Twilight

Hi ladies. It was my first day this week with just me and Jai so I spent the morning snuggling with her in front of the tv. Actually just managed to get the shower, hair, and face done and thought I'd better pop in here. Last night I had a really bad food night. I don't know what got into me but I was about as self destructive as I've ever gotten. I binged. It was almost manic. Crazy. On top of that, the whole time I was doing it I knew I was stuck so I justified it by telling myself it was all coming back anyways. It was awful. I finally got ahold of myself and I feel completely fine today, but it was a nutso evening. Wish I knew what set it off, because there wasn't a single thing that I can point to. I've been so good. I keep all the goodies for Nick's lunch out in the garage and they haven't bothered me a bit. I know I should get rid of all of that, but we've had issues with him not eating ANYTHING at school so I put one goodie in his box so that he can have a treat if he eats his "real food." I got on the scale this morning and there was no real damage done there, just to my head. Who knows. Today I'm going to spend my time concentrating on my water and hope that helps. Candice, I've never read anything by that author. Is it a series or can you read any of them in any order. I hate it when I start in the middle of a series. I would love to find a new author. I guess I'm assuming they are fiction....maybe they are nonfiction. Right now I'm in the middle of one of each. What every mom needs and The girl who played with fire. I need to get those finished. Take time to just sit quiet and read. There isn't anything on tv lately that I want to watch so I don't know why I sit and watch it. As for QVC, it was just on in the background. Everything was kitchen stuff yesterday. Nothing I bought was really big, just some gadget stuff. I'm a junky for that stuff. A couple of cook books. Oh...and a little 8 cup skinny pot for boiling tea and eggs. I'm glad it wasn't crafting day. I'd be even worse with that Phyl, I'm so sorry Earl was mean to you and Zoey yesterday. I can understand the state of mind of "losing" the wallet and the anxiety it caused. I get that way sometimes. And then, even when that's over, the adrenaline is still rolling and so you take it out on anything and everything around you. It is a tough position for you to be in. I'm so sorry. A good check up is probably in order. There are a million things that can cause change in moodiness. He may be worried about something, like Karla says, and a thorough physical will ease his mind. Karla, sorry about your sub issues. I know that there are times when I am afraid to grade papers when I sub. It's a matter of not knowing if I'm really doing what the teacher wants. What does the teacher expect for answers? What about misspelling? What about partial credit? I hate to grade others papers because I know how I was with grading. And if a teacher is just going to go back and re-check everything because they want to know what the kids really did "get" while they were gone, should I even bother? Maybe all she needs is some direction. "Of these papers, please correct this one and this one and this one. Leave this and that for me." I don't think you should have to go in on Friday and do all that work, but it might be nice to do some of it so you can keep an eye on how the kids are doing. Especially since she isn't your sub choice. I have to be honest, my biggest anxiety subbing for someone is that I'll do it wrong and they will be upset with me. I worry about it constantly. Maybe that helps a little, maybe not. Well, Jaimi wants to play Pretty Pretty Princess so I guess I'd better wrap this up. Talk to you later ladies. Hugs and better days to each of you.

QVC has been my frenemy today. I think I'm up to 5 orders for the day.

Good Lord, I've been busy. And tired. It's nuts how busy I've been since I went sledding. Tomorrow I'm not going to teach and Jaimi is going to daycare because she has nursery school. So, it's going to be a quiet day here and I hope tomorrow morning I'm going to be able to add a long post. For now, the snow run was amazing. Brought Jeff on board for the cause. He says he would rather I concentrate on raising money for Pink Ribbon Riders and ditch Komen. There are thousands raising money for Komen. PRR has very few. I like his attitude. So, food there wasn't the best for Jeff. He ate too much and then drank a few too many drinks. I am pretty sure that he did not regain anything. Just water retention. He was so down on himself when he weighed. I felt really bad. I hope that I have convinced him that he's doing alright. I need to stay a little more on top of his water intake. I know he doesn't drink enough to rid him of all the toxins. Hopefully that will help. For me, I could have lost more, but I know that I had way too many Colorado Bulldogs. Diet soda but the alcohol and cream wasn't helpful. I'm on track though. I have lost 5 total and Jeff 10. When I put it that way he looked a little more positive. Tonight we went out for dinner. I ate Candice's favorite walleye and Jeff had crab legs. It was a great birthday dinner. So....more tomorrow. I'm so very tired. Have a great night.

