Well after 7 weeks and an already monumental transformation of both weight and body shape as well as the nagging from my wife over the past two weeks in regards to how silly I look in my old "Fat" clothes I submitted and went shopping for my first new wardrobe (I say first as I think there'll likely be another new one before this is all finished!!).
I was sleeved on the 19th Dec '13 and well there's been as many difficult moments as happy ones, it's a huge transition to make and bad habits die hard. My overriding decision to have this surgery though still holds true now because it was those choices that put me where I was, but not only the choices but the amount that I poured down my throat.................Now whether I want to or not my body simply will not tolerate it and to go against it means I actually lose a meal and those very important nutrients I need because too much now spells a trip to the toilet and a vomiting session. It's now been 2 weeks since my last session like that and i'm now both confident and comfortable in what I can eat, I've learnt to listen to my body where before I reacted through my eyes.
I began as slave to the scales as all of us overweight people do jumping on every other day looking for that high generated from declining numbers, but then had two episodes where the number actually went up yet I knew within myself I was slimmer. It's now been 2 weeks since I last stepped onto the scales and I don't care what the numbers might say I know I've lost further weight and my biggest confirmation came over the weekend shopping for some new work and casual clothes.................
At the commencement of my journey middle November '13 my clothing sizes were as follows:
As I said I knew and felt that I had dropped weight but us "Fat" people still look in the mirror and only see that Fat person we've known for so many years and don't register the new person emerging. So therefore I kept on wearing the big clothes, over sized t-shirts etc and would close my belt an extra loop each week or so. My wife kept telling me I needed to get some new clothes as i looked ridiculous in my old stuff. So finally I relented as I said above and cleaned out my old stuff of which I had to agree did now feel and look silly (some stuff was tight 3 mths ago and now are huge on me!!!).
It's been over 15yrs since I was able to walk into a department store and shop from the rack, years...... My wife made it clear that we would not be just selecting the size I believed I was, we would be trying everything on and purchasing what fits firmly now to cope with the additional losses still to come...................My "Fat" mind was saying sure, sure this is gonna be a shameful and fruitless exercise, but I humored her and said ok.
And here are my results.....................
About 3/4 through this expedition I stopped and remarked to my wife that I was struggling to believe what was happening and was actually a little emotional, of course in the back of my mind I fantasized about being that slim person but you all know the drill after trying and failing for so many years it felt just that, a fantasy. But to actually now see the changes and feel the changes and see the sizes on the labels of the clothes was simply crazy I just couldn't comprehend it...............I can now though and I am so grateful I decided to take this step and am thrilled at the man emerging from that great shadow cast by the guy that occupied my body before........................
My surgery date is March 12th. So grateful to have the date and in many ways I wish it was sooner and yet I'm glad for preparation time.
I know people that have had bariatric surgery of one sort or another and I seen their - well - their lack of success. Both have gained back all of their weight. One person is working to restore her health, the other isn't.
In this past year I've examined obesity. What keeps people obese? Why is losing weight so hard? Why is keeping it off harder? I'm closer to some of those answers but not totally clear on all of it yet - if I ever will be.
A part of my decision making on have a lap-band put in is that I want to better understand the psychological reasons for why I do what I do? And I decided that for me, the connection I must make is with a therapist, a doctor, and as I progress with both of those - surgery.
Interestingly enough - the people that I do know that have eaten around their surgery had limited support. Both people had their surgery away from their homes and struggled to find outside support. I know I have to take full advantage of the support I have at home and with my team.
Do you think support groups and some sort of team support has helped you?
MandieClick reacted to shaynem for a blog entry, The new man in the mirror..........