patrice1

I am scheduled for June 20th. It cannot come any too soon! All the best, everyone!

June 20th is going to be here before I know it ... it really helps just to think of so many of us going through this surgery at the same time. It is scary, but it is far more frightening for me to remain at this weight (and growing). I have been practicing with chewing my food more slowly, sipping Water, trying out various shakes .... a lot of what you all are doing. I did start the Vitamin regimen already. I am also watching You Tube videos. I am excited for me and for all of us.

June 20th is going to be here before I know it ... it really helps just to think of so many of us going through this surgery at the same time. It is scary, but it is far more frightening for me to remain at this weight (and growing). I have been practicing with chewing my food more slowly, sipping Water, trying out various shakes .... a lot of what you all are doing. I did start the Vitamin regimen already. I am also watching You Tube videos. I am excited for me and for all of us.

Im scheduled June 20th very excited!!

June 20th is going to be here before I know it ... it really helps just to think of so many of us going through this surgery at the same time. It is scary, but it is far more frightening for me to remain at this weight (and growing). I have been practicing with chewing my food more slowly, sipping Water, trying out various shakes .... a lot of what you all are doing. I did start the Vitamin regimen already. I am also watching You Tube videos. I am excited for me and for all of us.

Dear Sharon -
It is very painful to be rejected by someone you thought was your best friend. It adds pain upon the pain you already feel about your health and what, as you said, prompted you to take this step for your health. That is unfair of her. A true friend, even if they disagreed, would support your decision anyway. They would support your right to make your own choices. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. What I see here is that she projected all her anger about the "politics" of being overweight on to you. She made this a "cause" rather than seeing your heart, and the difficulty and struggle it no doubt took for you to make this decision, and one that is right for you!
None of this violates some political code of ethics about fat acceptance. Of course we are beautiful and wonderful. But the weight threatens that because it threatens our health. For me, I have written that the larger I get, the less of me there is - of my life, my future, and my ability to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given.
She also did not do the research to learn about weight loss surgery and why it is being done. She would have realized that insurance companies would love to paint surgery as only cosmetic and not have to pay for it if in fact it were only cosmetic. Rather, it is a serious surgery that is only undertaken when the weight of an individual is threatening their life and survival. Let's put it bluntly, because that is what it is. I know that this is the reason I am getting the surgery, because my health and life, physically, mentally, and emotionally is impacted.
I know you have expressed the same. It takes courage for anyone to choose the surgery and no one does it lightly. I had to work through feeling like a failure because I had to resort to surgery when all other repeated attempts to lose weight failed. (I no longer think that, of course). Some people, who are ignorant of this path and don't take the time to educate themselves, think that it is the "easy way out." I had friends say to me,"If you have to exercise and eat small portions anyway, why don't you do it without the surgery?" Or another friend said, "I am just naturally disciplined," in her response to me, implying I am not and that's why I am resorting to this. However, they all are supporting me whether they agree with it or not. I see that most people see us through their own lens of who they are, and what they think - whether negative or positive. When things work out with this (and they will) no one will remember their critique, they will only see how healthy and happy I am. The results will speak for themselves, I don't have to. I also look at it as a way of "educating" those who don't understand the surgery or the reasons for it.
And I won't post much in response to your friend's arguments about eating disorders, except to say that weight loss surgery can be a viable tool in the treatment arsenal (in alignment with other therapeutic options) to help control eating disorders and food addictions, as well. Is it right for everyone? Of course not. Is surgery itself "imposing an eating disorder" as she said? Well, she's entitled to her opinion, but as a binge eater and compulsive overeater, I need the restriction my new stomach will give me if I get off track. I am also in therapy and will remain. Your friend may have her ideas on how to treat her own eating disorder, but to assume that her way is the only way to treat that is arrogant and ignorant.
Someday, your friend will see the results. Perhaps she may learn from your experience and become a better person and friend (learn some compassion for one thing, and stop projecting her own negativity on others). Some day, if she is a true friend, she will apologize for what she said. But regardless of what she does or does not do, you will know you made the right decision for you and it will more than pay off. We overweight people get a thick skin (no pun intended, lol) because people say a lot of insensitive things to us. I think we all use that skill we've acquired to toughen up with the amazing courage, hope, and positivity it takes to have the surgery, to bet on our future, to know that we are worth doing this - more than worth it. It is actually a step we take because we value ourselves, and not, as your friend accused, because we are vain, shallow, or think we are worthless being fat.
I am sorry for this long response, but I really felt for you on what you are going through. One of the things I have seen through the forums and on You Tube videos is the impact that this decision will have on relationships. People have said they moved away from relationships that no longer served them, or those that did not treat them well. I am already doing that, and you are too. I think that your friend's true colors are coming out, and saved you the trouble of ending it yourself later. We are all changing, but the regard and love that true friends have for each other does not change. For those that do, as your friend painfully showed, I am glad you are choosing yourself instead. Now that is a sign of healthy self-acceptance!
All the best to you, and to meeting so many new friends! You deserve friends like that, because that's who you are.
Patrice

