Folly

@@gowalking

This is an excellent topic!

I don't like people knowing I had WLS because of the perception that I did it the "easy" way. The perception this is some magic cure is a disservice and most will never have to know the tragic upsets that happen internally that bring a person to needing WLS in the first place or the hard work it continues to be to regain your life and health after the fact.

I used to be, between marriages, one of those women who dated men with fetishes for ssbbw. It was all based on appearance. All form and no substance - I could have been a blow up doll. I didn't even know that I was being objectified and definitely not at all cared about until someone came along and was different (yes, I married him. I'm not a fool :-) )

These people living that life are often making the best of the only life they know or the only life they think they deserve. Pity them but shame on the sleazy profiteers who aggrandize and normalize dysfunction and self-abuse.

Hello!

The metabolic changes alone are beyond anything you can prepare for. Then there is that being safe (even if it is lonely or painful) and separated from people feeling you aren't even aware of until you and it start melting away. Then there are the issues that made the eating and morbid obesity acceptable life choices that want to come up and do the two step with your emotional equilibrium. Add on body and appearance issues, moving away from addictive eating behavior, sexuality and your responsibilities toward loved ones, work...

Cut yourself some serious slack. Just make it a point not to be mean and everyone else can just learn to generate a little understanding.

Peace

@@proudgrammy

I'm with you on that. I was cautioned aggressively on the evils of coffee prior to surgery. It wasn' t a big deal, I could take it or leave it. Now? I like it. My tummy likes it. I'm drinking as much as I want. Some days I don' t have any. Some days I drink 3 or 4 cups AND I put heavy cream, real sugar and real vanilla in it, too. I don' t indulge in very many things but I don' t see the point in fake foods and artificial flavors.

I suffered most of my life with irritable bowel, loose stools, chronic diarrhea... It gradually got better after VSG surgery. I didn't realize Constipation was such an issue for people after WLS.

I don't know why but it strikes my funny bone that the two problems cancel each other out. Now if we can figure out how to cancel out excessive libido, hair loss and loose skin I think we'll really be on to something good!

@@higfir2

We each have such a unique experience, no matter how many people we talk to or how much quantifying we do there still seems to be a lot of winging it and figuring it out on our own.

You may be having a physical reaction to something in your diet, environment, etc and that possibility needs to be addressed before you move on to addressing it as an emotional problem.

I still have problems with nausea, vomiting and food aversions also but in my case it's my emotional boogeymen just trying to get me to do the two-step. I also sometimes look in the mirror and see no difference. As time passes and we just march forward, usually feeling good lately, sometimes with grim determination - it does get better. It really does.

I strongly urge you not to wait. Get your healthcare team on this right away. If you're having a physical problem it needs to be resolved already. Well, same for emotional problems, right?

Peace and Comfort

Peas. Nope nope nope. Wait, that has nothing to do with WLS. I just hate the little green sonsabitches!

:-D

@@LipstickLady

When I was a very young woman I was swept away by a sort of intensity toward religion that made me not only irritating but very sure I knew what was good for everyone. It took a very nice person who I was trying to debate and "prove"wrong telling me, "We each have to hear God personally" to get my attention.

As time went on that statement worked its way into my understanding and conceptually it sort of went past deity or religion straight to the point. Our personal journey or truth or whatever isn't and shouldn't be subject the the critical opinions of others, nor should we inflict ours on them. I have to give you a pat on the back for the reminder and for putting it out there so eloquently.

Peace and Comfort

And since we're on the topic:; over the last 3 or 4 months my libido has completely went haywire! This has been an alarming development. Outwardly I may be a middle-aged woman but on the inside? I've been posessed by a horney 17 year old male! I'm actually hoping this passes quickly, my husband already gets that panicky dear-in-the-headlights look enough. I was cautioned women may have an increase in fertility after surgery but no one said anything about the libido going off the charts! Is this happening with others?

I have never once been constipated. I guess I can be thankful for that!

@@higfir2

I had intense food aversions for several months, too. It periodically still comes up. It's more an emotional than physical problem. Your Dr should be able to point you to what you need to work through it ( or who can help)

@@AmyC007

You may be overthinking what's going on. Addiction is an insidious, deadly, baffling disease and the struggle is real. It may not be "self sabotage" so much as just the addiction presenting with addictive behavior. Maybe some real time support could be helpful?

May I message you privately?

Go to thrift stores. I do it all the time. It's fun.

am i seeing and hearing right that you have lost 214 lbs??

holy moly girlfriend

you are doing amazing

Lol yes you read correctly but it has been 16 months since my surgery. I've had plenty of time to lose it. Thanks for the praise though, it feels good to get it.

Lolololololol

I'm curious how the relationships are holding up long-term with the tranformation. My husband is super supportive and has been from the beginning, he was more worried about my well being than anything and seems to not ever lose sight of wanting me healthy. I'm very fortunate in this respect, I was married, once upon a time, to a violent monster who used every opportunity to try to tear me down. I couldn't have attempted this journey with such a partner.

That being said, my current husband sacrificed, without complaint, something he wanted. He was attracted to, fell in love with and married a woman who weighed over 400 lbs. To him that is and always has been the ideal of feminine beauty. His encouraging the surgery and weight loss was an act of love and selfleseness - he saw the toll it was taking on my health and wanted me to feel better.

