bandster_1007

OK, so life was great pre-band..with the exception of being fat...and having bad health because of it..but now...oh now..i've got many other things that i need to add to the list:

i was a self pay. financially we determined that we could afford it. we are middle class $70k/or more average a year...so we aren't rolling in it, but we are doing better than we could be. So, yeah, we thought of course we can afford the band, why couldn't we.

well, let me tell you a $400 a month payment is rough to adjust to..especially at christmas time. and add to that the fact that i NOW WEIGHT 3 MORE LBS THAN I DID PRE-OP. everytime i make that stupid payment..i think in my head..what in the hell did i do..i just spent $15,000 to be reminded every day that i am a failure and i am fat, and now i am paying for it literally.

ok, so that is the financial part. everyone has their problems right, so that is no big deal. well, dh and i are falling on hard times financially and i am blaming myself, and he is trying to work more. we used to have enough money in our "bill" account to cover the bills as they came in and to have a month's worth of reserves in case one of us got sick. that way, we didn't have to do the pay check to pay check thing. we have our own individual savings and spending accounts too. well...we've got zilch right now, and i've resorted to finishing up x-mas on cc's.

add to that-yesterday i found out that my brother defaulted on a car loan that i signed for him. i have perfect credit...not bragging..but never been late..and i work in finance so..this is a particularly important thing to me. he didn't even bother to tell me, so i get a letter in the mail yesterday that he is almost 30 days late and a payment has to be made TODAY to keep it from being reported (note: previous mention of us being BROKE).

OK..so all of that is i am sure circumstanstial..but it is band related. dh and i both missed a week of work without pay when i had surgery. i then have had some days that i have missed in addition due to pains &/or complications. so..that means even less pay. .......again due to the band...then add sick days for problems i had before the band with Migraines and fibro.

ok..so you get it..money is a problem and it causes extreme stress. well because of it dh and i are both barely on good speaking terms (we aren't admitting that is what the problem is, but i know it is). i'm sleeping on the couch, and i swear that if one more person yells at me or says something negative I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY!!!!!!

so i'm stressed..my son is going through a bratty stage..dh and i are having problems, and i'm getting nothing but bitches and moans and complaints and cynical remarks every single direction that i turn.

ok...so that is the family related band problems..now i'm taking it to a more personal level:

1. did i mention that i now weigh 3 more lbs than i did pre-op..and i can't button pants that i wore for 6 months prior to surgery

2. i look 6 months pregnant and i have this huge distended abdomen that will not recede

3. i pass more gass than i would ever care to admit. burps come out mid sentence sometimes, and i have these long grotesque 10 second burps that everyone around me can hear even though i am trying to do it under my breath. then..add to that the constant cloud of methane (is that what it is?) that is hovering behind everywhere that i walk. before the band dh had never ever heard me...you know..pass gass...now he hears it like 20 times a night...gross....and it makes me smell.

4. i have no restriction..i can eat what i want..and the tremendous amount of stress that i am under sends me straight to crap food...cheese dip..candy...cheese ball..you name it

5. everyone keeps asking me if i wasted money on surgery and why am i not losing weight

6. i missed my 2nd fill because i had a bowel obstruction, and they can't seem to find TIME to fit me in.

7. i'm having migraines like crazy..(due to stress i'm sure)..and i can't take anything for it because it doesn't work..or i can't swallow it.

8. my work is threatening to lay me off at the end of the year due to absences even though i filed FMLA.

there are other things....but i've gone on enough. all of this is causing me to have serious issues with my band. if i could rip it out myself i would, and then i would beat the hell out of a wall or something with it.

I HATE MY BAND....

(i hope this will pass, and i already feel better from venting....i had too...i don't feel like i can tell anyone face to face because i am whining..and besides...i don't know any other overweight people with similar issues that i can talk to).

i'm sorry for rambling..thank you for reading...or listening. and if you went through something similar, and found success later..please share. i am in desperate need for inspiration.

..I just wanted to add taht i am sorry for being so negative... i really have been trying not to be..but i'm just boiling over with negativity right now.

i think i have given you guys an update on here, but i cannot remember..

so here is my update:

1. as of last night- i officially weigh 3 more lbs than i did pre-op.

