Lexibelle

My husband is the most amazing guy -- funny, kind, thoughtful, smart, adorable -- but he's struggled with his weight all of his life. Literally since the day he was born. I think for him a lot of it is genetic (his mom struggled and lots of his cousins do too) and also that he grew up in a household that revolved around food (his parents came to the U.S. from Italy when he was little and I think turned to food as a way to make up for their loneliness here). He turns to food when he's sad and he's had lots of really tough things happen to him in life, particuarly in the last five years or so.

Although he's lost weight before, he wasn't able to keep it off. He's 43 now and close to 400 lbs. and I'm so scared for his health. He's a tall, solid guy, with the weight really evenly distributed, so he doesn't look like he could weigh that much, but I know it's too much for him and I'm really worried for his health. He already has sleep apnea and high blood pressure. I'm 32 and we've been trying to start a family without any luck and it's been really hard on our relationoship. I don't know if his weight is a factor in that, but I'm afraid it might be.

I've been trying to get him to consider weight loss surgery but he gets so upset any time I mention it. He says he's lost the weight on his own before and that he can do it again. But he's been promising me he'll lose weight for years and I think it's just too much for him to do on his own. I've tried to be supportive (encourage him to come walk the dogs with me, be supportive emotionally, etc.) but it doesn't help and I'm starting to feel resentful and angry. Like shouldn't he do this out of his love for me? Rather than potentially lose 15 years off of his life and leave me alone?

If anyone has any ideas of how I could help convince him or support him in the process I would be so grateful for any suggestions. I feel like his weight is destroying him and I can't stand to watch him suffer like that.

So, it's possible I'm not going to be as touchy-feely as others, so I apologize ahead of time. I don't mean to sound harsh and my tone is one of genuine concern and understanding. Please understand that.

Okay, so having dealt with this personally - my first suggestion is going to be to explore the reason you're having trouble getting pregnant rather than focusing on your husband having major surgery. Male infertility isn't often hugely linked to weight and it could simply be hormonal or anatomical. It could also not be an issue on his end at all. Either way, getting to a fertility doctor will help you get the answers and point you in the right direction.

This will solve two problems. The first is, if it is a problem on his end and weight loss might help, the doctors can tell him and it may provide extra motivation to lose weight (surgically or otherwise). The second is, if it's not a problem on his end or if weight isn't a factor, then you can get pregnant and won't resent him anymore for not being able to get pregnant. As an extra added bonus, suddenly having that little life to take care of is often good motivation to get people to take a closer look and deeper interest in their own health.

Once that's all out of the way, then address your concerns for his health and take the other advice here. However - don't be angry at him if it doesn't work or he's not doing it for you. WLS HAS to be a decision that he makes for himself - plain and simple. As a wife, I understand how it seems selfish for someone not to want to extend their life so they'll be with you longer - however it's equally selfish to expect someone to have a major, life-altering surgery for your own benefit. Hopefully that makes sense. When I started looking at WLS I never once pushed the idea on my husband or made him feel like it was something he had to do. He made the decision to join me at the seminar, meet the doctor and pursue it on his own.

In the end, while he's your partner (hopefully for life), it's also his body for life. It needs to be his decision 100% - otherwise if something goes wrong or he finds himself miserable (read the failed surgery or regret forums), the blame will go toward the person he views as having pressured him into something he may not have been ready to do yet.

The best thing you can do is be his partner, his supporter. Create a healthy environment for him to live in. If you have to, tell him it's for YOU to improve your chances of getting pregnant (maternal health does play a huge roll). Keep both of you busy with things that keep you active when possible - around the house and otherwise. Taking the dog for a walk feels like exercise - exploring a new area of town or building something outside (garden, porch, etc) doesn't as much.

Either way good luck. I don't know how long you've been struggling to get pregnant, but I understand the toll it takes and wish you both lots of luck and baby dust.

We stopped releasing a Kindle specific app. You should be able to use our new Android app on your device. You can download it here.

Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case ... unless there's a secret to force install apps from the play store on a kindle that I'm not familiar with. Really bummed about not being able to use it. Boo.

I just had my surgery done with Dr. Dormant who practices out of St. Francis (Federal Way) and Evergreen (in Kirkland). The pre-op care and testing is fabulous and I've heard nothing but great things from his patients. I'm also a patient with Virginia Mason (primary) and wasn't as impressed with their bariatric reviews or the overall care I get from them on a normal basis. Plus I wanted the Duodenal Switch and they don't do it.

