puddin

I wanted to know from people what the final catalyst was in deciding to be banded. Mine was when my father was diagnosed with type II Diabetes, along with most of his 7 other brothers. I decided that unless I did something about this weight I was going to have the same fate.

I'm so excited! I'm having a lower body lift in 7 hours. For the cosmetic surgery challenged, that's like a tummy tuck combined with a butt and thigh lift. Ya, painful! I'll post some before/after pics soon. But rest assured, they'll be HOT!

Hey ms. number, I'm a size 6/8!

Sup babygirl? Ah, it's slowed... like immensely. MEN! I started dating someone fairly seriously. You know how it goes. Anyhow, I'll probably break up with him, though I've said this before, and then I can have more tri training time, lol! I did meet someone new, however, who is a MAJOR road cycler (story is on my blog, if you have access to it) and wants to cycle with me... that could help. Except he's a lot faster than I am. Punk. How's your exercise going?

Argon, the pic on page 5 was JUST before.

Here are my new befores/afters. Ignore my funny face in all of these, lol! I can't take a straight-faced pic to save my life. The first "after" pic I had to pee really, really bad (in case your'e wondering about the stance). One of these days I'll take a g-rated full-body pic. More pics on Flickr: Photos from puddin_pie.

Argon, I'm sorry! I may have missed it, I apologize. What did you want to know about it?

Annie, when did u PM me? Id din't get it.

Nope, you have to set one up. Go to my blog and then set it up. You don't have to have a gmail account. You can set one up with your current email address.

Hey all again! Well I'm glad to hear it doesn't bring y'all down. I would like to say that I have been incredibly ashamed for my behavior over the last few months, but I'm really, really feeling the desire to not give into it. I've been celibate for a few weeks now and it feels wonderful. I have CHOSEN to remain celibate. That's the kicker. Sick of being a victim here. I had decided to stop dating for awhile, but then I thought "Hey! How's that gonna help? Just stop dating the bad boys and CHOOSE not to do bad things." Guess what? It has been working. I eliminated the bad boys from my life and have only been dating the ones who are respectful. Yes, the temptation is still there, but the desire to overcome the addiction and also be true to my relationship with God is greater at this point. I also realize that sex and even making out ruins relationships. I have been dating this guy Aaron quite a bit lately. Yes, we made some really bad mistakes on the first and second dates awhile ago. I didn't think we'd survive after that, but after deciding not to date for a week or so, we just set up some rules. No being out past midnight (and often 10:30), always with other people unless we're in public, no kissing except at the end of the date when we're standing and about to leave, no cuddling unless other people are in the room, no sexual innuendos, we read our scriptures together at the end of the date or, if we're not together, we read them on the phone each night (yes, I know this is cheesey). And the rules seem to be working. And GUESS WHAT? We have a NORMAL, stress-free relationship because of it. Yes, we have to deal with the sins that we committed together and it still may be the demise of our relationship. I don't know. All I know is that I like not feeling guilty the day after a date. I like having him write me poetry and call me at 12:30 to tell me he just woke up and wanted to hear my voice. He'd never respect me if we continued to sin. And I've been able to tell him my sordid past. He knows and he still likes me. Says he knows I am a good girl, I just had a brief stint in rebellion. I know the same about him. He's a good guy, just made a mistake. Okay, enough about that shiznit. Brenda, I'm super sorry about the blowup with ya daughter. I hope you can work things out, and selifshly I hope you can because I want to actually meet you in person and have you come to SLC. You rock. How are things going now with her?

Hi you guys I sort of stopped posting here because I just felt like I was bringing everyone down with this stupid addiction. Anyhow, if any of you would like access to it then just PM me with your google account and I'll give ya access. Sound good? And Brenda, woman, where's my PM with when you're coming to SLC??? Brandy... congrats!!! Do you love it? A good majority of my swelling is gone now, but it's been 5 1/2 months post-op already for me, and I heal quickly. I was told 6-12 months for the swelling to completely disappear. You're in it for the long haul, woman!