Dear Sharon -
It is very painful to be rejected by someone you thought was your best friend. It adds pain upon the pain you already feel about your health and what, as you said, prompted you to take this step for your health. That is unfair of her. A true friend, even if they disagreed, would support your decision anyway. They would support your right to make your own choices. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. What I see here is that she projected all her anger about the "politics" of being overweight on to you. She made this a "cause" rather than seeing your heart, and the difficulty and struggle it no doubt took for you to make this decision, and one that is right for you!
None of this violates some political code of ethics about fat acceptance. Of course we are beautiful and wonderful. But the weight threatens that because it threatens our health. For me, I have written that the larger I get, the less of me there is - of my life, my future, and my ability to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given.
She also did not do the research to learn about weight loss surgery and why it is being done. She would have realized that insurance companies would love to paint surgery as only cosmetic and not have to pay for it if in fact it were only cosmetic. Rather, it is a serious surgery that is only undertaken when the weight of an individual is threatening their life and survival. Let's put it bluntly, because that is what it is. I know that this is the reason I am getting the surgery, because my health and life, physically, mentally, and emotionally is impacted.
I know you have expressed the same. It takes courage for anyone to choose the surgery and no one does it lightly. I had to work through feeling like a failure because I had to resort to surgery when all other repeated attempts to lose weight failed. (I no longer think that, of course). Some people, who are ignorant of this path and don't take the time to educate themselves, think that it is the "easy way out." I had friends say to me,"If you have to exercise and eat small portions anyway, why don't you do it without the surgery?" Or another friend said, "I am just naturally disciplined," in her response to me, implying I am not and that's why I am resorting to this. However, they all are supporting me whether they agree with it or not. I see that most people see us through their own lens of who they are, and what they think - whether negative or positive. When things work out with this (and they will) no one will remember their critique, they will only see how healthy and happy I am. The results will speak for themselves, I don't have to. I also look at it as a way of "educating" those who don't understand the surgery or the reasons for it.
And I won't post much in response to your friend's arguments about eating disorders, except to say that weight loss surgery can be a viable tool in the treatment arsenal (in alignment with other therapeutic options) to help control eating disorders and food addictions, as well. Is it right for everyone? Of course not. Is surgery itself "imposing an eating disorder" as she said? Well, she's entitled to her opinion, but as a binge eater and compulsive overeater, I need the restriction my new stomach will give me if I get off track. I am also in therapy and will remain. Your friend may have her ideas on how to treat her own eating disorder, but to assume that her way is the only way to treat that is arrogant and ignorant.
Someday, your friend will see the results. Perhaps she may learn from your experience and become a better person and friend (learn some compassion for one thing, and stop projecting her own negativity on others). Some day, if she is a true friend, she will apologize for what she said. But regardless of what she does or does not do, you will know you made the right decision for you and it will more than pay off. We overweight people get a thick skin (no pun intended, lol) because people say a lot of insensitive things to us. I think we all use that skill we've acquired to toughen up with the amazing courage, hope, and positivity it takes to have the surgery, to bet on our future, to know that we are worth doing this - more than worth it. It is actually a step we take because we value ourselves, and not, as your friend accused, because we are vain, shallow, or think we are worthless being fat.
I am sorry for this long response, but I really felt for you on what you are going through. One of the things I have seen through the forums and on You Tube videos is the impact that this decision will have on relationships. People have said they moved away from relationships that no longer served them, or those that did not treat them well. I am already doing that, and you are too. I think that your friend's true colors are coming out, and saved you the trouble of ending it yourself later. We are all changing, but the regard and love that true friends have for each other does not change. For those that do, as your friend painfully showed, I am glad you are choosing yourself instead. Now that is a sign of healthy self-acceptance!
All the best to you, and to meeting so many new friends! You deserve friends like that, because that's who you are.
Patrice

