loopylou

Thanks guys - I so appreciate your comments. Elisa, thanks for your thoughts too. You are right in that my husband is mostly a good guy, however we have indeed been to counselling together and he has been unable to let go of his need to parent me. But I dont really wish to justify my decision though, as it is mine to make. I think too that I am opposed to the idea that their must be something pathologically wrong with a marriage (which it could be argued that there is here) to leave it. And yet I also do feel sometimes like "I have made a commitment and should do everything I possibly can to make it work", but the trouble is I dont want it to work... I realised that even if our marriage was functioning beautifully I wouldn't want to be here - my hubby wants different things from his life than I do and seems incapable of compromising. So although I respect your belief in 'sticking it out through the rough times,' I am choosing not to do that. I made a mistake when I married him and I am not going to indulge that mistake anymore, you may say "you made you bed, you must lie in it", to which I say "no honey I don't have to at all - if you can, without being resentful and miserable, then you are a better woman than me, but I am not wasting one more minute in a marriage that makes me feel trapped." To me life is simply just too precious and short to waste trying to fit a square peg in a round hole or feeling (too) bad that it wont go. But we must all do as our hearts dictate; for some that is to fight to make what they have right and for others its to admit a mistake, and cut their losses. I made a promise I couldn't keep, I am saddened by that, but I find that it is over-ridden by a promise I made to the universe and myself, to be true to my heart. I dont expect everyone to agree with my decision but I hope you will agree that it is mine to make. Warmly, L

Thanks Kryssa , thats exactly the kind of input I am looking for. I have been very careful not to waver and although he did go through an angry stage I think it was only the tip of it, but he knows that I am leaving, I haven't ever given him false hope on that. And Bubbame, I must say I did wonder about that - am I the most selfish person in the world for leaving a 'good man'. And the truth is ....'yeah may be, I dont know' but I dont want to settle... Should I hang around just because I have no real excuse to leave though? I guess I figure that if I stay around I will simply get more and more resentful and start taking it out on him, and I guess the fear is deciding to stay, having kids (we dont have any atm) and then resentment and unhappiness causing us to be cruel to eachother and then wanted to leave. I guess I think its better this way, especially since I know that I dont want to be here, even if he is a 'good guy'. Does that make any sense?

People who have never had weight/food issues often 'just dont get it' - they really dont understand that food (especially 'naughty' food, or large amounts) has meaning for us psychologically and that when that is 'ripped from us' (I say ripped even though we volunteer for surgery because thats what it felt like to me) we can feel very vulnerable and all sorts of feelings, that the food was blocking, can come up from inside us - pain, loss, ANGER, fear, grief, lonliness etc etc. For me losing food is like losing my heart, my best friend and my medicine in one go. I am not surprised you got so upset. I dont know if what I have said resonates for you or not but if it does - perhaps you could explain it to him, tell him that you are particularly vulnerable right now and would he mind laying off the teasing until you have made peace with your food/weight demons - or at least had a chance to get used to them.

Thanks guys - its is difficult staying in the same house but it wont be for long. Hubby seems happy enough to have me around, but it will be a relief to get out - unfortunately there isn't much choice. The only hotels here are about $1000 a week and I just cant afford that - and I cant rent a place because it would only be for a few weeks 'til I can move back to Sydney to stay with my parents - I would have left sooner but I am hoping to get a transfer with work and didn't want to risk that by dipping out on them too soon.

Bigmama, can I make an observation? I notice that your name 'Bigmama' and your signature 'smiley eating popcorn' all identify you as someone big - someone who loves food. But I wonder if this image is helping you. If this is how you see yourself, how you identify yourself, then losing weight could be considered (subconsciously perhaps) threatening to the core of your self image. It is wonderful to accept yourself but if that 'self' you are accepting is big and eats alot this could be hurting your weightloss efforts (as the self in your mind and your behaviour are at odds). Could you start thinking about yourself as 'incredible shrinking mama' or 'hotmama' and show a smiley wiggling her booty or laughing and throwing popcorn (does this exist? can someone make one please!). This way you can get to feel comfortable with a 'you' that is not 'big and eating' but perhaps 'fun and shrinking' instead. Perhaps when your mind and you body are working together the weight might start coming off. Just a thought.

Strangely enough, my band doesn't stop me from eating lots but it has stopped me wanting to smoke as much - has anyone else experienced this? I was averaging about 1/2 to 1 pack a day and now that I have had some fill put in I have maybe 5 smokes a day?! Weird huh?

Hi guys, I haven't been around much lately as I am planning to leave my husband (painful but necessary :cry ) - I have missed you and reading your wonderful posts - I just 'dropped by' to ask a question... I have finally (after six mths of waiting) got my surgeon to agree to give me a fill and I have had 2 now - but I dont think they are working properly. He said that I was filled 'nice and tight' and I shouldn't be able to eat bread, but I can still eat a quarter pounder and large chips!!! Its true that I was still full 5hrs later but should I be able to fit so much in my pouch?? I wasn't being deliberately reckless when I ate this - I cut the quarter pounder into quarters (funnily enough) and monitored my level of fullness as I went - and I could eat it all. I was very full at the end but didn't feel like throwing up or anything. I thought we were only supposed to be able to fit about 1/2 a cup of food in there. What do you think - have I stretched my pouch? Any thoughts about what I should do?

