sallysupportive

Shirley,
I know completely how you feel! My boyfriend of 5 years is having his sleeve surgery in 2 days and feel SO overwhelmed! I, too, was searching for a support group just like he has but for significant others. It is a HUGE lifestyle change that the whole family must be willing to commit to. Congrats to him on the weight loss so far!! I'm here if you ever want to chat or just get something off your chest that's what supportive people are for!! And, if you happen to find that support group give me a shout!!
Good luck and I wish you both all the best!

I am new here. My husband is a week post op and doing very well. He had the gastric sleeve procedure and has already lost 30 lbs!
Anyway, I am on an emotional roller coaster. I am a high school culinary arts teacher. I have been cooking properly/healthy for the last two years. I am mourning HIS loss of food, and straws! Stupid, I know.
All of the support groups his dr offers are for the patient-not the spouse or family. Yes, these people are invited to attend with the patient but I need something geared toward the spouse. I am the one that prepares all of his meals and since I have failed already (since he went ahead with the surgery that means I failed!) I don't want to fail again.
Yes I know this is NOT about me but our family is on the most extreme diet of our lives and we all need to be on board. We have always jumped on the diet bandwagon and this one is a locomotive!!!

Please understand that we all process this differently. I remember my hubby and I going out for what I considered my last meal forever.
Well 2 years later I can tell you that was not my last meal ever. I eat normal everyday food now. He will be able to eat things again, but it will take a while. He will have to learn to be at peace and harmony with his new pouch. It will take him to places he does not expect. Both good and bad places. You learn so much about who you are during this process.
As a spouse you too are going to have challenges. It will be hard when he just wants to eat a piece of pizza, and his brain is screaming for it not to give in. It will be hard seeing him missing his best friend and not be able to make that better. You will have to help him discover new best friends like exercise!
Best advise I can give you is keep the lines of communication open and honest. Have heart to heart talks with him and really listen to what he says.
Good luck!!

Hi, thanks for the replies, and your honesty. In the last few days he has also slipped into a deep depression, brought on by the prospect of the surgery, his increased weight gain and also the fact he decided to give up smoking. We are just working through it, and I am really trying to not be critical or 'nag' about the food stuff. I know he will come through it, but is hard to see him so down. At least last night he acknowledged that he has put on more weight recently, but he is still not motivated to try and lose any at the moment. I know he needs to come to that decision on his own.
Thanks ready2B for your reply - we have had heart to hearts and he always acknowledges that he knows he is at a huge health risk. It is such a vicious circle with depression and food addiction. He is also the 'cook', as I work full time, so it makes it hard when he prepares nice food and I don't want to upset or offend him by not eating it. gosh.......... an emotional roller coaster.....
Anywho..... thanks for reading.

Hi - I think it is great you are on here asking how to be supportive! I am still pre-op and it hits me every now and then that there will be some of my favorite foods I likely won't be able to ever eat again like onion rings, carrot cake, etc. I've heard some people say that it's like mourning a loss. Right now though, I am on prescription diet pills that reduce my appetite and I've been using this waiting time to lose whatever weight I can. I try to remind myself daily that every pound I lose before the surgery will make my life just that much easier later. But I know if I wasn't on the pills, I might be having two months worth of "last meals!"
Edited to add: when I sat down to tell my husband of my decision to have weight loss surgery, he told me honestly how scared he was for my health because of my weight and all the effects of it. That truly moved me to tears - I had no idea that it frightened him that much. Maybe a good heart-to-heart with your partner might be helpful. Just share honestly your concerns, with lots of respect and without judgement. That's all you can really do, the rest is up to him how he needs to work through things.

Hi Sally, remain calm most of all.
I know as spouses we aren't supposed to "over worry" but my husband's doctor was very serious with him before the surgery, he had to not just not gain weight, he was supposed to LOSE 10 pounds or else they threatened not to do the surgery. They explained part of it was to make the skin looser / easier to work with but I think part of it is to test whether the person is really ready to make an eating change. I think if you do feel you have to talk to him about it, just make sure to do it calmly and say you just want to help him be successful.
I can say that about a month post-op, he is happily eating many things he has always loved to eat. Eventually he will be able to eat anything he could before, just small portions. And honestly the portions don't seem all that "tiny" to me. He isn't craving things like he used to, and he feels so much better and healthier overall. Things have changed for sure.
I would also say make sure you have some other support systems too, for yourself. I'm also overweight and now am still trying to work on myself and lose weight, while watching him lose so much faster after surgery. It can get you down. The good news is, things are going to get easier for you too, I bet. For me, I now have a spouse who is only bringing fresh healthy food into the house, he is not bringing in "treats" and brownies and bags of Doritos. Since I can't eat what isn't in the house, it is a LOT easier for me to stick to my program now!
Good luck getting through the remaining waiting time!

We women are such worry warts, especially me. My husband has gently let me know a few times how smotheringly over anxious I am when it comes to him. That love of food and feeling like we have to stuff ourselves to be happy, eating like there is no tomorrow, is truly an addiction. Even after surgery he will be able to overeat after a bit. I don't have answers for you, just wanted to say good luck and take care of yourself and get healthy. God Bless! Linda

I can't speak for the spouses, but I am having my op on Sept 4th. I had the same thoughts as your husband, but luckily have been able to control them. I've only been successful due to the fact that if I gain so much as a pound, my surgeon won't do the surgery. My instinct was to do exactly as your husband. The thought of not possibly eating my favourites ever again is mind boggling..... But he needs to keep the end goal in sight! Wishing him luck on his surgery....

Hi everyone, I have never joined a forum before but am interested in getting some feedback to my questions. My partner is due to have the roux-en-y surgery in about 8 weeks time. I have been struggling to find much information for spouses, or others experiences in supporting their spouses. I am really supportive of his decision but feel like it's a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. In the past we have dieted together (I am also obesely overweight) and have had some success, however in the last 12 months it has been a real struggle and we have both put the weight back on. He has gotten part of his super released to pay for the surgery as well as private health insurance. Since getting the money released though I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.

WIfe when she was already overweight

I would recommend keeping things simple in the household. I remember being overwhelmed following two of us being sleeved 2 weeks apart, and a calendar with dates for meal changes. Thank goodness for yogurt, broth, popsicles and Soups during the worst times of worry. Once you reach the eating phase, a rotisserie chicken can work wonders in meal planning for the WL person and other family members. Homemade lowfat turkey chili, meatballs, and mini meatloves made in the muffin pan were great and easy, plus easy to freeze and defrost for quick meals. I think the greatest indulgence at about 2-3 months post sleeve, was sharing a small filet mignon, stovetop seared, at a cost of about $4.50. At 8 months out, we still share the filet. Very cost effective for a WLS patient. I too love Bariatric Pal and sharing our experiences.