1Cor2:9

I have BCBS IL HMO. At the moment I may need to pay $158 for the cost of my room. Everything else was covered by my insurance and for that I am thankful. I have had no co-pay for follow up visits.

Presently, I am ten weeks post op. During this whole process I have lost sixty pounds. This seems like a lot and yet not at the same time. I did not have any major complication in the hospital or since. I did have one incision that took several weeks to close. I would love to have lost 100 lbs in the first six months, but if not I know any loss is a gain. I, like many others, have started to have hair loss as a result of my surgery. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, it could be worse and I have not lost any locs. However, I do not like how things look. I hope the hair returns quickly rather than slowly. But one does not have control over that. I have not experienced any regret over having surgery. I still wonder from time to time if I am going to make it. Having said that I have not given up. Anytime a person has a long term goal there will be concerns about if success will happen in the end. The things I have noticed that have improved are I have less pain in my right knee (I had surgery on my left knee twice as a child, so it is by default weaker), I use my asthma medication less, I do not feel like I am going to die when I walk up stairs, I feel I can move my body much faster than before, I save money on grocery shopping, and so on. People ask me about food temptations and to be honest they are not that bad. I can bake a cake for someone's birthday and not be tempted. I can be around people eating all kinds of unhealthy things and not be concerned. Most of my head hunger does not linger and I quickly disregard it. I think it was helpful that I took the time to learn about head hunger and emotional eating before surgery. I also gave up sweets and junk food before my liquid diet and I think the practice has been helpful. Besides eating now is no longer fun, so the lost of the fun factor has helped as well. I have 45 more pounds to go before I hit 200. I am interested to see how my body will be at that time. How will I look? How will I feel? Well, I have to get ready to meet up with a friend, but I wanted to share, if even a little, about how things are going for me.

To exercise or to not. It would seem that in the bariatric world there are two camps. Camp Exercise and Camp No Exercise. For me personally, I knew that once I had VSG that I wanted to exercise to decrease loose skin and to be physically strong. I am not interested in being a small weak person. I also discovered that exercising helps to boost my energy. Having said all that I know that some following their surgery may not be physically able to exercise or at least right away. For those in the other camp I have nothing against them, but I want exercise to be a part of my journey. What do you think? Should we exercise or not? I know some of you may want to comment with well as long as you are eating right that is important. I agree, but this posting is not about the eating aspect of losing weight, but exercising and physical activity. Lastly, I have a dread someone is going to write something along the lines of judging others and what not. There is no judgment here or at least not from me. I am simply stating what I think is best for me and would like to hear others thoughts on the same topic. And go

Hello, I am in! My starting weight is 245. My goal is 230. Thanks!!!

I have read that in order for an obese individual to lose weight they must exercise at 250 minutes per week. So if you are exercising less than 50 minutes a day it may not be enough. Unless you have recently switched to a new exercise routine then you may need to ease into at first. You may want to increase you exercise time and see if that helps. Hang in there you are going to make it! It may not seem like it, but in time it will.

I agree, but I can also say for myself that the things that tend to disgust me about people usually not their physical appearance. I imagine that will continue. I am not judging my surgery buddy I just do not agree. I live in Chicago and take public transit. I see all kinds of people on a regular basis and usually when I see people that leave me wanting it is because of how they treat others. I do not see people judging others. Besides I am in the 240s I still got plenty of fat, so what right would I have to look on another with disdain? Again I am not looking down on those who are passing judgment or on those that society would deem worthy of judging. I'm just saying I do not feel that way and I hope that I do not.

I had a conversation with my surgery buddy in which she said that when she now sees larger people, larger meaning bigger than herself, she feels disgusted. She asked me if I feel the same and I replied no. When I see people who are bigger than me I feel sorry for them and at the same time thankful that the Lord gave me the opportunity for change. The formally fat, losing the fat, fat shaming other fat people? It seems a sad lot to me.When I am get to 150 lbs I am still going to be a fat person. One of my goals as I am on this journey is to not judge others along the way. What are you thoughts about this? Is it fitting to treat people who are big with disdain as we lose ours?

No problem. I apologize for my poor word choice. I am good. I am somebody regardless of what my body may or may not look like. I thank you for the concern. Hey, my period was on its way I was feeling a little tender emotionally. lol!

Perhaps disappointed would have been a better word. I did not feel unworthy of love or any of the rest that you posted. I like to exercise a certain number of days a week and when I had not done that I was not happy about it.

