Don't put it off. I did for a couple of years and then had to have a piece of my colon removed because the polyp the found couldn't be removed during the colonoscopy. Luckily I now have 3 years to wait until the next one since the one I did in December prior to my surgery was clean.
I started off at 315 pounds in October of 2017. I list 35 pounds in almost two years on my own before surgery. In August 2019, I had gastric sleeve surgery and have lost another 90 pounds so that I am down a total of 125 pounds. I only have the two headshots but can’t get over the difference. (I used to avoid getting my picture taken). I lost a second chin and discovered my clavicle. I have gone from a 3X to a L in clothes.
My only regret is that I didn’t have the surgery sooner. The second picture is from my 6th month follow up and I was at 205 at the time. I am averaging about 5 pounds a month weight loss.
Revised sleeve to bypass last week due to GERD. Sleeve w/hiatal hernia repair 6/2016. 2nd hernia repair 10/17. 3rd hernia repair w/bypass, although originally the surgeon said he wasn’t going to fix it this time. I guess it was so big that he had to. I revised because I was aspirating acid into my lungs.
I wish I had pushed for the bypass for the original surgery. I had asked for it because I already had GERD. I was told that I probably had a hernia, he’d fix it, and I’d be fine. Yeah...
This recovery is harder from a pain perspective. The incisions are larger. It hurts to cough, sneeze, laugh, sit up, etc. I don’t remember this happening the last time. The surgeon said that he “did more damage” this time cutting me open. 😳 I do feel better every day but it it is different from last time.
I also find that my appetite is the same as before the surgery. Last time I didn’t even want to look at food. However, I get nauseous when I eat so I am dropping weight, which I’m please with. I don’t mind losing about 10-15#, but I’m going to have to be careful not to get underweight (now that’s a first for me!).
Good luck with whatever you decide.
@mlbdl
I decided at this time to not revision to Gastric Bypass. My gerd started with bad eating and stress. I first needed to work on my eating and stress level.
My acid reflux is under control with a PPI. I still have little spikes of acid but I'm down to a Level 1 on a scale 1 to 10. I have been eating extremely slow and chewy my food completely. I cut out coffee and gerd triggered foods. It has helped 100%
I am giving myself until June 2020 that would put me at 3 years post op to see if the gerd has improved.
For me, diet changes and less stress have helped me. Another surgery, especially the bypass is major. I need to first exhausted all other options before undergoing the Gastric Bypass.
Let's stay in touch. I am praying for your surgery and help.
I’m supposed to be having my sleeve revised to a bypass in November due to GERD. I have a hiatial hernia for the 3rd time and the surgeon as well as the 2nd opinion surgeon says not to repair the hernia, just revise to bypass. Evidently my cough is acid aspirating into my lungs, and most of my allergy symptoms are from the acid. This is on top of the regular nasty acid symptoms.
I had originally asked for the bypass because I already had GERD and I knew that VSG could make GERD worse or cause it if you don’t have it. The surgeon said that if I had another 100# to lose he’d recommend the bypass but he said I probably have a hernia. He’d fix it, therefore fixing the GERD. So, 3 hernias later, I’m revising to a bypass, and I’m terrified. I’ve been very pleased with my sleeve except for the GERD getting worse. So... 3.5 years later I’m finally getting what I originally asked for, but now I have to go through a 3rd surgery (VSG/hernia; hernia again; now bypass) to do it. I should have just pushed for the bypass at the beginning and I’d be done with it.
If you’re reading this post, you’ll probably agree that losing weight is one of the hardest things many people will ever do.
After months or years of attempts to lose weight (and keep it off), you may be considering bariatric surgery. In 2011, the total number of bariatric surgeries performed in the U.S. was 158,000. By 2015, the number had increased to 196,000. Patients who undergo bariatric surgery and follow all treatment guidelines can expect to lose weight and improve the quality of their lives. More than 85% of patients lose and maintain 50% of their initial weight loss.
This post is designed to focus on what I learned, sometimes the hard way. Some things you can’t find out in a doctor’s office, no matter how skille d a professional he or she is.
What Your Doctor Can’t Tell You
If you are considering bariatric surgery, you’ve probably done some research. You may have looked up “gastric bypass” on the internet, read some blogs, or perhaps you’ve gone so far as to discuss the possibilities with your doctor.
You may have a decent grasp of the physical side of this surgery. But there are some things even the best surgeon can’t tell you. I’m talking about the emotional side of taking this life-changing step. The emotional roller coaster of trying and failing to lose weight does not disappear when you decide to use bariatric surgery to get control of your life. But, it does become easier when you know what to expect, and when you see that you are not alone.
I speak with authority on the subject of bariatric surgery and the emotional struggle that goes with it — I’ve been there. Seven years ago, I had a gastric bypass. This process took me from being barely able to function to living a magnificent life as an authentic and productive person.
But it wasn’t a walk in the park. As a person who has been through the surgery personally, and as a clinician (I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) I bring deep experience to this subject. And I’m anxious to share what I learned.
I want to make it clear up front that I am speaking as a clinician and someone who has been through weight loss surgery and the difficult recovery process — I am not a nutritionist or medical practitioner.
The full tale of my own personal journey is recorded in my book Recovering My Life: A Personal Bariatric Story and in videos and Facebook posts I recorded during and after my surgery.
I began emotional eating as a response to childhood trauma. And, though I had dieted over and over again since high school, I weighed over 200 pounds at the birth of my second child. At that point, my medical problems included sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and hypoglycemia (low blood sugar).
By the time my third child was born, I was pre-diabetic, with gestational diabetes. Many days, I was too tired from sleep apnea to even get out of bed. I could barely take care of my kids, and I felt like the worst mom on the planet.
Fighting My Way Through
I had always thought only slackers had weight loss surgery. But when a friend had a gastric bypass, she convinced me that, for people with weight loss resistance, this was a good option.
