Cape Crooner

I'd go with an egg beater omelet. Cut up turkey sausage into little bits (the size of raisins) and add just enough egg to cover the bottom of the pan. Top with a shredded cheese you like (I like shredded Parmesan). Watch until there is a little light browning on the egg.

I like spicy food, so I added salt and pepper and topped it with a few drops of mild green Tabasco or salsa.

I started with 90 calorie sized omelets and today I'm up to 150.

Tastes great and really satisfies my appetite for hours.

It seems like I eat less on #3 than I do on #1...

I will be at my 3 year mark next month. When I decided on surgery, I was certain that I wouldn't tell anyone except those closest to me. But, like you, as I started rapidly losing weight, it's hard to lie to family and friends. So I became very open about my surgery. Yes, I got some judgmental people but I feel that is their problem not mine. And if they are a close friend and judging me - maybe they're not such a great friend. I didn't announce it to the world - only those who I felt comfortable telling. But only by talking about WLS are we going to remove the stigma attached to it. If we act like it's a dirty little secret then we are just reinforcing the view that this is something to be ashamed of. Some of the people at work know - mainly because I felt comfortable with them knowing (and I have a co-worker who had the sleeve a year prior to mine).

The main issue I had was that a couple people I told then felt it was okay to constantly ask me about my weight. "What are you down to now?" as if it is okay to just ask someone what they weigh. And with them, it became the only topic of conversation. HELLO I am more than my weight - I have other things to talk about. At first it was nice to get the attention and for people to notice my weight loss, but at some point when everyone says "wow you look great!" you start to wonder "did I really look that bad before?" Now that I'm 3 years out, it's a lot easier. This is my new norm and I don't really have to tell anyone unless I want to. I sometimes share my experience with others just because I would have loved to have someone do that for me.

Again Jen, my issue isn't with telling people I had WLS. My issue is the fact that's I've been lying to them about HOW I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT.

I'm not ashamed of WLS, I'm ashamed that I ended up lying to so many close friends...

But as I said about 5 posts back, I'm just going to bite the bullet and stick to the script. Although the newest wrinkle has been all the people coming up to me and saying "you're doing so well keeping your weight off. what's your secret?"

Geesh!

Cape Crooner -- I think I know why we're not tracking each other.

You think the following list of things are "sins."

Have you ever been sexually abused? Joined a cult? Switched religions? Lost your religion? Switched political parties? Voted for Ross Perot? Experimented in same-sex activities? Had an affair? Had a DUI? Smoked dope? Used other drugs? Filed for bankruptcy? Been fired? Had an STD? Been physically beaten by a spouse or sexual partner? Spent the night in jail? Is a cancer survivor? Had your gall bladder removed? Had an STD? Had a miscarriage or abortion? Had more than four sex partners (for women) and more than seven sex partners (for men)?

I have no idea how you could imagine that being sexually or physically abused or most of those other secrets I hypothesized are "sins," although voting for Ross Perot might have been.

Good luck.

You're correct. I read your post yesterday and replied this morning. The things I remembered you stating yesterday were DUI and SID's, not the others, so the word Sin came to mind.

Clearly, I should have used a different label.

• @VSGAnn2014 and @LipstickLady

Again, I don't think you're following me...

Some people rationalize being less than truthful when the downside of honesty outweighs the upside of the truth, as in the husband's response to the question "Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?" I'm okay with that.

In terms of Ann's list of shameful secrets, let me say two things; First of all, I do not consider WLS remotely sinful. I am confident that I did everything in my power to lose weight "on my own" and despite everything, I was on a track to die prematurely and most like face 3 more expensive joint replacement surgeries. WLS added a decade tomy life and most likely saved medical expenses by avoiding at least 1 of the 3 surgeries. I am not withholding the truth about my WLS because I am anyway ashamed of it.

I also have no trouble withholding the truth from marginal acquaintances or strangers simply in the name of efficiency. If the lady at the dry cleaners notices I lost a lot of weight in between waiting on customers, I'm okay giving her a simple "thanks, was a lot of work"...

Second, had I committed any of Ann's common sins, I can't imagine a close friend asking me if I'd ever... (fill in the blank). But ALL ASK - HOW DID YOU LOSE SO MUCH WEIGHT SO FAST?

My moral dilemma comes when we get to my closests friends; friends who I would call if I developed cancer. And the fact as a Christian, I hold being truthful as a Commandment.

So, why not "just tell them", as some of you have suggested?