2. i have worn the same pants to work now for the past 6 months, and now i have to lie on the bed to button them

3. i have no will power, and i'm stressed about $$, I WAS A SELF PAY....so the holiday goodies..i'm a' eatin'

4. dh and i are on hard times...there is a lot of tension and it is related to the fact that i am not exercising, that i am not eating right, and that we are paying out almost $400/month for this surgery..not to mention it's x-mas time and every single other penny that we have is gone (and when i say hard times..i mean it..i'm sleeping on the couch).

5. i have been being patient, but i'm about to lose it......literally..my top is going to pop any day now..i'm so damn frustrated.

6. i feel a need to explain to everyone that knows i had the surgery why i haven't lost weight

7. i hate myself even more than i did before..i feel like such a failure

8. i can eat anything (anything..means 4 pieces of pizza for dinner and ready for a snack an hour later).

what does my goal need to be for next month? well, first i've got to get some control over this stress...i'm carrying it all in my shoulders. then i need to:

1. begin journaling again

2. stop drinking with meals...ever

3. exercise

4. get a fill (I MISSED MY 2ND DUE TO BEING SICK..AND THEY CAN'T FIT ME IN TO MAKE IT UP %&*$)(@).

i was banded, lost 12 lbs, went to solids...gained it all back. i've had one fill, and i have no restriction (i ate 4 pieces of pizza last night). my will power is dead, and i have BIG problems dieting...BUT..i do not drink with my meals, and i do not drink liquid calories. i also do not exercise.

so...now i am as i was prior to surgery..i am the same weight..but now i have a "muffin top"..never had one of those before...and this morning i could not button a pair of pants that i have worn now for over 6 months WTF???? i have a distended...prego looking abdomen..and i'm irritated as hell because my doctor cannot fit me in for a fill.

soo....that is it in a nutshell.

liziee-no i do not have any restriction...none. i think they tricked me. the only time that i have ever even felt my band is when i was eating some tortilla chips. i felt them sitting on top of it.

i would be more than happy with 5 LBS, but i can't even claim victory with that..because i've lost zilch.

I recently posted a thread about overeating and the comments I got back made me think that most of the people in here might not really be overeaters just overweight. I know I battle something in my that wants food really bad. Thank God for the band I cant eat what I want. But I was banded for a year and a half and I did real well , then my band eroded and I had to be rebanded. In the time I waited for a fill , I wanted to eat the house and I just about did. I would have thought that my life had changed but the fact is that once I could eat again , MY old addiction came right back. I would have to live in fairy land to believe that you can be completely healed of overeating addiction.

if you research you will find several other cases that suggest this also. my band doctor believes it has a lot to do with genes (as i would assume most bariatric doctors do believe)..

but..this is my problem...no one in either side of my family are heavy....no one...except my dad..and he weighs less than me and is a foot taller. where in the hell did i get it from????????? lol....

Bandster,you just described my body.........

I found some pants on sale at Macy's late summer and they fit my hourglass figure perfectly.I know I'm crazy,but I bought a few size L clothing that only cost about $6.00 /$8.00 each and have them in my closet waiting. I only buy off season clothing and keep it for the next season. The only size I'm not sure I'll be wearing is the size for next winter. But if I have size large sweaters and I'm between sizes, it doesn't matter,sweaters can be a little big. right?

Man, I have to go to a swimming party with my 5 year old today oops! I just got a phone call it was cancelled due to bad weather. I have one more week to lose weight! It's embarrassing ,because everybody will be looking at each other bodies.

i'm lucky to have the hourglass shape, and i love being short, but i can't wait to be truly petite. all the women in my family are tiny (none of the men are heavy either...except my dad..we are the only ones). anyways, my mom is 4'10" and most of her life she weighed 85 lbs (she is a nice healthy 120 now, and she thinks she's fat :faint:..haha..she still wears a size 5...but i do joke with her that she just might be considered obese now.. (haha..she has bad health problems and really doesn't need any extra weight, but her new med's caused a quick weight gain..she always sayed things to me out of concern..so now i'm returning the favor..although she is almost 50 and i would rather her be an older woman with some meat on her bones...).