I consulted my doctor. He approved, and I began fighting my way back to health. And it was a battle. I made mistakes, but I learned from them, and I persevered.
Today, I have maintained my weight loss, and I am healthy. I am a better mom to my kids, and I have a thriving group practice and run a nonprofit foundation I created to assist people in our community to heal the brokenness in their lives. And I met and married my second husband and have a great marriage.
If you’re thinking about bariatric surgery, or if you’ve already had a procedure done, it’s important to move forward with all the information you need — including the physical and emotional ups and downs.
My recovery was a difficult journey, but I would do it again a million times over. Knowing what I know now wouldn’t eliminate the challenges I had to overcome before and after surgery. But, it would make the whole thing less scary.
That’s what I hope my story does for you — help you avoid the mistakes I made and feel more confident in your success.
Understanding Weight Loss Struggles & Bariatric Surgery
Causes of Morbid Obesity
What is Bariatric Surgery?
Getting Ready for Surgery
Mental & Emotional Preparation
Advocating for Yourself
After Surgery is Approved
Building Support
Planning
Pre-Surgery Weight Loss
What You Will Need Immediately After Surgery
In the Hospital
The First Few Days at Home
Ongoing Recovery
Physical Issues
Emotional Issues
Other Issues
Potential Issues After Weight-Loss Surgery
Emotional Challenges
Health Problems
Relationships
Understanding Weight Loss Struggles & Bariatric Surgery
Why Do People End Up Morbidly Obese
Well-meaning acquaintances, friends, and relatives may suggest that you’re “taking the easy way out” by pursuing bariatric surgery. They can make you feel guilty for even considering this as a last resort. Why can’t you just lose the weight on your own?
Genetic predisposition. Some are genetically predisposed to gain weight, even when they exercise, even when they try to diet. Certain hormone imbalances and disorders can also make it hard to stay at a healthy weight.
Emotional eating. The barrier that keeps most morbidly obese people from losing weight is that our eating is connected with our emotions. Early on, many of us learned to use food as a way to cope. Food for us is not just fuel; it’s the way we deal with life’s problems and blows.
Regardless of the particular cause, some of us have been on one diet or another all our lives. We have lost the same 50, 70, or 100 pounds over and over. In fact, our attempts to lose weight have made us worse off. Along with the health effects of too much weight, we carry the shame of failure and frustration.
Weight and Your Wellbeing
The physical health problems associated with obesity are many and serious: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, acid reflux, gall bladder disease, congestive heart failure. Type two diabetes, hypoglycemia, asthma, sleep apnea and other sleep problems, fertility problems, arthritis, lack of energy. Knee and back pain, gout, Migraines, psychosocial stress. Even scarier: liver disease, increased risk of cancer, risk of stroke, and earlier death.
Associated emotional problems that stem from these conditions can also make it harder to overcome them. For example, you may be struggling with depression, anxiety, and guilt. Sometimes, the biggest problem we have to face is the low self-esteem that goes along with being the biggest person in the room.
What Is Bariatric Surgery?
Bariatric surgery is not a cosmetic procedure. We may hope to look better after losing weight, but the best reasons for undergoing this major surgery are to extend and improve our lives.
The common term for bariatric surgery is “weight-loss surgery.” It means any surgical procedure on the stomach or intestines that aims at weight loss. Doctors have been performing these surgeries since the 1950s, with a good success rate.
The most common procedures are lap band, with a success rate of 47%; gastric sleeve, with a success rate of 80%; and gastric bypass, which has an 85% success rate. Another procedure, duodenal switch, has a success rate of 95%, but is more complicated and less common in the U.S.
These procedures support weight loss while requiring lifestyle changes. Drastic weight loss can motivate you to keep on the road to better health.
Whichever procedure you choose, pre- and post-operative education is key to developing lasting, healthy habits.
Getting Ready for Surgery
Mentally and Emotionally Preparing
Convincing others — and yourself — this is the best solution
Your first job is to conquer your own hesitance about weight-loss surgery. Even asking about it takes courage. Then, when you’ve reached the point of seriously considering it, you need to be prepared for a long haul.
You will need to get lots of people on board with your decision. First, your family — maybe not extended family, but certainly the people you live with day to day.
Next, you need your doctor to approve your decision. No matter how much you hate to get weighed, you will need a referral from your primary physician. And, you need to convince your insurance carrier that bariatric surgery is necessary for your health and to prolong your life.
Navigating Relief and Fear
You will probably feel a profound sense of relief just to know there’s a solution to obesity- related health problems. But along with that relief comes worry. It’s major surgery. Things could go very wrong. You might even die. Will having surgery be worth it?
What if you can’t get the weight off during those post-surgery months? What if you can’t keep it off and all this trouble and pain is for nothing? After all, you’ve tried and tried to lose weight and it hasn’t worked — or only worked for a short time.
Then there’s having to consult with medical personnel and, even worse, insurance representatives, to advocate for yourself. You’ll have to talk about your weight, which means confronting the shame that goes with it.
You may worry that people will think you’re weak — that you’re taking the easy way out. How do you overcome that prejudice? Especially since part of you still shares it.
Overcoming Resistance
And what about all those hoops you have to jump through? You have to have at least six months of records showing your weight on a regular basis and detailing your attempts to lose it. When you can’t bear the sight of your own body, much less the weight on the scale, how are you going to face that challenge?
Your research, from articles to videos, shows people who’ve had bariatric surgery eating impossibly small portions. You hear about all the restrictions ahead: first, a liquid diet; then mashed food; then, even when you get back to “normal,” ongoing restrictions, such as not drinking with meals. How will you ever be able to eat normally again — how will you ever be able to eat out?
These are mental challenges it won’t be easy to meet. But if you want to be well again, if you want a long, productive life, it is possible to work through them.
Advocating for Yourself
I was fortunate that my primary care physician was willing to support my bariatric surgery decision from the beginning. But you may have to work to convince your medical advisor that this route is good for you. Advocating for yourself isn’t easy, especially if, like most of us who suffer from morbid obesity, you don’t like calling attention to yourself and your weight.
