Sharon Chen

Weight loss surgery success journey stories are important because the written word enables us to connect on an emotional basis with others. Telling our journey stories is a way to build a deeper level of understanding. Thinking about and creating our stories regarding our life history, life experiences, and influences on our lives can be related to family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. Everyone has different, exceptional life experiences with unique and special stories to share and teach others. My own story is one of redemption and salvation – but my redemption involved turning away from religion, and my salvation came from science. I was born and raised in a religious, conservative Christian home in Charlotte, North Carolina. My parents are both immigrants from Taiwan, and they moved to the United States in the 1980s. Their command of the English language and understanding of American culture were poor. Their acclimation to the United States was heavily dependent on their participation in the Charlotte Chinese Baptist Church. The Christian Baptist church is where my parents first initially met each other. They dated for a short period of time before they made the decision to get married. After marriage, they gave birth to me as their first born, and two years later, my younger sister. As far back as I can remember, my family attended Sunday services at the conservative Christian Baptist church on a regular basis. I was indoctrinated into being a conservative Christian by my family, friends, teachers, classmates, schools, and the conservative Christian church we attended. I was taught to believe in Jesus, Virgin Mary, and the existence of heaven and hell. We prayed in church, and I was taught to "give my life to god" and to avoid "sin." I was taught homosexuality was a sin and that LGBT people went to hell. My parents forbade my sister and me from dating, and I was told by my family, church, and teachers to save my virginity for marriage, which meant premarital sex was a major taboo. When I was in middle school, all of us girls were enrolled in the "Best Friends" program, an abstinence-only "sex education" program. The program merely consisted of "just say no" if boys wanted sex. Throughout my entire childhood, I unfortunately endured extreme domestic/family violence and experienced severe physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, spiritual/religious, and sexual abuse, incest, trauma, and molestation perpetrated by my conservative Christian father. My conservative Christian father was a very active volunteer at church, and he was highly respected by fellow church leaders and members of the congregation. However, he used his outward acts of service for the church as a deceptive mask to harbor many deep, dark secrets behind closed doors. My father was a chronic alcoholic and domineering, psychopathic perpetrator of horrific violence. He was a sadistic sociopath who derived sick pleasure from abusing my mother, my sister, and me in every way possible: physically, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually/religiously, and sexually assaulting, molesting, traumatizing, and humiliating us. My father weaponized the Bible as a tool to repeatedly abuse, assault, control, molest, terrorize, threaten, and violate my mother, sister, and me. He claimed the Bible justified his abuse, violence, and mistreatment towards us. He was a gun owner who threatened on countless occasions to murder the three of us and burn down our home “to destroy the evidence," so our bodies would never be found. Both my parents constantly warned I would be sent away to a foster home, where I would be treated far worse by strangers if I ever told my school teachers or complained to authorities about the horrific abuse and violence that was taking place at home on a daily basis. As an innocent young child, I wholeheartedly believed every word of my parents as I did not know any better. A middle school classmate noticed a bruise on my arm and asked me about it. I confided in her about the abuse and violence being perpetuated by my parents against me at home. She was sincerely concerned about my safety and worried about my well-being and told our homeroom teacher, who in turn, informed the middle school guidance counselor. After lunch, I was pulled from algebra class and asked to speak with the guidance counselor. Out of my irrational fear of being removed from my family home, the only place I'd ever known, I lied and said I'd injured myself by accident. At the time, I thought I was in trouble because I'd never been removed from class. I wanted only to return to math class to avoid missing any important class material. Back when I was an innocent child, I still believed in a just and merciful God. I used to kneel at my bed every night and fervently pray to God to kill me in my sleep. I desperately wished to die so I would not be forced to endure another day of extreme abuse and violence. It's heartbreaking for me to think back now about how I started seriously contemplating suicide when I was a young child. I did not wish to live and did not want to continue enduring the horrific abuse I experienced as a child at home every day. No one seemed to care about or love me, not even my