Bluesky1

You look great! You can totally see the difference. I am so excited to be where you are now!

Yayyyyy!!!! ????????????????????

Glad you're feeling better! Congratulations on the loss! That is GREAT!!!

Congratulatons on the weight loss @@Sgt7546 ! That is wonderful! ???????????????? @@kaylababy1229 I had to call Magee's insurance coordinator often about submitting. They are extremely busy after taking over St. Margaret's bariatic program. I called OFTEN (both them and my my insurance). Also, I was told that I had a flexible date with my approval. It turned out not to be true. So, be proactive and check with them and your insurance to make sure you have every thing squared away.

Wow! What a great accomplishment. I look forward to the Pros you shared about. Kudos to you for the hard work ????. Wish I could see the faces at the company meeting. I'm aure it will be a big suprise for those who haven't seen you in a while.

Wonderful! You GO Girl! ????

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence? I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way. It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action. Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts? Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)? Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health? I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime! I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support. Hi, Thank for sharing your experience. I did respond to your original response. Not sure if you saw that. You are right about Starbursts. Unlike many people, I had to GAIN 7 pounds to have this surgery. I enjoyed, and have enjoyed every second of that. For most of my life I have been dieting, taking diet pills, excercizing, and depriving myself...only to fall of the wagon and gain weight. It has been wonderful to eat what and when I want, for these last few months. I have been up and down 30-70 pounds over and over and over. My husband only met me 3 years ago, so he does not know the 70 lb heavier me that I am now. But, I had just lost 55 lbs right before I met him. In answer to your questions, yes I do believe you should be able to be honest with your wife about her health. But, to keep at it until she's sobbing is not the way to do it. I KNOW I have a food addiction, and a weight problem. That is why I am having this surgery. For my health, for my self-esteem, of my chronic pain, and for my husband. I don't think he has committed a crime. I just think being more supportive would probably get him a lot further, and we would have a much better relationship than the approach he is taking now. I have asked, screamed, and begged him to stop. He thinks he is helping me, and so he always manages to bring it up. He also does not want me to have the surgery. If this was an issue of health, he would realize that the surgery is for my health. Anyways, he is not a horroble man. He is just making his wife feel horrible about her weight. Something that I don't need any help with, I already feel bad about it. I can't wait to Feb. 23d, to have the sleeve surgery and start to lose weight. Thanks again for sharing.

I am so happy that you have a supportive boyfriend. And I am so sorry that your Mom was so cruel about your weight. Many people think they are helping you by being mean. It does not work. Thank you for your kind words. I do feel like my husband has broken his marriage vows. He says I don't understand how frustrating it is to see me eat, when I am just gaining weight. I told him...that is WHY I am having the surgery. I hope that things will resolve. I do plan on going to a Christian counselor once I am well enough, hopefully with my husband. But if not, I will go alone. I think it would really help me to view this from a biblical perspective. God bless you.

@ @@Babbs, @@samantha614 @@bellabloom Thanks for your input on the attraction topic. He has no problem having sex with me. He has never had overweight partners in his past, so I don't think he secretly has a thing for fat girls. Also, a man's "part" does not work if he isn't attracted. Truthfully, I don't want to spend any more time trying to "figure him out". I am trying to heal from this big surgery that I just had, and prepare for my sleeve surgery on Feb. 23rd. I don't know the future. I pray that counseling will help, once I am healed enough to go regularly. I need to have my trust in God that no matter what the outcome, he said He would never leave me or forsake me. Even if people do. As far as him being a Christian, he is definitely falling short and in sin with his meanness. And, I have my own sin in my own life, that I need to repent from. That is WHY we need Jesus Christ. We are all broken people, who need the Holy Spirit to be better than what we naturally are.

I think that this is about weight. My husband doesn't want to be fat (exercises and eats clean) and he doesn't want me to be heavy. His way of dealing with it is wrong, and it is heartbreaking. As far as going to leadership in church...it is biblical to go to the elders if a person isn't responding to the fact that they are hurting someone repeatedly. It isn't going before the whole congregation immediately. It doesn't seem to be an issue at the moment, because I went to the Pastors wife, and the Pastor hasn't addressed it with me at all.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm sorry that you were so hurt in your marriage. I can certainly relate. I have suggested counseling, and he has ignored it, or said he that it wasn't a good time to talk about it. He told me yesterday that no man wants a fat wife...if they're being honest. I think there is truth in that. But, being mean and demeaning never helps me to lose weight, it just drives me to eat even more. This weight issue is hard for him, because #1 He doesn't struggle with food and weight. #2 He met me 70 lbs lighter, and he had never seen me heavy. It is something that I too would probably have a hard time with if it were reversed. BUT, again...it does't give him a license to hurt me, especially because I am planning to do something DRASTIC (surgery) in 3 weeks. I hope that things change. I love him and I don't want to divorce.

He is SOOOOOO cute! I love that hair! Great shot. The wonderful gift of being fit is something that will make those days away seem worth it! God bless your littile guy!

Welcome Back! So sorry for your losses. I'm a newbie (surgery on Feb. 23rd). But, I wanted to thank you for sharing about your journey. Congratulations on the new bod! ????

Hi, Are you all meeting as a group?

Hi, Just reaching out to say...you're not alone. I too am going into my surgery (Feb. 23rd) without my husbands support and have many of the same feelings you have. I'm trying to pray and focus on all the reasons why I know this is right for me. I encourage you to do the same. You know your struggle and you know how hard this battle has been. I'm sure you didn't come by this decision lightly. I guess other people who haven't battled, just don't get it. Thank you for sharing your heart here. Praying that all fear, anxiety, worry, and sadness will leave you as you prepare for a GREAT journey to where you want to be. God bless you!