anyways..back to the subject, i have a cousin who is the same as my mom 4'10" wears a size 0, a sister who has had 4 kids and is 5'0" and half my size...lol. only one girl in the whole family who is taller than me.....

so, i'll be glad when we can go to christmas gatherings, etc., and i won't feel like the giant (hhahaha...it's hard to believe i'm the giant at 5'2").

liziee-i'm so sorry about the flu. did you get a shot? i know that is horrible, and it only makes it worse being banded. i agree with your doc though, in that you want to make sure your swelling goes down.

i mean, i have to be patient, i am exactly 2 months out tomorrow and i am the exact same weight that i was when i went in. but they way i look at it, is i have time. i took the time to heal, now i'm taking the time to get fills, and when restriction kicks in, it's time to kick butt..lol. but, i don't want to risk erosion or anything in the process.

however, my doctor is much more agressive with his fills, i got 6.5 cc's on my first one. so..i think i would be frustrated if i were getting less (by the way, with 6.5 cc's i can easily eat 4 pieces of pizza at dinner...that was my regular amount prior to surgery).

apple-i'm not sure if you mean that you are surpised that i haven't lost any weight, but i did and then gained it back. some people have this problem and they do not lose weight until they get a good fill. i've only had one fill. i'm sure taht the surgery will still be successfull, i've just got to wait on my fill

yeah i'm banded..october 18th..no weight loss yet.

i didn't know they could test you for it...wow..i thought it was a symptomatic diagnosis.

.....checking the doors and alarms twice is not OCD. I have OCD. Diagnosed OCD. It is not fun or just something to do. It cripples every aspect of your life. It is not about, "oh, I better check the door before bed!"....it is all night, checking and rechecking and rechecking....ALL NIGHT....

uh..i majored in psych..but that doesn't amount to much, but i have been diagnosed. i used to get up several times a night to check the doors and all of the windows..and if you noticed about the key thing and checking under cars. i have ocd and it does cripple my life.

oh and another thing..the amount of times that you check is not what defines you as OCD...the fact that you can't sleep until you do it, and the fact that you HAVE to do it a certain number of times, is what defines you as OCD. if i accidentally get in the bed without checking every door is locked TWO times..then i cannot sleep. that is OCD by textbook. and if you go home to check to make sure that things are unplugged because you CAN'T go on..and you do it regularly, that classifies you as OCD. you do not have to do it every day. as with any illness there are different degrees.

i have not been diagnosed with pcos, but i have not been to a real gyno in years. i show many symptoms.

thanks for sharing about the diabetic thing. thankfully he can get hard and he does often, sometimes it just takes more to get it there (my not even be related to sugar..it's probably in his head (pun intended)). sometimes i want him to be physically attracted to me and not have to work for although i know that he isn't. he loves me and he thinks that i am beautiful, but it affect the raw attraction aspect of it. you know what i mean...??? he on the other hand is fit..and honestly..and i'm not being mean in any way..but i have never been attracted to heavier men..it just isn't there for me. and no matter how "thick" i have gotten my men have always been cut. if he were as obese as i am, i would need help getting "wet" too. i need help now, but it's not because of his looks, sometimes i just have a hard time getting my mind to shut off.

i didn't think you were laughing at me. you are hilarious. i love your posts. i bet you will be so glad when you get to see your husband. i live in jacksonville, arkansas and there is a base here. i believe there may be another in arkansas, but it is the main one. it is air force. anyways, most of the people that live here are military, so i know what you are talking about. i also work at a mortgage company and about 90% of our loans are military so i talk to a lot of seperated spouses.

oh..and toys..i love them. well..i say i do, but i do not have a running collection and i tend not to go toward anything that penetrates. i know..i know tmi. but if all i ever had to use was a toy i would die. dh has gotten me some for b-days and stuff and he lets incorporate them (on myself---unless it is a sleeve or something)..but the weight kind of affects that too..sometimes it is too hard to reach areas that need to be contacted because my gut is in the way, or my arms are just too short...or you get the point.