To succeed, you must learn how to speak up for yourself. Here are some suggestions.
Decide what you want. Believe in yourself!
Know the facts. Educate yourself about bariatric surgery and potential issues.
Plan. You need a strategy for recovery and ongoing lifestyle changes.
Gather support. It’s helpful to have family, friends, and people who have similar issues on your side.
Target your efforts. Find the best medical practitioner. Find the right person at your insurance company to plead your case to.
Express yourself clearly. Tell doctors and insurance agents that you are interested in surgery and why you feel you need it. Stick to the point, and don’t give up if they say “no.” It may help to role play scenarios with a friend or family member who supports your decision.
Assert yourself, but don’t lose your temper. Respect the rights of others, but ask for what you need, and then listen.
Finally, don’t give up. Be firm and persistent. Follow through on what you promise. (Those six months of weight-loss records, for example.)
After Surgery Is Approved
You’ve made the decision to have bariatric surgery. You’re both excited and scared about taking this serious step toward improving your health and your life, but you’re going to do it. Now you need to build your support system. Nobody goes through such a major life change, such a serious physical challenge, without help.
Find Your Team
Choosing the right people to support you on your journey is one of the most important decisions you have to make. You will need to depend on family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who have gone through this experience before you. The most important quality to look for in your team is respect and support for your decision.
You will need help with ordinary tasks and responsibilities while you are undergoing and recovering from surgery. A few needs:
Someone to care for your children and pets while you’re in the hospital and perhaps during recovery at home
Help cooking meals and cleaning the house
Someone to accompany you to the hospital and be your advocate when you can’t do that yourself
Help dealing with the inevitable emotions and stresses of major surgery and a major lifestyle change
First, you have to overcome your reluctance to ask for help. Then, you have to reach out. Share your needs with family and friends who are sympathetic to your goals. If they’re not on board, you don’t have time for them right now.
If it feels right to you, you can use social media to reach out. Contact your church, work friends, fellow hobbyists, and people you’ve come to know in other ways. Trust that there will be someone who can help.
Be Informed and Follow Your Doctor’s Advice
Use the resources available through your medical advisors. Seek out a sympathetic nurse.
A therapist can help you deal with the emotional consequences of surgery and also the issues that led to your obesity in the first place. If you don’t have a therapist, maybe it’s time to make that connection. Find a good therapy group.
And above all, follow your doctor’s advice! Learn as much as you can about what will be happening to your body and mind, but trust the experts.
Plan for an Extended Recovery
Your time in the hospital may be only three to four days, but it will take longer for you to feel “recovered.” The period (about nine months) when you are relearning how to eat and coming to terms with the smaller size of your stomach is crucial to your long-term success. There will be lots of ups and downs. Be ready for a long road to full recovery.
Having support from friends and family is important, but this is the time to get involved with a support group. Being with others going through the same experience can give you the perspective you need to keep going.
Even if your physical recovery is swift and relatively painless, you will have to learn how to deal with the changes in your life. If, as with many, food has been the way you deal with past trauma, uncomfortable feelings, your need for independence, or any other of life’s problems, you no longer can depend on that comfort. If food has been your addiction, you now have to kick the addictive response to it. There will be setbacks. You need to be prepared to bounce back from them.
Lose Weight Before Surgery
Your bariatric surgeon is likely to require you follow a weight-loss plan for a number of months (six is common) before surgery. The reasons: to make sure you really are committed to your goal of losing the excess weight, and to help you be as healthy as possible going into surgery.
This can be a frustrating time. You’ve tried so many diets and exercise programs before, and none have worked. You hate thinking about your weight, and your program requires you weigh yourself daily and keep records of your weight, food intake, and exercise. You’ve made a major decision and are anxious to get it over with. But again, following your doctor’s advice is the shortest and best way to reach your goal, no matter how frustrating it feels.
Confront Your Fears
To make this transformative decision, you’ve already had to overcome lots of fears. Some of your fears involve others’ opinions. “What will people think?” Some arise from self-doubt. “Am I being selfish?” These are not frivolous concerns. Believe in yourself and face them. Your decision to take care of your health so that you can be there for your loved ones is a good one. Trust in yourself.
Another very real fear is the fear that anyone feels when they are about to undergo major surgery. You could die. This is not a frivolous thing. It’s serious. But the vast majority of people who have surgery don’t die from it. So, face your fear realistically.
At last, the big day is here. Your surgery is performed. You wake up in the hospital. Are you a different person? Is it all over now? Not yet. The journey of recovery has begun, and it will take resilience.
Immediately After Surgery
In the Hospital
If you have built your support team, you will have fewer worries going in. Your family and home responsibilities are covered, and you have people to support you in the hospital and after you return home. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges.
During the initial stages of recovery, hospital staff will be checking your blood pressure, oxygen levels, and more. You may feel as though you are always being poked and prodded at, with little privacy. Thankfully, this stage doesn’t last forever,
Your doctors will advise you about the physical challenges that may follow bariatric surgery: Constipation, dumping syndrome (nausea, vomiting, and weakness caused by eating high sugar meals, sodas, and fruit juices), possible infection of the wound, and possible leaks in the new connections. But medical advice may not give you the information you need about the emotional side effects.
One consequence of the surgery I noticed immediately: I no longer felt like eating. My hunger hormones were gone for a period of time. I had to force myself to eat, and I felt weak. Others report that they felt hungry during the post-op period while on a liquid diet.
Hungry or not, a liquid diet can be a source of emotional stress. Be aware that different people react in different ways. The important thing is to keep following your medical and nutritional advice and trust that, in time, you’ll be feeling more normal.
Another potential problem is “food grief.” Food has a special meaning for people who suffer from morbid obesity, and “mourning for lost foods is a natural step in the re-birth process after weight loss surgery.” For a long time, maybe all our lives, food was our friend. We turned to it in celebration, in sadness, for comfort, for reward. Now, we can no longer turn to food. We have to find other ways to fill the void food once filled for us.
