Dub

🤠 Howdy.

Is not just an Iron Maiden song, lol. 😁 27 yrs of marriage, now closing in on 5 years as a widower finding my way in facing the ever-present painful loss, yet continuing forward 9 yrs post op from gastric sleeve emerging from isolation and stepping out from the cave into the world around me interested in living again...enthused about it, in fact. interested in meeting people and possibly dating. Things have changed over the last few years. For example, Facebook. When I was mildly active on there before my wife became terminally ill it was more or less updates from friends on the goings on in their lives. Fast forward to a couple months ago when I reactivated my account I quickly discovered things were way, way different. Bombarded with fakery and insidious marketing schemes. I guess being naive (aka FB ignorant) had a quick learning curve. For example, I had an inbound messenger from a recently added "friend". She'd invited me out for a meet. We met the next day at a coffee shop. I almost didn't recognize her when she arrived. She walked over and introduced herself. Her profile pictures only vaguely resembled her. I am quick to joke about stuff, but resisted the impulse. Otherwise I'd have asked if she was involved with a witness protection program. It was difficult to get comfortable with someone whose first move was a disguise. Now, perhaps there are legitimate safety reasons why she would take such precautions. I can understand the concerns. The next half hour was a conversation that revealed a number of incompatible views on things. Mentioned the meet to a buddy. He laughed and told me that FB is, in fact, a minefield. Working long hours and rotating shifts doesn't lend itself well to dating. I suppose it will be an obstacle that I'll figure out. Certainly expanding my in person outings beyond just work & the shooting ranges. Who knew that the supermarket was a place to meet and chat ? Not me. Who knew that swapping over from a barber shop to a different place for haircuts would also be a meet & greet spot ? How about a doctors office visit for annual physical....new nurses...another coffee shop invite. Or another unexpected introduction & follow up....when buying cologne...for the first time in forever.... I guess the best way for me is to simply live life.....show up in person for any shopping needs vs no more online shopping. Get out there in the daily grind and simply be real. Anyway.....open for suggestions from folks who have been there and found success.

Welcome aboard. I hope your journey is filled with success and that you acknowledge and reward yourself along the way. We all tend to be goal oriented around here. Goals sometimes equate to "finish lines". I sorta did. I had the surgery, hit my goal and went buck wild. During various life events that followed I went through some regain. Burning that crap off now. Instead of a goal, I have waypoints that I'm using as triggers for celebration. example....a certain number of pounds/inches equates to a small expenditure for some new clothes. Further waypoints reached will trigger additional, My goal this time is to get to my body's natural lean state and maintain that for the rest of my life.

Thanks for the insight. Not interested in spitters. As far as hunting goes.....very pleased with some recent developments. Honored, actually.