I believe that anywhere you have stretch marks the skin will never quite return to normal. Which sucks because I have lots - they are all old and faded to white but I don't think that will make a difference. I know I will need a TT because I carry almost all of my weight around the tummy. And I would like de-winging because I have had stretch marks under my arms since I was 15 and have never worn sleeveless outfits (and remember I live in a very hot are of Australia!!) - the prospect of scars doesn't worry me too much, I would rather have one neat line than several hundred (stretched-out) sqiggley ones!! And I figure that if I get a good surgeon and I really take care of my scars they should look fine - when they are healed I can always put a little make-up on them until they fade.

My left side always hurts if I eat too much or too fast - especially when I lay down (keep in mind I have no fill so I can still eat 'too much').

Hi Guys, I'm in Regional WA. I was banded on the 1st of August but due to complications have yet to have a fill so I haven't lost anything yet and still weigh the 120kgs I did before I started But I have just been to Perth and had a scan to show that my complications have now been resolved, so I am hoping to get my first fill in Jan and finally start losing. My goal in to get under 70kgs - I have never weighed that little as an adult so I am really looking forward to seeing what I look like under all this.

Lexapro 40mg, Valium 5mg (as needed; about once a week), and a sleeping tablet now and then.

oh honey I'm so sorry!!

Kel, that sounds wonderful!! I would love to meet you and Jess!! And you too Teresa!! With the losing weight and putting it back on thing; what can happen with me is that I get scared. Someone will say "wow you've lost weight" and I suddenly feel undressed. Or I notice the fat coming of and feel vulnerable, then go and eat to correct the problem and make myself feel safe again. I think I will have to try to redefine 'safe' - maybe safe is being fit enough to runaway with-out having a heart attack!!

Hi *waves and pokes head in thru the cyber door* Can I play with you guys?? I have been banded for 4 months (no fill yet) and I have lost about 5 pounds. I also have a low functioning thyroid (unmedicated as yet) and I am on high-dose anti-depressant meds that can make you very sluggish and tired. I want to start exercising but I get so tired, my eating has improved but I am still eating too much. What do you say - Do I qualify??

hehehe I like that deal - can you have your hubby chat to my hubby??? LOL (glad you doing ok and your suit survived the ordeal - hope your tests come back ok)

Glad to hear you are doing better Jacqui - best of luck for Friday!

Fish Oil Fish Oil Fish Oil!! I had to stop taking it after surgery due to blood-thinning meds (apparently they interact) and now my skin is itchy all over!!!! So I am eating lots of salmon and nuts and seeds to get all those lovely healthy oils back into my body. (I also get terrible reactions, in the booby department, if I change my washing powder - have you changed anything in the laundry? Or if you are itchy underneath go for some Curash Powder and use everyday.)

Sending white light and healing energies, as I type...

Here's wishing you have a quick and painfree recovery!! I had problems with my lungs after surgery. I had many small blood clots deep in my lungs and had to stay in hospital an extra week and be on blood-thinners for months afterwards (still) and my surgeon then didn't want to give me a fill, so I am still waiting (4mths later) and hoping for a fill in Jan. So I know it can be frustrating, but hang in there and know we are thinking of you.

I'm in Australia Tonya, so sorry I cant help with any names, but I wanted to tell you not to give up and to wish you best with finding a new Doc.

I wish you a quick and easy recovery and a mind filled with peace and hope.

I think you are both doing wonderfully - can't wait to get my first fill in Jan so I can really get moving - I have just overcome some huge mental hurdles and I am feeling great so: watch out girls, I'm on my way!! Thanks for going before me and being such wonderful examples!! Licks for you both :(

Hi Megan, if you are interested in this have a look at a couple of books, one called "over-coming over-eating" and the other "when women stop hating there bodies" (very cool title) - both are by the same authors and an excellent read. I can't remember the name of the authors but I am sure if you search amazon you will find them. I tried this approach several years ago and found it very helpful, but for me my psychological drive to eat was too great. I think if you have no psych issues and you can actually stop when you are full this could be helpful. The trouble is sometimes they urge you to deliberately have a binge - as a kind of experimental exercise, and I think this would be difficult with the band and could undermine the process. Best of luck to you though, I must say I need to avoid the whole binge/shame cycle as much as possible - so even though I am not following their advice I really learnt a great deal from these books.

I feel lonely!!! Come on Aussies!! Just to be perfectly geeky about it, I am not actually in Broome, I'm about 10hrs drive away from there, but it was the closest city to me

Great to have more lovely Oz girls around the place - welcome welcome