Well, my wife wants us to keep it secret. Her reasoning is quite sound. All of our friends are married, for me tell my close male friends means also telling their wives. And if their wives are going to be told, then my wife's feels obligated to also tell her girlfriends who she's closer to than the wives of my friends. Of course now my wife's close friends husbands know and voila, 20 people know -- time for a press release! And I hold my marriage scared and I honor my wife's requests.

And oh ya, we've already told 100 people less than the truth in the last 6 months and then the find out...

Which brings me to my...

I still love food. Even more, I love how little I eat before stopping. Both outcomes can exist in a healthy person.

This has been a very philosophically oriented day on Bariatric Pal. A lot of people are posting about the meaning of lying and I will be painfully obvious and say, "you haven't lied unless you've said something that's not true." LOL. If you say you have done this through diet and exercise, you cannot call it lying, because that is absolutely necessary. This is why telling "the whole truth and nothing but the truth" is a hard thing to swear to on the stand because an infinite number of things are true, just like an infinite number of things are false, and therefore there are an infinite number of things that are true that you don't end up saying, even about a very particular matter. Back to you: there's nothing in your story that strikes me as a lie, so don't apply that label, especially seeing as it seems to bother you.

Okay, but when people ask HOW did you do it? And I answer doesn't include WLS, you I am not telling the truth.

So philosophically speaking, is a failure to answer with a truthful answer a lie?

I asked my surgeon about it (VSG). She said it wasn't a big deal, it's just that your sleeve can only hold so much and if you drink, you won't have room for food. No issue with stretching or washing down your food.

Now and then I'll have a few sips of Water or wine with dinner. Never drink with Breakfast or lunch.

Awesome comment crazygoose and some very good replies too. I think you will find as you get farther along with this is, is that the food will not appeal to you like before. I loved home made burgers on the grill with all the fixings and mayo and ketchup and fries and cold beer also, but not really. It doesn't taste the same and I could never even eat like that now, the pain would kill me. When we barbeque now, I still make me a big deluxe cheese burger but I cut a small section from it and eat it and throw the rest away. It's just not the same. I don't have any favorite food anymore. I don't even care for pizza now but I will still eat a small slice with the family because the kids love it. I'm over 2 years post op now. I still love food but in a different way. I think a healthy way.

I'm kinda the same. I do get excited about eating, but I seem to get full before I even get going.

I do love going to a restaurant and ordering a burger and fries. I eat about a third of the burger and 5-10 fries. Probably not as fulfilling as the old days for the first few minutes, but it's nice walking away from the table and knowing "I did no harm".

@@Joyce 258 what's your recipe for baked wings?

@@Cape Crooner, I am saddened that my batter didn't set to your liking. Your story becomes increasingly 'layered' and way beyond my ken. May your solution to the quatrilemma give you peace.

No problem, it's a complicated situation of my own making. I just wanted to "sound off". Trust me, I think about it a lot and I wish there was a simple way out. There is not and that's why I'm sharing it with others.

I'm particularly anxious because I live in two places that are thousands of miles apart. I'm returning to one I haven't been to for 6 months two weeks from now. We have about 100 close friends there and my soul aches over the thought of having this half truth conversation 100 more times!

I do take comfort in the words of those 2 year veterans who say in never comes up anymore, That's something to look forward to...

PEACE

I don't think you're following my story. We never realized the snowball effect of omitting the truth when we first decided to keep it secret. At the time, we were thinking "we might talk about it one day, just not now". But once we omitted the story to 5-6 friends, we found ourselves in the awkward situations of being less than honest with close friends.

Again, my situation is complicated because I have 100's of friends and about 20 very close ones...

I did follow your story, hence, my saying "go ahead" if you want to fill in the blanks, but I think that the seeds of the snowball are more significant.

Since you're more concerned with what's going on today, why not tell the close friends in a casual way? You're not confessing a crime, only sharing more information that you found especially personal at the start. If asked, you can throw in why you were hesitant. Whatever you decide to do now, keep it simple for your own peace of mind. Since you've lost so much weight, the close friends are more than likely to be supportive and as happy for you as you are.

Hundreds of friends? I can't conceive of being able to say that myself. That I'm acquainted with hundreds, yes, but I'd be slightly exaggerating to say "friends." Are you very famous?

So yes, somewhat famous (Who's Who, Wikipedia). My definition of a close friend is someone who has stayed with us in our home and/or gone on vacation with -- yes, hundreds.