Dammit, you guys, it's GOTTA STOP! I'm HURTING PEOPLE now with this. The guy Monday and yesterday was a virgin before he met me. A good church boy. Freak. And the guy from last Saturday and Thursday was my old zone leader from my mission who's also getting married in a week from tomorrow (though I didn't know it at the time). The fella from LAST Monday is someone who is taking discussions from the missionaries. I needed to be an EXAMPLE, not a freakin slut with him. These are just some of the guys recently... This is so incredibly out of control. It's stopping today. This madness is stopping today.

Deanna Thanks for your words. You're right. It's a whole new experience being desired by men. I put it to my friend like this: "Ever see a pretty girl and think 'If I could get that I SO would!'" (he's a guy)? Well, that's how it is for me now. I see men that are good looking... really good looking... and they WANT me. They tell me I have a 'great body.' Imagine that! Imagine being fat your entire life, men never taking a second look at you, and now having this supermodel of a man tell you that you are sexy and he desires you. Not only that, but he desires you over and over. It's flattering and yet it's the greatest form of disrespect. So you get caught in this crazy cycle of having sex, feeling terrible about yourself to the point where you think you're only worth that, then you go out and have it again and feel even worse. It's a downward spiral. I've done things in the past two weeks that I never, ever thought I'd do. I want to stop. I told myself today to STOP right now before I kill my sanity, but even right now I want to have it again. I want to call Drew up. But I know I can't do it, for my own mental health. I pray to have the strength tomorrow to resist this again.

For me, if I try to drink with meals I get stuck. It's uncomfortable. I can't do it. So I drink until a few minutes prior, and then 1-2 hours after.

Y'all are freakin awesome!

Thanks you guys. Yes, men just want me for one thing right now. The sex is an addiction, I know it is. I wipe the slate clean every week and every week someone new comes around, or someone old tries to contact me for a booty call. If they catch me in a weak moment, I'll often give in. My sister knows. She tried to tell me yesterday that it's worse than a drug addiction. I don't know about that, but I do know that these days it's often two or three men a week. Sometimes the same guy, sometimes not. And almost always they just want one thing from me. There's one guy I date who I just can't tell what I've been doing. He's decent and we've never had sex, but he just can't know. I have a good friend who knows almost everything, but not everything. It's a pretty shady history and it keeps getting worse and worse. Now there's video floating out there of Brady and I. I don't know what possessed me to agree to take video. It's spiraling quickly but sometimes I just don't have the desire to pull myself out of the spiral. I look at the girls I go to church with and I feel so far from where they are right now - which is where I was 6 months ago. It's a crazy double-life. And Evilah, I have had a similar experience and I think this is one reason I put on the weight as well. I think somehow I'll be able to get out of this, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of change of heart.

Good for you, girlfriend! I'm happy for you and your new license. Hope you make stacks of cash selling million dollar houses. I know lots of people who've gotten into that recently and loved it. Keep me updated on it. Okay, are you kidding? I'd LOVE to help your daughter as my little sister here in Salt Lake. I can help her as best I can, even though I'm a little out of Salt Lake. Just let me know her email in a PM and I'll shoot her a message. Too bad about the situation. Boys are stupid. I can't date someone who's really into video games because a lot of times they're obsessed with them. So skin cancer? Girl, are you okay? Are they able to remove it just fine? Yes, no more tanning for you LOL! Go get the fake stuff. Works wonders. I don't go out of the house without sunscreening it up. But you've gotta be lookin HOT! Are you just loving the tummy tuck and lift? My stomach keeps shrinking. I'm fitting into size 6 pants on occasion, though my legs aren't fantastic. The last two weeks have been LAZY for me, so i gotta get back on it. So what's your final goal? So u got a date for me in MT eh? LOL. You're the queen. Send me his pic LOL.

Hey chickie! Yeah, what's the challenge in Salt Lake? Are you here??? Let's shop!