Along with the pain associated with surgery comes the challenge of managing it. The pain medication you are given in the hospital may not work for you. Keep advocating for yourself until you find one that does. It may also take time to know exactly how much medication you need. Trust your doctor, but don’t be afraid to ask for a higher dose if you are in pain, or a lower dose if you are experiencing other unpleasant side effects.
It’s worth reiterating here, I am not a nutritionist or medical practitioner. And, I am certainly not advocating for you to ignore your doctor’s advice. Rather, by telling your doctor how you feel when you’re on pain medication, he or she may be able to transition you to a more effective medicine or dosage in a safe, supervised way.
Other challenges: meeting the medical requirements for discharge from the hospital and meeting your own fears and expectations. Will you be ready to be sent home? How will you manage after you get there?
Your First Few Days at Home
Your first major challenge will be dealing with pain and managing your pain medication. If you’re like me, you will want to get off medication as soon as possible. But follow your doctor’s advice. Pain meds usually require tapering off. Quitting “cold turkey” is likely to cause withdrawal symptoms, such as feelings of anxiety or depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, night sweats, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. I made the mistake of not tapering off my pain meds and lived to regret it.
You — and members of your family — might be appalled at how little you eat. You might worry about not getting enough of the right nutrition — Protein, for example. The combination of pain, medication, and lack of hunger hormones can mean almost total loss of appetite.
Feeling responsible for things at home may make you push yourself too hard, especially if loved ones need you. Preplanning for getting help during this early recovery period is important. You will need to have both physical and emotional support in place. Recognize that even though they care, some people won’t be able to help. But don’t be afraid to ask.
Take baby steps. Your recovery has many facets: overcoming pain and regaining your physical strength are just the beginning. Emotional adjustment to the new circumstances of this life-changing step is major and ongoing.
Therapist Lynne Routsong-Wiechers, herself a successful bariatric surgery patient, lists “Seven Steps to Improving Emotional Adjustments Post-Surgery” in her article, “Baby Steps — Emotional Adjustments to Weight-Loss Surgery.”
Follow your doctor’s orders. Ask questions when you have them and express concerns, but trust your doctor’s recommendations and prioritize your physical health.
Keep a journal. You can use this to keep track of the foods you eat, as well as whether or not you are emotionally eating, but you might also choose to express what you’re thinking and feeling. This will be a private record, just for you. Remember, you are more than your diet and weight.
Write down realistic goals and expectations. Celebrate when you meet them!
Reflect on the past. Remember why you decided to make this change, and honor how far you’ve come.
Take plenty of photos and keep your old clothes. This will help you physically see your immense transformation.
Call on that support team you’ve created.
Look forward to living life to the fullest!
Ongoing Recovery
Physical Issues
Even after you’ve conquered the first few days after surgery, the challenges go on. This early recovery stage can last from one to six weeks. The specifics vary with the particular procedure, but here’s a general outline of your physical recovery:
Develop strategies to deal with these attacks: exercise, journaling, and deep breathing are a few suggestions. Seek help if your attacks are severe.
Focus on One Part of Your Body
You might find yourself focusing on one body part. For me, it was my double chin. I had lost inches from my waistline and was making good progress, but when I looked in the mirror and saw that same double chin, I felt like I was making no progress at all.
This kind of body image distortion, if it becomes obsessive, can lead to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a mental health disorder. People with BDD can spend hours a day obsessing about their appearance. These obsessions and the low self-esteem that results can make them avoid social situations, have problems at work or school, or even lead to suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts.
It’s important to seek help and support if you feel yourself becoming fixated. Remember that no body is perfect, and people are much more like to think about their own “flaws” than notice yours. Practice positive self-talk and try to replace thoughts about your body with something else, such as a new hobby or activity. Now that you’ve lost weight, a whole new world is open to you!
Health Problems
It’s not uncommon for patients to regain some weight after surgery, although it’s a myth that many patients regain all their lost weight.
Regaining Weight
Regaining even a small amount of weight can feed your fear. What if you stretch the pouch and end up gaining weight back or stalling your weight-loss? What if you have to go back to the hospital for something and you gain weight because of the treatment?
About half of all bariatric surgery patients regain weight after two years. But the average regain is about 8% after reaching the lowest point, and total ten-year excess weight loss is still over 50%. The main reasons for regaining weight are: how much excess weight you carried before surgery, alcohol or drug abuse, lack of a support system, or having a psychological problem or food “addiction.”
Realize that even if you regain some weight, you are still healthier than you were before surgery. Take steps to avoid the main reasons for weight gain. Be aware of the dangers of a substitute addiction to alcohol or drugs. Get yourself a support system and use it. Get treatment if you suspect you are overeating because of food addiction.
Plateauing
Don’t lose hope if you stop losing weight for a few days. These things happen. You can overcome the weight loss plateau.
Your metabolism may have slowed because you couldn’t exercise after surgery. You can start losing weight again. Focus on getting the right amount and intensity of exercise. Track your heart rate. You should be exercising at 60 to 85% of your maximum heart rate (220 minus your age). Vary your exercise routine to keep yourself challenged. Be sure to drink enough Water, and continue eating right.
Complications
I worried that something would get stuck in the very small connection between my stomach pouch and small intestine. Would I have to go to the emergency room? Could something else happen to me?
As with all surgeries, there can be complications with bariatric surgery. But this surgery is very safe (99.8% survival rate). And less than 10% of patients have a complication. Though the list of complications is fairly long, most are not life-threatening (e.g., indigestion, diarrhea or constipation, nausea and vomiting, dumping syndrome). Some can be prevented by self-care.
Stick to your bariatric diet, follow your doctor’s instructions, inform yourself about what to look for, and share your worries with your doctor.
Sutures
I had difficulty with sutures coming out before they were supposed to. Others have had infections at the wound site. Monitor the site of your surgery and consult your doctor if things aren’t going right.
