Pac-woman

@@mnmlst Thank you for your reply. It opened up my mind to think about what you said because I too fear to have to dread the scale everyday and walk away hating myself.

Thank you for giving me your opinions. I am open to learning from others. I felt a little more courage today.....

OMG I can relate to this. I know how it feels when you just want something solid going into your tummy. liquid phase will be tough for me. I have been known to eat even if I just had a wisdom tooth taken out. lol

Could I add you as a friend? I would love to keep in touch. I can learn from you since you were so recent.

Thank you samuelsmom for reaching out to me. I am glad you connected to what I said. Trust me, it takes a lot for me to open up on the internet. I always did feel I have this mysterious disease that no doctor can figure out and it is causing my weight gain. Like something from syfy, I swear. I know I have bad habits I need to break, and the fact that I sit all day in a cubicle is what has contributed the most to my weight gain. I started doing walks on my 15 min break just to avoid cankles from hell. (No kidding!) I am with you there, I really don't want to do it. Why? Well first I am scared of medical procedures. I work in the health insurance business for 14 yrs and have heard it all. So yes, I am little scared to step in a hospital and into the hands of the power that be. But also I am mad at myself that I had to resort to surgery just because I haven't had the will power to do it on my own. That alone makes me get mad at myself. Like I failed myself. I know time is getting closer, so I am on an emotional roller coaster ride right now. I know the surgery will make me feel much better about myself. My boyfriend keeps telling me that he knows me and I am not going to fail after this surgery. He feels because I have invested so much already and after i cut up my organs, he feels I would do everything my power not to screw it up. I guess he trust me more than I trust myself. I have to learn and find the will power and overall it is work in progress. Thank you for understanding.

Thank you, I will definitely look it up.

I am pretty much doing this on my own. The only people that know about this is my boss (supportive), sister (non supportive of surgery) and my BF and he is on the fence about it. I try not to talk about it to anyone, because all people do is criticize. They would say I am taking the easy way out. Others have said it will fail because it failed others. I guess I think....am I going to go through all this, just to lose my hair, get sickly, flabby, and just be able to eat a tablespoon worth of food. I am just expressing what is on my mind...

So glad for you. So now that your one day post op, were you in a lot of pain after surgery? I am expecting mine in Jan.

I have had a battle all my life. However, it got worse after my 20's. I am 40 now and I still struggle with my weight. How it makes me feel and all the health issues that come along with it. I am so tired of living this way and I finally made the decision to go for the sleeve surgery in June. I am in the pre-surgery stage and I am finally reaching my last 6th nutrionist appt and already did my psych eval. This means my next step is to wait for the approval, pre-ops and then schedule the surgery. I am assuming it will be in late January 2015. Since it is getting closer, I admit I am getting cold feet. I am scared of hospitals, surgeries, and scared that I will go through all of this and fail once again. I failed all my life at dieting. I am an emotional eater and I know that is a challenge in itself. I ask myself am I going to survive this post op? Am I going to know how to eat properly? Am I going to find myself wondering, what is okay and not okay to eat. Will I mislead myself? So much on my mind. I have come a long way and have already invested time and money into this and I cannot back down. If I do, then I am back to square one. Looking at my scale everyday staring at the failure I am. The surgery gives me hope, but am scared. I welcome any feedback you may have or views.