Hi ladies. This is just a drive by post. Tonight I will put a little more effort into this. Right now I need to get dinner going for the little ones. We'll talk about the reason for that tonight. I was down 2 pounds this morning. I was hoping it would be more but I'm satisfied. I drank too many drinks and they were definitely higher cal than my normal malibu diets. Food could have been better too. Oh well....again, we will discuss it later. Jeff, on the other hand, is up 1. He is all but heartbroken. I worked so hard on keeping his food good. I don't know if he has been cheating or his body just went nuts this weekend when I wasn't controlling things. Anyways...later. I put back on one of my size 12 pants that had been too tight for the last 6 months. They are still tight but not so bad that I can't stand it. I needed to wear them because they are my only long pants that aren't jeans. All other slacks that fit are capri length. No jeans while subbing. Oh well. I'll wear them tomorrow too. Glad they are black. I will tell you all about my great weekend tonight. It was so amazing. I almost can't stand it!

Okay. Up late yet again, but Jeff is driving tomorrow so I'll probably nap on our route. Nothing new to report except my intakes. SF/FF latte 16 oz Vanilla light and fit diabetic yogurt Protein shake 1/4 c taco meat (bad idea but it finally went down) Atkins bar (peanut, caramel, something or other), I don't like most bars but for a fake pay day I have to say it wasn't too bad. Protein shake Gotta up the intake. Shouldn't be a problem while we are gone. I just hope I'll be able to find soft enough things so I don't irritate my stomach. Taking a bunch of shakes and bars with me just in case though. I will be checking in via blackberry and possibly ipad depending on service. Otherwise, don't expect to hear anything until Sunday evening. If that happens, I promise, I haven't fallen off the earth (or my snowmobile), I'm just busy. I got dots made, but if any of you think of any other names you want me to add to my pink ribbon sled, please just let me know. I'm taking a bunch with me so I can add up until judging. I'll take pics and post them on FB in my mobile uploads album. Should be fun. Later taters. Love you all.

I am in the same boat as you. Funny that Janet has posted here before I had the chance to. She is such an inspiration to me and such a wonderful friend of mine. It shouldn't surprise me that she is here cheering you on. I have just recently decided to get back on the bandwagon. For one reason or another, too many to go into right now, I'm starting again too. I originally lost 70 pounds. Have gained back 25 of that. It's time to get back to the program and do what I had decided to do in Dec. 07. My husband and I decided that this was the year we were both going to change our lives for good. We began taking charge almost 2 weeks ago. Here's what we did to get back in the groove. 1. We began with the 4 days of liquids. For me, to quit irratating my band, for him to shrink his stomach back to normal size so he wasn't always hungry. 2. We continued with the 5 day pouch test. 3. Now we are continuing with the divided plate idea, 1/2 Protein, 1/3 veggie, the rest a starch. To be honest, we often leave off the starch. If it isn't there, it can't be tempting. I also went through and threw out all the junk in the house. It was tough but I threw out quite a bit from the fridge and the freezers. We also joined the Blue Cross Blue Shield challenge. It will keep us accountable for the next 12 weeks. See if BCBS has a challenge going in your state. Ours was open to anyone no matter if you were a customer or not. There are lots of those out there, so see if you can find something. Other than that, it's just back to the basics. I'm here to tell you it is possible. Last week I lost 3 pounds, this week I'm on track to lose the same. My hubby lost 9. Don't think it can't be done. Find that gumption that we had when we started this process and tap into that strength you know is there. It IS there because you lost 50 pounds by using it. Good luck! And keep posting here!

