Bluesky1

I'm grateful for your kind words to me. And for reminding me of my worth. I hope to build some friendships where I live (moved from another state). Have a wonderful night. God bless you.

Your post was so what I needed to hear. Thank you for reminding me not to engage. I do, then I say things I don't want to say...and it just blows up. Thank you for reminding me of my worth. Being in bed and recovering makes you feel a little useless. I do plan to set a time line once I heal for change counseling. I love my husband. I just don't love being treated this way. He does a lot of things right, good provider, honest, responsible, great friend....it just seems like he's learned some really unhealthy ways to be in our marriage. I'm praying for the both of us. God bless you for your words.

Hopefully he won't be be this way, but he may. I wish that going to a family member or friends house was an option. I move from another state, my mom lives in a studio apartment, and I don't have any friends here....mainly acquaintances. We may be headed for a divorce, I'm just not there yet. I would want a separation first. Hopefully within a year or so, when I've recovered from all of this....I will see more clearly what to do next.

I agree that control is abuse. He doesn't think so, of course. He says he wants me to be healthy, in my opinion...if diets continue to fail....if I were him, I would be happy that I'm having the surgery. His complaint, is that he feels that I should follow his diet and exercise plan, and if that didn't work...get the surgery. He has no comprehension of how many diets, exercises, diet pills, 12 Step programs, books I've read....to get thinner and stay thinner...only to be at my heaviest weight. I am also not sure I will have insurance in April, so not having the surgery...is simply not an option. I am also DONE...totally done trying without the surgery. When I met my husband 3 years ago, I was 70 lbs lighter. In his defense, that is a lot of weight. But, I had told him I just lost 50 lbs right before meeting him. I haven't filed for disability yet, I've been anxious, in pain, and nervous to apply. I have all my records, I just need to do it I plan on really doing it this week. My weight has been a battle since I was a teenager. I was thin, but I exercised incessantly, took diet pills, took drugs, tried to throw-up, I did everything I could not to gain weight. And over the years I have gone up and down. My current health issues make it harder to exercise for long periods. But my bigger issue is that I've used food to deal with a lot trauma in my life. I'm a volume eater, with a sugar and carb addiction. My BMI is 35 (I had to gain 7 pounds for the surgery). But, I am the niece, sister, and daughter of morbidly obese people...and I see where this goes if I don't do something drastic. So, I pray to just get through this time. Hopefully things will get better at home when I'm not battling the food, my body, and my husband.

Thank you for your prayers Sister I will be praying for you too. Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you for sharing your heart and experience. It's hopeful to know that you've stayed the course. I did tell him I want a divorce, or he can file for divorce. But, the truth is...that isn't what I want. I want to have peace, and feel that who I am is adequate....no matter what I way. The surgery is TOTALLY for me. I wish I had the means or the weight (I wasn't "heavy enough" yet) to do this a long time ago. I'm staying and praying. I hope that things will turn around. I recognize that my illness, pain, and surgeries (back to back) are not easy for him. It doesn't excuse his unkindness, but I see that he's not having an easy time either. Separation may be in our future. But, right now all I can think about is getting past this pain (the hysterectomy surgery has been hard, and I have new pain) and then having the sleeve surgery on Feb. 23rd.

Your words of wisdom are really appreciated. My husband does believe that his tough love angle should work. It does the opposite, and it adds to my wanting to eat. I am a food addict. I am trying to take responsibility for my food and weight problem by having this surgery. But, his unkindness sure doesn't make it easy. I have tried to ask, beg, threaten, and yell....STOP IT! But, it just leads to more arguing and strife. We had a few days of that. He told me that he's frustrated that I gained all of this weight after we just got married. I don't look the way I did when he met me, and he's never had to go through this with anyone....also, he's angry that I eat, when I want to lose weight. I see how it could be frustrating. It's frustrating to me. I just have to keep my eyes on the prize. He absolutely doesn't want me to have this surgery. He feels I'll just gain the weight back. I realize that he hasn't studied anything about it....and that's his choice. I plan to continue to heal day by day, and have the surgery. Again, thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Thank you for reminding me of the abuse hoteline. I have called them in the past, and will likely call them again. Separation may be in the picture for me, but not presently. I need to heal from this hysterctomy and have the sleeve surgery. Once my health is in a better place, I will be more capable of making that change if this is still continuing.