Dear Sharon -
It is very painful to be rejected by someone you thought was your best friend. It adds pain upon the pain you already feel about your health and what, as you said, prompted you to take this step for your health. That is unfair of her. A true friend, even if they disagreed, would support your decision anyway. They would support your right to make your own choices. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. What I see here is that she projected all her anger about the "politics" of being overweight on to you. She made this a "cause" rather than seeing your heart, and the difficulty and struggle it no doubt took for you to make this decision, and one that is right for you!
None of this violates some political code of ethics about fat acceptance. Of course we are beautiful and wonderful. But the weight threatens that because it threatens our health. For me, I have written that the larger I get, the less of me there is - of my life, my future, and my ability to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given.
She also did not do the research to learn about weight loss surgery and why it is being done. She would have realized that insurance companies would love to paint surgery as only cosmetic and not have to pay for it if in fact it were only cosmetic. Rather, it is a serious surgery that is only undertaken when the weight of an individual is threatening their life and survival. Let's put it bluntly, because that is what it is. I know that this is the reason I am getting the surgery, because my health and life, physically, mentally, and emotionally is impacted.
I know you have expressed the same. It takes courage for anyone to choose the surgery and no one does it lightly. I had to work through feeling like a failure because I had to resort to surgery when all other repeated attempts to lose weight failed. (I no longer think that, of course). Some people, who are ignorant of this path and don't take the time to educate themselves, think that it is the "easy way out." I had friends say to me,"If you have to exercise and eat small portions anyway, why don't you do it without the surgery?" Or another friend said, "I am just naturally disciplined," in her response to me, implying I am not and that's why I am resorting to this. However, they all are supporting me whether they agree with it or not. I see that most people see us through their own lens of who they are, and what they think - whether negative or positive. When things work out with this (and they will) no one will remember their critique, they will only see how healthy and happy I am. The results will speak for themselves, I don't have to. I also look at it as a way of "educating" those who don't understand the surgery or the reasons for it.
And I won't post much in response to your friend's arguments about eating disorders, except to say that weight loss surgery can be a viable tool in the treatment arsenal (in alignment with other therapeutic options) to help control eating disorders and food addictions, as well. Is it right for everyone? Of course not. Is surgery itself "imposing an eating disorder" as she said? Well, she's entitled to her opinion, but as a binge eater and compulsive overeater, I need the restriction my new stomach will give me if I get off track. I am also in therapy and will remain. Your friend may have her ideas on how to treat her own eating disorder, but to assume that her way is the only way to treat that is arrogant and ignorant.
Someday, your friend will see the results. Perhaps she may learn from your experience and become a better person and friend (learn some compassion for one thing, and stop projecting her own negativity on others). Some day, if she is a true friend, she will apologize for what she said. But regardless of what she does or does not do, you will know you made the right decision for you and it will more than pay off. We overweight people get a thick skin (no pun intended, lol) because people say a lot of insensitive things to us. I think we all use that skill we've acquired to toughen up with the amazing courage, hope, and positivity it takes to have the surgery, to bet on our future, to know that we are worth doing this - more than worth it. It is actually a step we take because we value ourselves, and not, as your friend accused, because we are vain, shallow, or think we are worthless being fat.
I am sorry for this long response, but I really felt for you on what you are going through. One of the things I have seen through the forums and on You Tube videos is the impact that this decision will have on relationships. People have said they moved away from relationships that no longer served them, or those that did not treat them well. I am already doing that, and you are too. I think that your friend's true colors are coming out, and saved you the trouble of ending it yourself later. We are all changing, but the regard and love that true friends have for each other does not change. For those that do, as your friend painfully showed, I am glad you are choosing yourself instead. Now that is a sign of healthy self-acceptance!
All the best to you, and to meeting so many new friends! You deserve friends like that, because that's who you are.
Patrice

Yaay! So excited for us. It does feel like it's forever & a day away but I'm sure the time will go by very quickly. Are you ladies nervous yet? Excited? Have you started taking your Vitamins? Trying Protein Drinks, shakes, powders? I've started on vitamins but not Protein yet. I need to do that ASAP! I'm excited for JUNE this year! Hopefully I won't have to cover up under so much clothes this summer.

One of my favorite quotes...
“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”Good luck...you're in for one heck of a journey!

Wow...how judgemental. You can tell that she is coming from a place of pain, but there is nothing in her rant about your own health and happiness. A true friend has your back and would not be so hateful. Weight loss surgery is saving so many lives. Once she gets up into her forties, fifties, sixties, all of her accepted fat will take a toll on her health, too. Then she will be asking you for advice. Good for you that you are being proactive about your health. Please do not let anybody minimize your decision to have a better more healthy life.