Janet, I was up late last night. We had a snowmobile club meeting and didn't get home from that until 930 and then Michael called with a "crisis". More on that in a second. Then Jeff and I talked for awhile about club stuff and then he went off to snore in the bedroom. I stayed in the chair for awhile so posted that quick note. So Michael calls last night to tell me, "Mom, I want to go to Acquire the Fire (a church thing) in Nashville and Dad says he won't let me go out of state with someone he doesn't know but that if you say yes you can veto him." I'm like, what the freick??? We are NOT playing this game. He's with his dad now, he didn't want to be here anymore and up until last night he was all, "Everything here is so great, Dad is the best, I've never been happier." Then last night was, I'm a prisoner in this house, he treats me like an @$$, he won't even let me go to church. I talked to him, I talked to his dad, I talked to him, I talked to his dad. By the time we were off the phone Scott and I were on the same page...not that we were ever on different ones, and Michael should have understood that there isn't anything in the world he's going to tell me about his father that is going to shock me. I told Michael he is down there, his dad is in charge, and moving back here is NOT an option. I told him that until he learns to respect his dad's rules and such he is not even coming home for a visit. The honeymoon is over and life is setting in. He's going to have to learn to deal. Poor baby! However, after I got off the phone I was stressed out about being a horrible mom and what have I done, how could I be so cold, what iffing myself into a tizzy. Anyway....it is all good and I stand by my decision to send him to Missouri. It is the best thing for everyone involved. Today my tummy is making those sounds it made right after surgery. It sounds like I am going to explode. It's actually a little bit humorous. Nothing seems to be quieting it so I'm not going to feed it. We will see what makes it stop. My head is still really stopped up and I need to up my fluid intake combat these drugs. That's what I am concentrating on today. Have a good day ladies. Can't wait to hear about Phyl's day and Candice's trip. I'll be waiting very impatiently for an update from Karla, though I know it will all be good. Later taters!

Good Luck tomorrow Karla. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Love you lady!!!

I was making that dip with greek yogurt too until I found the light and fit low sugar yogurt. So now I make it with that yogurt, low fat cream cheese, about 1/3 of a package of sf pudding. When I was making it with splenda I added some vanilla to give it a little more flavor, so now the pudding gives it the same but a little creamier. I've thought about trying it with the silken tofu to add more protein. We'll see. I just tried the white choc tofu pudding. Not great flavor. I won't make it again. As for Jeff's idea of it being sticky, I don't know what that was about. I don't agree. Just not loving that flavor.

That's right Janet, I was going to tell you about the chocolate tofu. It was divine! I know it seems like a silly thing to make when there are SF pudding cups but I figure if I'm going to snack I might as well get some good protein in there. That isn't there in those cups. Had the BCBS challenge not mentioned tofu I wouldn't have thought of trying it either. But honestly it is really good. It started with a recipe for peanut butter and honey dip for apples. I read it and thought that it could be really good as a filling for celery for Jeff (we know I'm not even going to attempt celery). When I mentioned that, Karri told me about the pudding. Well, I had tofu left over so I made it for us a couple nights ago. I started to freeze it because Jeff was wanting ice cream. It didn't last long enough to freeze solid because he was hungry before that, but he loved it and said he really thought it would make good "ice cream". I made some more last night with white chocolate pudding and divided it into 4 cups (75 cals each) and froze 2 and fridged 2. We didn't eat them last night so 2 are still in the freezer. Maybe tonight. Jeff had one of the fridge ones with his lunch. He said after it was in the fridge over night it was a lot "stickier". Maybe it will stay with you longer that way. I don't know. We'll see. I might try one tonight or tomorrow morning. We will see. Another thing with tofu...my little girl will NOT eat anything with protein in it. Maybe once a week. No matter how I make it, she hates meat. I can occasionally get her to eat some cottage cheese. Anyways, if I can make a pudding or something with more protein in it, it could help with that.