Hypoglycemia
Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) happens when after eating, a rise in blood sugar makes your body produce more insulin, which then lowers blood sugar. Unless it’s extreme, this can be managed by changes in your diet.
Nutritional Deficiencies
Common Vitamin and mineral deficiencies among bariatric surgery patients are Vitamin B12, Folate and Zinc, Iron, copper, Calcium, and Vitamin D. Potassium deficiency can also be a problem, causing nausea, cramping, and dry skin. supplements may help. Consult your doctor and dietician.
Dehydration
The recommended daily intake of water — 64 ounces — may be hard to get down, particularly right after surgery. Eight cups sounds like a lot, but if you break it down to one-fourth cup every 15 minutes for eight of the twelve or so hours you are awake, it is manageable. There’s an app for reminding you when to drink at GetHYApp.com.
Clothing
Especially in the early weeks and months after surgery, when you are dropping weight fast, you may find you can’t find anything to wear. This may sound like a minor problem, but you might be caught off guard by how much you spend on new clothes as you lose weight rapidly. While you are changing sizes every week or two, you may want to find some ways to save money:
Borrow clothes or shop at thrift stores.
Shop your closet. Now’s the time to wear those too small items you just couldn’t part with when you were heavier.
Don’t buy too much. Get exactly what you need until the next size change.
Buy just a few practical basics and splurge on accessories.
Don’t buy for the future. Clothes that fit and flatter now are better for your confidence.
Alter. If you can’t alter your own clothes, find someone who can and get items altered as you lose weight. Most things can be taken in.
Exchange Clothing. If you’re in a support group, consider swapping clothes with other group members.
Relationships
Social Life
Your new body may allow you to make new decisions: to start dating or to go to the beach. But because your body image may not have caught up with the reality of your new body, you may still have the self-doubts you had before.
Part of your mind still thinks the way you did before surgery. You may feel unattractive, even invisible. Inside, you still feel fat. Negative self-talk may still be your go-to response to interacting socially with other people.
Counseling, a support group, and self-affirmations can help. Most importantly, give yourself credit for all you have accomplished. You’ve come a long way.
Different Reactions
Sad, but true. Not all of your friends and family will react positively to the new you. Old friends, even family members, may envy or resent your new look.
Family, friends, and even strangers may have a range of reactions to the changes in you. Your children may support you, but carry a lot of anxiety, fearing that you may die. Some may become diet police, worried that you’ll regain the weight and ill health of your days of obesity. Some will trust you to know your own needs.
Know that others’ reactions don’t mean anything about you. You are taking care of yourself, and that’s a good thing.
Getting More Attention
Now that you have lost weight, you are probably getting more attention. This may make you uncomfortable. Obesity goes with isolation. In fact, some people use their weight to keep from being in the spotlight. Being noticed may be flattering, but it can also be stressful.
Jealousy
If you’re married or in a relationship your significant other may be jealous of all the attention you’re getting from other people. Your spouse might fear that the new you might leave the relationship and so may try to sabotage your efforts to maintain your weight loss.
Your overweight friends might be jealous in a different way. If monthly dinners out with your “foodie” friends were the main thing that kept you together, or if these friends are not sympathetic to your weight loss efforts, they may, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage you.
Remember to surround yourself with people who support you. Don’t judge others who may be struggling, but don’t sacrifice your progress to please them.
Guarding Against Judgment
The different way strangers and acquaintances perceive you now may make you feel flattered, but also confused and even resentful. You may wonder — do these people like you for yourself, or are they just attracted to your new appearance? Would they have liked you before?
People you don’t see every day may not recognize you. Others may make you feel that you’re being judged for your decision to have the surgery. You may be re-introducing yourself to one person and defending yourself to another.
It’s understandable that you may be struggling with your sense of self. But, remember, you are worthy of kindness at any weight. Be your own best support.
Honoring Your Accomplishment
You can’t control the beliefs and behavior of other people, but you can be true to your goals and to yourself. Keep honoring your decision, your hard work, your determination, and your truly astonishing accomplishments. Whatever others say or imply, you are a brave and magnificent person, and you deserve a magnificent life.
Embrace Your Future
Bariatric surgery is a last-resort choice for losing weight that is killing you. Deciding to go ahead with it and working through all the barriers and difficulties is not for the faint of heart. But for those who choose to go forward, it can be life-saving in many ways.
By arming yourself with information about what to expect, you can feel prepared to navigate the weight loss surgery process with greater confidence and ease. Keep coming back to this guide and check in with yourself at every step along the way.
Before, immediately after, and long after surgery, remember these key points:
Create a support system
Take care of your body
Believe in yourself
No matter where you are in your surgery journey, you deserve the new life you have given yourself. Enjoy.
