rouquinne

I joined this site a few years ago because I finally made it to the contestant pool for Jeopardy and saw the horrible comments made online about women who appear on the show - especially the larger women. At my insistence, my family doctor referred me to the WLS program in Windsor, Ontario.
The experience was horrible and I ended up getting booted from the program before I even got started.
In the intervening 3 years, I've done nothing for myself.
I haven't had a relationship (or sex) since February 2009, a 2-month relationship that started a year after I was dumped by my fiance. Since then, I've gone on a few dates here and there. Only 2 people have seriously expressed interest in me and I didn't believe a word because I don't believe in myself.
Internet dating is the worst as an overweight woman pushing 60. Men are cruel to you.
Last summer, one of the 2 people who expressed interest made overt physical overtures and I couldn't go through with it. We went out 2 weeks ago and he met my two BFFs. Today he told me he wants to date the single one.
She's 4 foot 11 and weighs 100 pounds. I'm 5 foot 2 and weigh 250.
I told him I can't speak to him anymore; I feel like every time he called me beautiful was a lie.
Last December, I was contacted by someone I went to high school with; we went on a couple of dates that went nowhere. I told him that I was no longer the slender with big boobs brunette he knew. He said it didn't matter. We finally went out for a Saturday in mid-January, after 3 to 5-hour long conversations every night for weeks. He said that he could move anywhere in Canada with his new job and could live here (he's in Toronto, 2 hours away). We spent an entire day talking and talking and talking.
And then.... nothing.
He claimed he had an anxiety attack and withdrew completely. And I have no idea why. Was he repulsed by my size, change his mind??? *sigh*
So now, I find myself here, contemplating surgery to lose weight, because I hate myself so much again....
I would wait until everything was done, weight gone, plastic surgery out of the way. And probably a long stretch of therapy to work on the complete lack of self-esteem.