JustWatchMe

Yay!!!!

I had my band placed six months ago. Since then, I have lost somewhat over 90 pounds. I've changed the way I eat, and the way I look at life. I am so happy that the surgery was available to me. I don't know what I would've done if I had continued to live in the food. My life was miserable, and I was merely surviving. Today, I look forward to getting outside to walk every day. I look forward to healthy food. I enjoy foods that I never would have looked twice at before. Hummus? Yes! Delicious! I never thought I would be able to turn away from fried food. But I find myself choosing healthy food over unhealthy food more and more each day. I started the weight loss surgery process one year ago in September. One of the things that was heavy on my mind was what I had to give up. I remember being very sad on Thanksgiving thinking that I was not going to ever be able to indulge in greasy turkey skin again. Yes, I really was depressed about that. What I knew intellectually, but didn't feel in my heart yet, was that by the following Thanksgiving that would not matter. Yes, I knew it in my head. But I was still sad. I was starting a process that was going to leave behind all of my addictive behaviors. I am not the perfect WLS patient. I still want to do things "my way". The difference is, many times now, I will simply follow directions. I still want to do it my way, but many times I am able to say, let's just try it their way. I found myself in a food rut over the past month. I was consistently eating enough junky food that my weight-loss had stalled. My past patterns would have been to give up on myself. Slide back into disordered eating. Hide from everyone. Reach for the food over and over again. Instead, I came here to these boards. I asked some questions. I got some advice. I tried something new. I ditched my scale for a week. I cleaned up my eating. I listened to my body. And maybe most importantly, I found help outside of these boards as well. I go to a few different support groups, not all for weight loss. I find that the phrase, "it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you" applies to me. I am able to look inside, and uncover some of the reasons why I reach for food. Knowing why doesn't solve my problems. But knowing why, acknowledging that, and allowing it to be the truth, helps me to deal with it. If I can identify it, I can change it. Eating my problems away never ate my problems away. It only very temporarily masked my problems from my awareness. When I would come back out of my food coma, my problems were still there, sometimes worse, and I had self blame and shame to add on top of that. Today, my recovery from disordered eating is twofold. I am addressing the underlying reasons for why I reach for food. I am also addressing the physical reality of my disordered eating by allowing the lap band to help me remain in control of my portions. I don't think I could do one without the other and still have success. I am grateful that I don't have to. For any newcomers here, know that there is hope. I am living proof. I have my life back after decades of simply hanging on.

Yes, I'm thinking the raw green Beans may have been a bad start to a small meal.

I have cream in my coffee. Not advising it but that's what I am doing.

Tuesday morning. Oh yeah, I'm hungry. ????

@@Bandista, always listen to your body. You're my inspiration. If 5:2 is triggering old thought processes then it's not the right method for you. But you know that already. ???? Today was Weird with a capital W. I was very stressed out during and after a phone call today and it was bizarre. The phone call used up my entire lunch hour so I couldn't eat my 500 calorie meal then. I had zero hunger either. Kinda spooky. I came home and at 5:30 heated up lean pot roast for dinner and a handful of raw green Beans to munch while it reheated. I only managed to eat 2/3 of the 4 oz of meat and got stuck. Ugh. My band was clearly too tight for the pot roast. I know it's a factor of having eaten nothing all day and the high stress level I had. Slimed, spit up, ugh. Not too much but still. Ironically I'm still not hungry. Last week on Monday night I was dreaming of Tuesday's food. Today nah. I talked to people tonight to get some of the stress out of my system and I also drove my car with the radio blasting and rock music playing. That always helps. At any rate, it is really clear to me that the tiny fill I got in September may not be super restrictive most days, but on stressful days or low food volume days it can be quite restrictive. I'm not going to get a fill in October. This may actually be my green zone. I suppose I should sound happier about that. But realizing it by means of a stuck episode kinda dulls the thrill a bit. Lol. I'm kind of hoping I wake up really hungry tomorrow. Did I say that?

9/01/2014 213.6 9/14/2014 210.2

Happy Slim Sunday! I was nervous about weighing this morning and almost didn't. But I decided before I did that whether it showed a modest or a big loss or even stayed the same, I was determined to stay on course. I feel so good and my jeans were slightly looser yesterday so I was sure I lost something this week. Between one and two weeks ago I was bouncing between 211-216 daily. Last Sunday I weighed 218.2. This morning I weighed 210.2. I've broken through my bouncing range and this is my lowest weight so far. I'm really happy I waited a week to see these results. I'm also more determined than ever to keep eating cleanly and use this 5:2 method. I had a little victory last night. I went to an early movie and didn't buy anything to snack on. As some of you know, I had been in a movie popcorn routine that was doing me no favors. Since I had not had dinner yet and wasn't even hungry, I just told myself if I came out of the movie hungry I could have whatever I wanted for dinner. And I did - low carb and delicious. So much of this battle is fought between the ears. I think this week helped me strengthen some habit muscles that needed a good workout. Off to church, then having breakfast at home, then meeting a friend for coffee at Starbucks. Have great Sunday!

It's now freezing on every attempt to read anything. Can't use it now.

I tried a Jimmy John's Unwich today. Yum! Got my JJ fix.

I'm certainly glad I'm not getting on the scale this morning. Today I'm going to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. And walk, walk, walk. For some reason my arthritis is flaring again. It started yesterday morning in one finger and my knee has been troublesome for about two weeks, but getting worse. The last time I had a horrible flare was after a period of enormous stress in the summer. My body is telling me something. Time to listen. @@Bandista, I give you a lot of credit for handling all the family events you have this summer. I've been blessed to really only have to worry about myself and my own meals. It does make life simpler. This week has been amazing and no matter what the scale shows for me tomorrow morning, I'm going to do this 5:2 again on Monday. It was simple and empowering. Just having a simple plan that has its own built in rewards kept me encouraged all week. So my plan will be to stop eating Sunday by 7pm, and then nothing until my 500 calorie lunch on Monday, and then nothing after that until Breakfast Tuesday. Except coffee with cream. Gotta have my coffee with cream. Enjoy your weekend, everyone. Super Saturday!