Lemme see here....what order to roll with....I'll start with the No-Can-Do List. Gonna sound cornball...but then again....cornball is my wheelhouse, lol. Okay...here is the Top 5 that come to mind over my morning coffee: skydiving. hell to the NO. Added to that anything that involves heights. It wouldn't be cool for them to see me pass out from terror......although I did have a great conversation with a gal yesterday afternoon who has professional live saving medical skillz. So....she could probably take me to death's door....and bring me back. But no planes, roller coasters, wall climbing or the like. Wind tunnel is about the best I can consider.... Years ago she took me out for margaritas...took my arse out. We found solace as two souls in marriages that were struggling, no sharks. I grew up near the coast...snorkeling and scuba diving frequently.... continued it through college. At some point in my mid-20's I began to have sinus troubles equalizing the pressure when diving...made for painful surface intervals between dives. My Uncle had been through the same a few years prior. He tried surgical remedy....but it didn't help. My late wife, her brother, his wife and some other friends all took their diving certification stuff....and then for various reasons,...each of them dropped out of the class. I'd resigned myself to give the sinus surgery a chance....surgeon was also a diver and he felt like success was most probable. During my years diving I've been close....crazy close....to sharks a plenty. It was all good as I was most often near rocks, reefs, shipwreck structure, etc. Cover was close, if needed. The exposure and sketchy periods were when getting to the bottom & when resurfacing....there I sometimes felt like bait on a hook. Since then I have had some close calls when I was simply swimming on a beach day.....going for a swim to cool off from the sun. One time I had my early teenage son with us....We saw a sand bar a couple hundred yards off shore.,...there were surfers out there. He was deadset on making it out there. I finally caved in and told him we could go but he had to listen to me...currents and such. He agreed and out we went....all was well until it wasn't. I found out the scary way that baitfish were schooling in spots between the sand bar and the shallows. We were swimming amidst the schooling baitfish....joining them on the freakin menu. I saw one, two then three sets of dorsal fins surface in between waves. Then one came too close....got my son's attention and lied to him....told him to get in close with me and we were headed back to shore because I was cramping. He was pissed, but he did what he was told and then gave me a dose of ribbing later on...."Dad you wanna hand me a drink.....oh no...don't do it....you'll cramp up", "Dad....you want me to take the cooler back to the car....don't want you cramping up", etc. My favorite kind of vacation is to sandy places. Don't want to become baitfish again, though....ever. Never thought it would be an issue until recent weeks. Met a gal who is a diver....kept my shark aversions quiet, lol No yoga....period. Could be the greatest thing ever.....but I'm sidestepping. Same could be said of other types of group excursive. I'm a no-class sorta dude. Not going to line up and get into some torture. I prefer to do my torture in solo....lick my wounds and gain the benefits results. I have to protect my shout out knees and right shoulder and keep pre-habbing them until I can get schedules aligned to have joint replacements done. My geriatric-bariatric sorta gym stuff would likely have younger womenz laughing their butts off. So yeah....the gym is where I need to go it alone....for now, at least. Nothing illegal...or at least keep it mostly legal. I'm not robbing banks...but if she asked really nicely and had a killer smile....I may be her getaway driver and lookout. Snakes are off limits. So if they are into snakes as pets.....it is gonna take a HEAP of Dr. Phil-esqe counseling to make that something I can ease up on. My time in the woods has me averse to snakes. The part of Georgia where I live has many varieties of rattlesnakes, copperheads, moccasins, etc, etc. I've had some sketchy moments with 'em all and I went to guns every time. Probably wouldn't go over well with a date who had pet snakes. ......................................... Note that karaoke is now off the list. I'm averse to it. Averse as all hell......but developments yesterday have me sliding that one off my radar. I met someone who sings. I mean, sings at a high level, in formal events, etc. When the subject came up in conversation I was coy....thinking, "here we go with the freakin karaoke silliness"....but I kept my mouth zipped as she was discussing things she enjoyed....music...making music via singing wasn't a hobby....but a passion. My coy arse ...when asked about likes...simply said something cornball regarding singing. "Well...it is highly ironic that we have met...you being a singer, and all." Winked and nodded...knowingly (even though I no nothingsss...strong is my ignorance). She bit and wanted to know more. I deflected and said something about having a small bit of singing experience.....at a professional level....but didn't want to bore her with details....wanted to find out more about her. So it went for a few minutes until she went back to my singing and pressed the matter. "Well, young lady....here is the cosmic irony on this matter....you are clearly impassioned & talented with your voice.....so very odd that we would meet.....you see...you are now looking at the WORST singer on the face of the Earth.....or at least in this county.....I suck.....I've even been paid to NOT sing....had dollar bills tossed at me to put the mic down.....so there it is....I am in awe of your courage to stand up and rock your voice......I am in awe and I'm hardcore untrainable in that area". She laughed and took it all in stride. "So what can you be trained to do....." Mr Cornball here replied with something dumb like, "For starters, I am housebroken...errr mostly housebroken. I can bark...or not bark...roll over, shake and play dead, fetch....you know, stuff like that". She laughed again...but not laughing in the way of "somebody come save me from this nerd....somebody, anybody". Humored laughing....dare I hope, acceptance laughter....is that even a thing ? When I say we laughed....I mean throughout the afternoon and eventing we laughed. Either this gal is challenged or she was actually amused at my dipshyt self. I was intrigued of everything she volunteered about her life, likes, loves, views. @GreenTealael had recently stated major bigtime advice that was THE SURE 'NUFF TRUTH. it pertained to core values being integral to compatibility. Not realizing it was occurring, this lady and I spent hours yesterday covering so much ground that it was unreal. By dawns light this morning I am still shaking my head in amazement. Without me realizing it had occurred....we'd checked off a pile core belief simpaticoisms....yep that is now a word. Simpatico-isms. I was open and honest and simply went with it. Each topic was a new discovery of our views and feels about stuff. Been down this road a good bit lately....and there were always stumbling issues or categories where divergent views may be a red flag. I'm not talking about politics or stuff like that. I couldn't give a rip about that. I appreciate different viewpoints. I mean the bigger issues... Here are some of the hurdles or outright roadblocks that I've had recently in this bachelor living...and this is with even short term fun: No married women. As tempting as a couple have made it...No-Can-Do. I am NOT about to go there. DO NO HARM is the hill I will die on....regardless of the temptation. No coworkers...or at least within my work "zone". There is an engineer and another administrator in another "zone" where some interesting recent conversations have occurred. Even then, I waded much more cautiously than other situations. My sobriety will not be compromised. Long story...shortened version: haven't had a drop since February 2019. Quit for practical reasons to be a responsible caregiver 24/7. Considered myself a casual drinker...social drinker.....but in the years since I saw where I'd used alcohol as a crutch...a tool...a mechanism to distance myself from work stress....or marital stress... I later acknowledged it was a simply delaying those stress & ultimately combining them. So, after my wife passed in 2021...I maintained the sobriety...realizing it was in my best interest. Since then I have benefited hugely from it. I can go out with a girl and am A-Okay with her having a drink or three....I'll have my coffee, water and am just fine. I won't open a bottle or pop a top again, though. Matters of the soul. Didn't seem like this would be an issue for initial attraction and such. But I found that even in casual contact it can and does surface and diametrically opposing views are a non-starter....even if physical attraction is main the component the main draw. Back to yesterday's first meet with lil' Miss Singer....it--was--wonderful. Wunnerfull....I didn't want to be pushy,....or forward....but....wow. So refreshing, I was thirsty for more....and it was shared, clearly. She even stated such....boldly. Stepped up and put it out there....interest demonstrated. She made the first commit. I had been keeping my desires reserved...she was... different. I was having different feels and did not want to rush into anything. This was someone that, yes, major physical attraction is there...but all my no-can-do stuff were non-issues...taken in stride....acceptance. She probably has guys hitting on her all the time and I didn't want to be another schuck trying to come on to her. I mean...I DID want to...but there seemed to be "more than that" taking shape. Everything was.....different. Yeah, I know I said that already...having difficulty finding correct verbiage to accurately describe. Your ever had the thought that you'd love to go back in time and slap the cowboy shyt outa your past self..and do so at a most specific moment and change the outcome and improve the trajectory of past self ???? Yesterday at some point after an hour or so...it was almost as if I felt a hand on my shoulder....a warning hand...it was telling me to slow the roll...be real....look at the bigger picture....and boy howdy, there is a strong hint there is possibly healthy structure for a bigger picture. The hand on the shoulder clenched down more than once....the physical desires needed to be reminded of the cosmic slap that was needed. Dumb as it may sound.....and for whatever reason I can be grateful for....I was calm and didn't blow it....wasn't "that dude". It was rewarded with hours more talking, laughing, disclosing, supporting, etc, etc. --------------------------- So.... we have an actual, real deal, no kiddin' super official date next week...Wednesday. We had to plot through our work schedules to figure it out...but it is set. A date. Not a hook up.