I've successfully lost 80lbs on my own - about 1/2 of what I'd need to lose overall. I have no doubts that I can take the weight off without surgery.

I do know that I can't keep it off. Each time I've lost weight in the last 5 years (80lbs and then 60lbs) I have gained most, if not all of it back within 18 months. Personally, I can't keep doing that over and over again. I need help not only to continue losing past that mark, but to also keep it off long-term.

If you have NEVER tried a diet or changed your lifestyle habits before, then maybe you do need a longer trial. Maybe you're one of the lucky 1-2% that will be able to lose it and keep it off without it being your entire life. Those people do exist and I have the utmost respect for them. On the other hand, if you've done the diets or lifestyle modifications before and never been able to maintain the loss, then perhaps this is the right choice.

You definitely need to go into this knowing that this is the best decision for you and your lifestyle.

Oh OP I could have written your post. I'm on day 4 of 10 and seriously finding myself worried about life post op. The thought of feeling like this for 6 more weeks is terrifying. I'm starting to find my groove though. I have a double Protein shake in the morning, a single in the afternoon and either a double or single at night. I constantly sip Water, have 2-3 sugar free jellos, about 2 cups of broth and one popsicle a day. The last two days I've stuck to that, I've felt satiated. It's still hard in the afternoon and when coming Breakfast and dinner for the kids.

We WILL get through this though! This isn't indefinite and the reward is so going to be worth it!

I'd even take the TARDIS for 2 weeks after the surgery. I've never been under genral anesthesia, nor had stitches or ever had to stay in a hospital bed. I am in slight freak out mode and expect to be in full freak out mode in the next few days

Totally feel you on that. The only thing to worry about with the hospital bed is how damned uncomfortable they are. It wouldn't kill them to put a *little* more padding on them.

Right there with you. My surgery is scheduled for 9/18 and I'd love to fast forward just a little bit. I keep bouncing between being excited, anxious and just a little scared. Kind of glad I've got work and 2 little kiddos to keep me busy!

Holy cow! I just got my approval! Not only that, but I've got my surgery scheduled. September 18th!

All I can say - once that info gets submitted, call your insurance and make friends with someone. The first first person I spoke to is the one that made sure the docs got where they were going, kept me updated and called me today to tell me I was approved. I'm SO grateful - especially after all of the horror stories I've heard.

23 Days and I'll be on the Loser's Bench...

Couldn't agree more - not knowing is definitely the hardest. I'm coming up on 2 weeks since my docs were submitted and I just want an answer from insurance already. I know people wait longer, but I'm not always the most patient person in the world. LOL They told me last week that I should expect about 5 business days ... so I'm just going to be stalking them this week. Not sure if I should ask for the contact info for the nurse reviewing the case or just continue talking to the reps that answer the phone. The one I got yesterday wasn't all that helpful. I do kind of wish my doctor would set a tentative surgery date, even though we're still waiting. I mean, there's really no reason they shouldn't approve me (which is kind of sad, but whatever) and I'd feel so much better having something on the books.< /p>

Lexi I have anthem bcbs of GA (live in MI) that's exciting news. Maybe the rest of the anthems will follow as of now I have been told it's 6 months

Hopefully! Mine is based out of CA, though I actually live in WA (it gets confusing). I was really surprised when I looked up the requirements and there was no mention of a diet. Just 1 nutritionist visit, visit with the psych and then surgeon evaluation of your past dieting attempts.

I keep waiting to hear back and be told I still have to wait 6 months ... think I'm preparing for the worst. LOL The last time we tried to do this, we had to stop just a month into the process so I'm kind of skittish.

Congrats to everyone just starting out. When I first started the process for WLS back in 2012, my insurance required the 6mo diet. I was really surprised this time when mine (Anthem BCBS) didn't. All of my paperwork was submitted a week ago, though it only got to the review person on Wednesday (long story - but tip - follow up with the insurance company about the paperwork!). They said it should be about 5 business days ... I'm planning to call later today to check in on it.

Really hoping I'll be scheduling surgery for sometime next month. I'd originally hoped for the beginning of the month, but I doubt that's going to happen without a scheduling miracle.

I have BCBS that's apparently Premera, though I thought it was anthem (long story) and my surgeon just sent in my docs for pre-approval this week. They say this company usually gets back in about two weeks. I also didn't have much in the way of prerequisites. Hoping it stays that way..