Links
https://asmbs.org/resources/estimate-of-bariatric-surgery-numbers
https://obesitynewstoday.com/gastric-bypass-success-rate/
https://www.caroladkisson.com/books/
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/feeling-hungry-less-than-a-week-after-gastric-bypass-surgery-is-this-normal.html
http://www.boxingscene.com/weight-loss/54558.php
https://www.consumerreports.org/health/avoid-withdrawal-symptoms-from-prescription-painkillers/
http://www.obesityaction.org/educational-resources/resource-articles-2/weight-loss-surgery/baby-steps-emotional-adjustments-after-weight-loss-surgery
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/bariatric-surgery-recovery.html#Support_Main
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/bariatric-surgery/basics/what-you-can-expect/prc-20019138
https://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/239270-joint-aches-and-pains/
http://www.mybariatriclife.org/chronic-fatigue-after-bariatric-surgery/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/456678-feeling-cold-all-the-time-after-a-gastric-bypass/
https://www.leaf.tv/articles/how-to-avoid-skin-problems-after-gastric-bypass/
https://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/you-lost-weight-what-about-extra-skin#2
https://www.drdkim.net/ask-the-dietitian/understanding-hair-loss-after-bariatric-surgery/
http://www.yourbariatricsurgeryguide.com/psych-impact/
http://www.bmiut.com/mood-changes-bariatric-surgery/
https://www.njbariatriccenter.com/eating-out-after-weight-loss-surgery/
https://www.bariatriceating.com/2013/11/what-medications-are-off-limits-after-my-bariatric-surgery/
https://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/the-emotional-health-risks-of-bariatric-surgery.aspx
http://www.yourbariatricsurgeryguide.com/psych-impact/
https://www.tijuanabariatrics.com/blog/2017/04/18/is-a-ketogenic-diet-safe-181655
https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/dietary_guidelines_after_gastric_bypass/
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/weight-gain-after-gastric-bypass.html#Diet-and-Life-After-Main
http://www.yourbariatricsurgeryguide.com/psych-impact/
https://weightwise.com/avoid-body-image-distortion-weight-loss-surgery/
http://bariatrictimes.com/depression-after-bariatric-surgery-triggers-identification-treatment-and-prevention/
http://blog.riversidesurgicalweightloss.com/blog/manage-anxiety-after-surgery
https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd
https://asmbs.org/patients/bariatric-surgery-misconceptions
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/weight-gain-after-gastric-bypass.html
https://mybariatricsolutions.com/overcoming-and-preventing-the-weight-loss-plateau/
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/complications-of-gastric-bypass-surgery.html#General_Safety-Main
http://gethyapp.com/
https://weightwise.com/how-to-shop-for-clothes-after-weight-loss-surgery/
https://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/marriage-family-strangers-after-weight-loss-surgery.html
Regain glasses suck.
The moment regain becomes a problem we put on those regain glasses and NOTHING looks good.
A few years ago I distinctly remember reading a post from a woman that went something like this.
I hate my hair. I don't like my face and don't know how to use makeup. I hate what I'm eating every day and I'm sick of it. Oh and I gained 5 pounds.
One of my most often repeated quotes...."we are rarely upset for the reason we think". Of course I assume you can guess what she was really upset about. I wrote her and told her to get a cute haircut, go to a department store and get someone to show her how to do makeup (free) or check out thousands of makeup videos on You Tube. I also told her she could change what she eats every day. Of course none of that made her feel better because she didn't FEEL like doing any of that because she was wearing her regain glasses loud and proud.
It seems that for most people everything looks pretty awful through those regain glasses. I want to help you take them off. You say "Yeah right…like I haven’t tried… and mostly..... I don't FEEL like it. I don't feel like doing anything." I have often pointed out that when you were at this weight on the way down you were ecstatic! Do you see how your perspective totally messes with your head? Why do we obsess about the lowest weight we ever reached instead of constantly realizing what our highest weight was and being grateful we aren't there? And if you choose to obsess about your lowest weight, doesn't it make sense to move towards doing something about it instead of continuing to walk down regain road?
Unfortunately we have this big adjustment to make after weight loss surgery because the first year we are wearing the "honeymoon glasses" and EVERYTHING looks GREAT! Remember how wonderful everything was when you lost your first 30-40 pounds? Yet you were heavier than you are now. You could hardly mess up at all the first year. It was all good!
One day you wake up and you can't find your honeymoon glasses. You start to take for granted the little things like being able to tie your shoes, paint your toe nails, fit in an airplane seat..... and the next thing you know it isn't enough anymore. Some of us hang in there for a while or even a long while and eventually something shifts and you start to think about how much you miss those honeymoon glasses.... you start looking for that feeling in other things like our old friend Mr. food. He’s tappin' you on the shoulder every day..."Pssst....remember me? Remember how much fun we had? Oh come on... a little sum-um sum-um won't hurt you". All the while your old friend has some regain glasses stuck in his back pocket just waiting to slide them on your face.
One of the most extreme cases of the perspective meter being out of whack was a woman I met who had lost 485 pounds. Not a typo! She lost 485 pounds but she had gained 40 back. She was all out of sorts and literally more miserable than when she weighed her heaviest.
I asked her to imagine that 485 pounds sitting on the floor. Right next to it 40 lbs. I guess we could say it looks something like this. (For those with perfectly analytical brains please forgive me…I guesstimated it)
I told her not to give that 40 pounds the time of day and dust it off. We give that regain so much power and of course we can pile plenty of shame on top of that for good measure. Shame is toxic, shame keeps us down. Shame keeps those damn regain glasses cemented to our face.
Here's the thing....if you don't take off the glasses and begin to turn things around....chances are that you'll look up in another year with more regain. Get off the insanity train today. Of course you remember... “Insanity=doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome”
Everyone is different but here are a few suggestions. You can’t build Rome in a day but you can always do the next best thing. (Thank you Post-Op and a Doc for “the next best thing”)
Look at your before picture in the morning and FEEL what you felt like. Sit it that for a while. I do that every morning without fail. Remember the things you wanted so badly. BE GRATEFUL you aren't there. If I could put you back in that body for a week you would be SO grateful to be you right now.
Quit thinking about the perceived mountain you have to move and pick up the shovel and start with one scoop at a time. Instead of Nike's "just do it", change it to "just start". (Thank you Chuck for that one) It’s too overwhelming to plan into the next century. I can hear the questions now….how long will this take? It DOES NOT matter. Just move toward your goal instead of away from it..... just for today. Today is all that counts.
Get the crap food out of your house. I know many people who find creative ways to do this with a family that feels they have to have the crap food. Put it in a place it can locked up but you'd do your family a favor by getting it out of their reach as well. Sugar and junk food is as addictive as any drug and they will guarantee that you will still be wearing those regain glasses. See my “M&M” story in this post.
