anaxila

@@Mark in Ohio, congratulations! I'm just a couple of days before you (Jan 6th), and already I feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can't wait for it to be an actual weight lifted instead of a metaphorical weight. :-)

It's amazing how much alignment there is between all of our hopes and all of our fears. I can't think of anything anyone has said so far that didn't deeply resonate with me too. So grateful for this group.

I don't want to repeat myself, but I can't help it. I've been talking about this exact stuff on other threads and it's all still very much on my mind. Fearful About: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/326057-january-rny-surgery/ 1) Recovery time. The magic google machine says I should expect to go back to work in 2-3 weeks. My surgeon's office says 6-8 weeks. That's a big difference. I am probably starting a new job (at my same company) on January 1 and I hate to leave them for 2 months immediately after accepting the position, but I really want to focus on new habits and getting healthy and I only have one shot to get it right the first time, so I'm worried. You can tell when I'm worried because my sentences run on and on and on. 2) What if I fail? Since I've failed at every other attempt to lose weight over the past 30+ years, why should this be any different? My need to be fat seems to be very persistent across time and space and circumstance. What if I can't beat it? 3) Who do I tell? I tend to be an open book - sometimes a bit too open - so it would be consistent with my personality to tell everyone everywhere what I'm doing. But I feel very fragile about this topic and am trying to be a bit more reserved in general so maybe I should just keep this to myself until I can't anymore. 4) I blame my weight for a lot of things, from petty disappointments to major issues, but what if my live is not magically better when I'm smaller and I have to deal with my actual limitations and not just knee-jerk blame my size? That'll be a good thing in the end, but could make for some rough adjustments. Excited About: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/326541-things-ill-be-able-to-do/ 1) My health is going to improve! I have no critical issues, but lots of things that could go bad quickly, and this should address all of them. 2) I'm going to be able to travel and be active and move my body the way I want to. I can't wait to have a body that obeys my wishes. I've started a list of things I can't do today, and look forward to doing once my excess weight is reduced or gone. I don't recall a day when I was suddenly unable to do these things, but I know I can't do them now and am excited to see them return. In other words, these are some of the small victories and milestones I look forward to achieving. What are yours? In no particular order... buy clothes in a normal store wear necklaces without extensions wear knee-high boots board an airplane without worrying who'll be next to me and whether I need a seatbelt extension cross my legs in a meeting ride a horse fit into a wetsuit hike and schlep around mountains and islands and monuments in general ride a roller coaster sit comfortably in a theater take the stairs at work take a walk around the block without being winded tie my shoes straight use a regular bathroom stall comfortably climb a ladder

My nutritionist is very pragmatic about my love for Diet Coke and coffee. Her advice is to focus on caffeine elimination only, because my guts will be so unhappy with carbonated drinks after surgery that it'll only take one slip-up to break me of the habit and I may as well enjoy it while I can. I laughed at how practical she was about it, but I can't fault the reasoning. So right now I'm drinking caffeine-free Diet Coke and trying to break my coffee habit to avoid dealing with horrible caffeine-withdrawal headaches at the same time I'm dealing with surgical pain.

It only took me a few days to realize that keeping this news to myself is just not feasible. I’m so open with all other aspects of my life that being cagey about why I’m taking this medical leave of absence is not working at all. I told my boss (Joe) about having surgery as soon as I got my approval, but didn’t say what it was for. He asked, but didn’t push back at all when I said I was keeping it to myself for now because I hadn’t even spoken with my family yet. During a subsequent conversation, I clarified that it was “abdominal”. I’d heard that the head of our division (Larry) had gastric bypass years ago, but I didn’t know him then and I can’t picture him at the size people have said he was. He’s extremely fit and a true success story. As you may have guessed, Larry had an immediate inkling about what I’m having done, and told Joe that if I’m having bariatric surgery it’s a really really big life-changing deal and that Joe should tell me that Larry would love to talk with me about his experience if I was interested. That led to a hilarious (if painful) conversation where Joe was asking-without-asking if I’m having bariatric surgery next month, and if so offering-without-offering to chat with Larry about it because he’s been there too. Joe is incredibly handsome and fit and a golden boy with absolutely no frame of reference for how to ask a fat woman if she’s having bariatric surgery. He managed to make himself understood without using the words "gastric", "bariatric", or any variation on "weight loss" or "obese", and it wasn't easy. We’re great friends and allies at work, and I adore him to pieces as a boss, so I very much wanted to put him out of his misery. We’re close enough that I could mock him for his horrible awkwardness afterward: “Hey, could we engineer more situations where you have to have incredibly uncomfortable conversations that you dread? Because that was really fun for me!” We had a good laugh over it, and I learned my lesson about maintaining relationships and trust with the people at work who are like family.