Thank you for your words. You are absolutley right that having emotional turmoil on top of the surgery isn't good. I am in counseling (secular) and I've told him we both need to be. Of course he ignores my requests, or tells me he's busy and he'll get back to me about it. I think (as soon as I'm well enough) I will begin going to a Christian counselor (with or without him). My faith is important to me, and I do love him...it's his meaness around my weight and my looks that I hate. I am totally doing this surgery to be healthy and happier (whether I was married or not). This has been a 25 year battle that I have continued to lose. Since I am in a lot of physiclal pain from surgery, and will soon be in more pain...I will have to live with this for at least a while. I realize I have to get support from elsewhere for this surgery. I'm so afraid that once I have it he will find ways to make things harder for me. So sad...or course he wasn't this horrible when we were dating and engaged...but there were signs. I should have dealt with them then. But, he assured me God had healed some things. Prayerfuly I will find some peace in this. Thanks again for your response.

Thank you for reminding me of this. It's easy to forget. These words are absolutely perfect. I appreciate your prayers.

Wow! Thank you all for swift responses. It's good to hear that my feelings are valid, and that this is unacceptable. As far as making him move out...He is the bread winner, I'm disabled and filing for disability, just had a hysterctomy, about to have a sleeve surgery...and I moved in to the house he already owned (and gave up my apartment). So, leaving or having him leave isn't really an option. It is abusive, I know it, and of course he tells me I deserve it. He is very attractive and I think he is embarrassed of me. I am embarrassed of me too. That is why I need this surgery. I need help. I know it. I have been (for the last nine months), doing something about it (classes, weigh-ins, a myriad of tests), and I'm having surgery in 4 weeks, so the badgering is just totally unnecessary. He tells me I'm conning the system because I gained 7 pounds to have this surgery. I sure did! 7 pounds waa not going to rob me of the opportunity to have this surgery. I have gained and lost all my life, and those 7 lbs would have come on organically, as my weight continued to keep going up. I know saying I hate you...is really strong language. It's just hard to not have awful feelings toward someone who is beating you up mentally and shaming you about your body. Lord knows, I beat myself up enough. I don't need reinforcement. Thank you again. It means a lot to know I'm not alone, and I'm so grateful for this website. It is a blessing!

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that tonight. ❤️

So angry and sad. I'm recovering from a total hysterctomy and preparing to have sleeve surgery in 4 weeks, on Feb. 23rd. My husband (new I might add, just married over a year) has been brutal towards me because of my weight gain overthe last year and half. I gained 70 lbs (again, after losing 50). This was the last time I was going to go through this. I had to gain 10 lbs to have the surgery, and I did. It was great! For the first time, I ate what I Wanted...with no guilt. I have continued to eat some healthy things and some not healthy things. And he has insulted, put me down, told me he doesn't want a fat wife...and on and on. Today I woke up sick, with a headache, but feeling good about my body. I have lost 10 lbs after this last surgery. I thought, hey! I'm looking better. I then walked in his office to him looking disgusted, telling me I had a headache because I ate some starbursts...and essentially telling me he wasn't going to buy me any junk food. I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife. I was hurt, sad, enraged, and just sick of it. I have battled my body for over 25 years, and I know this descion to have the sleeve is right, no matter what he says. It just hurts to know that the man I married, has let me know...he doesn't love me for me. He obviously married me for what I looked like. I told him tonight that I hate him, and wished I never married him. He is a preacher, and so good to other people. But, horrible to me. It sickenss me. With bad health, and am not supporting myself. I can't leave. I feel trapped with no support or family near me. Just wanted to vent. Also, I'm a Christian and a praying person. Please pray for healing from this surgery, and healing and help through the sleeve Surgery. Thanks

Stunning! You are a really beautiful woman!

What a beautiful bride you are! absolutely stunning congratulations to your family! God bless you

Wow! Congratulations!

It's hard when you don't have the person/person's closest to you behind you. I undertand your resolve though. At some point we have to recognize the need to go forward, and not be swayed by other's opinions. Praying for a great surgery. Keep us posted. God bless

Welcome! I'm pretty much a newbie too. My surgery is scheduled for Feb. 23rd. Maybe yours will be close to that date too.

I just had a total hysterectomy (both ovaries removed, and Endometriosis removed) 3 weeks ago. My sleeve Surgeon said I had to wait 6-8 weeks for her to do it. I was wondering if they wil use the same insicions too.

Congratulations! Just read through your whole story...you look STUNNiNG...but even more important...you look happy, accomplished, healthy, excited, and determined. I haven't had surgery yet, won't until Feb 23rd. I hope I do as well as you have. God bless!