own parents. I felt absolutely trapped in this living hell at home. As a child, my parents would not allow me to seek mental health care since doing so would reveal their abuse and violence towards me, and they knew they would face severe legal repercussions. My immigrant parents came from a conservative, traditional Asian culture and attached a very negative stigma to psychological services. They viewed patients who sought mental health treatment as "crazy." At the age of 18, I was finally able to move out on my own, and I left my hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina to attend the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I began to meet and learn from people of different races, ethnicities, socioeconomic classes, religions/non-religions, with family backgrounds and histories that were unlike the oppressive, conservative Christian culture I'd grown up with. I was exposed to new, fascinating ideas, thoughts, and perspectives from my university professors and fellow college students. I learned about liberal. progressive Democrats and the concepts of socioeconomic and racial injustice, diversity, equity, and inclusion, women’s rights, and more. I was exposed for the first time to secular ideas. I began questioning the existence of God at this juncture. All the rules and regulations I'd been taught to follow by my conservative Christian family and church as a means to salvation had brought me nothing but painful despair and misery throughout my entire life up to that point. I was exposed to an entirely new world in college in which I learned that I had value as an individual as well as learning critical thinking skills, philosophical logic, and scientific thought. However, the years of abuse had left many scars. I sought help from a psychiatrist who finally diagnosed me with major depressive disorder (MDD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)/panic attacks, and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). My psychiatrist prescribed antidepressant and antianxiety medications for me, and I also began intensive psychotherapy. I sought out trauma-focused mental health counselors and therapists and successfully completed countless mental health treatments and therapies for my healing and recovery. I discovered the abuse and violence I experienced during my childhood was not my fault, and I was not to blame whatsoever despite what my conservative Christian family constantly told me. I also learned about concepts and techniques such as self-care, emotional regulation, and developing healthy boundaries. The mental health treatments I received included Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, Somatic Experiencing (SE) therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group therapy as well as medical treatments such as Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) treatment and esketamine treatment. In addition, I attended support groups for survivors of childhood abuse and incest, sexual assault, rape, and religious trauma. My journey back from the brink had finally begun. However, I was about to take a huge and very dangerous detour in my journey of healing. Food was my drug of choice back then. I used to binge eat massive amounts of food to desperately fill the empty void of nothingness I felt within and to cope with my feelings of depression, sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness, guilt, shame, fear, emotional numbness, fatigue, exhaustion, migraines, stomachaches, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty with focus and concentration, and other symptoms. I preferred unhealthy junk food and fast food that provided me with momentary comfort. I gained prodigious amounts of weight. The antidepressants I took increased my appetite, causing more weight gain. The weight gain made me feel even more depressed, and the depression made me eat ever increasing amounts of food, which became a vicious cycle. I developed social anxiety and hated going out in public because I feared strangers bullying and taunting me for my appearance. I am 5 feet, 6 inches tall, and unbelievable as it may seem to most people, at my maximum, I weighed a staggering 321 pounds at my highest and had a BMI of 51.8. I was super morbidly obese, extremely unhealthy, and unfortunately, developed many serious, chronic health issues over the years. Due to the excess weight, I used to get winded easily and ran out of energy very quickly. I could not stand or walk for more than a few minutes before I began experiencing excruciating pain in my back, forcing me to sit and rest before I could stand and walk again. I suffered from numerous chronic, life-threatening health conditions, which included high blood pressure, high cholesterol, pre-diabetes, obstructive sleep apnea, chronic back pain, knee pain, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, hiatal hernia, and others. Since I have a family history of even more severe health issues such as stroke, heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, I saw the writing on the wall. My super morbid obesity was literally killing me, and my future seemed bleak and hopeless. Due to my ever growing weight and developing serious, chronic health conditions which made my life excruciating