Yesterday.....turned out to be a busy day.....and that hadn't been the plans. Was a scheduled day off work.....and zero work was done. I mean, it began as planned.....early morning, coffee mug in hand, world news on TV.....then local news....then made breakfast...eggs & sausage...vitamins.....shower.....clothes on....wallet in pocket....car keys in hand....out the door to run errands. Chaos occurred shortly afterwards. Fun chaos. Happy chaos. @GreenTealael. what you stated before, about compatible core beliefs.....it had been resonating in my noggin. More on that elsewhere.....but allow me to say a heartfelt THANK YOU. At some point after returning home early evening....in between phone calls, texts, family-work-and that fun chaos follow-up.....I remembered it had been 12+ hours since foodz. There were a pair of succulent little fillet mignon cuts in the fridge....and some portabellas, too, Bamsucka!!! Superfast meal came together. Was able to know it down....chewing like a responsible adult and was giving it a good 30 mins before inhaling a bottled water or 6. That steak was seasoned like a freakin salt lick, lol. Gotta slow my roll on sodium. I'd almost made it to that post-meal 30 minute mark before the phone rang.......fun chaos was summoning me back into the frey....and I didn't hesitate to roll wid it. 3 hours sleep.....and here I am...watching news and sipping my morning coffee.....sun is thinking about coming up. I don't know what this last day off work will hold in store.....but I'm packing a protein bar or something just in case.