Good morning ladies. Not such a great evening for me yesterday! Had a meeting so got the kids fed and went. Got home at 7 and cooked Jeff and I a grilled chicken burger. I figured it would be easier for me because it's not a solid chicken breast. However, at a little over half and called it uncomfortable. I knew that if I pb'd I'd feel better but I didn't want to irritate anything so tried to stick it out. Got a few cups of peppermint tea down hoping it would break whatever up. Tried some papaya. Nothing. This morning I finally gave in. So...it's back to liquids for me. I was doing so well! It wasn't chewing or speed because I did take it really slow and easy and this morning I proved to myself that I had chewed (I know, ick!). Who knows. So....liquids today and tomorrow, mush friday. Hopefully by the time I get to the snowmobile rally I will be able to eat something a little more solid. I was a little worried about my weight. I hadn't been eating anything bad but my rings were starting to feel really tight the last couple days. However, when I stepped on the scale this morning it hadn't climbed back up my 3 pounds like I had suspected. I'm sure it's just my sick. I need to quit panicking. So, food yesterday was 16 oz SF/FF latte protein shake 1/2 c refried beans, 100 cal pepper jack protein shake 2/3 chicken burger Glad Jeff picked me up so many Atkins shakes so I can let everything rest. Phyl, what a scary meeting. I hope that dear woman is feeling better today. That would really shake me up. You are so busy. Hard to keep up with you. I'm very jealous of your vacation coming up. Karla, your band doc sounds like he will be good for you. I know you like the guy in Kalispell but having someone in town will be so nice. It will be very comforting knowing that if there is an issue, there is someone there to take care of it for you. You were right in telling him that it doesn't matter where you are banded, it has everything to do with how you deal with it. You're an amazing success story and hopefully you will be able to change his opinion a little bit. Good luck tomorrow. You will feel so much better when all your insides are exactly where they are supposed to be. Janet, there was something I was going to say but it's gone. Lost in my last blowing of my nose I think. I'll check in later ladies. Have a terrific day.

Hi ladies. Just a quick check in. Had an appt with our life insurance person tonight. I got the kids dinner early but figured that I would eat soon after he left. He was here a little longer and I didn't get something to eat until after 8. So I inhaled some tuna...but I managed to NOT drink and I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable. So, for today, here are my intakes.... SF/FF latte protein shake 1c. refried Beans with 1 ww jal. cheese wedge and salsa 1/3 c peanuts 1/2 c tuna w/ 1tbs miracle whip, 2tbs dill relish I have a snack in the freezer. I'm looking forward to it, but after such a late dinner, maybe not. Here's what it is. 9 oz silken tofu, 1 pkg SF choc pudding mix, a few tbsp of silk milk, put in the magic bullet and blend. The whole thing has 300 cals and I split it in 2 cups for the 2 of us. I put it in the freezer because Jeff was wanting ice cream. We will see. I'm thinking that the 1/2 I have for me will be more likely 2 servings but we will see. Not sure with the tofu. I bought some other flavors of SF pudding so if I like it, great. We will see. I'll let you know. Night ladies.

The BCBS thing is country wide I think. You just have to sign up. You don't have to be a BCBS customer or anything. I'm sure they are going to get something out if it, but I don't know what. They didn't ask me any personal info. It was advertised in the paper here in town. The challenge is basically self moderating. I am pretty sure there is no "prize" but that isn't why we did it in the first place. It's 12 weeks and I know you can still sign up. It is basically an accountability thing for us. They want you to do 30 min cardio 5 days a week and strength training 2x. They give a month's worth of daily challenges to attempt. They are food or habit or exercise. That's what the tofu discussion has been on FB. If you want to look at the stuff you can register at wellwithblue.com. You have to register first though before you can see the stuff though which I think is a stupid way to do it. I like that it isn't about weight loss as much as it is about healthy living. Phyl, your vacation sounds awesome. I think Janet is probably right on with the food being harder to avoid on a cruise than at an all-inclusive. I would love to do that with the kids. Maybe in a couple of years when they are all a little older. Maybe for Michael's graduation. We will see. I'm feeling pretty congested today. I hope it will be short lived. I've taken some emergen-c and will take another in a couple of hours. I don't know if airborne is any good once you get sick. I have a pink ribbon snowmobile ride this weekend so I really don't want to be sick. I'm pretty excited about it though. I'll suck it up even if I'm not feeling great, but really hope I feel better. It's very very cold here today. -22 on my car. It's so frigid. I hate it when it's like that. Supposed to be for the next week. Hopefully warmer in North Dakota. Alright....off to do stuff. Hugs ladies.