painful and miserable physically and psychologically, I still had suicidal ideation, conducted detailed research on methods for ending my life, and even began to make active suicide plans. Fortunately, President Barack Obama successfully passed the Affordable Care Act, commonly referred to as “Obamacare.” Obamacare was the first time in my life I had the opportunity to obtain health insurance as an adult. Luckily, I also discovered Dr. Peter C. Ng, MD, FACS, FASMBS at Rex Bariatrics and their amazing UNC Rex Health bariatric surgical team in Raleigh, North Carolina. On Monday, October 6, 2014, I underwent a form of bariatric (weight loss) surgery called the duodenal switch with Dr. Peter Ng at UNC Rex Hospital in Raleigh, North Carolina. Thanks to Dr. Ng and his compassionate bariatric team at UNC/Rex Healthcare, my recovery was finally back on track. Science, not religion, literally saved my life. My closest friends volunteered to help me many times, and they're absolutely critical to my success. Cathy took me to all my doctor’s appointments and was my biggest cheerleader. Joni was another amazing mentor and took excellent care of me at home while I was recovering from surgery. I would not be alive today if it weren't for Barack Obama, Dr. Peter Ng, Cathy, Joni, and other dear friends. I learned how to eat a healthy diet and began an exercise regimen to help take off all the excess weight. I worked tirelessly and pushed myself to the limit in terms of my diet, exercise, and lifestyle transformation. It was very difficult to say the least, but I succeeded, not through prayer or faith in God, but through hard work, sheer will, grit, perseverance, determination, and tenacity. Ultimately, I lost 191 lbs – a weight loss I'm very happy and pleased to report I’ve maintained to this very day. I now weigh 130 lbs, which is exactly what I weighed when I was 18 years old, and I have a very healthy BMI of 21.0. Since I've lost and kept off such a massive amount of weight, I no longer have any of the aforementioned health issues; they’ve all completely resolved themselves, for which I am very thankful. I eat a healthy diet, am physically fit, and lead a physically active, robust lifestyle. My friends lovingly refer to me as the "Energizer Bunny." I am happy and healthy now. I continue to take antidepressant medications and to see my psychiatrist and therapist because major depression is prone to relapse without ongoing treatment. I've developed a strong, iron-clad support system of compassionate, caring, kind, empathetic, generous chosen family and loved ones, all of whom I'm incredibly grateful to have in my life. I do not begrudge faith to people who take comfort in religion; however, the toxic form of Christianity that consumed my childhood nearly ended my life. I was saved by science and human compassion. My will to keep fighting came not from a belief in a reward after death, but from learning of the inherent value each of us has here on earth while we are alive and breathing. I visited my bariatric surgeon Dr. Ng for my annual follow-up visit last year on Wednesday, October 1, 2024. I received my blood work test results, and my labs were "perfect." Every year, Dr. Ng laughingly tells me my blood test results are better than his own! Dr. Ng is, without a doubt, my favorite surgeon since he literally saved my life. I’m exceptionally grateful for him and his expert surgical skills in performing the duodenal switch bariatric weight loss surgery on me, and I’m also tremendously thankful to the entire UNC Health Rex medical team. Sunday, October 6, 2024 marked a significant date in my life; it was my ten-year surgiversary. In case you aren't aware, a surgiversary is the anniversary of a surgery, most commonly associated with bariatric (weight loss) surgery, a medically necessary surgical procedure which profoundly changed my life with the best possible outcome. I’ve been grateful and fortunate to find peace, bliss, happiness, and joy in life without the need for religion or belief in a god or higher power. I absolutely love my life, and I'm beyond excited and thrilled to experience all the fantastic joy and happiness that life has to offer. I finally love and truly believe in myself. I'm an outgoing, hardworking, highly energetic Taiwanese American leader and activist. I’m self-employed and work tirelessly at multiple contract and freelance paid positions. My roles include working as a private military defense contractor with the U.S. Department of Defense by assisting active duty U.S. military personnel with their Mandarin speaking skills at a U.S. military base, as a Mandarin speaking private tutor, as an independent film & media contractor for Rob Underhill Productions, as a freelance writer & editor, and as a social media marketing manager. I'm a multicultural individual with a global mindset. I'm known for my values and strength of character: ethics, integrity, perseverance, resilience, and tenacity. Brimming with confidence, commitment to excellence, fervent drive to succeed, innovative thinking, and positive, can-do, go-getter attitude. My passions and strengths include professional networking, social media marketing, event planning, business development, communication, leadership, writing/editing, and team