Thank you. It is hard to envision something that one has never seen. I have been have since the age of 6. That means I have been heavy for almost 30 years and way more than half my life. So I am with you I think it is a natural insecurity. However, I press on because I have not finished this race. We are going to make. Even when I have that thought I do not give up.

Hello, I realized based on the post of the weekend I need to stick to posting things that are more in line with why I am on BP. With that said I that I would create post that could spark interesting dialogue. Or at least that is my hope. With that said, here I go. I watch large amounts of youtube videos. One channel I follow is clusie l. She has VSG and is three years out. Recently she posted a video discussing the idea that when a person, read woman, is obese that certain aspects of her personality maybe overshadowed by the extra weight. I found this to be interesting. I spent sometime pondering if this is/will be true of me. I feel it is a little to soon for me to really tell, but my guess would be no. Again the title is what y'all think? A link to the video is below. Was this your experience? https://youtu.be/8XBZ0KVx_H4

I weighed myself this morning and I was 247. Not exactly my goal, but any loss is a gain. Maybe I will be somewhere in the 230's by the end of the month. To everyone that worked hard over the last few weeks keep it up. We are going to make it.

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs to adhere as best they can to what their medical team has advised. That is my plan. However, as I said before I had bad week. Part of me processing that week is to express it. That's it. For me I just want to make sure I am exercising because I want to be a healthy size and strong. One week off course does not throw off the whole journey. I think we would agree on that. So, yup I am going to continue to do as my team has told me. And you are right again in that there will be other weeks. But being struck down for one week does not mean I am destroyed.

I thank you for this. I think it is normal to ponder and wonder if some can be achieved that has never been achieved. I agree with you that the way in which to contend with the doubt is to press on. The more we fight for a better body and so on I can and will diminish the voice that is saying, but "what if you do not make it?" I am glad you do not see me as a martyr I was not trying to even suggest I was. I think in our society women are groomed to not express or even have negative feelings. We are supposed to be upbeat and what not. If one of us opens ups and says something otherwise we bash her. I guess she has low self esteem or she trying to hold on to the shame. Last week was rough, but it was not the roughest I have faced or will face. I was ashamed, or rather disappointed, that I did not do as well as I wanted that's okay if God gives me another week to live then I can turn that boat around. Sometimes in life one is struck down, but that does not mean they are destroyed. I applaud you for not giving up! We are going to make it.

Indeed. I think if people were to read all my post that can fairly say I am not judging people. In regards to the slathering/spariningly people are always free to read or not read, right?

@@LipstickLady I will take it into consideration.

@@OutsideMatchInside, I have heard you. If I am understanding you correctly you think I should have kept quite after the first post. I see some truth in that. And you are right I can ignore or take a break. Both are reasonable. I see your side. At the same time you said you are tired of reading my post with God mentioned. Could you have taken a break? I hope that did not come across as attitude. I am just trying to make a point. Anyways, I was not sure if you would respond and I am glad you did. You gave me something to think about and that is never a bad thing. Lastly, I am going to keep mentioning God in my post. Not because I am trying to offend. Your right I am a hypocrite along with the other 99% of humanity! lol But God is good and He is more than worth of my mention even if I make some not too graceful decisions. I hope we can dialogue in the future. Have a good day.

I hope at least one person got a laugh out of the title. This post mentions God. Please do not read if you do not want to read about God. Someone today informed me that they wished I would stop mentioning God in all my post. This post is to explain why I often mention God in my post. Before I begin all humans that have grace this earth or will are in some way shape or form a hypocrite. Sadly it is part of the human condition. So I will admit that in some areas of my life that word would be fitting. My BP name is 1 Cor. 2:9. First Corinthians 2:9 states “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him" Through the gift of my surgery God is going to bring about something new and He is has already started that work. I am not going to lose weight because of surgery, exercise, or even diet but through the work He is going to do in my life. I have been heavy since a child. My fat is so old it expired! ha So when God does the necessary work to do away with all that weight it is certainly going to be a new thing. My mentioning the Lord in my post is not an attempt to be perfect or to sound perfect, but to be honest about who I am and and the work that is taking place in my life. I am very much thankful for this opportunity. I got my rough Patches and spot, but I am still very grateful. He did not have to make a way for me to have surgery, but He did. I so I am going to smear Him on many of my post. God not only is a part of this journey, but He is the one has made it possible to start and will bring it to its conclusion.