Oh my goodness, @@rmckellips! That's terrible! I can't imagine getting so psyched up and then having everything fall apart at the last minute. I would be royally P!SSED 0FF. I'm glad to hear you're looking for an alternative and planning to move ahead soon. It's impossible not to lose a little bit of momentum from this, but it's still important and you can make it happen. Best of luck pushing ahead.

Hi Austin. I'm double your age (just turned 43 on Wednesday), but I'm having surgery at the same time and that puts us in the same boat. My surgery is scheduled for January 6th, and I'm also looking for a surgery buddy. In another area of the site, there is a discussion board for January surgery patients that you might find useful as well: http://www.bariatricpal.com/forum/1145-january-2015/ Cheers!

You get 'em, @@SuzeMuze! Rawr! In all seriousness, I couldn't agree with you more. I get so frustrated when people have simplistic notions of risk & reward and fail to take in the bigger picture. I'm a bit sensitive on that front as well.

I'm just switching over to myfitnesspal now. I tried it about two years ago but then found another app I liked better and switched off. But it seems like everyone from here is on myfitnesspal, so I am bowing to peer pressure and switching back. My nickname there is anaxila, same as here. Please add me!

Thanks, @kimdlawson06. They just put up the 2015 forums last Saturday after we finally figured out how to poke the right people. I think they forgot about setting up for the new year, but all is well now. For anyone else who's looking for the 2015 monthly boards, they're here: http://www.bariatricpal.com/forum/1144-2015/ Cheers!

@@foodfighter78, congratulations! I don't have any wisdom to share because my bypass is still 26 days away (Jan 6), but I'm happy for you, happy for me, and happy for the future. Hooray!

Help! Suddenly I can't post repies, start threads, or reach out via the "contact us" page. This reply probably won't go through either, but just in case... Here's the error message. I get errors on my Mac, my Windows machine, on Google Chrome browser, internet explorer, and firefox. It's very persistent. Warning: require_once(Google/Api/Ads/Common/Lib/AdsUser.php): failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/bpal/domains/bariatricpal.com/public_html/ips_kernel/Google/Api/Ads/Dfp/Lib/DfpUser.php on line 32

I misplaced my Fitbit about 10 days ago and it's driving me INSANE. I will finally break down and order a new one if I don't find it by the weekend. It's still live and still syncing (empty) data to my phone, so I know it wasn't stolen or anything. I'm sure it's in the house somewhere but damned if I know where. I had no idea how addicted I was to it until now.

This weekend, I told my parents that I'm having surgery on January 6. I hadn't shared anything with them up to this point, so there was a lot of catch-up to do. As expected, my mom was concerned and skeptical and listened with a furrowed brow, and my dad just listened for a bit before expressing his unconditional support. My weight problems are reflected in dad's side of the family and he's always been able to understand my experience better than mom does. He's gone through a few rounds of weight loss himself, but generally manages okay just by being extremely active and athletic. My mother and her side of the family are all very slim. She's 65 and maybe weighs a few pounds more than when she graduated from high school, but not much. When I was 16 I asked my parents to pay for Diet Center, which mom dismissed it as silly and wasteful. Dad came to me later and said she didn't understand what it was like and of course they'd pay for it if I wanted. That was around the time he tried Nutri System, and it's the last time we discussed my weight, until Saturday. Mom has generally done a great job of keeping her opinions about my body to herself over the past 40+ years, but I know there's a lot she would like to say if I gave her an opening. One of my goals for this weekend was to tell her what was happening without giving her that opening to pass judgment, and so far so good.