The first 5 days were the worst for me - I'm not going to lie. I was also avoiding the shakes so that made it worse. LOL

Psyching myself up for Monday and starting Round 2 of full liquids. My insurance docs get submitted next week, so I want to be at my surgeon's pre-op goal by the time my approval comes through.

I think I may just have to call this thread home for the next few weeks, if that's okay. I'm at the end of my food week and facing 3 weeks of liquids. My first 2 weeks didn't go so well. I hated the taste of the powder so much I was just not 'eating', which isn't healthy and resulted in feeling even worse.

Has anyone found a reasonably priced powder that doesn't taste horrible? I've tried 3 so far and had absolutely no luck. I broke down and got a case of Premier Protein, which my surgeon isn't a fan of, but at least I can stomach it. Trouble is, I'm getting very tired of chocolate and don't like the vanilla. It'd probably help if I didn't totally hate the taste of sucralose.

I just ordered some packets of powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury in hopes that it's as good as people say. The next one is Syntrax - I gotta find something!

The sleep study's not that bad - I had one 2 years ago. Find out if they let you do it at home vs. in an office. I was able to take it home and it worked fine.

So far I've had my Psych Eval, the EGD, Abdominal U/S, Echo, EKG, Bone Density and several vials of blood drawn. On Friday I get to do my breathing test, swallow test (GI study?), cardiologist and my 1 nutritionists appointment. I'll be so glad to have it all out of the way so I know the only hold up will be insurance.

I'm sort of new, too. I had my first meeting with the surgeon about a month ago and this week I'm finishing all of my pre-op testing and insurance requirements. My insurance, Anthem (BCBS), only requires 1 NUT appointment, a Psych Eval and the surgeon's review of my past weight-loss efforts - so the packet should be submitted sometime next week. I'm hoping for a surgery date in early September, otherwise I'll have to wait until early October because I don't want to be less than 2wk post op for my daughter's 1st birthday on 9/30. I just have this feeling they're going to try and bounce it back asking for more documentation - the plan docs and the reps weren't very helpful in determining if I have enough.

In the meantime I get to stay on my surgeon's pre-op sandwich diet until my surgery date. I get to eat 1 week of high Protein, low carb and 2 weeks of full liquids. :| Hubby and I just finished our first 2 weeks of liquids and it was awful. I've already had to bend the rules and buy the Premier Protein RTD because I can't stomach the powder we were able to get. I don't know which is worse - this diet or having to wait for insurance approval

I have BCBS CA (though I'm in a different state) and my pan doesn't require the 6mo supervised diet either, as far as I can tell. I did call to clarify but they were about as clear as mud. My surgeons office called and the only requirement was a psych evaluation and past weight loss attempts. Just did the evaluation and hoping that means we'll submit for approval by August.

Hi Lexibelle,

I did a quick search for you just like I did for our policy. I googled "BCBS CA Corporate Medical Policy". I found the BCBS CA list of medical policies that have requirements before approval. Here is the link:

https://www.blueshieldca.com/provider/authorizations/clinical-policies/medical-procedures/policy.sp

Where as NC list it as "Surgery for Morbid Obesity," CA list it as "Bariatric Surgery." PLEASE DOUBLE CHECK your plan because from what I see, your plan does require 6 months (pg 3) . I'm sorry, I'm not trying to get in your business or anything. I just know I had one heck of a time sorting out the "mud" in the NC policy and if someone had pointed me in the right direction I would have been grateful. Good luck to you and please let us know what you find

Thanks, though I guess mine is technically Anthem now that I look at my website. These are my requirements: http://www.anthem.com/medicalpolicies/policies/mp_pw_a053317.htm

I contacted them because of the 'proof of past weight loss attempts' and how vague it was. That's what they were about as clear as mud about. I basically got told, well - we won't know exactly what you'll need until it goes to the review board. Blah!

I'm thinking positive and hoping that my weight + multiple co-morbidities + surgeon's analysis of my past attempts will be enough to satisfy them.

I have BCBS CA (though I'm in a different state) and my pan doesn't require the 6mo supervised diet either, as far as I can tell. I did call to clarify but they were about as clear as mud. My surgeons office called and the only requirement was a psych evaluation and past weight loss attempts. Just did the evaluation and hoping that means we'll submit for approval by August.