building. I'm well-connected politically and socially including CEOs, VPs, C-Suite executives, elected government officials, directors, leadership, management, business owners, entrepreneurs, physicians, attorneys, engineers, sales & marketing, real estate brokers, creatives, musicians, artists, innovators, and other powerful community leaders at local, state, and federal government levels, U.S Department of Defense (DoD), Fortune 500 companies, and nonprofits in Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill/RDU/Triangle, North Carolina, United States, Taiwan, China, and elsewhere around the world. I'm passionate about personal growth, living a fulfilling, purposeful life, and highly value community engagement. Most importantly I love volunteering, inspiring and motivating others, “paying it forward,” and having a positive impact on the community and world around me. I spend much of my free time performing charity work, volunteering at my alma mater UNC-Chapel Hill, promoting business owners, and volunteering and canvassing for Democratic politicians and elected government officials at local, state, and federal levels of government. I'm active in volunteering with many nonprofit organizations, mainly secular and non-religious, although I've cultivated and maintained dear, loving friendships with Called to Peace Ministries, a Christian-affiliated nonprofit organization that provides advocacy, education, support, and practical assistance to domestic violence survivors. In addition, I love volunteering to help people who are struggling with their own weight loss challenges, and I always hope my own story will inspire them. The causes I hold closest to my heart are ending domestic violence and abuse, ending poverty, promoting secular humanism, critical thinking, and science education, advocating for separation of church and state, supporting mental health advocacy and research, supporting social, economic, and racial justice and diversity, equity, inclusion, and helping people who are overweight and obese in their journeys to lead healthier, more physically active lives. I'm extremely active politically and have volunteered countless hours for Democratic political candidates' campaigns in Wake County/Raleigh/Triangle/RDU/RTP, North Carolina with their successful election and re-election to elected government office positions. In addition, I'm very active in the secular humanist movement by participating in local, state, and national meetings and conferences with my favorite organizations including The Freethought Society, Recovering From Religion, American Humanist Association, and countless others. I also enjoy volunteering for other liberal, progressive organizations that support ending domestic violence, advocating for mental health, women's rights, gun control, comprehensive sex education, socioeconomic and racial justice, diversity, equity, inclusion, and more. I enjoy cultural arts such as traveling domestically and internationally, learning about different languages and cultures, attending plays/theater and comedy shows, visiting museums, and going to concerts and hearing live music. I've traveled all over the United States, Canada, Mexico, Caribbean, and Asia including Taiwan, Japan, and Singapore. I'm physically active, love adventure, and enjoy experiencing nature and being outdoors. I love spending time in nature and exercising outdoors, especially hiking and ziplining. I've also done parasailing, flyboarding, canoeing, kayaking, sailing, cruising, whitewater rafting, and been given countless opportunities to experience many other awesome adventures I'd never received before. I absolutely live life to the fullest. This is the happiest I've ever been in my entire life, and I want to help others improve their lives and feel the same joy as I do. If I can do it, you can too! Even if life seems bleak and dark and you feel like quitting, DON'T GIVE UP! I promise you, life gets better; I'm living proof of that! I suffered through countless seemingly insurmountable adversities, barriers, challenges, and obstacles in my lifetime, but I also became a more empathetic, compassionate, loving, and kind human being. I'm a resilient and tenacious survivor and thriver. I'm an unstoppable force of nature to be reckoned with; there's absolutely nothing in the world that can stop me. My experiences have made me absolutely fearless: I fear nothing and no one. My long-term goals are to become a published best-selling author, a highly sought after public motivational speaker, and to give TED talks. I want to speak to audiences around the world about my journey, grit, perseverance, resilience, determination, strength, and tenacity, and to inspire and motivate others to do the same. Thanks so much for reading my story; feel free to share if you’d like and reach out to me if I can help! I attached a photo of Dr. Peter C. Ng, MD, FACS, FASMBS and me at UNC Rex Bariatrics Healthcare taken on Wednesday, October 1, 2024. (10-year surgiversary celebration of my duodenal switch, a bariatric surgery that Dr. Ng performed on Monday, October 6, 2014)

I had the DS on October 6, 2014 with Dr. Ng at Rex. My starting weight was 321 lbs, and I'm down to 149 lbs now. I've lost 172 lbs. I'm extremely happy with my surgery and surgeon.