An interesting, short read on cosmetic surgery (opinion piece):
http://jezebel.com/why-do-we-hate-cosmetic-surgery-so-freaking-much-1578798128

@@Sharon C. Darling, you are gorgeous. I am wayyyy into Fat Acceptance and body positivity- but that doesn't mean that people can be healthy at any weight. I don't want to just tear into your "friend" here, but...I can hear the jealousy and the selfishness coming from your friend's post, although it doesn't seem like she's doing it knowingly. It seems like she is projecting a lot of internalized fear onto you. In addition to being completely unsupportive, she has taken your private information and used it as blog fodder. That is reprehensible.
My mom died at age 53 after a lifetime of being super-morbidly-obese. I'm not going out like that. I have made a commitment to total health, and that has included a food, exercise, and therapy program that I have been following for 5 months. Your friend sounds so angry and uneducated about this- that we need to adopt a radical change in our lifestyles for this "tool" to work.
One more kvetch- your friend knows that insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery right? And if it did? Who is she to judge?
The truth is, the system that churns out obese people is what needs systemic change. The fact that we're the first generation of Americans (millenials) that has a shorter life expectancy since we started keeping track- that is not our fault, but we're made to suffer the consequences. And so, we do what we need to do to get back to a place of health. I say "get back", but I've been overweight my entire life. I was the 4 yr old that didnt want to wear a bathing suit in front of my friends, because I already knew I was fat. And I have NO SHAME now, because I'm proud of my choice to get healthy.
I wish you peace & blessings, & complete healing of mind, body, and spirit. Please don't forget that it is ok to mourn a loss, no matter how crappy the circumstances of that loss are.

Dear Sharon -
It is very painful to be rejected by someone you thought was your best friend. It adds pain upon the pain you already feel about your health and what, as you said, prompted you to take this step for your health. That is unfair of her. A true friend, even if they disagreed, would support your decision anyway. They would support your right to make your own choices. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. What I see here is that she projected all her anger about the "politics" of being overweight on to you. She made this a "cause" rather than seeing your heart, and the difficulty and struggle it no doubt took for you to make this decision, and one that is right for you!
None of this violates some political code of ethics about fat acceptance. Of course we are beautiful and wonderful. But the weight threatens that because it threatens our health. For me, I have written that the larger I get, the less of me there is - of my life, my future, and my ability to enjoy the wonderful life I have been given.
She also did not do the research to learn about weight loss surgery and why it is being done. She would have realized that insurance companies would love to paint surgery as only cosmetic and not have to pay for it if in fact it were only cosmetic. Rather, it is a serious surgery that is only undertaken when the weight of an individual is threatening their life and survival. Let's put it bluntly, because that is what it is. I know that this is the reason I am getting the surgery, because my health and life, physically, mentally, and emotionally is impacted.
I know you have expressed the same. It takes courage for anyone to choose the surgery and no one does it lightly. I had to work through feeling like a failure because I had to resort to surgery when all other repeated attempts to lose weight failed. (I no longer think that, of course). Some people, who are ignorant of this path and don't take the time to educate themselves, think that it is the "easy way out." I had friends say to me,"If you have to exercise and eat small portions anyway, why don't you do it without the surgery?" Or another friend said, "I am just naturally disciplined," in her response to me, implying I am not and that's why I am resorting to this. However, they all are supporting me whether they agree with it or not. I see that most people see us through their own lens of who they are, and what they think - whether negative or positive. When things work out with this (and they will) no one will remember their critique, they will only see how healthy and happy I am. The results will speak for themselves, I don't have to. I also look at it as a way of "educating" those who don't understand the surgery or the reasons for it.
And I won't post much in response to your friend's arguments about eating disorders, except to say that weight loss surgery can be a viable tool in the treatment arsenal (in alignment with other therapeutic options) to help control eating disorders and food addictions, as well. Is it right for everyone? Of course not. Is surgery itself "imposing an eating disorder" as she said? Well, she's entitled to her opinion, but as a binge eater and compulsive overeater, I need the restriction my new stomach will give me if I get off track. I am also in therapy and will remain. Your friend may have her ideas on how to treat her own eating disorder, but to assume that her way is the only way to treat that is arrogant and ignorant.
Someday, your friend will see the results. Perhaps she may learn from your experience and become a better person and friend (learn some compassion for one thing, and stop projecting her own negativity on others). Some day, if she is a true friend, she will apologize for what she said. But regardless of what she does or does not do, you will know you made the right decision for you and it will more than pay off. We overweight people get a thick skin (no pun intended, lol) because people say a lot of insensitive things to us. I think we all use that skill we've acquired to toughen up with the amazing courage, hope, and positivity it takes to have the surgery, to bet on our future, to know that we are worth doing this - more than worth it. It is actually a step we take because we value ourselves, and not, as your friend accused, because we are vain, shallow, or think we are worthless being fat.
I am sorry for this long response, but I really felt for you on what you are going through. One of the things I have seen through the forums and on You Tube videos is the impact that this decision will have on relationships. People have said they moved away from relationships that no longer served them, or those that did not treat them well. I am already doing that, and you are too. I think that your friend's true colors are coming out, and saved you the trouble of ending it yourself later. We are all changing, but the regard and love that true friends have for each other does not change. For those that do, as your friend painfully showed, I am glad you are choosing yourself instead. Now that is a sign of healthy self-acceptance!
All the best to you, and to meeting so many new friends! You deserve friends like that, because that's who you are.
Patrice

