5comorbids

Dear Pinky4562,

The thing that stood out when I read your post and last comment was, "I can do things for myself." I'm guessing he was your primary caregiver during your recovery... He may be feeling "unneeded" which can turn into "unwanted feelings", "she doesn't need/want me anymore" in many a case. Try giving him back some responsibility, in a sense, so he can more slowly wean out of the "she can't survive without me" phase. He needs to transition to "Look at what all my help did for her! I'm proud to have done it; I'm proud of her!" Each person is different in their needs as a caregiver, so you will have to do some figuring out for him. Perhaps the first thing is to turn over something to him that you are doing for yourself now, and just let him know that perhaps you are a bit too ambitious; you want to back up a little, and you need him to do this or that, etc... because that or this was so beneficial in your healing and now you need him back on the job! For your physical and mental health. [This is all true and there are no false statements in telling him this, because the unrest between the 2 of you could have a negative effect on your health and your emotional well-being.] I've had previous health issues before that required about 3-4 phone calls from my husband during his work day to check in on me. Eventually, I didn't need that anymore, and it was a pain to keep answering the phone as I was chasing 4 kids around. But due to me sensing he felt "unneeded", I told him I needed 2 calls, still, and then after some time cut it to 1, and a couple months later I rarely get a call unless I ask him to call. My experience, I'm sure, is small in comparison but it really helped him. Oh, I also gave him back the job of putting the laundry away after I folded it. I had to give up my OCD about putting clothes away just so in the dressers and closets, and we have all survived - haha! 3 years later that is still his duty. Hope this helps!?