SOOO..losing weight will help with that for sure. then i can just incorporate my toys whenever i want. dh doesn't mind, as long as i enjoy it. plus i tend to let him get away with more (i have a pain during sex) when i do incorporate because it helps relax muscles, and he can be as rough as he wants.

ahahahahaha..i'm literally going to jump him tonight.

oh and funny thing..i used to not be able to treat him orally very often because of my neck...ooo when i went to the chiro for the very first time..i wouldn't stay away from him...i was "bobbin" all day..ahahahahah

I had a very decreased sex drive at one point, and went to my gyno about it. She said that when you lose weight fat, you also lose hormones. You may need to get your hormone levels checked

tell me more about this please..how do you get your hormone levels checked exactly. i'm curious because i think i show signs of having excess testosterone, which i believe is associated with pcod. i have dark facial hair, a low drive, cramp like crazy, and i have INSANE Migraines each and every month. and pmdd isn't even the half of it...my hormones make me crazy in many ways.

i've talked to my pcp about it, and she put me on yaz, she said it helps...now i have acne...:faint: ..thanks...one more thing to not like about myself..haha.

i've been on birth control since i was 12. if i do not take birth control, i have one extreme or the other. i have amenorhea (no period) or i have one literally every 5 days. :faint:again...not fun. actually, i had no period for a solid year when i got pregnant...doctor's said it was a MIRACLE haha..they were anticipating an early hysterectomy for me from endometriosis...

now..i've had son and i've had cervical cancer..early stages, had have my cervix removed..not it has flipped..wth..how does that happen...likely will not be able to have another child..so i'm glad i did get pregnant when i did ..even though i was "knocked up" by dh..because he was an immature teenager at the time and he wasn't ready...so i lied and said it wasn't his...

ok...enough of my rambling..tell me more about this hormone check.

oh yeah..i should have added that it is EXTREMELY hard for me to orgasm..and sometimes..i just don't care enough about it, because i will not climax.

but ..if i get all hot first...no problem..but it's not always easy to get me all hot first....weird..i know...

but the swing...and the ball...and being picked up over his shoulder.....omg..just thinking about it makes me want to go jump him (he's a very sexy man..8 pack abs, pecs to die for)....

i think you girls just helped me end a dry spell....oooooooo..can't wait to get home from work..think we will tell ds that we have to have some "grown up talk" and lock the door....

i know we are young..but god do we act old.

i think he may have diabetes too and i think it effects his drive. and i have to make an extra effort because he is not instantly turned on by my body..and sometimes..honestly..by the time we get into the bed..i'm too tired for effort. i just want him to be 16 again and get hard just because he thinks about a pencil...haha..and boy do i miss the 12 hour sex adventures and the multiple orgasms on both parts..now it's hit or miss with him...if he hits and i missed...i gotta wait some hours to get some more...or just go take care of myself..lol.... i think that will get better too. let me say that if i were satisfied with my body he probably would be, but i'm not and it shows. if i even just lose 15 lbs and i'm all happy with myself, it's like i'm a new person in his eyes.

we do spice it up some...new movies here...new mirrors there...new this....

I LOVE THE POINTS SYSTEM...haha..i need to try that with dh. i made him a coupon book for v-day once..and it is still in his drawer. wish he would make one for me...lol.

i have been handled that way because i became "active" at a very early age in life..and i was thin until about 5 years ago. dh was my "first" and i was 13 and he was 16. it's funny because we can compare how we were then and how we are now............we are getting old. and then when i was 18 and he was 21....omg..it was awesome....then the baby came. (we broke up and moved away from each other..and i actually married someone else for a short time..so we haven't been together for 12 years haha).

but..when i was thin he was just soooooo much more into it. maybe because he was younger too, but he was aggressive and passionate all at the same time. now we've turned into this ..."so do you wanna".."yeah"..ok....hahaa..i have to do something new every few months and it helps a lot.

lmao...haha..hopefully it doesn't really break a hole.

haha. i didn't see it on here, but how much did you find it for? i have seen them for $300 and wanted to know that they would last before investing.