Thank you!

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/clo/4563514653.html I have lots of women's plus size, designer brand dresses for sale. The designer brands I have include Michael Kors, Lauren Ralph Lauren, and Jones New York. Other name brands include Ruby Rd., New Directions, Lennie for Nina Leonard, Jessica Howard, Alex Marie, and more. The majority of the dresses were purchased from Nordstrom, Dillard's, Macy's, and Belk department stores. Sizes range from 1X, 2X, 3X or 18W, 20W, 22W, and 24W. All are gently worn and freshly laundered and in excellent, like-new condition and come from a non-smoking, pet-free home. No stains, holes, tears, rips, or odors. Local to Raleigh buyers only. No shipping and no trying on since we will be meeting in public locations in the Raleigh area for all transactions. Cash only. Serious inquiries only. Dress 1 - SOLD Michael Kors purple short-sleeve, v-neck, faux-wrap jersey dress, size 1X Dress 2 - Michael Kors black short-sleeve, v-neck, faux-wrap jersey dress, size 2X - $25 Dress 3 - Lauren Ralph Lauren deep royal purple, three-quarter-sleeve dress, collar, size 2X - $25 Dress 4 - SOLD Lauren Ralph Lauren deep royal purple and tan floral v-neck jersey dress, size 18W Dress 5 - SOLD Lauren Ralph Lauren blue floral v-neck jersey dress, size 18W Dress 6 - SOLD Lauren Ralph Lauren blue and white stripe, three-quarter-sleeve cotton dress, size 2X Dress 7 - PENDING SALE Jones New York black and tan pattern, short-sleeve, faux-wrap jersey dress, size 3X Dress 8 - SOLD Jones New York black and white floral, short-sleeve, chiffon dress, size 20W Dress 9 - Jones New York vibrant colorful pattern, short-sleeve, faux-wrap jersey dress, size 2X - $25 Dress 10 - Alex Marie purple pattern short-sleeve wrap dress, size 2X - $25 Dress 11 - PENDING SALE Black and gray stripe sleeveless dress, no tag, estimated size 1X Dress 12 - Glamour red and black pattern three-quarter-sleeve dress, size 20W - $15 Dress 13 - PENDING SALE ilu ilu black, blue and white pattern short-sleeve dress, size 3X Dress 14 - Jessica Howard formal black and white sash sleeveless dress, size 20W - $25 Dress 15 - Lennie for Nina Leonard blue, green, white, gray stripe sleeveless maxi dress, size 1X - $25 Dress 16 - MSK black and white pattern three-quarter-sleeve dress, size 1X - $20 Dress 17 - PENDING SALE M.S.S.P. light blue sleeveless dress, size 1X Dress 18 - New Directions blue, green, and white geometric print, elbow-length-sleeve dress, size 18W - $20 Dress 19 - New Directions with flowers gathered in front, fuschia dress, size 20W - $20 Dress 20 - New Directions navy blue and gray pattern sleeveless dress, size 1X - $20 Dress 21 - Ruby Rd blue and white pattern maxi sleeveless dress, size 1X - $20 Dress 22 - Ruby Rd salmon pattern maxi sleeveless dress, size 2X - $20 Dress 23 - Torrid blue dress with black lace shoulders, size 3 = size 22/24W - $15 My cell phone doesn't take the best pics, so I also used photos I found online that exactly match the dresses I have. The colors in the dresses are much richer and vibrant than the ones I took with my phone. Key words: plus sizes, plus sized http://raleigh.craigslist.org/clo/4563514653.html

Hello everyone, My name is Sharon, I live in SW Raleigh near NCSU, and I'm getting the duodenal switch surgery by Dr. Peter Ng at Rex Bariatrics, hoping for August 2014. I would love to attend any local meetings. I also have lots of plus size designer brand clothes that I'm trying to sell. http://raleigh.craigslist.org/clo/4563514653.html Let me know if you're interested. Thank you! Best, Sharon

My ex-friend keeps writing negatively about me on different blogs and web sites because she disagrees with my decision to get weight loss surgery. She made a decision recently to end our friendship when she found out I was getting this surgery. I don't know what my surgery has to do with her. It's my body, not hers. Why does she keep writing about me? I don't understand. Here are the things she's written about me (that I know of): http://fiercefatties.com/2014/06/10/choosing-self-preservation-and-kindness-over-friends/ Choosing Self-Preservation and Kindness Over FriendsI’m fairly picky about my friends, it’s true. I hold my friends to a high standard and any bigotry must go. I’ve ended friendships over sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia/biphobia/transphobia, and, yes, fatphobia. The thing is, most people understand perfectly when you end a friendship because your friend ends up being a racist or a homophobe, but they get all undie-bunched when it comes to choosing friends who are not fatphobic, like this sort of bigotry should be accepted and tolerated with kindness. Which yes, some people can and do, and that’s perfectly fine. Change people from the inside. You go! The thing is, though, you’re also allowed to not have that negativity in your life. For many of us