Communication and social media are two very interesting things. I would like to first say thank you to everyone that sent encouraging words regarding the first post. I am thankful for your willingness to be helpful. Second this post will be an attempt to clear up somethings. I have seem to set off some fires with some and I hope this will make things better. Personal disclaimer- I am about say something that I may fail at sometime down the road. When I read things online especially social media I take into consideration one unshakable truth-- I simply do not know the whole story. I only know a snap shot at best. I get it we read something and it triggers some sort emotional response. The problem is that emotional response is often very much blind sided. This last week was rough for many reasons. To be clear I am not going to spell out the all details, but just take my word for it was. I did not exercise as often as I know I should. I was not happy about that. I felt a bit of shame about how my week went. Some of things that went down were squarely my fault, i.e. lack of exercise, and others were not. Part of my processing of that feeling was expressing it through a post. After my post I looked online to see if I could find suitable exercise ball DVDs. I found one. Sometime over the weekend I am going to buy. I am excited about using an exercise ball because it seems fun. I thought you know maybe you need to move on from the Leslie Sansone. That is the plan for this upcoming week. In the midst of the shame I decided maybe I should try some seat exercising so that while I am watching a video or movie I can still get my fitness on. I found a video that I thought I could use for that. I once read in one of the bariatric books that if you fail at a goal, just make another one. So even though I was not pleased with how last week went I knew on the other side of the shame I would regroup and make another goal. My shame did not tempt me to throw in the towel or self hate. I do not think it is a sign of low self esteem. Even with the unpleasant feelings I did not come to the conclusion that I hate myself. If I offended you with the last This Week I Failed, I apologize. Just simply realize this: --Snap shots are simply that --Shame is an emotional not a mark of ones moral standing/personality --I'm fine --I got me a plan together --This is not a self esteem issue

@@OutsideMatchInside If you do not like reading my post feel free to not read. Again this reply is not an answer to any of the questions I posed you.

To be fair I am just trying to be honest about who I am as a person. I agree that being a "good" Christian, whatever that means, is not wearing one's faith as a cloak. I am not sure how I am cramming things down people's throats if we are all free to read or not read as we chose. I am not sure how I am being a hypocrite, but if you would like to explain your view further I will read it. Also, I am willing to hear your thoughts on how my attitude is crappy. I am just not getting your point and sense you took the time to respond to what I read I am sure you want me to understand. If you do not respond to my questions that is fine, but remember this you are free to not read or comment on anything I post. And in my opinion is one is free to do or not do something there is no force.

Yeah stalls do indeed kill, but we can resurrect ourselves from that grave! Haha Good for acknowledging how you feel. I had my first a few weeks ago and I know more are going to happen. Although it is hard I try to just focus on what I have lost so far. There is less of you than there was before, right? Can I get an amen on that?! lol I do not fully understand why stalls happen, but you are pressing on so that the stall does not become your permanent. That is also good. I read that sometimes there is a stall at week eight I might be in the same boat as you soon.

Indeed. I am simply trying to say we have to be careful. Anytime I read a post no matter if it is here or somewhere else I have to be honest about the limits of the information I receive. If I do not have all the information then I have to acknowledge any assessment I make is going to be somewhat blinded. Someone telling me, "you need to work on your self esteem." Is short sighted. And that is what I took offense to mostly. Just as someone is free to say that. I should be free in response to say what I think. I agree that no one has the right to tell someone how to feel. Your feelings are your feelings. You get to choose how you express them or share them. But, no one has the right to tell someone how to respond. You can ask nicely, but ultimately, it is up to you to choose how you react to that response. Giving and receiving advice and constructive criticism is a skill. In my opinion, it is a skill that we all improve at with experience, practice, and effort. Especially, on the receiving end. When I pray for guidance or wisdom, God's answers sometimes comes from the most unlikely place and in unexpected ways. Being willing to listen to feedback is a gift. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

I will keep that in consideration.

I suppose it is just a difference of perspective. I would not feel comfortable telling someone I did not know well based on a snap shot they had self esteem issues. I feel that is judgmental and a little short sighted. I also think telling some one how it feel is often not helpful or needed in most situations. As you said this is an open forum. We should feel free to disagree or agree with someone. Is that snark because I disagree? When I post something am I just suppose to agree with everything or just say nothing? Snark in my humble opinion is when a person is trying to be hurtful. I am just trying to defend myself. Perhaps shame was the wrong word. Perhaps I should not have felt bad about how last week went, but I can stand up for myself and say that I do not have low self esteem. I did not say anything negative about anyone in a manner that is personal, but I can stand up for myself. With due respect, please explain why this is snark.