WLSResources/ClothingExch

I adore the Spicy Asian Peanut Dressing, the champagne-pear-gorgonzola dressing and the no-tomato corn salsa, which is good enough to eat from the jar. The sweet & spicy pecan halves were born to be broken into salad of baby spinach, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, onion and leftover salmon filet -- with the peanut dressing. The pumpernickel pretzels have charms, but you have to overlook the illustration of the leering molester. I'm sad that Quick eggs has been out for months and no one knows when it will be back (bird flu is the cause, as I was told). The up side is that I've been buying whole eggs: Eggs are a reason to live, so fie on cholesterol. There are many other TJ items that I buy, but what I like most is that TJ has a civilizing effect on me. If you live in Manhattan, you know that what we call supermarkets are generally sad affairs. The old-school stores are staffed by folks who'd rather be elsewhere. They scowl or, on a good day, appear affectless. Few think of responding to questions with more than two syllables and a grunt. This is not to say that none are pleasant, but they are outnumbered. Customers often seem bent on running you down with their carts. Again, not all, but too many for comfort. From the first time I visited TJ, I felt as though I was away from New York. The staff is genuinely friendly, conversational and attentive. You know that. When you're accustomed to old-school NYC food stores,* TJ is eternal Spring. I make friends because I'm relaxed and open. One time when the checkout lines were so long that they wound up and down the aisles, I had to trace my way along a line to find its end. As I walked along, I said to every 5th or 6th person, "I'm so glad to see you;" "I'm happy you were able to make it today;" and so on. The warmth and laughter I received in return made the wait briefer for all of us. Another time it was near impossible to wheel our carts in one of the aisles. A woman made eye contact and grumbled something about the crowding. When I told her that "It isn't bad because everyone is so friendly," her face relaxed. Another woman who'd overheard complimented my "wonderful attitude." Me? A wonderful attitude? Uh-huh. * If you're unfamiliar with Manhattan supermarkets and your own stores have huge parking lots and maybe beanbag chairs for sale, you'd say that our stores are medium-sized. The space doesn't exist here; this is an island and property values are astrohigh. Your football-field markets carry 12 brands of everything in five sizes each item. Our stores carry two brands in two sizes each item, but nowhere near a mfr's full product line. That's why, when I visit friends out there, I clamor to go the supermarket with them. Send me on my own and I'm Alice in the Wonderland Toy-and-Penny-Candy-Store. P.S. It is my own opinion that TJ quality isn't great overall. We're not talking top quality produce and we are talking tons of frozen products, a category I ignore. What makes TJ are many of the private-label products and the atmosphere. Even the monthly bulletin, "Fearless Flyer," always playfully written, can be a charmer. The October issue describes the many seasonal pumpkin products, so many that they elicit some mockery. How can I not be cuckoo for the copywriter who described one as "pumpkified?"

Not at all relieved. Somehow, this year, a Trader Joe's copywriter charmed me. I never read their circulars, but somehow I noticed this month's chockablock with pumpkin food products. One jumped out: the copywriter described one as having been "pumpkified." For me it was love at first sight. Does it look like a deflated basketball? RIPP.

Whoa, I've already gone over the duckface thing twice. It's a dead duck and you know it, lady. Beside, I never scolded, i simply requested shelter from it when I thought it might mean something degrading and hateful like. You probably thought I had another word tucked way up my sleeve, though it, in reality, has no bearing on sleeves. Here's a clue: D.H. Lawrence. I'll have you know that I long ago reclaimed the beautiful word, which somehow had been co-opted as a curse some time much earlier. I would say it here, but because of it's having been corrupted by the lower echelons, I know that some people would keel over. Urinal, for the last time, is merely unaesthetic on two fronts. Perhaps it's a dying art? Rickles has little time remaining.