Thank you.....and congrats on 28 years of marriage. As far as the venues.....I find it highly ironic that these women independently picked two things that I hate. My no-wanna-do list is fairly short...and they nailed the a couple top 5's....right from the start. Irony or mind readers.

I may use that title. After all, OPERATION MIDNIGHT HAMMER was sorta taken.

Great results and good job maintaining awareness on which adjustments are beneficial. WLS is only part of the solution for us. There is a pile of discipline and work involved that the rest of the world forgets we engage in.

Bring yer wine and come on over to the Singles sub-forum...... Problems will be solved. (reason being it appears to be a freakin' yawnfest over there)

I sometines goof up and skip past important details..... Wisdoms are being acquired, however. One benefit to getting older. Damn near the only benefit....but I'll take it. Pain seems to have a way of making the wisdom sink in faster.

Tonight's meal....shrimp rolled around in seasoned almond flour and edamame. A good dose of Ed's Red Hot Sauce on the shrimp.

Man...you just had me laughing. I did recently dodge an invite to a yoga class. She asked and all I could envision was my big arse busting a move on the yoga mat......and getting stuck. That first date could'e ended with me in traction. I was able to redirect it to meet up for something less likely to have me be a total goof. Went well. I don't know how many yoga dodges I'll get, though. My ace card will be to ask her for some 1:1 private instruction first....to prevent embarrassing her in front of her class....although I think her point was to get me there and laugh her arse off as I contorted my way through it. Hell, I'd likely tap out during the warm up. And if they bring out goats....Im outa there. GONE. Bachelor life. Whew....it is different

Thanks. I'm open to any and all advice. I'd likely die on the vine with the book club theme.....wonder if there are any women into Jack Carr novels, lol ??? My home away from home used to be the shooting ranges. There are a growing number of ladies shooting now. This is an awesome trend. Perhaps it'll be a future afternoon date venue .Regardless, it'll remain a place I visit weekly. You are definitely onto something with pursuing the shared interest aspects. I will look for ways to do that. There is a local kayak group that a buddy told me about. He made a point to stress the number of women he sees when he's attended. The gym has been a great place to meet women. Nurses, especially. I try not to let the fact they are bringing the heart shock pads over to me get in the way of good conversation. Just kidding. I haven't stroked out, yet. I simply go in and do my thing....mind my own bidness. I did have one hop on the treadmill beside mine, in a sea of open treadmills. I smiled, nodded and kept doing my thing. She laughed and began chatting...I was stunned,"Dude, ya still go it"....only to realize she was on a cellphone call coming through her earbuds. No worries, no hurry. Everything has a way of sorting out.