Thank you for replying. Wow 125 lbs! That is amazing! Atta Girl! You're thoughts are very accurate. After arguing for two days. He did say he is frustrated (because I didn't look this way 3 years ago), he's scared about having a sick wife (I have chronic conditions), and he doesn't understand why I eat....if I want to be thin. His thoughts are that he is helping me. I don't see how he could think that when I stand before him with tears streaming down my face, but it is...what it is. I need the reminder to bite my tongue. I don't hate him, and I don't want a divorce. I hate how he is treating me. I think my husband has "orthorexia". I think that's what it's called. He is an extremely clean eater....who weekly decides that some healthy food group is "bad" and he no longer is eating it. It's the same kind of obsession with food, and body, and weight as I have...his just leaves him looking fit...mine shows on my body. So his fat hating seems to extend beyond me. It doesn't make it right...but maybe it will help me to be less devastated.

Yes, I have told the Pastor's wife that I feel like church discipline is warranted. She told me she would pass it on to the Pastor. We have a small church, and my husband is assistant pastor, bible study teacher, evangelist....so...we shall see.

The softness and beauty of your words touched me. I really like the wisdom in them. I will let him know that I need him. I don't know if I'll remember to say it as eloquently as you wrote it...but I will talk to him. Thank you for adding me to the prayer list...I believe in the power of prayer. My life is an example of someone who was least likely to be redeemed. But, He saved me. How much more can he and will he do? A lot...He has shown that. I will be in touch often. God bless you abundantly and richly!

I'm sorry to hear about this. I am a Christian woman and I believe in having a godly marriage. I would bring all this to the Lord in prayer and I certainly would bring scripture to his attention of how a man should treat his wife. Christ would not treat His bride in this manner!! And it needs to addressed and dealt with, however, if it continues, then get out! God does not want us abused and unhappy! I will keep you in my prayers! You are right. Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you! He is in me.

I don't think I made myself clear. I'm suggesting two thoughts to the OP: 1. You're clearly fragile and he didn't say the things you needed to hear. I'm suggesting that what he actually said/meant might have been different than what you heard. No one knows this but you (certainly not a bunch of strangers on this forum). I've been married 37 years and my wife hears me say things all the time that I don't think I said and certainly didn't intend to convey. 2. Clearly, you don't like what you're hearing him say. Have you told him loud and clear that? Have you told him what you need from him to help you get through this? Women her nuances that guys can't. Guys are thick in this area and need to be set straight. Obviously, if you're certain that he spoke those words and meant to be hurtful and you told him as much and he doesn't give a ****, you need to move on. I'm just saying be sure first... How is he otherwise? Thank you for wanting to be objective. I have told him every way I can...STOP IT! In his mind he thinks he's helping me. He also said he is frustrated that I am not the weight I was just 3 years ago when I met him, and I eat (candy, Cookies, bread) while I've been preparing for this surgery. Unlike many others I had to gain 7 lbs to have surgery. And guess what? I have been enjoying EVERY second of it. I have been on some diet, some plan, over-excercizing and battling not eating "bad food". It has been great to eat what I want. Some people may say that means I'm not ready for this surgery....I think it means I am totally ready for this surgery...because I need it. I have gone up and down all my life. My husband thinks I "cheated the system by gaining the weight...and he feels I should have been eating all healthy these last 9 months. The problem with that is I had to stay at a certain weight to be approved. No gaining..no losing...and I did everything I had to...to be approved. I do understand his frustration. I don't look like I did. I'm also 42, been going through peri-menapaus, and have chronic pain and health issues. And now have been thrown into surgical menopause. Sorry this may TMI...but..I'm trying to paint you a picture. My husband other than being mean and critical about my weight...is funny, hardworking, responsible, handsome, committed to his ministry, a great friend, a good Dad (to my step-daugter), and can be loving towards me. He simply doesn't want a fat wife. He strongly apposes surgery, and told me today...that I will just gain the weight back, and stretch my stomach back out. I hope that doesn't happen. I'm having the surgery. That is not negotiable. So...there you have it.

I haven't applied for disabilty yet. I plan to apply this week...I've been putting it off, and I've been in pain from surgery. Prayerfully I will be approved. I think it would help me to feel I have some money coming in. Recording him would be great...except in our arguments...I get so hurt and angry, that I have said mean things too. So, no go on that!

You're words about obedience and submission were spot on. I can relate to you and your marriages. I have actually called the Hotline, and gone to the shelter for a couple of years....I too had the pleasure of meeting a psychopath before my husband. That was horrible. I have called my local shelter when things have been particularly bad and they told me that because he had not been violent than staying there was not an option. Separation may be in the future for us. Right now, I am in so much physical pain and preparing for surgery...that's enough. I'm seeing a counselor, and coming here...and I just pray that I can make it through the upcoming months.

Thank you for your concern. I am sad to hear you're no longer a believer. It's easy to look at the fallibility of man and lose hope in God. Sometimes I have felt that way too. But, He is perfect...it's us that are broken. It seems a lot of men that I have dated have been abusive, come from abuse, and/or have been fatherless. This makes for a perfect storm, as I too come from a very abusive childhood. Fortunately, my husband is not violent. His words are crushing though. He does not understand the struggle of weight, and truthfully I don't think he ever will.