fatties, having fatphobes around constantly bombarding us with body hate, either internalized or directed at us, is extraordinarily triggering. Many of us have experience with eating disorders, many more with disordered eating, and almost all of us, at some point, have hated our bodies. Being around the negativity of weight bigotry can put us in a very bad and very dark place. But, say the haters, you should just deal with it because body hate is perfectly acceptable in our society. Now, I do understand that someone with fat hate issues can’t necessarily be blamed. In a culture that constantly demonizes fat and fat people, how can you really not have fat hate issues unless you’be become Enlightened through education and understanding? It’s tough, and internalized fat hate is society’s fault especially more than the person’s. But that doesn’t mean I have to put myself around it. And this is where the self-preservation and kindness part comes in. I have the right to look after my mental and physical well-being. I have the right to say that enough is enough and that I need positive body influences in my life. You have that exact same right and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Recently, I ended a friendship because this friend decided to get weight loss surgery. She was involved in the Fat Acceptance movement, so it was a double blow and a personal betrayal. I decided that it would be very bad for my health (mental and physical) to watch someone I care about go through that all because of severe internalized fat hate. As someone with a 10-year history of having an eating disorder, I could not watch someone choose what amounts to a medically-induced eating disorder (and, in fact, medical anorexia can be an official side effect of these surgeries). I blogged about this on my personal blog and got bombarded with pro-WLS people calling me sexist slurs, threatening me, and calling me a horrible person/friend, all because I decided to look out for myself. If there’s one thing that I want you to take away from this blog post, it’s that no friendship is worth your mental or physical health. No relationship is worth your health. Period. Now, personally, my friend was completely oblivious to how her actions could effect me at all. I chalk this up to pure self-centeredness, but I have the feeling the rest of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Others’ actions have consequences. They do affect friends, family, and lovers. Your decisions are not made in a vacuum and the consequences of those decisions don’t exist in a vacuum. Your body hate poisons other people. So, be careful who your friends are. If you are the type of person who can stay friends with bigots and try to change them, then more power to you. We need people to change the world from the inside. But if you aren’t, that’s perfectly acceptable too. Never, ever feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You’re totally worth taking care of. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.reddit.com/r/BodyAcceptance/comments/27ski4/choosing_selfpreservation_and_kindness_over/ Too much to copy/paste here ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://fatgirlposing.blogspot.com/2014/05/casualties.html Casualties My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner. My friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder. I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards. Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing. The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer. So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is what she emailed me: ten reasons why you're perfect the way you are and you don't need cosmetic surgery. 1. you're beautiful the way you are: cosmetic surgery can change how you look,but it doesn't change who you are. 2. cosmetic surgery won't fix your self esteem: too many people have thought that it would, but losing weight and looking different won't automatically make you feel better about yourself. you need to do that from the inside and you can do that at any weight. 3. you can be healthy at any size- you have to change your behaviors, not your appearance. currently you don't eat well or exercise and if you lose weight but still don't change those behaviors then you're still going to have issues. Remember that studies show that health problems initially go away during weight loss but very often return because weight does not equal health. 4. this particular type of cosmetic surgery is dangerous. The sleeve is less dangerous than some other methods, but they're all dangerous. There's a laundry list of side effects that i'm sure you've seen, including death. is it really worth it just to look more socially acceptable? 