Hi ladies. I have a few minutes now to focus so I want to sit and write a little bit. Karla, I'm so glad you got to quilt yesterday. I'm going to get a rag quilt done this week. I have a little boy that is going to be 1 before he gets his quilt. DANGIT! I'm so very proud of you and your weight loss. I am sure you feel so much better. I hope you continue to celebrate the victories in your life. Janet, you must really be enjoying your empty nest. You deserve it. I'm glad there is a little more peace in your home. That is awesome. Phyl, you cute little thing! I've seen pictures. I've kept up. You are a cute little thing! You shouldn't be surprised a bit when someone calls you that. I don't blame you for sitting on the edge of your seat watching the game though. I wouldn't have been able to get up either. In fact, when the Pack was playing yesterday when we got back to the bar, I was on the edge of my seat too. I couldn't have gotten up and walked around the block. Seahawks and Packers in the playoffs. WoooHooo! I'm so excited. That would be an awesome playoff game. Week 1 weigh in. Down what I'm calling 3 lbs. If I lean way back on my scale it says down 6 but I'm pretty sure 3 is correct. If I can average 2 through this challenge that will bring me back down to 150ish and hopefully take enough pressure off my band to keep it. I did eat real food last night though! That was an awesome sign. Wish I could convince Jeff that going out for walleye every night was a good thing, but I'm pretty sure he's going to frown on that Jeff is going up to the hospital each Monday to have his read and he says he is down 8. I thought his starting weight was higher than he says so I'm not sure. He'll log it into the site and we will see. I am so proud of him. You should have seen the glow on his face when he told me! He was like a little kid at Christmas. I would love to see him average 5lbs each week. That will bring him down to close to 300 by the end of this challenge. I think if he's down there he will feel good enough to keep moving. After this challenge there is another 12 week one so I can possibly keep him going if he sees that sort of success. We'll take it one challenge at a time though. He already says his knees feel better. We've picked out a couple new recipes that we're going to try. I want to try to find 5-10 new ones that are extremely healthy and easy and that we LOVE so that I will be excited to cook them every couple of weeks. With the few healthy meals that I already cook, then we'll be at a place where we can just throw out all the unhealthy ones. At least that's the plan. Winter is so hard. During the summer I could just grill a steak and some veggies and we'd be good. Steak just isn't the same on the Foreman. But...it's better than the junk. Okay. I have a ladies group starting in 25 minutes and I still have to get ready. Love you ladies. Sorry last week was all about me. I was reading about you and just not taking the time to reply.

It really has been a long day. I'm so tired. 5 hours on the snowmobile is quite a work out. Jeff and I each had a shake on the trail and then tonight we went out for Candice's favorite Walleye. I ate maybe half. It was very very good though. Now, just going to lounge and fall asleep in the chair probably. I'm BEAT!

Hi ladies. Small success to report. first food didn't make me over head hungry. It did give me some munchie issues. I had plenty of calories aside so I had a 1/4 c peanuts. I slimed them all night. Not uncomfortable stuck, just slime crap. Finally this morning had some peppermint tea and that stopped the slime. I'll stick with 2 more days of super softs. Too much too soon. Impatience. The story of my life. Today is church and then snowmobiling so I won't be in for the day. That should make my stomach a little easier to manage. This sitting around crap sucks. Anyways...just poking in. TTFN

First food. 1/2 c refried beans with 100 cal pack of pepper jack cheese mixed in. Ate most of it but got really thirsty so I pushed it aside and now I have hiccups. I guess that's a good sign. Jeff had a can of fresh caught tuna that my uncle sent me with some salt and pepper and a little bit of worscheser sauce. He finished my beans. I wanted to try the tuna but I knew that I was going to have to "wet" it with miracle whip so I held off. Beans were a good start. It's pretty early in the day so we will probably have some sort of "snack" in a few hours. Maybe I'll just have another shake...we will see. Phyl, you can't feel too bad about not choosing the Seahawks. It's been a long time since they were really good. It is an oddity that they made it to the playoffs. I'm hoping they do well, but not holding my breath. Okay...off to watch tv. See ya later.

Happy Saturday ladies. I don't know what's up with my neck today. It hurts and is causing a headache. Enough tylenol finally and now I have a little reprieve. It's still there, but not horrible. I can stand it now. So far today I have only done shakes. I know it is day 5 but Jeff left early this morning and then with headache I didn't really feel like cooking. Now he's out on a service call but I think tonight we will have some canned tuna and cottage cheese. We get soft protein today. Last night, around 4pm, my stomach started churning. It sounded like it was yelling at me for starving it. Shakes weren't cutting it so tried some peanuts. Had about a 1/4 c and they went down. Didn't get stuck on them, which is a huge change (yes I can stick myself on a hand full of well chewed peanuts) so it bodes well for tonight. Jeff is loving the idea that he is going to get real food for dinner. He would have for lunch but he wasn't here. Just took Jaimi out to gma and gpa's house for a couple of days. Jeff and I are going snowmobiling tomorrow. So, for me, it will be another shake day. I'm actually doing alright with the shakes. The first two days sucked, but finally got some low carb ones and now have had 2 days of under 15g carb per day. It has helped with the cravings. It has been hard not taking a bite of the kids' cereal in the morning, but not too bad. Other than that, just busy. Today I'm going to sit and read or maybe do some quilting. Talk to you later ladies.

