flavaofbravery

Thank you, yes that's exactly what I've been getting at. I hope it's all in the presentation of my extensive trauma history. While everything you wrote is actually true about me, I guess one of my worries would be if I can do the diet for the rest of my life. I'm a very honest person and the honest answer is "I don't know". I do know I could definitely do it for a year or two but after that.... I'm honestly not sure. I do know this is *the* tool I need to walk again, to be healthy enough to live past my 30s, to survive. To that end I'm willing to give it my very best shot and do everything my doctor's tell me to do.
Btw - I've looked into other clinics for emotional health in my area - their response was basically "Why do you want to change? Just request a different counselor in your current mental health clinic..." While I tried to explain they don't have help for eating disorders at my current one, they just said they'd get back to me at the new clinic (not making me a priority because I 'already have help'). I haven't heard back as of yet *sigh* I'm trying my best to get the trauma work and eating disorder work done it just feels like I've hit so many 'roadblocks' ... but I keep trying. I'm also diagnosed with and have under control for the past few years. possible mild schizophrenia, bipolar 1 disorder, panic attacks, and of course the PTSD with BED (binge eating disorder).
Thats what I meant about being emotionally disabled and not being able to do much about that. It's genetic conditions I'm currently dealing with emotionally, and since their on the psychotic spectrum of disorders everyone kind of treats me like a pariah in the WLS world. People fear what they don't understand so I guess I don't really blame them - but that was my experience at my last WLS clinic in Albany. They kind of treated me fine until they heard my diagnoses and they they treated me like a mental defective. I didn't appreciate that as well. We went over each roadblock and my response was verbatim "If I don't get this surgery I very well might die" The head nutritionists response was *nodding* "Yes it's a very good possibility". I mean talk about bedside manner... I mean maybe she just wanted to validate and didn't know what to say but still.... they left me little to no alternative options and it felt like they were passing the buck like most of my doctors, or just didn't know what to do, like the other half of my doctors.
Basically the vibe I got was "you can kill yourself but we don't want your death on our hands" at the first clinic I went to in Albany, which is okay I guess to cover yourself - but they didn't give me much- alternatives, referrals, hope even.. . The next doctor I saw there was nicer, the first nutritionist was so bad I basically came out of the appt. extremely upset. The next nutritionist set up an appt with their eating disorder doctor - I see that eating disorder doctor in Albany NY in January along with the second opinion I just scheduled at Saranac Lake for the beginning of January. So we'll see how this goes... Praying everything goes well.

Thank you everyone - I did think of inpatient but my insurance doesn't cover it (medicaid/fidelis due to being on SSI due to my back problems + obesity). I've gone to an eating disorder clinic but I had to leave because they don't allow you in them if you are immobile (at least not near here). I feel like if the second and possibly third opinions don't go well I'm not sure what to do. Thank you all though for the well wishes and prayers. I've booked a second info session (starting the process at another WLS clinic) for just after new years day. Hoping this is the answer I've been praying for.

Thank you everyone - I did think of inpatient but my insurance doesn't cover it (medicaid/fidelis due to being on SSI due to my back problems + obesity). I've gone to an eating disorder clinic but I had to leave because they don't allow you in them if you are immobile (at least not near here). I feel like if the second and possibly third opinions don't go well I'm not sure what to do. Thank you all though for the well wishes and prayers. I've booked a second info session (starting the process at another WLS clinic) for just after new years day. Hoping this is the answer I've been praying for.