Smye

@@VSGAnn2014 - agreed, though I do have the cooccuring goal of being kind and compassionate while remaining authentic. @@cookarue - HA! Thanks. As for ripping my clothes off - we'll see. The ones who've wanted to do that have been either insufficiently intelligent or else just plain crazy - but hopefully. As for the Actress - what did I miss in terms of 'not interested in the long run?' @@CowgirlJane - Agreed on all counts - excepting the 'kid aside' part

@@gowalking - Thanks for your passion. To be clear - I like The Cartographer, I've avoided the L word (with her, if not internally) and well... we've not slept together, kissed on two occasions, and held hands - not quite sure that counts as 'in lust' or thinking with the 'head between my legs,' but thanks for your support.

@@lachellove, I think so. In the process of writing the above there were so many red flags that jumped out at me. If I didn't have Little Smye to consider, perhaps I'd give it longer to see... but I'm looking for his next mama and his wellbeing wouldn't be well served with The Cartographer where she is. Perhaps she'll heal, make gains and then we try again, but I don't think he can afford to have me 'wait it out' as it were. Now the only question is how to go about this in a way that is as honest, as compassionate, and as caring as possible while remaining entirely authentic. And the 5-years celibate streak continues!

Yeah... I cant be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally dependent upon me for more than in the midst of crisis... I need to be in a relationship where we compliment one another, not complete each other... Damn. And The Actress? Am I interested? Yes. But does she actually have anything to do with The Cartographer? Nope. I think that may well have been my guilt over hurting The Cartographer trying to find a scapegoat. I've been faithful to Mrs. Smye, in a sexless, romance-free marriage, for over 7 years... The Actress isn't it.

Updates: The Cartograher and I started dating exlusively Jan 29. I've met her family, she's met mine. Everyone likes one another quite well. But... I've been wondering about my future with The Cartographer since Friday. She's delightful, wonderful, fun, smart, funny, and incredibly depressed/panicky. Were I in a committed relationship, the solution is simple - we'll work through this, I'll support you 'in sickness and in health' etc. but only 1.5 months in... Well... I'll continue Oh and she's been talking kids, marriage, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking for a forever partner, not casual dating - but I'm not there yet... nor do I want to be at this stage. Anyway... On Friday we were watching Agents of Shield on her couch, and all of a sudden she pulled the blankets over her head and trembled, nonresponsive for nearly an hour. I did my best to support/comfort etc., but to no avail. Eventually she came out, bedraggled and exhausted and let me know that "Smye, your love is the only thing that kept me here, that keeps me going right now." Since then, she's had to go home early every day this week due to panic attacks. I don't blame her in any way, or think any less of her as a human... but I do wonder "is this how I want to spend my life? And is this someone who could effectively co-parent my son given the incredible emotional demands that being with him takes? Since then, she's talked about how my love keeps her going over a dozen times in ways that feel co-dependent/unhealthy and, frankly, I can't reciprocate even if I wanted to. I do love her, to be sure... but shit. Then yesterday I came over for our usual Wednesday night dinner date and, well, shit... when she kissed me, it actually felt negative. I didn't think I could feel such a thing as a desire to not kiss someone... I always thought I was that guy who'd be psyched to kiss a wall if it kissed back. So there's that. And tomorrow she's getting her IUD - damn - and I've been planning her birthday with her mom for next weekend AND we've got that cabin reserved... Oh, and then one other complication... There was recently a moderately sized gas leak explosion in a large nearby city. It was also in the same general area where The Actress lives (I think its several blocks away - not sure though) And my first thought was "OH SHIT! THE ACTRESS!?!?!?" And The Actress has been on my mind since And then, not 20 minutes ago, I receive the following texts from The Actress: "Hey! So... I'm gradually emerging from my radio silence. It was much needed. Are you interested in hanging out again at some point? I can't promise more than friendship but I really enjoyed spending time with you and would like to again if you're open to it!" And just now got: "Also, I downloaded Coffee Meets Bagel a few days at the recommendation of a friend, and guess who I saw there today??? You!! I was going to 'like' you, but didn't need to because I already have your number, ha. ;)" DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN Sure... I could say "ABSOLUTELY" to The Actress, pursue friendship and continue with The Cartographer in the hopes that her declarations that "I'm not usually like this" are true and it clears up soon... but that feels slightly slimy as I definitely still have feels for The Actress. OR - I could turn The Actress down (not doing it) because I know I want more than friendship. OR I could meet up with The Actress, see how it goes, and then break it off with The Cartographer before it goes more than friendship (probably not a good idea - definitely 'cheating,' at least emotionally and just not something I'd feel good about) OR... OR... OR... I could tell The Cartographer "Hey, I love you, I like you, but I need us to turn down the intensity until you're more stable." and go back to 'casually dating' if she's game... and lose that relationship if not and at least get friendship (hopefully more... DAMN IT) with The Actress. FUCK FUCK FUCK What I don't want to do is bail on The Cartographer prematurely... or on just an emotional whump-surge BUT - there's no way in hell I'm staying in a relationship on false presences Any thoughts, suggestions, questions, virtual hugs, ideas, anything related are all much appreciated

They DO also help cover the turkey neck from all the loose skin.