Well, I certainly made the most out of my feast day. Anyway, not gonna stress over it. Had a good meal out with my bestie but the drinks just killed the calorie count for the day. I didn't even finish my dinner. I haven't had Pasta in many weeks. Maybe months. Sent a third of the order home with my friend. But those appletinis.... No regrets though.

I had no social confidence when I was at my high weight at age 28. I was confident in my career skills and my intelligence, but not in interactions with people. I could teach a training class and get accolades for my ability to explain concepts, but don't talk to me alone after the class ended. I lost my excess weight in 1988-1989 and everything changed. I was a normal size and my social confidence skyrocketed. I tried new activities and met people. I met my husband and got married. It took a lot of years for all the weight to come back. It took a lot of years for all that confidence to erode. I was still "all that" for quite some time. I was also in denial. Slowly I lost the self confidence I had when I was fit and happy. My marriage deteriorated and I felt powerless in the relationship. I allowed myself to be overridden at every turn. I focused on my children. Life became very miserable. A year ago I decided to get my confidence back. I needed to change my life and in the mental state I was in, that was never going to happen. I remembered the confidence I had when I lost weight years before. I got my band in March this year and made huge life changes in July. I am taking my life a day at a time now but slowly my confidence is coming back. For me it is not only about appearance. When I am obese I am also in a food coma every night and I am "checking out" of life. When I am eating clean and taking care of myself I am fully present and proud of myself. Yes, my size is part of that but it's so much more than size. I don't ever want to feel "less than" again. I've learned that how I treat myself ultimately teaches others how they can treat me. And they are going to treat me well, or they will be out of my life.

I lost 130 pounds over two years by diet and exercise at age 28. I got down to 156 pounds and got married. I gained 11 pounds on my honeymoon and never saw 156 again. Fast forward a couple of decades, a couple of kids, dozens of diets and pills and rounds of Weight Watchers, and many more pounds lost and regained. This March I was banded. I lost 50 pounds before my first fill. I follow the plan most days pretty well and I'm down over 80 pounds. Halfway to goal. The difference is this time those pounds are not coming back. I'm 53 years old and I've been there and done that. I want a life. I'm getting one.

It just rebooted after I sent that post. Grrrrrrr

Hi Alex, I don't know why, but for the last day or so the freezing and crashing has gotten much worse. I'll be reviewing threads in Participated and often when I reply or like, it will freeze. Nothing gets it going again except closing and restarting the app. Sometimes it happens even when I'm only reading the posts and not interacting with them. Also, I've noticed the screen jumping constantly as if it was refreshing all the time. Very very annoying because it is so hard to read as it jumps and refreshes. I didn't notice these problems several days ago. Weird.

@@intelirish, congrats on the progress! For me I have been so glad to not get on the scale. I probably will do it on Sunday because I'm so curious, but I feel so much better that I'm sure some weight has come off. Also with a weekly weigh in on Sunday I know my results aren't going to be reflective of any immediately previous fast. Sunday morning is after two days of regular eating. I got hungry after all this morning and lunch is not for two more hours. So I had some almonds, measured out and counted. The almonds are 240 calories and my breakfast was only about 90 calories. No wonder I was hungry. Drinking my Water with the flavor drops. It's so easy to drink a lot of water that way. I don't know why I resisted them this long.

@@Bandista, a 5k! Wow! Hey take those cheers and clapping. You deserve them! You've inspired me today. I need to up my exercise, crappy knees and all.

Fun Friday! I'll have to be careful today. lunch with coworkers followed by evening dinner and drinks with some friends. I didn't plan it both for the same day, but that's how it evolved. So glad it's not a fasting day! Odd thing is I was quite hungry last night and totally expected to wake up ravenous. Nope. Normal mild hunger waking up. I had some lean beef slices for breakfast and I'm getting ready for my coffee now. This week was much easier than I thought it would be.

I went out for awhile and I feel better now. Word to the wise. Don't go grocery shopping late on a fast day. I had to go because I was out of dog food. But sheesh. It was hard. I bought some veggies and hummus and promised myself I could have them at breakfast if I really wanted to! Oh and I bought some Dasani Drops water enhancers. Pineapple Coconut and Strawberry Kiwi. The pineapple coconut one is yummy and I pretended I was having myself a piña colada. Ok folks, time for bed!

Ok, well, I had all my food at lunch today and came in for the day just under 500 calories. I have been totally pumped up all day and feeling skinnneeeeee. I even went to Target to try on jackets, and I'm down from a 3x or 4x to a 1x. I actually didn't buy one because I didn't care for the styles. Omg. That's new. Before, if something fit, I bought it in three colors just to be safe. Black, black and black. And then. Then I heard back from my divorce attorney about a legal question I had today and without going into specifics, my emotions got all worked up and I'm feeling like $#!t. Like Pavlov's dog, I want food. Head hunger. I was feeling great. I was feeling happy. Then I felt like crap. And I want to eat. I'm not going to eat. I'm going out for awhile. I took a walk and I'm going to finish this day strong like it started. Living well is the best revenge. I'm going to live well!

Oh yeah. Don't come between me and my special food. Grrrrr......

Oh I miss my Jimmy Johns. Unwich? No bread?

Dammit, I am crying at work. Thanks @@SillyAuntDi! You're beautiful and a true inspiration.

When you freely discuss your BMs with strangers on the internet