Looks like I had my WLS a few months after you did. I was fairly active here back then. It seemed to taper off as life events occurred. Now, finding my way back here as I piece together a plan for burning off the partial regain....and then reaching and maintaining my original goal weight for the duration. I really miss how active this place was back then. So much common experiences shared and a ton of laughs, too. I, for one, am a hyooooge appreciator of the humor. We all do better when we laugh.

You are supposed to stretch ?????? Who knew. Clearly not my ignorant azz. Further evidence I need a damsel...a kind hearted....but mostly patient damsel to take the wheel and put me through my paces around the track.

Truth !! She had that little bit of crazy that drew me in, though. Intrigued....until the incompatibility aspects surfaced. Then it became duck, cover and RUN time. Never saw any of this coming....bachelor life was dropped on me unexpectedly. Now playing catchup to what dating is like. It is a wee bit different than it was.....back in the day, lol.

LMAO !! I could use more women to think like this. Had what could have been a fruitful relationship cut down before its prime.......simply due to her being a hardcore vegan. FTR, I was okay with her decisions.....but she couldn't tolerate that I wasn't. Oh well.....she'd have really hated on me whenever she discovered that I occasionally hunt & fish.

Woooooooweeeeeeee. Ouch. In the restarting phase now. Resuming gym time. Forgot to start off with high reps and lower weight. The results have been painful tendons and ligaments. Going back to the gym later today....will be inquiring on the location for the kiddie dumbbells. Slooowing my roll. One thing I did remember to is bring my BCAA drink mix along for the ride home.

This was lunch & dinner last night....salmon with steamed broccoli & cauliflower. Oven cooked the salmon in a cast iron skillet that allowed the skin to get crispy. I had been seasoned with olive oil, sea salt, coarse ground pepper and Tajín. A couple shakes of Mrs Dash lemon-pepper & light teriyaki on the vegetables. Couldn't finish it, but that is generally the way of things.

I wouldn't know. I have no experience with "small amounts". I don't begin to understand the causation, biology, anatomy, genealogy, etc, etc, etc. All I can say is that I had my WLS at a time when my wife and I were both seeing an uptick in our drinking. Perhaps to mask the problems in our marriage....perhaps to make the best of things.....perhaps we simply enjoyed it. The WLS, gym work and new way of eating were working wonders for my health. Initially this was met with approval and it seemed to be really helpful in calming the stormy seas of our marriage. I was firmly committed to keeping the weight loss train chugging ahead. After healing from the surgery I began drinking. No beer, but high grade tequila and vodka with skinny mixers. Without the benefit of meals, the impact was much deeper than simply sipping beer and then having dinner. This was 7-ish years ago. Fast forward to today. I've been alcohol free for the past 6+ years. It simplifies things. It is one less variable in daily life. It is simply easier for me to abstain than it is to have something else to measure, to control, to monitor. Right now monitoring my diet is enough. I don't know much about alcohol and I'm quite sure my surgeon and his staff all said to avoid it, period. LOL, to me listening to that noise at the time. I can say this....it is refreshing and good to not have it be part of my life. I face things head on and get to solving issues right away vs sulking and sipping on them over a night or two. Strong coffee is a much better substitute for me. Get some professional alcohol-specific guidance on this matter. IT can improve the trajectory of your life. Don't try to wing it and solve this on your own. Get the right advisors onboard and helping you make the best decisions for you.

It does stop sucking. The post op stuff is a beast.....a couple weeks removed from that and most everyone feels much better. First couple of days I distinctly remember the gasses causing some serious shoulder pains and other discomfort.

No horns..........yet.. Yet.

I got nothing, bro. Nothing. If it works for you then more power to ya.

Meat is the ticket…