@@Dolce_xxv, are you having a serious "rethink this decision" crisis, or just freaking out a little bit because suddenly **** got real? If it's the latter, I totally feel you. Do you want to talk about it more? How can we help? @@MrsB2007, I went through some last-minute temporary insanity where I was just sure insurance was going to turn me down, but it's all come out right in the end. I saw what you posted elsewhere about being on the cusp and having questions/concerns about not having the "right" comorbidities. I am crossing my fingers for you and look forward to hearing that you're approved and moving ahead.

Good for you. I made a similar decision a year ago, when I decided that having surgery while I was both working full-time and going to school full-time was really really dumb. I graduated on 12/6, and now I'm having surgery on 1/6. I hate that I lost a year, but am so grateful I didn't try to do those things all at the same time.

I've started a list of things I can't do today, and look forward to doing once my excess weight is reduced or gone. I don't recall a day when I was suddenly unable to do these things, but I know I can't do them now and am excited to see them return. In other words, these are some of the small victories and milestones I look forward to achieving. What are yours? In no particular order... buy clothes in a normal store wear necklaces without extensions wear knee-high boots board an airplane without worrying who'll be next to me and whether I need a seatbelt extension cross my legs in a meeting ride a horse fit into a wetsuit hike and schlep around mountains and islands and monuments in general ride a roller coaster sit comfortably in a theater take the stairs at work take a walk around the block without being winded tie my shoes straight use a regular bathroom stall comfortably climb a ladder

Thank you, @@Jonathan Blue. I just teared up reading your reply, so clearly i am very fragile about this. I tend to be an open book with people about just about everything in my life - often more than I should - but I've never talked about my weight with anyone. I just don't have any script for it, but I do have a strong mental model that says don't ever admit weakness or arm people with what they need to hurt you. Which is silly, because the people in my life are wonderful, but the thought pattern persists nonetheless. I think I'm hedging because I'm afraid that surgery will not work for me - that I will fail, and everyone will know I failed. Although I know I'm fat, and clearly everyone who meets me knows I'm fat, somehow actually acknowledging that I'm aware of it and hate it and am so desperate that I'll have part of my body cut out to fix it... that's terrifying. It's giving people extra ammunition to judge me. And I know they're doing it already, and that nothing bad happens to me from being judged, but I still hate it. I don't really have a plan for how to talk about it with people, and clearly I need to fix that soon. I just got my surgery date last week, and didn't worry about disclosure while it was still abstract. I am in a high-visibility leadership position at a large company, so I'll definitely need to deal with comments and compliments after the fact for sure. I know it will be weird to be suddenly so visible after years of invisibility (hiding in plain sight as a fat person), but after-the-fact disclosure is less scary to me than putting it out there before I've got anything to show for it. I don't know. I need to think about this more. I'm so grateful for this site to have a place to work through these thoughts.

I was not to far into the surgery prep process before I realized that the psychological issues were going to need as much attention - if not more - than the physical ones. I am generally mentally healthy and competent, but increasingly aware that food and fat are a barrier and protection that goes well beyond my original understanding. I've bought and started to work through two books that are so far very helpful: 1) The Food & Feelings Workbook - really excellent exercises and reflection throughout the book, totally applicable to WLS patients 2) The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Weight Management - less helpful than the first book because there are some things that just don't seem to apply to WLS patients, but pick and choose and you'll find some thought-provoking exercises. I'd appreciate any additional recommendations anyone has. I'm very concerned about sabotaging my own success for psych/fear-related issues, and so the more tools the better.

Thanks, @@Ken S. All is well now and I was just able to successfully start a new thread. Cheers!

@@thin-for-kidney, I have a hearty "me too!" on the same fears you described. My only solution is to live with the fear and push on anyway, because the alternative is untenable.

So happy for you! I'm January 6th. If you haven't already done so, join the January board!

I will join the chorus of people singing the praises of the Fitbit. I have also tried Jawbone's UP24 and Misfit's Shine, and the Fitbit has the best overall balance of features, reliability, and usability.

Hey, it's you again! You're stalking me in reverse, right? I'm also January 6 and am glad to have a place for January folks to gather.

@@jblkmom, yes I am secretly you. You have had a psychotic break and established an entirely separate identity as a llama. Muahahahahahaaaaa!