Yes Janet, I have now been totally unfilled for almost a year. After I unfilled I had a scope and an upper GI. Nothing wrong, just stress was the answer. Well, with the Michael stuff that made complete sense. Now, not so sure about that. Maybe there wasn't a problem before and there is now. I just don't know. All I know is that there is no way of me eating anything more solid than oatmeal. No cheese, absolutely no solid meat, no bread, nothing. I've been living on slider foods, but trying to limit them as much as possible so I don't regain everything. I'm at 175, which is still 45 down from starting weight. Wish I was still at 150 but it is what it is. My goal for the next 12 weeks (the blue cross challenge Jeff and I are doing) is to get back down there. I'm hoping dropping those 25 pounds will help loosen my band enough to keep it. If not, I will have to give up and resign myself to having it removed. I can't live like this anymore. It's just too discouraging. Anyways...I'm not going to be a downer. It is what it is and not a problem. Jeff has agreed to work on his weight and has set a goal of 75 pounds. That will get him down under 300 pounds. I really think if we get that far he will keep going. So, things are alright in our world. Now, back to cleaning.

Hello ladies. Long time no visit. Just though I would stop in for a minute and say hi. I have tried to go back and read, but there are about 50 pages and I really don't have the patience to sit and read it all. It seems like you all are doing very well. Karla, hugs on all the tummy issues. They don't sound like fun at all! But very happy you were able to have your surgery. I am still struggling with restriction even though completely unfilled. Anything more solid than mush plugs me up. Jeff and I are both trying to get a little more healthy though so we are doing 4 days of liquids and then the 5 day pouch test. I'm hoping that 4 days of liquids will allow a little reprieve from the pb'ing and I'll be able to progress. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to have my band removed, but I am so stressed about that. Crazy how I would rather be pb'ing every day than lose it all together. Stupid. However, I don't know what else to do. My stress level has decreased in the last month and it still isn't any better. So, fingers crossed that getting back to basics will help me out. No matter what, I will have some sort of relief this year. I can't go on like I am. It is just too frustrating and not healthy at all. Happy January to everyone.

Ladies. I guess I didn't make myself clear. It wasn't the fact that she didn't thank me. I did the right thing and will do it over and over again. I didn't think twice about it and I don't need kudos for that. What crushed me is that after 10 years in her brother's life she says that a cousin that she sees possibly once every year or two is the closest thing she has to a sister. I hurt because I feel like I'm not good enough for her. That I'm invisible. That no matter what I do in her life, I'll never be important. Yesterday was just one more in a long list of things I do for her that doesn't seem to matter. I have to agree with Karri. Ladies, I don't need anymore tough love. Those in my every day life are giving me enough right now. What I need now is support. and someone to say, "Yeah! What a hag! Shame on her. Who needs her!." I'm not feeling that here anymore. I know you are all wrapped up in your own drama and mine is just as ordinary as anyone else's. Maybe I am a drama queen. I don't know....but it makes it very hard to post here when all it feels like is 5 more people judging. I guess a break is needed here. I'll just lurk. I'm sure when I'm feeling a little less beat up I could take your comments but right now ... nope. It just hurts. Karla, good luck on your unfill. You are doing such an amazing job and your so busy. You should be so proud of yourself. In every aspect of your life your new found confidence shines through. Love you darling. Candice, your gigs sound like so much fun. I so wish I could come up and listen. I miss you and Peter so much. Have fun with the election stuff. It's so good of you to step up and do that. So many people are sitting back hoping our governments will run themselves. I hope you really enjoy it! Phyl, don't let the heat eat you up. I find it a little funny that for so much of summer it was so cold in the NW that all you wanted to do was go back to DHS and now that you got back there it's too warm. Isn't that just the way it goes? I would be living in the pool. I think I would probably be water logged by the end of the day. Give Earl a kiss on the forehead for me and tell him I hope he feels much better soon and to back off a little on my darling gma! I hope you plan on starting your beading again soon. Linda, best wishes to Mel. It will be a long tough day when he goes into his biopsies. It's going to tough to have that many removed at once. Let's hope he is kind to you during his recovery but will probably act like all men :smile2: Enjoy your little darlings and keep counting down to retirement! You'll enjoy it so much. Janet, you never seem to need any encouragement. You have it all together! You are such a beautiful woman and now your outside matches your inside. So very lucky! Have fun in Vegas. I'll be lurking ladies. See you on the flip side.