Find a way to move your body that you can enjoy. I LOVE to dance. I hate to run….I wanted to love it but I don’t. I wanted that runner's high and I just could not get it. I love yoga and if you think you can’t do it, watch this! I describe yoga as slow dancing with yourself. Abby Lentz from Heartfelt Yoga is a dear friend. Look her up, she has DVD’s.
http://video.pbs.org/viralplayer/2365170173
You won’t do anything for very long if you perceive it as suffering. When you eat healthier food envision how you are nourishing your body. Remember it will make you feel better and look better instead of putting on more weight which equates to depression, physical pain, more misery and a shorter life span. Again the most important part of this is to stop the bleeding that has begun with regain. Nothing in life is easy so here comes your choices…...choose your hard.
When you're called someone else's name and it's a skinny person instead of one of the other big people you're usually confused with (and look nothing like, not even hair color)!
I see a lot here who post their X-post op stories so I figured I would go ahead and share mine, I had my RNY on July 26th 2016, at my heaviest weight I toppled the scales at 460, at the day of surgery I was 418 in just 1 short year I'm now around 275 I'm usually not good at writing or sharing stories about myself, since being a big person self esteem issues has, and still is something I have regardless of how much weight I've lost. It's funny after the pounds fall off it was up until a few months ago I would look into the mirror and see no changes regardless of what others told me they saw for take a ways I would say follow what the DR tells you, there will be days that's hard and days you want to give up stick to the plan ! follow advice from forums like these, I rarely posted much here however look at my join date I've done allot of reading and searching others stories here so I would know what to expect before, during and after surgery I hope one day I can offer advice that will help someone along their journey also!.
Just curious, and I probably should ask because I don't want to get in an argument. Are you a medical professional specializing in bariatrics? I'm not, but I tend to listen to those that are, with a "trust but verify" skepticism.
The experience the NUT related was not "a few bubbles." She also did a knowledge the empty calories, but she was answering a question about stretching. She's highly qualified, very experienced, practices at a world-renowned medical facility, has published several papers, presents and trains internationally on Bariatric nutrition, etc. My GYN also is licensed in bariatrics and has the same recommendation of avoiding carbonation based on her patient experiences. I trust their expertise.
Personally, carbonation always made me feel crummy. Since the surgery, I gurgle like a darn drain pipe. I don't want to add anything to my system that might cause a problem, stretching or otherwise
Whether you or anyone else believes it, is a choice. I'm glad your experiences has not resulted in an adverse outcome. All we do here is share our experiences and pass along what information we have. But, there's no need to be combative about it.
Based on the lecture the NUT gave this week, carbonation and overeating will stretch the sleeve/pouch. She had a patient that went back to frequently drinking non-diet soda and regained all her weight. She had some other stories. We aren't born with stomachs the sizes of footballs. They stretched. Our sleeves can stretch too large if we don't take care of them.
I hate to jump on the bandwagon but I tend to agree with a lot of the communities replies, in that your words are contradictory to themselves. From the perspective of someone who lost 100lbs when I was 20yrs old, and then over 4 years gained back 130lbs, I have an idea of what it's like. Your daughter is right in that surgery is a tool, but it won't fix everything magically. You do need exercise and to relearn how to properly eat. Reading the 'maybe she does fail, but what if she flies!' comment is so true.
If you are so willing to be helpful with a trainer and a nutritionist and even therapy-before the option of surgery, then why not after? You have the ability to not only convince your husband that it is a good idea(women are very persuasive) but you can change her mind about how "supportive" you've been. As someone who was overweight throughout high school, there were times I didn't realize how traumatic some of the experiences would be. A simple "lap around the field" for gym class was daily public embarrassment, my belly shook, I almost came last because I had to walk by the end , and while nobody probably noticed or cared as much as me, I never forgot. I was doing sprints at the class gym I joined last month, and everyone was lapping me. I didn't have time to finish my set when we went back inside, and started doing push-ups, there were as many tear drops falling from my face as there were sweat drips.
What I'm trying to say is that you have the ability to change everything, right now, and genuinely be on her side! Take all the trainers, the nutritionists, and the councillors, and sit with her and let her know you're going to do all of that after her surgery to help her succeed, because you're her mother and you should want her to be successful more than anybody in the world. My mom was the first person I told, she supported me 100%, and genuinely.
She will never forget if you choose not to support her.
Dear Dedicatedlady, you not only resemble my daughter but you touched on something that I had forgot. In high school, she did have several similar experiences and I remember her always doing her best. Unfortunately, she would quit too often the teams or activities. I recognize now that she had many embarrassing moments and it caused her emotional turmoil. My heart aches and tears are rolling down my face as I think about it. I can't go back but will move forward. I've been with her through it all before surgery and will continue to be there after surgery. We'll encourage her to participate in group sessions and the therapy needed. In 8 more days, she'll be under and her mama will be there waiting by her side. Her father is still struggling with this decision but knowing his heart he'll show up to make sure his little girl is doing ok. Thank you.
You are right to be concerned, based on the additional information you provided. However, I think you should support her decision, with some caveats. Strongly encourage her to attend support groups and nutrition lectures, read forums like this one, find a mentor, read blogs, etc. I also strongly recommend that she follow up with a therapist used to working with Bariatric patients, not just one that works with addictions.
I can tell you love your daughter. If you simply had "control" issues I don't think you'd be on this forum seeking information and advice. I can tell you as a 47 year old woman that has fought the pounds unsuccessfully since puberty (but really badly since I was 18-19), she may have realized much earlier than I did that her body has turned against her. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 29 and hypothyroidism at 40. Doctors didn't really know what to do with me for many years and really just blamed my habits. In truth, it didn't matter if I had no Cookies, 1 cookie, 3 or 5 cookies. I might lose 5 lbs in 3 months and then nothing for a year, and then gain 15# back. It was mental demolition. This surgery was a reset for me. I have no regrets. My dad feels like he got his daughter back, I feel like I got my life back, and I'm pushing 50. My career is looking up (it was already damn good), people treat me a hell of a lot better, and I'm not letting life pass me by.
