thesundancekid

Well Well Well..... It’s been 9 months (roughly) since I had my surgery on 5/22/13. That’s enough time to have gestated and given birth to a baby --- I am 105 lbs lighter. That would have been a really big baby! LOL
 
First – I will say -- the weight loss is slowing down, it is much more irregular. And, my eating is much more, shall we say, irregular as well. So it’s not the weight loss slowing down all on its own. I take some responsibility. I have gotten more lax in some ways. Still don’t eat very much in the way of bread, no rice, no pasta. Those things just no longer appeal to me. Which is – shocking! I never would have dreamed of that! And this will be my saving grace in the long run I bet. But I’ve had sweets here and there. And more cheese than I should have. Time to get a handle on that. I’m not in denial about it, and I have goals to reach so dammit I will do what it takes!
 
The weight loss began to slow a couple of months ago --- it was bound to happen and I expected it. I went all that time with no real stalls at any point. Funny thing is – I swear I lose a bunch in inches when the scale is NOT moving much. I’m sooooo glad I took my measurements and logged them into spark people way back in the beginning, because when the scale isn’t moving I can see that my circumference is getting smaller I have lost – gulp --- 15 inches off my waist and 14 inches off my hips. WOW.
 
I do have more of an appetite now. Nowhere near where it was before, thank GOD. But some days I have to catch myself grazing. So, when I began to struggle a bit I decided to try what a lot of vets are trying, the 5:2 plan. I am going to put something out here that on the regular board may invoke an uprising, but this is my blog, so I want to put forth this theory: the 5:2 plan has been bad for me.
 
I have been reading on the boards the vets raving about the 5:2 ( 5 days of normal eating and 2 intermittent days of really low calorie “fasting” days) and I think it harkens back to my old unhealthy eating habits so much so that it has caused me some problems. I have tried it for the last few weeks, because I could sense that my weight loss was slowing down (as it naturally does when you get closer to goal).
 
Well it has really felt like my old days of strict dieting and then going a bit crazy on the non-fasting days. I think falling into this pattern is to blame for my weight loss to stagnate further than it would otherwise have. I think I need to get back to a consistent and reasonable, healthy daily diet routine. With an occasional treat meal. Now, the vets out there who love 5:2 --- well it seems to be working great for them and I don’t fault them a bit for doing it. I just think for me, it is too similar to my old disordered way of eating. The thing is that I believe in 5:2 in theory, and I know that the 5 non fasting days doesn't mean these are Go Crazy days. It's just that for me, the 2 fasting days trigger me in such a way that I can easily go crazy on the non fasting days. It isn’t going to be something that works for me, at least at this point in my journey. It seems to work for me as a maintenance tool – I have stayed in roughly the same place for several weeks lol.
 
And an interesting thing I want to comment on with clothing and sizes. I weigh 184 today. Fifteen years ago I was (briefly) at my Weight Watchers goal weight of 165. I wore a size 10 then. Today, I am also in a size 10. Which means that when I get down to 165, surely I will be in at least an 8? So I can’t figure out if I am actually smaller this time due to more exercise and having more lean muscles this time (muscle weighs more than body fat) or is this vanity sizing in action? My husband says it’s probably a little of both….
 
Another funny thing with clothing and the body dysmorphic disorder that losing a lot of weight fairly quickly can bring on: when I go to put on my size 10 jeans, and they look so impossibly small in my hands that I think there is NO WAY these are going to fit or even come up my thighs let alone over my hips and be able to be buttoned. But then, as I put my feet in the pants legs, one at a time, the seemingly tiny jeans seem to grow until they do indeed effortlessly slide up my legs, over my hips and are easily buttoned. It's like some crazy movie special effects. It is a very strange visual phenomenon! I know my mind is playing tricks on me. I wonder how long this will last?
 
Anyways, I am still SO grateful to have had this life changing opportunity. Couldn’t be happier with the results, and I know the journey continues. I am committed to the process and to myself
 
Onward!