East Village checking in. Banded six years ago this month. To be absolutely accurate, banded twice within one week six years ago this month. No matter. I love my surgeon. In the first 15 months, give or take a week or so, I lost 115 lbs, able to see my goal of another 40ish lbs. Then ran into a snag, ahem, and, since 2/2011, have regained much of what I'd lost. Had a few brief periods between then and now where I started losing again, managed to drop approx 20 lbs each time, and then undone the good work. Now, beside wanting to get back on track, I have some other med concerns, each with a mandate to exercise, which brings me to the point. I have a hell of a hard time getting myself to the gym, which is the 14th St. Y between 1st & 2nd. I know that, if anyone here is a member of that Y and would agree to as little as meeting at the front door and walking in together, I'd do it. Once in, of course, each of us would do her/his/her own thing because we'd be at different levels. Anyone up for it? Any takers? I also have the feeling that there is another forum where I can post the same thing for local people as well as have my own topic heading. I think that would help make connections. If you can tell me where/which forum that is, I'd most appreciate. BP is so dense that I'm still navigating it in fits and starts. Laurie

@sleevegirl1991 "Yes" on calling your gyn -- always when there's a change in what has been your normal period or there is bleeding that somehow seems to be separate from menstrual bleeding. Because your surgery was very recent, mention it to your surgeon, too, if only for your peace of mind..

@bellabloom I just reread your line about these dates being intrigued and mesmerized by your thinness. The choice of words brings up something else in light of some of the posts. It's all in the style. One of the women (sorry, I can't recall who right now) wrote about a boyfriend laughing and throwing her over his shoulder. That's playful and cute. Sitting across a restaurant table from someone who's staring dumbly and drooling as though you're the dessert special? Not cute. Not from a stranger. Cheesy. There are ways that a new man can talk about your slimness that work, but not if you have to take his napkin to wipe the spittle from his chin. That's the cut-off point. Flatter me, flirt with me, but don't make a mess until I tell you it's alright to be messy.

You're all so correct. After my note above re Inner Surfer Girl and Bella Bloom's notes, I read what's been entered since my last drop-in. Lots of interesting, valuable messages. @@AvaFern Your comments on Mystery the Player (glad to say I've never heard of it) recalls something I saw in a men's magazine many years ago. It may have been Esquire or GQ. The advice was intended in a positive vein to give a woman what her soul might need at the moment: Also to make a positive rather than crass, bad-boy (â la Mystery Player) impression: Compliment a beautiful woman on her intelligence; compliment an intelligent woman on her beauty. @@Babbs Did you really say "fuckin' weird?" This is so exciting. We can really say what we mean? I signed up at SparkPeople when I had surgery and still take part. What irks me is that the tech system has an autocensor. When I try to use certain mild words I'm stopped. It's a pain in the ass (which I think is one of the censored words). Omitting the words waters down the meaning and impact.

@@Inner Surfer Girl -- Thanks for the wonderful incident. There was a Twilight Zone episode about mannequins coming to life after hours. With a little rewriting, it could have incorporated the matchmaker's client......There's something a little icky about taking a man who is in the market for a wife to a mall as though he literally was shopping for one. @@bellabloom -- Why worry about superficial men? Isn't the idea to weed them out? They're easy to spot; they show their cards very early. You've already described it in your recent dates. I can't say that you're one of them, as I don't know you, but too many women are willing to shut their eyes and give men a pass on things they'd never tolerate in friendships with men or women. Most of those women know in their bones what they're doing and work hard to block it out. Sad. Certain qualities in the people we choose should be non-negotiable. That's how we're able to hold our own heads high. End of lecture.

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, the only thing worse than being stared at is not being stared at. Enjoy this latest NSV. Laurie

There's something very creepy about men who think women's weight, whether it's low or high, is a topic for conversation with no context. To be sitting across from a woman he doesn't know and discuss her, evaluate her, with her is weird, inappropriate and, well, creepy. What happened to conversation that's interesting and appropriate? Your thinking on whether you'd reveal your weight history is off kilter. At one time you were 250. It's a part of your history and your being. As you say it, it sounds as though revealing your truth would be the same as apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. Why fear "bursting the bubble" of some creep? You'd lose his approval? He's no great prize to begin with. The other side of the coin is: What happens when you decide to get naked with someone? Will he not notice some out-of-the-ordinary features? Loose skin? Scars not only from bariatric surgery, but also from reconstructive surgery (if that's the case)? "The dog ate my homework" won't cut it. Are you clear yourself on what you mean by "skinny?" A very high percentage of obese or formerly obese people equate "skinny" with attractive and healthy. "Skinny" is neither. What's attractive about a sunken chest or something like? "Skinny" is distorted perception. I was stunned to observe many times at WLS support groups or at my clothing exchange events that obese and formerly obese people use the word "skinny" as a barrier against "the other," I'll call it. The best example I recall was a support meeting where a man (a man, mind you) who had never been overweight, did a guest presentation of some sort of exercise program he'd developed. A woman at the meeting, still quite heavy, made some comments which included describing him as "skinny." It was so clear that she was building a wall; that he was "the Other," not quite a "real" person. The moment was humiliating and the man responded by saying that he considered himself at a healthy weight, not skinny. He was accurate. The word "skinny" is an equivalent of thin ice -- a poor foundation, a broad misconception, and absence of a centeredness within. I'll retract all that if in fact you really do mean true skinniness. At this hour, I can't not ramble.