Have you had a quiet discussion with your daughter and just asked her, and then listened with no judgement, as if she was a friend, what does she see in her future? What her dreams are? And how she wants to get there? She might surprise you. My parents always assumed things about me and often were wrong. No doubt they loved me, but still, they were wrong.
To help ease your concern, maybe ask her to walk you through the research she's done and how she came to the decision. Tell her you don't want to change her mind, you just want to understand so you and her father can support her in every way you can to help her be successful. The surgery is just the start. Losing the weight will be "easy." Keeping it off will be the challenge.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
You are right to be concerned, based on the additional information you provided. However, I think you should support her decision, with some caveats. Strongly encourage her to attend support groups and nutrition lectures, read forums like this one, find a mentor, read blogs, etc. I also strongly recommend that she follow up with a therapist used to working with Bariatric patients, not just one that works with addictions.
I can tell you love your daughter. If you simply had "control" issues I don't think you'd be on this forum seeking information and advice. I can tell you as a 47 year old woman that has fought the pounds unsuccessfully since puberty (but really badly since I was 18-19), she may have realized much earlier than I did that her body has turned against her. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 29 and hypothyroidism at 40. Doctors didn't really know what to do with me for many years and really just blamed my habits. In truth, it didn't matter if I had no Cookies, 1 cookie, 3 or 5 cookies. I might lose 5 lbs in 3 months and then nothing for a year, and then gain 15# back. It was mental demolition. This surgery was a reset for me. I have no regrets. My dad feels like he got his daughter back, I feel like I got my life back, and I'm pushing 50. My career is looking up (it was already damn good), people treat me a hell of a lot better, and I'm not letting life pass me by.
Have you had a quiet discussion with your daughter and just asked her, and then listened with no judgement, as if she was a friend, what does she see in her future? What her dreams are? And how she wants to get there? She might surprise you. My parents always assumed things about me and often were wrong. No doubt they loved me, but still, they were wrong.
To help ease your concern, maybe ask her to walk you through the research she's done and how she came to the decision. Tell her you don't want to change her mind, you just want to understand so you and her father can support her in every way you can to help her be successful. The surgery is just the start. Losing the weight will be "easy." Keeping it off will be the challenge.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
You are right to be concerned, based on the additional information you provided. However, I think you should support her decision, with some caveats. Strongly encourage her to attend support groups and nutrition lectures, read forums like this one, find a mentor, read blogs, etc. I also strongly recommend that she follow up with a therapist used to working with Bariatric patients, not just one that works with addictions.
I can tell you love your daughter. If you simply had "control" issues I don't think you'd be on this forum seeking information and advice. I can tell you as a 47 year old woman that has fought the pounds unsuccessfully since puberty (but really badly since I was 18-19), she may have realized much earlier than I did that her body has turned against her. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 29 and hypothyroidism at 40. Doctors didn't really know what to do with me for many years and really just blamed my habits. In truth, it didn't matter if I had no Cookies, 1 cookie, 3 or 5 cookies. I might lose 5 lbs in 3 months and then nothing for a year, and then gain 15# back. It was mental demolition. This surgery was a reset for me. I have no regrets. My dad feels like he got his daughter back, I feel like I got my life back, and I'm pushing 50. My career is looking up (it was already damn good), people treat me a hell of a lot better, and I'm not letting life pass me by.
Have you had a quiet discussion with your daughter and just asked her, and then listened with no judgement, as if she was a friend, what does she see in her future? What her dreams are? And how she wants to get there? She might surprise you. My parents always assumed things about me and often were wrong. No doubt they loved me, but still, they were wrong.
To help ease your concern, maybe ask her to walk you through the research she's done and how she came to the decision. Tell her you don't want to change her mind, you just want to understand so you and her father can support her in every way you can to help her be successful. The surgery is just the start. Losing the weight will be "easy." Keeping it off will be the challenge.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
You are right to be concerned, based on the additional information you provided. However, I think you should support her decision, with some caveats. Strongly encourage her to attend support groups and nutrition lectures, read forums like this one, find a mentor, read blogs, etc. I also strongly recommend that she follow up with a therapist used to working with Bariatric patients, not just one that works with addictions.
I can tell you love your daughter. If you simply had "control" issues I don't think you'd be on this forum seeking information and advice. I can tell you as a 47 year old woman that has fought the pounds unsuccessfully since puberty (but really badly since I was 18-19), she may have realized much earlier than I did that her body has turned against her. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 29 and hypothyroidism at 40. Doctors didn't really know what to do with me for many years and really just blamed my habits. In truth, it didn't matter if I had no Cookies, 1 cookie, 3 or 5 cookies. I might lose 5 lbs in 3 months and then nothing for a year, and then gain 15# back. It was mental demolition. This surgery was a reset for me. I have no regrets. My dad feels like he got his daughter back, I feel like I got my life back, and I'm pushing 50. My career is looking up (it was already damn good), people treat me a hell of a lot better, and I'm not letting life pass me by.
Have you had a quiet discussion with your daughter and just asked her, and then listened with no judgement, as if she was a friend, what does she see in her future? What her dreams are? And how she wants to get there? She might surprise you. My parents always assumed things about me and often were wrong. No doubt they loved me, but still, they were wrong.
To help ease your concern, maybe ask her to walk you through the research she's done and how she came to the decision. Tell her you don't want to change her mind, you just want to understand so you and her father can support her in every way you can to help her be successful. The surgery is just the start. Losing the weight will be "easy." Keeping it off will be the challenge.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
Good luck to you! If there's one thing I'm sick and tired of, it's the assumption that we're obese because we're weak-willed and just don't "try hard enough". The massive rate of failure of traditional diets ought to tell people something about this issue . . . I put myself through college, working part-time while taking a heavy enough schedule to earn two BA's in four years. I quit smoking. I've been on my own my entire adult life. I had and beat cancer. I don't think there's a lot of other evidence to support my being "weak-willed." The idea that I will FINALLY have the tool I need to make this work fills me with joy. I don't owe apologies or shame to anyone! And neither do any one of you . . .
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