-i tend to be a bigger freak than dh (at least inside)..i want to do it in public somewhere somehow...not REAL public...but like up against a car outside or something. or on the ground in a field beside the road..i know weird right....fantasies..what can i say.

oh man...i didn't read on..you actually have one. you have to share your experience. i want one soooooooo bad.

Just to throw this out there in case anyone has one and can convince me of a good place for it..

A Sex Swing.. I saw it first on an episode of Sex in the City and I have always wanted one. DH is all for it, but we joked about how we'd have it hanging in our bedroom and when people visit (parents included) they'd flip out. Anyone have one and have a good location for it? :scared:

OMG!! I swear we are so much alike in that sense.. i read your other post about how when you are on top you are like "my arm..." that's me, too..plus when i am on top..i have this weird popping thing that happens...you know where...and no..not a popping noise...a true popping...weird...gross...and not comfortable...(he can feel it too).

so..i swear that we are alike in this sense because..haven't lost weight yet..but i want a SWING sooooooooo baaaaddd..and dh is for it, but he joked also about the parents thing. i wonder what the harness looks like with the swing detached...maybe you could hang a plant from it....

i asked dh how they connect, if you have to crawl in the attic and attach them to a beam, then i was like..omg..can you imagine how humiliating it would be if you busted one of you ceiling beams on your sex swing...hahaha

i haven't had any drive since surgery. perhaps it is this 6 month prego distended abdomen look that i have and all the gas that i have been having...makes you not want to be very "adventurous".

haha...i'm working on it though..can't wait to lose weight..i want to be thrown around too.

wow...that's a new way to irrigate the ear..haha...it hurts my ear if Water goes directly in it.

i have what doctor's like to call "yucky ears" my ears on the inside are not shaped well to "clean themselves" and it is hard for doctor's to see in there. and i have eustacian tube dysfunction..so i have frequent ear infections.

i think it is genetic, my brother was born deaf, but he has had his ears reconstructed twice and he is able to hear, but he will need to sign when he is old (although he doesn't know sign language).

why were you denied.

reading about the denials and the limited weight loss of 2 lbs per week is surprising. now, if i could lose 2 lbs a week and still eat, i personally think i would keep it that way, but my doctor's philosophy is that only we know if we are tight enough.

he says some of his patients like to walk around tight enough that they can always feel the band, and as long as they can eat solids and are not having reflux..he lets them. other's want to be more loose, but he leaves it up to them totally.

<p>

About q-tips.. if they weren't made to clean out the ear, what were they made for????</p> <p>I've heard they're bad to put in your ears too, but they look like they're designed for it.. so I am confused!!</p> <p>I like cleaning my ears with q-tips after a shower, when its all wet and comes out easy.

I will have to read back through this thread to see where this 3 hours is coming from .

it came from me..my doctor told me that i need to wait 3 hours, but that seems awfully long to me.

I always take all my meds with warm Water. In the morning I have a lot of

pills and supplements I take. Before banding, I could throw 9 pills in my mouth and take a drink. Now I have to take one at a time, and wait a couple of min. before taking another one. You can definitely feel if they get stuck. If that happens, I drink more Water and wait.

that was me..nine pills in one gulp. i cut up everything now, but just as a precaution, and i do not take more than one at once. i haven't ever had anything stuck at all, but i hear it's not fun, so i'll try to avoid it.

thanks for your advice on the one hour and warm water thing.

i know..everything seems to be like that...luckily it worked..

however..i tried that with him with the breast ..i know..tmi...i nursed until he was 2...no taste at all was making him give that up..haha..and there was only so much i could subject myself to. i'm sure i created his oral fixation..hopefully he never starts smoking.

I don't know what caused "so and so" (actually 2 I have noticed that I was use to seeing) to stop with their pic in their profile, but I was disappointed. That's how I follow their posts, by their pic. And it was most definitely an inspiration for me only being near half-way.. It's nice to see I can make it to goal.

So if you 2 are in doubts of putting it back, I really think it helps those of us who aren't that far yet, to see 50% weight loss isn't the only accomplishment with the band.

i absolutely agree---

by the way, you have an absolutely beautiful face (never seen anything else :scared:). i can see weight loss with your updated pics, but i just think you are beautiful.