5. you're making a statement: when a fat person decides that being thin is better than being fat and actively tries to change their bodies it makes a statement about all fat people and it makes a social statement. and that is that being thin is better than being fat. 6. people already love you just the way you are: this needs little explanation.. people already care about you, you have no problem finding dates or hook ups. your life isn't hindered by anything except your lack of confidence which won't be fixed by cosmetic surgery. 7. body hate poisons you: work on loving yourself instead of blaming your body 8. your body works hard for you- why abuse it? I apologized to my body a long time ago for the eating disorder I put it through, for the self injury I put it through, for the abuse I put it through. No body should be treated that way. you're willing to mutilate your lovely body and put it through a medically induced eating disorder. why do you feel it deserves that kind of hatred and abuse? 9. it's fatphobic: you know enough about fat acceptance and body politics for me not to need to go into too much detail here. It's related to number 5- you're becoming part of a society that favors thin people over fat people and giving it your seal of approval. that society is not only fatphobic but misogynistic and classist as well. You're choosing to stop fighting against that and to give into it instead. 10. You'll be losing a friend: Because I find WLS to be completely unethical and because I struggled with my own eating disorder for ten years, I can't watch someone purposefully do that to themselves. The body hate, the negativity, and the triggers are just too much for me. Maybe that's not even close to enough to keep you from doing this surgery, but at least I can say I tried. You know that body hate and intentional weight loss go against everything that I stand for. I can't just sit by and watch it happen to someone I care about. I can't do it and I won't. So, while it's your body and your choice, realize that that choice comes with consequences. I'm also allowed to make my own choices for my own mental well being. Literally every time I talked to your or hung out with you it would be heartbreaking and triggering. Friendships shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I would have to end this one.

Yes, she weighs well over 300 lbs and is morbidly obese. She thinks she's healthy though since she eats vegan.

Y'all are right. I've blocked her on Facebook.

I would love to have you as a friend!

I've had a lot of people tell me she's jealous of my getting the surgery and losing weight.

You are right. I did not know about the most recent posting she made on a blog yesterday until a friend saw it and pointed it out to me.

One of my best friends recently found out that I'm in the process of getting bariatric surgery and is vehemently opposed to it. I have to do 6 months of medically supervised weight loss, and I'm hoping to get the surgery in October. She wrote about me on her blog AND emailed me a list of 10 reasons why I should not get the surgery. She calls it "cosmetic" surgery. She no longer wants to be friends with me, and I hate that I'm losing her friendship, but I'm doing this for my health, well-being, and quality of life, NOT to become thin. I have many health problems including obstructive sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, back pain, knee pain, hypothyroidism, prediabetes, fatty liver, etc that I want to get rid of. I also have a family history of stroke, heart disease, and diabetes, which I want to prevent. Those are my reasons for getting the surgery, NOT cosmetic. I know I'm much better off without her negativity, but it's still painful losing a close friend. I've been pretty depressed lately because of this loss. Here is everything she wrote: My heart is heavy today and has been since Saturday when my best friend dropped the bomb that she's getting weight loss surgery. The betrayal, hurt, and anger that I've felt since then is mind boggling. Since becoming involved with fat acceptance I've cut body negative people out of my life. I've surrounded myself with people who are positive and work hard for a wide variety of human and animal rights issues. In other words, good people. Positive people. People who make a difference in the world. So my world was rocked when my best friend, after hiding it from me for months, told me that she was getting cosmetic surgery to become thinner. My friend is the captain of her own underpants and she can get cosmetic surgery if she wants to, of course, but I'm captain of my own underpants as well and I have the right to cut out people who compromise my mental or physical well being. Having gone through a decade long eating disorder where I was constantly praised for starving myself, over exercising, and abusing diet pills, I can't watch someone I care about put themselves through a medically induced eating disorder. I look forward to the day when weight loss surgery is banned as medically