Dig yourself, guy.

@Elode -- That photo? That is one hot shot. Tell me something. Did you pierce that ugly pumpkin with a heel as practice/prelude to something else? Beware, here comes a serious NSV report which, alas, I have since undone. Way back when I was making a killing with my band, I noticed that, when I crossed my legs, the knee-down portion of the top leg hung parallel to the knee-down part of the lower leg instead of sticking out at a noticeable angle. And the top leg made it farther up the lower leg so that more of the lower knee was visible. That's the best I can describe it at this hour. Anyway, I want that again. Laurie

@, the kerfuffle here over "The Word" is much ado about nothing. Someone in the men's forum wrote "duckface," which I'd never heard. Something about the context or lack of context made me think that it must be a degrading term about some part not the face. My misconception. It turns out to be a trifle. There you have it.

I skimmed the "Forum Rules," but spotted nothing that addresses my question. Is it considered offensive or a shocking breach of etiquette at BariatricPal to post in a topic under a other-gender-only heading? I noticed one in the "Recent Topics" list (right side of screen) and, reading the posts, thought I'd like to make a few serious and light comments; the topic really is interesting not only in view of losing weight, but in societal terms, too. Now the confession.... I did post, but not my primary comments. Mentioning that I had to go learn to use the "multi quote" feature, I also wrote that, if the participants told me not to come back, I would respect their choice and would also "unfollow" the topic. What's the practice around here? Do the "one-gender-only" topics mean that the other gender is unwelcomed or does the designation simply indicate that the topic is of particular interest to the one gender? Yes, I know that I'm over-thinking and perhaps even over-fretting this. So be it.

I'm quite sure I noticed a "classes" tab in the past few days. Now that I'm deliberately looking for it, nothing. Someone please point me in the direction? Thanks.

Interesting point. If correct, Ms. Magazine called it in 1971: Women can have it all!

Hm, in this instance it's redundant to say "man's penis." Who else's would it be? A Ken doll's?

I was imagining that duckface was quite different from what it turns out to mean. There are other slang meanings for animal parts as applied to human anatomy that are truly offensive and demeaning. Duckface turns out not to be one of them. Urinal? Ugly-sounding word for an ugly invention. Admit that they are ugly! What's with the floating screenlike thing hovering over the downpipe entry point? What can possibly come out of a man's penis that will clog the plumbing? My objection to "urinal" is purely a matter of linguistic and visual aesthetics. Duchamp and his "Fountain" be damned. Something that I don't get is how I've gotten more squeamish with time. When I was a kid, only four words were verboten. The list has grown and, yes, one would think it would have worked the other way around. C'est la vie, c'est la guerre.

Whoa! It's wowie-zowie only when a man knows what he's doing. The proficient ones are in the minority. I blame women for that. Not many, for whatever reasons, take the time to teach: "That's nice, but x-y-z would be even better." A man can't know the sensations a woman feels and, therefore, is unlikely to be effective without having been instructed. In the case of impermanent relationships especially, we owe it to each other to send them off with diplomas and impressive résumés. Maybe we should institute a system for providing references, too. So far this topic has been women only. I think it's time to go co-ed to reduce the bozo population out there.

Sorry, this one got messed up when I edited after posting. See below. Or above?

@@4MRB4PHOTO I take issue with "Simon." This Brooklyn girl finds several of his "You Know You're..." items to be incorrect. One of the more egregious errors is the last. Above all Christmas is The Big Day for hitting the Chinese restaurant. Shipping or shlepping bagels back to Peoria? Be sure of the source. Even in NYC some makers steam rather than boil the shaped dough, yielding a mockery that is inauthentic in texture and spirit. I'll leave it there. Laurie

It's also socially acceptable to use the men's room regardless of the number of stalls and grotesque porcelain things that jut from the walls (I'll omit their name) if the alternate is puddling on the lobby floor. Great story of your error. You gathered up all your possessions and your dignity. You are a shameless fellow and you know full well that such a title would draw all the weirdos.