Yes yes and yes to all you said - me too. I am ready to do all the work for this, and the surgery has given me hope again!

. Thank you! I am most looking forward to finally being able to live with a normal sized body again! Yay!! What are you most looking forward to?

you should not take NSAIDs with the sleeve, but losing weight seems to go a long way in taking away a lot of reasons for taking them in the first place. portion control is doing it for me, and sugar still makes me feel icky. i have lost almost 70 pounds in almost 6 months. i am very happy with the sleeve.

The sleeve is the first "half" of the DS. Would you consider the sleeve, with future revision to DS if necessary? There are heaps of Sleevers who have lost more than you need to lose. Anecdotally I am a sleever who left the hospital with a sleeve and without diabetes. I have also lost over 70 pounds in just under 7 months so far. I got the sleeve with the plan that if I needed a revision because I couldn't get to a healthy weight, I'd go with DS.
Another thing to consider is your pattern of eating. If your weakness is fatty foods, the DS is known to be more "ok" with that, because it inhibits absorption of fats. But if your weakness is sweets, you are much more likely to have dumping with DS than even RNY. And we are talking uncontrollable diarrhea and nausea if you eat a lot of sugar or carbs in a sitting. Some people would consider dumping a good thing because it can keep you on the straight and narrow, but others would consider it a quality of life issue they are not willing to risk. True dumping is very rare with the sleeve or band because the pyloric valve is left intact and the intestines are not shortened by rerouting.
Evaluate your food demons, your goals, and what potential side effects you feel able to handle, research, and talk frankly with your surgeon or even several surgeons. That's my best advice.

I am scheduled for June 5th and I am pass nervous. Everyday I wonder if I am making the right decision. However I am drawing strength and inspiration from others in the forum.

I am scheduled for June 20th. It cannot come any too soon! All the best, everyone!

UPDATE: I just found out that you can add people to a secret group you are not friends with on Facebook by using the feature "Invite by email." So if you want to be added to the group without being friends on FB, then just send me your email through BariatricPal or send me your email by emailing me at the address I gave above. I'll send you an invite by email! OR, if you are cool with being my friend on FB, you can just send me your name and I'll send you an invite. Just let me know which. Okay, I'll stop boring y'all with this. Hope to see you in the group! There is just me and SlimminDownThick! We're waiting for you.... LOL

UPDATE: I just found out that you can add people to a secret group you are not friends with on Facebook by using the feature "Invite by email." So if you want to be added to the group without being friends on FB, then just send me your email through BariatricPal or send me your email by emailing me at the address I gave above. I'll send you an invite by email! OR, if you are cool with being my friend on FB, you can just send me your name and I'll send you an invite. Just let me know which. Okay, I'll stop boring y'all with this. Hope to see you in the group! There is just me and SlimminDownThick! We're waiting for you.... LOL

Hi Everybody! I can only create the group by adding each of you. It is a "Secret Group" so only we can see it (once you've been added). No one else can. So privacy is great. I think this will be fun. If you are comfortable with it, just use mail me your Facebook name so I can add you. (Either through BariatricPal or my email: wordgeek1@gmail.com.) My name is Patrice Delanty.

Great!! I'll get right on it ...

Love the fb idea!!! Sign me up!! And that would be an excellent way for us all to keep in touch and updated on losses and struggles. I love it. :-) let me know the name.