unnecessary, dangerous, and bigoted. Weight loss cosmetic surgery represents the extremes that our society will go to to eradicate fat people. For all of the horror that a person feels when they see a very thin person with an ED, it doesn't seem to hold true for fat people with ED's. While I have a lot of personal experience with that, this experience seems to hit closer to home Perhaps because my friend was involved in the fat acceptance community. I thought better of her. Not brainwashed by society's standards. Internalized fatphobia is a horrible thing. The bottom line is that we applaud fat people for doing dangerous, irresponsible, unethical, things that put our lives on the line in the name of thinness. But how would the world react if the opposite were true? If thin people literally risked their lives to become fat because they thought it looked prettier? I have a feeling I know the answer. So, I suppose I've finally experienced a personal casualty in the War On Fat. During my own struggles I came close to losing my life, but this somehow feels so much worse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ten reasons why you're perfect the way you are and you don't need cosmetic surgery. 1. you're beautiful the way you are: cosmetic surgery can change how you look,but it doesn't change who you are. 2. cosmetic surgery won't fix your self esteem: too many people have thought that it would, but losing weight and looking different won't automatically make you feel better about yourself. you need to do that from the inside and you can do that at any weight. 3. you can be healthy at any size- you have to change your behaviors, not your appearance. currently you don't eat well or exercise and if you lose weight but still don't change those behaviors then you're still going to have issues. Remember that studies show that health problems initially go away during weight loss but very often return because weight does not equal health. 4. this particular type of cosmetic surgery is dangerous. The sleeve is less dangerous than some other methods, but they're all dangerous. There's a laundry list of side effects that i'm sure you've seen, including death. is it really worth it just to look more socially acceptable? 5. you're making a statement: when a fat person decides that being thin is better than being fat and actively tries to change their bodies it makes a statement about all fat people and it makes a social statement. and that is that being thin is better than being fat. 6. people already love you just the way you are: this needs little explanation.. people already care about you, you have no problem finding dates or hook ups. your life isn't hindered by anything except your lack of confidence which won't be fixed by cosmetic surgery. 7. body hate poisons you: work on loving yourself instead of blaming your body 8. your body works hard for you- why abuse it? I apologized to my body a long time ago for the eating disorder I put it through, for the self injury I put it through, for the abuse I put it through. No body should be treated that way. you're willing to mutilate your lovely body and put it through a medically induced eating disorder. why do you feel it deserves that kind of hatred and abuse? 9. it's fatphobic: you know enough about fat acceptance and body politics for me not to need to go into too much detail here. It's related to number 5- you're becoming part of a society that favors thin people over fat people and giving it your seal of approval. that society is not only fatphobic but misogynistic and classist as well. You're choosing to stop fighting against that and to give into it instead. 10. You'll be losing a friend: Because I find WLS to be completely unethical and because I struggled with my own eating disorder for ten years, I can't watch someone purposefully do that to themselves. The body hate, the negativity, and the triggers are just too much for me. Maybe that's not even close to enough to keep you from doing this surgery, but at least I can say I tried. You know that body hate and intentional weight loss go against everything that I stand for. I can't just sit by and watch it happen to someone I care about. I can't do it and I won't. So, while it's your body and your choice, realize that that choice comes with consequences. I'm also allowed to make my own choices for my own mental well being. Literally every time I talked to your or hung out with you it would be heartbreaking and triggering. Friendships shouldn't be a negative experience which is why I would have to end this one.

I sent her a message saying that I wish she understood that my reasons for getting the surgery are to improve my health, well-being, and quality of life, not cosmetic and that I wish her all the best. She did not respond to my message. I guess it's over.

Thank you all for your love and support! I appreciate each and every comment! <3