The problem that I don't think you're following has multiple layers:

1. My wife is my partner in this journey. If I had wanted to be open from day one, she would have gone along, but once we started omitting, she took a strong position about secrecy. I have told her that I would not lie directly to a close friend who asked me outright "did you have WLS?". Short of that, I will now follow her wishes no matter how much it pains me to be less than honest.

2. With so many close friends who know many of the same people, there is no "casual mention" of WLS without running the risk of offending someone who heard about it later from one of the first people I casually mentioned it to. Suppose I tell people as you say and tell them that I consider it private and ask them to keep it so. What happens if they don't honor my wishes? 80% of my friends would love to lose weight and half of them are probably envious of my rapid loss. I love them all, but I doubt they'd keep my secret.

3. To tell all my close friends simultaneously, I would literally need to do a mass email blast and of course get my wife to go along,

4. Finally, the reason I wrote this post was not to get some half baked advice. My point was to reach out to others who are just starting their journey and spur them to think through the open/secret question more thoroughly. There is no simple or right/wrong answer.

I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I'd been open -- but I didn't, and now I'm uncomfortable with the lying (half truths). Sorry you can't follow this...

@@Cape Crooner, you and your lovely wife made an enormous mountain out of a molehill from the start. The people in the support group who advised you to keep quiet did, I hope give you their reasons. Yes, there are those who will accuse you of taking the "easy way" out or judge you for not having "discipline and self-control" enough to lose weight without surgery. Those are the ones who don't count. Those are the ones to tell that you're happy with your results and the choice was yours, thank you kindly.

It was fine to ask your mother to stop making announcements, but to call all those whom she talked with was overkill. Only frightened rabbits need to scurry about.

You are well within your rights to omit the part about surgery when answering questions. If you wish to reveal the missing detail to any of your obese friends, go ahead. It's not as big a deal as you seem to think. Some will talk about the "easy way." They are the ones who are fearful rather than judgmental. Many people in BP felt that way and then noticed their thinking begin to change.

As to your opening lines, there is a vast difference between discussing surgery with someone who is interested and being an evangelist. It's my opinion that no one is more inappropriate, tiresome and plain annoying and obnoxious than a proselytizer. Grownups are capable of making their own choices.

I don't think you're following my story. We never realized the snowball effect of omitting the truth when we first decided to keep it secret. At the time, we were thinking "we might talk about it one day, just not now". But once we omitted the story to 5-6 friends, we found ourselves in the awkward situations of being less than honest with close friends.

Again, my situation is complicated because I have 100's of friends and about 20 very close ones...

Depends on who they are and how much time I have, but essentially it's usually something like:

1. I was very close to diabetes and decided it was time for a serious and prolonged diet.

2. I entered a medically supervised weight loss program.

3. The key was to reset my body's set point to think I was a skinny person.

4. I stopped drinking alcohol, soda, and coffee. I started out at 1700 calories/day and then cut down from there until I got to 600 calories/day.

5. Once I got to my goal, I started adding back calories, focusing on Protein first and avoiding sugars and breads.

6. Now I'm pretty much eating 1500-2000 calories a day and focusing on maintenance. My body now "believes" this is my proper weight.

Not really lying, but it feels like it when I push my plate away after eating 7-8 ounces of food...

Silly me, but if I were to go into that much detail I would just say I had surgery. It seems much easier.

Twofold answer:

1. When my loving mother reacted poorly, I made a snap decision that people who may not love and respect me as much as my mother would react equally poorly or worse. BTW, my mother's poor reactions were: A) "So and so had that years ago and doesn't work," B ) Once I lost 25 pounds pre-opt "Call off the surgery, you're all set", C) In a conversation with my wife and mother-in-law "Why don't we get that surgery too and we can eat as much as we want and get skinny. And finally, in the days immediately after surgery, she kept saying "Now that's all over, you must feel great". I did explain the whole truth to her (sternly) and she finally seemed to get it.

2. With each successive close friend I failed to come clean with, I became more concerned about the lying (omission of critical facts). This is why I started telling people the more comprehensive story -- figuring if the whole truth ever came out, I'd blame it on the advice of the support group.

Still not happy about the whole thing...

Depends on who they are and how much time I have, but essentially it's usually something like:

1. I was very close to diabetes and decided it was time for a serious and prolonged diet.

2. I entered a medically supervised weight loss program.

3. The key was to reset my body's set point to think I was a skinny person.

4. I stopped drinking alcohol, soda, and coffee. I started out at 1700 calories/day and then cut down from there until I got to 600 calories/day.

