notjustanotherdiet

I am waiting for my denial! I know I am not thinking positively but I can't help it. I feel stupid and like such a failure. I have not always been this overweight and am so mad at myself for letting this get so out of hand. My BMI is 35, which with my sleep apnea dx I qualify. I know for some of you this sounds stupid but I have tried everything and all I want is to be able to run again. I am a nurse so I know all the risks, the pros and cons, and that I barely qualify. It seems like such a large hurdle to get back to my weight before motherhood overtook everything in my life. I swore I would never let raising my kids get in the way of being true to myself but it did. Water under the bridge. But two years ago right after my last one left the proverbial nest I decided I wanted to start working on my bucket list. Number one run and finish the Marine Marathon. So I started running, problem is that over the years my asthma apparently loved not running! So for two years I tried to train and my asthma became a big barrier. Not just that but also my weight! Don't get me wrong I have NEVER been a fast runner but I had stobborness and endurance. Not any more! I am so scared that nothing will work and I will never be able to achieve this goal. This surgery is merely a tool to get to the goal, but I am so scared that the insurance will look at my file and see that I have not been at this weight for a long time and deny me. It is so sad for the first time in my life it is not about a number on the scale, its so much more. Believe me when I say I have yo-yoed my life the worst was last year on Phentermine. Being on was great going off of it was hitting rock bottom! Thanks for listening!