Hi ladies. Fly by. Read about it on facebook. Just wanted you to know that I am here and surviving. I have good news on the Michael front. After having a nutso week where he pushed every button I had at least 12 times.....Friday he decides to skip cross country practice, comes home lies to me about it, I go to football game and coach tells jeff about it. So....I canceled my popcorn for Saturday so I can go watch him run...and he can't go because he skips practice. Ground him for Saturday, he breaks grounding....so ground him for Sunday. Well....Saturday I tell him that during his grounding he is to clean his room...spotless. And he DID!! I only had to go back twice. I was so amazed! Then Sunday, since he was grounded he had to come be monitored by me while I was popping corn. Every single thing I asked him to do he did with a smile and came back when it was finished and asked, "What else do you need?" with a SMILE!!! And it was 90 degrees and miserable. But he was AWESOME! So that night we sat down and I told him how proud I was of him and how much I appreciated the attitude and wanted to make sure he knew I had noticed. So....all in all....he's doing pretty good. Okay. So...the SIL thing. You know how I feel about this woman. How I bend over backwards for her and do anything I can to be her friend and how she is always snubbing me and being rude..... So today she is rushed to the hospital, put in ICU, they call the life flight team. I come to the hospital and the first thing I say to her son is "I'll take you to Billings. Let's just get in the car." Well, he wasn't sure he wanted to go but said he would if gma came. So I call Jeff to have him call gma and pass that on. She gets on the plane and I drive gma and son over 300 miles here. Son could have flown with her but didn't want to be on the plane. I have plans this week. I dropped everything for her!!! Didn't cross my mind .... I did what any sister would do. Anyways....so we are here and her son says, "Cousin Lynn told the nurses she was your sister so they would give her information." And she says, with me standing right there, after driving over 6 hours for HER FAMILY.... "Well, she's the closest thing to a sister I've ever had." Are you kidding me? Not thank you, not I'm so glad you could do this, didn't even hardly acknowledge my presence....but....this cousin who lives in Minneapolis is the closest thing she has to a sister??? REALLY? Why do I even try? Anyways....I'm trying not to be bitter but dammit it hurt! And I feel like I can't say anything about that, because .... I mean....she's just had a really bad thing happen. I guess it goes to show me that even in the worst of times I'm still not up to par for her. Oh well.....letting it go. Shutting up now. Okay..so much for my drive by. I need some sleep. Love you ladies.

