to be 280 lbs by not knowing I have "issues" with food...and now at 5 1/2 months post surgery some of the old habits and urges and feelings about food are creeping back....should I get a fill (haven't had one yet)....will that help--I dont believe so...and I dont want to ruin what is working right now.

I find myself feeling down on myself, feeling sad at times, and mostly angry at myself...am I sabotaging myself ONCE again???? If I eat too much I panic did I stretch my pouch, did I do this or that....

I am an educated woman. I did my research and I went into WLS fully understanding the choices I made...but sometimes the worrisome thoughts take over the reasoning part of my brain....

So as I stop my ranting about my bit of craziness ....i hope for true inner peace and WAY less worrying in my life.

Thank you Jean, for helping me take a good long look at what I truly want and how I am going to get myself there....because I WILL!!!

I think a lot of people experience at least some of the craziness you describe, not just in the context of WLS but a lot of other life changes. And some of those people (like me) apply our inborn analytic urges to every single thing we do, worsening and prolonging the craziness. But...I agree with Socrates, who said, "the unexamined life is not worth living." I want to live, to understand, to know myself and my world. Sometimes the learning process is very uncomfortable, but on the whole it's worthwhile (for me) and eventually it does get easier. And when I stop learning, I figure it's time for me to go home forever.

Great article jean! Really got me thinking about what I spend the majority of my time thinking about. And sadly right now it is still food! I want health and family to push through to the top! But I have no idea to make the food thoughts go away. Just keep trying Day by day is all I can think.

Dealing with intrusive food thoughts is a booger, isn't it? I spent so many years obsessing about food, I now think those thoughts built a superhighway between my brain and my mouth. Then I had WLS and went on obsessing about food in my eagerness to improve and control my food intake. For a few years post-op, my band did a wonderful job, making food far less interesting, and that's one of the things I sorely miss about it. So now I, like you, try to take it one day at a time.

I'm not really trying to be superwoman I just have lots of bills and just trying to make ends meet - I make good money and I'm happy for that! I have a child with a heart condition and medical bills are expensive - always hoping for the powerball or lottery

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you on that lottery prize!

My heart's desire would be for me to be a stay at home mom/wife. I would love to take my kids to school, pick them up every day, and volunteer at their school. My husband works 70 hours a week and I would love to be able to make home cooked meals and have a clean house. If he was to get off work early I would be around for him. I want to slow down to not be in a hurry all the time! It would have to include the money to do that - because I wouldn't be able to do it without sufficient $ coming in.

I work a stressful job (I love it & they are good to me) but I feel like I'm running and so busy all the time. Everything seems so stressful all the time basically with everything - always in a rush, always hurrying - what I would give for a slower more simpler life!

Being Superwoman isn't all it's knocked up to be, is it? About 10 years ago, I abandoned an interesting but stressful and time-consuming career. Having more free time felt strange for a while, but now it's precious to me.