5. Once I got to my goal, I started adding back calories, focusing on Protein first and avoiding sugars and breads.

6. Now I'm pretty much eating 1500-2000 calories a day and focusing on maintenance. My body now "believes" this is my proper weight.

Not really lying, but it feels like it when I push my plate away after eating 7-8 ounces of food...

The food network kinda bother me right now only about 1 month out. So I just switch the channel!

Yes, while on soft diet, it may be best. But once you go to regular foods, you'll be back to planning and preparing meals. You'll want them to be tasty, but healthy!

@

• Sue Brat Kee Ashe
• You are right, I didnt mention my diet. I went for 7 years vegetarian, gluten free and did great. With the move, the depression I did fall off many wagons. I totally understand what i did wrong. it just got SO FAR out of my control that I felt it was insurmountable. I'm climbing up out of that damn hole.

I'd be very interested in learning more about how "you fell off the wagon". What did you start eating, how much, how often, was alcohol involved?

There are a lot of people on this forum who are concerned about long term maintenance. We all take notice to someone who fails after 7 years of success (there but by the Grace of God go I).

When I embarked on my wls journey, I truly expected to become an evangelist who would spread the word to my obese friends.

I recall people in my support group urging secrecy, but I argued on behalf of "sharing the good news".

I did tell a few close family members and all were supportive, but my 93 year old mother got problematic almost immediately. She was full of misinformation based on 50 year old hearsay. She also kept talking about it to people I'd never dream of sharing with.

Within a few weeks we decided to go dark and not tell anyone. I spoke to my mother (rather sternly) and told her to not tell anyone about it. My wife called the people my mother spoke too and asked them to honor my privacy.

That was 7 months ago and so far so good. The problem is that I lost a lot of weight pretty quickly (95 lbs in 7 months). We are very social with hundreds of friends, most of whom are overweight, and all want to know "how I did it".

I have honed a story that's close to the truth (minus the surgery part), but I'm sick of lying to so many of my friends.

If I had it to do over again, I would have been open from the start, but my wife disagrees. She's been 100% supportive and thus I respect her wishes, but I'm so sick of the lying!

I was 281 (5' 10) and set my goal at 200 originally. I use to be 5' 11 1/2" and competed nationally as a ski racer at 200.

As I quickly dropped weight, I changed it to 190. Realizing that it's all about health, not weight, I am now targeting a comfortable 36" waist. I'm at 186 and some 36's are lose and some are tight.

I've been on maintenance for over a month and at this point, I have no idea where I'll end up. My wife tells me to stop losing weight and I'm sick of talking about "my diet" (we decided to keep the wls secret and thus I've done more lying in the last 6 months than the rest of my life combined ).

I watched Chopped in the hospital the night following my surgery. My favorite shows are Man vs food and Dinners, Drive-ins, and Dives.

To ME, the VSG has been about re-entry to the world of normal dining. For 50 years I've been on some marginally effective (ineffective) diet, attempting to control my weight, working for a while, but ultimately failing.

Now I feel like I'm in complete control. At home, I'm the cook and I'm 100% diet compliant. When I dine out, I almost always order French fries, eat 5-10 along with my Protein and then share the rest with the table.

I never dreamt I'd ever get to this place and it's great!

Yes, I was on a "diet" for 50 years. Basically, it meant avoiding casual dining out in favor of some sort of dietetic meal at home. My wife would get pissed when I'd turn down events because I was afraid it would make me even fatter!

I'm 6 months out today and we've been enjoying dining out for the last 4 months. As others have said, you just eat less and either share or take it home.

My wife is much happier now that we can eat out "on a whim" without blowing my diet.

What are you picking at?

I donated everything to Goodwill once I got 2 sizes too small to fit. I'll take the tax right off and use it to find my new skinny wardrobe!

I waited 4 months. Now I have 2 black cups in the morning an frequently an afternoon ice coffee with a little half and half and Splenda. No problems.

Not for anything, but aren't support groups supposed to be confidential: "That happens/said in group stays in group"?

Obviously this person has "issues". I don't know if he would appreciate his "issues" being talked about outside "group" without his knowledge.

Just a thought...

This is confidential, we have no idea who the OP is taking about!

PS: I have a strong sleeve too, but I followed the post opt diet to the letter for the first 6 weeks...