Karri, I now have time to sit down here and write out a response. I have been thinking about it for a couple of days but really wanted to have a chance to concentrate on it. I hope you understand. I wasn't ignoring it. I was contemplating it. The job in Oregon was killing you. I know you loved it and believed in the new system and you were really making a difference in students' lives. But it WAS killing you. For whatever reason and whoever was lying....damn bleepidy bleeping bleep!....you were so sick. We were all so worried about you. No job is worth that. We talked education. I know how passionate you are and how much you believed in that system. It sounded absolutely amazing and I could tell how it filled you and your soul. I was so envious. I felt that way in Froid. I was given a LOT of freedom. I didn't make near the huge impact you did, but I know that feeling. It is so hard to put those two things....living and LIVING....pitted against each other. No matter what, one of them was going to be a loser. If you stayed, you were going to permanently damage your body, if you left, you were going to lose that amazing feeling you get when you touch kids. No matter what, you were going to lose. I guess the big difference I see is that if you had stayed it could have caused a PERMANENT problem. Your body was shutting down. You couldn't take it. In hindsight do you see things that you could have done differently and maybe it would have not been what it is? Sure. I look back on my life and there are a LOT of those decisions that I want to be able to do over. They hurt and we are really good at beating ourselves up over them. No one needs to tell us what we've done wrong because we are our own worst critics. But Karri, you made the choice and now...as much as it sucks....you have to live with it. There are things you can do though to make yourself feel better maybe. Here are some suggestions. I don't know if any are possible, but you never know....you might find something to make it through the year. 1. Big brother/sisters after school programs. They may have some kind of academic thing you can do. Something to turn kids on to science and math. Something where you can take the amazing things you have already created and do something amazing for the kids outside the stupid unified district. 2. Church/private schools.....could you do something similar with them? 3. Homeschoolers. Make up an ad about tutoring home school kids. Those kids, once they get to be in high school often need someone to do labs or such with them. 4. Is there a science center down there that you could work at on your off time? 5. Finally, as a last resort, and I do NOT recommend this, but it IS an option....leave. The only thing they can do to you is make it impossible to be certified in TX. And if you are THAT miserable there....who cares? Screw TX. I know that I can never teach in NM because I broke a letter of intent with them. No biggee...don't wanna go there anyways. My point is, don't give up. There are options. Please don't beat yourself up over leaving your last job. That bleeping bleepity bleeper bleep isn't worth your frustration. You are amazing and you have a real gift. So many teachers don't share your passion, many because they have become jaded because of precisely the situation you are in. They have given up on that dream that you hold so strongly. Please Karri! Don't lose the dream, just hold on until you can make it part of your reality. Your health is worth more than that lost job. Hindsight is 20/20. It always gets worse before it gets better. All of that sounds trite but it is true. I believe in you and that there is a purpose to you being in TX right now. Maybe not to change the TX education system...because it's bleeped up!....but there's a reason you are going through this. Stay strong. You'll be better on the other side. I love you Karri! You started being my lapband hero....and grew into my teaching hero....you're amazing and will make a difference. I KNOW IT!!!

Hey ladies! I have a quick question. Jeff is going to Las Vegas for race weekend in March. he has asked if I want to go with. If I did, would any of you come spend time with me? I don't want to go to the race and I don't want to hang out by myself. But....if one or more of you would like to come...I'm all in.

Hi girls! Happy Thursday. This morning was better. Michael went to school clean! It makes me not crazy in the mornings. Here is what the therapist said. This thing with Michael is because he honestly thinks that he should be treated as an equal to Jeff and I and not a subordinate. He does not see how or why he should not be treated as my equal. Jeff doesn't have to do what I say so why should he? I don't answer to Michael so why should Michael answer to me? She advised that we just continue to be strong and when he questions our authority to give no other answer than, "I am your mother, and that is the only reason I need." I have always given him reason after reason after reason as to why my way works. Do your homework because, a) you will need this skill for college, :smile2: you can't learn it all in the 45 minutes you are in class, c) you want to drive and without the grades, you can't take drivers ed. Now counselor says, that's not a bad idea but that with Michael, he can then spend all his energy explaining why a, b, and c, are stupid reasons and that I am wrong and he is right and therefor he doesn't need to do his homework. Bathing, the same thing. My reasons are faulty therefor he has no reason to bathe. He is proving me wrong. It's NUTS! So, instead of giving him justifications for our rules we need to just expect compliance without it. She does not think this is appropriate for all kids, even most kids...but it is what MICHAEL needs right now. She also said that it might be a solution to send him to Missouri. She said that I have raised him, given him the core, and that, honestly, she doesn't see that in 2 years I'm going to be able to do much more for him in terms of "life skills". He has the skills that if he is in danger he knows how to use the phone, he knows how to cook, he knows how to survive. Maybe now he needs to experience his idea of "freedom" and either sink or swim. So, maybe I need to think about it. I don't, and she doesn't, think that anything will change because he changes location or adult (if you can call it that) supervision and that he will end up with the same problems there that he does here, but she also doesn't think it would be any worse for him there either. I don't know that I agree but in 15 years, his dad MIGHT have grown up. I doubt it, but he might have. I don't know. We might have to take a trip to Missouri. We'll see. Okay....there's more I want to say to the rest of you. Karri, Karla, Candice, Phyl.....but this has been long enough. I'll be back in a bit and we'll talk! Love you ladies!