Faith, you're sweet. I'm doing okay. The outfit I was talking about that didn't last long was prior to my change of heart, so I'm still on the straight and narrow, so to speak. Today is day 10 of no makeout/sex or anything. I do have a date tomorrow with a guy who I dated before I went all wild, and I know he's a good guy, but I'm still trying to fortify myself against doing anything with him. Lately I seem to be bringing that out in men, even if they don't normally do that, and I'm ashamed to admit it. Anyhow, yes, the guilt I feel has a LOT to do with the religion I was raised with. And yes, I do believe in this religion with all my heart, which is why I'm so conflicted. I have been doing things I wholeheartedly don't believe in doing. I don't plan on losing my faith just to justify my behavior. I don't think I could if I wanted to. So the answer was just to change my behavior. One day at a time!!! But you bring up a good point about therapy. Yeah, the therapist Im seeing does spend a lot of time on religion, but it's only because that's a huge part of why I have to go to therapy over it. I'm glad it's focused on that, to be honest. But I can definitely see a benefit to perhaps getting another point of view that's less biased in that direction. Could help! Anyhow, I've got some books he gave me on OCD and a nice anti-OCD prescription LOL. Should help, I think. Thank you all for all the hope and inspiration you give me continually! It's great to have wonderful friends and people that don't even know you show so much care. You're awesome!

Whoa, 1 hour before is way longer than I've ever heard. My doc also said 10 minutes before and 1 hour after and that's pretty easy to adhere to. Actually, I often end up water loading before meals and eating 5 minutes after. It could be counter-productive, who the heck knows.

At my highest weight I couldn't feel it, but now it's nearly always visible with my clothes off, but no one notices.

Lap dancer, luv luv luv the shoes in the first post! And tho I'm embarassed to admit it, I wore pretty muchy that very corsett lingerie outfit last Monday and it looked HOT! It wasn't on very long though LOL. I thought it would make my boobs look smaller but it actually does wonders for them.

Girl, I do sympathize. While I'm not married, I have a sister who used to be incredibly messy. I like the house clean and she could care less, but she was also dealing with some depression problems. She has since dealt with the depression and voila! She's taken it upon herself to start cleaning up after herself! But I had to really back down and not nag her about it. I just let it get kinda messy until she couldn't stand it and decided to do something about it. But she never would have before dealing with the depression. So while I can't give any great advice here, i can say that perhaps if you can help your hubby deal with the depression, maybe that will do something about the cleaning motivation. Hey, just thought of something. Another thing that got her cleaning was to invite someone over and then tell my sister about it before-hand. She's got too much pride to have a messy house when people come over, so she'd get up and start cleaning. Would this work with your husband? Maybe invite people over once a week LOL!

I'm sorry for being absent the last little while. To be honest with you guys, I've been back and forth. During the day I feel intense sorrow and guilt, but shaky and almost going through withdrawals. Then the moment one of these men call I calm down again. I've made a few mistakes since even Brady last week, with both Tony and Travis. But it's time to 'shit or get off the pot', pardon my french. I feel like running away and hiding from life. Last night was another stupid, naive moment for me. "Sure, let's go biking with me and your buddies," I said. Um, no, I think he planned the makeout. I think this guy really likes me, and that's what kills me about last night. It's as if he likes me, but REALLY doesn't respect my boundaries. I said at one point yesterday after moving his hand for the 50th time, "Travis, why do you gotta keep pushing it?" So he stopped, just for a bit, then pushed the line again and again until we were nearly having sex. I stopped it in a moment of sanity. Then I left. It was the smartest thing I've done all week. Saw a counselor this morning, and he was very surprised at how quickly I'd declined. But that's what intense internal conflict does to you. And it's all from my own doing. So today is a new day. It's day 1 again. I'm leaving my old life behind. The men, the lack of self-respect, the promiscuity, I'm running away from it and starting a new life. The old one's not workin. There has been no personal fulfillment in being validated physically by men, only intense pain. SO b'bye Georgia. Don't let the door hit you on the wait out.

Howdy Yes, I asked my doc and he did lipo on the top. And yes, my port sticks out. Nobody notices unless, well, they feel my stomach or see my bare stomach. I'm okay with it. Maybe your doc wants a little "padding" on the top so your port won't stick out so much. Either way they have to reposition the port.