A slightly more detailed update: http://gaywifeconfusinglife.blogspot.com/2016/02/the-cartographer-brief-introduction.html

Well, the Actress seems to have ghosted entirely (or is legitimately seeking her own therapy/doing her own work, in which case, well done Actess, I can't wait to reconnect - be it as friends or more - when you're ready). On the other hand, The Cartographer has now emerged... more about her to come. Mrs. Smye has started dating (though she doesn't use that term just yet) and I'm so excited for her! She also met The Cartographer last week and they seem to get on quite well thus far. Lastly - The Cartographer made my therapist cry, in a good way. This is going to be fun!

@@betrthnever, great question. Your answer is here.

@@TinyTink, I will say, from a financial perspective, that kettle bells are far easier to make and customize if you're going to be having lots of different sizes to save some cash. Instructions here

Probably my use of cauliflower as a stand-in for rice, flour, potatoes, just about anything starchy. It takes some massaging to get it right, but it's allowed me to create favorites from Paella to Bagels and from Sushi to Chocolate Cake that are bari-friendly and still appealing to non-bariatric folks.

Seriously? My life is starting to read like a poorly written, overly-indulgent teen romance novel...

@@gowalking, thanks and congratulations! And I agree - The Actress is pretty awesome and I greatly appreciate her kindness in the letdown... however... maybe it's not quite the letdown I thought it was... This morning I woke up to a new text from The Actress - one that I was both surprised and gratified to read: "Hi Smye, Sorry for not responding to your message right away. I really appreciate your understanding and for being so supportive of my need to take a step back. Honestly, I just... http://bit.ly/1OC7kIQ So perhaps there's hope with her yet... Now if only I could get Chumbawumba's Tubthumping out of my head...

My timing sucks... Getting ready for Date #3 with the woman from OKCupid 6. I'll call her The Actress, she should have a name but also have her privacy protected. Very excited. Like her a lot. Going to continue to get to know one another, I've got a number of questions. She texts, hooray! What's it say? (edited to protect identities, etc.) "Hey Smye, So.. I think I need to cancel our get together next Sunday. I’ve decided that I need ... http://bit.ly/1n6VsaA

@@jess9395, do let me know what you think.

I've also got a bari-friendly bagel recipe here if you want to check it out. The recipe on the site is for pizza bagels, but if you up out the mozzarella for cream cheese or neufchatel and the pepperoni/tomatoes for dried blueberries, you can get a darned good blueberry bagel. I've also left in the mozzarella, omitted the pepperoni/tomatoes and added everything bagel spice and achieved a pretty good everything bagel.

I'm a big fan of a solid porter, but only 1, and only about once per week.

Clearly it's been a while. Holidays have come and passed (they were excellent by the way), I've been to several Meetups and spent time with friends old and new and have generally been spending less time hurting and more time out playing - hence the paucity of posts since... Wow, it's been longer than I thought. Quick updates: New friends are excellent, especially when combined with trivia night, Star Wars, or a Boardgames & Booze Meetup Back on OKCupid - now that I'm hurting weekly instead of daily and feeling quite sufficient to be enough for myself - my therapist and I agreed a while back that I'm ready to dip my toe in the Water. I went on my first ever "date-date" just last week and had a blast. I'm considering taking yet another OKCupid hiatus. In the last week I've... Continued here.

Happy holidays folks - chocolate Chip Cookies and Gingerbread Houses are now posted.

I also use it for things like my mortgage... so even 2% comes out to sufficient to keep clothes on my back free of charge.

@@WLSResources/ClothingExch, with Old Navy I end up getting roughly 10%, granted I've had that card since I was 16... so perhaps the rates are lower now. And thanks for the advice for those who may not read the fine print - perhaps I assumed too much of the credit-literacy of my peers.

Well done Mr. Hudson!

@, hence they 'pay it off immediately each month' bit. But good point - I am in no way advocating spending money you don't have folks - just a way to get free clothes by spending the money you're going to spend anyway.

I've been with them for right at a year now and they are INCREDIBLE. I've liked everyone I've worked with (with the exception of one NUT who had very different ideas than I about the role of hyper-processed food as a staple, but hey), and Dr. Kaufmann is a hoot!

Get a credit card. Get a credit card from a store that sells clothing. Clothing you like. Even if they don't carry anything in your size yet - it won't be long. Use that credit card - pay it off quickly each month and use it only in place of purchases you were already going to make. Just be sure that you make every purchase you can through that card rather than cash, check, debit, etc. Go out for drinks? Use the card. Buying new tires? Use the card. It turns out that buying a new wardrobe every month or so during the weightloss phase is ridiculously expensive and that having oodles of store credit at, say, Old Navy or Macy's is an incredible boon. EDIT: Do be sure to read the fine print before signing up for any credit card or other financial 'boon.' I'm not advocating blindly walking into "FREE CLOTHES FOR LIFE???" schemes.