During this process our love and trust for each other has grown. Our communication is deeper and more meaningful. In many ways our partnership has been strengthened and has become beautiful and lovely. There was a price to be paid, however, and that price is high and sometimes hard to pay.

He misses the big, soft me that he found so sexy and exciting. I miss being that to him. I'm not worried he'll stray or stop loving me or anything like that... once upon a time, not too long ago, I was his Goddess. That's gone now. Through the years, with ups and downs we always had that. When we got tired of putting up with each other or life's disappointments were too much to even talk about we always found our way back to understanding through the bedroom. It always brought us back to intimacy and communication and the profoundly compassionate friendship that has sustained our marriage.

It's hard not feeling guilty taking that away from someone who loves you so dearly but it isn't there anymore. The emotional attraction and love is but...

It's a struggle to figure out where to go from here.

Peace

I would like to get a discussion going about this. Any takers?

I understand. I'm less than a month out. I had to go back to therapy. I cant put up with abusive behaviors that before didn't even ding on my radar. I can say honestly that the damage i sustained in my life always had me looking to hide. And when hiding from predators obesity was the best cloak. Suddenly I feel that I'm being exposed. And as crazy as it is to say I felt security in obesity. Most people would say I'm an extreme outgoing self confident person. Truth is that's a cloak too.

We share this in common.

Most people report little pain and quick recovery. Mine diminished gradually over 2 - 3 weeks. We each heal differently. Please let your Dr know you're hurting.

Peace

Folly, I'm not even scheduled for surgery yet (self pay), but I think about these things -having been fat/overweight most of my life, well frankly all of my life, to one extent or another, I pretty much define myself as a "fat" person. The jolly, joking, apologetic, please like me, funny girl. I weigh now about 280, i'm 5'9" tall, and luckily I carry my weight better than a lot of sorter women, and I am an opera singer. I bounced around 240-255 lbs for a long time, and I carried it off (I was "zaftig"), but this last 30 lbs has really taken its toll on my knees, feet, back, and breathing. I often wonder, and worry, about how I will feel, if I will even feel like myself, if I lose 125 pounds, or so. I'll still be insecure about my body, about whether people like me or not, about whether I'm good enough, whatever that means. In my mind, I have always slept being overweight hold me back, I'm not sure if we've used it as an excuse, but I know that it is contributed to myinsecurities, and low self-esteem. And those things and held me back from doing what I want to do, and being more like the kind of person I want to be. I just so strongly identified with being fat that I don't know what to think, who will be if I'm not fat? And how will it be, not being able to just feed myself, to numb the bad, sad, mad emotions?

So answer your question, I think some people do struggle with these identity issues. I look forward to reading more of your posts, and hearing your insights and observations.

Take care.

popcorn is a whole grain that is natuarally low in fat and has some Fiber. It morphs into junk food when fat and sodiun are added. Air popped corn is a decent snack.... I do eat it once in a while. In my nutrition classes popcorn (air popped) was on the "with moderation" list. If it bothers yout stomach, obviously you shouldn't eat it. Most things did bother mine but popcorn didn't. Go figure.

I cannot believe that no one has said, "what this thread needs is pictures."

Sigh. I am so disappointed in you all.

Ok, y'all read that. Start uploading the visual aids.

Hello everyone! :-) This is my first post here. I was recommended to check out this site after posting on OH.

Some info about me: I'm 25 years old, female, 5 feet tall and 263 pounds. I want the DS surgery. So far I've had my surgeon consultation and first dietitian appointment. I have all my other evaluations scheduled in the next month.

My first issue I'm hoping for advice with: I went to my consult adamant that I want the DS surgery. Unfortunately I am NOT good at standing up for myself or disagreeing with doctors. When the surgeon asked what surgery I want, I said DS and he basically said that I do qualify at my BMI, but he would recommend I do the sleeve because I'm young and have a long time ahead of me to deal with the side effects and deficiencies that come with the DS. He said that if I'm not successful I can always have the 2nd part done and convert to a DS. He asked me what I thought about that and because of my shyness I said okay to the sleeve. After coming home and doing even more research, I'm even more adamant that I want the DS for many reasons:

1. I want to lose 120 pounds and KEEP IT OFF. The DS has the best results and least chances of regain, which I have a long history of. It looks like the average weight I can expect to lose with the DS is at least 90-100 pounds, while with the gastric sleeve I would probably only lose about 60. While losing 60 pounds would of course be wonderful, I would rather have the surgery that can take me to my total goal.

2. I have heard that the DS lets you eat the most normally.

3. I want to have the best possible surgery now, one time. I don't want to have to go through surgery again.

4. On the same note, getting a second surgery approved will be extremely difficult and probably denied, so if I don't lose enough weight or if I gain a lot back, I will have to self pay which I cannot afford.

5. Taking Vitamins and committing to blood work and follow-ups is not a problem to me. I look at it this way - I can have this surgery, take daily Vitamins and go to the doctor regularly to check levels; OR, I can not have the surgery and continue to have weight issues, take daily medicines for co-morbidities and go to the doctor regularly for my health problems.

So, I plan to call the office today and let them know I have changed my mind and want the DS. I'm worried that my Dr. will be offended or something, because I have known a lot of doctors that can be arrogant and hate being questioned. At my consultation he was extremely nice and didn't give me any indication that he was that type of person, but I'm still nervous!

So my question is: what do you recommend I say to the doctor to support why I disagree and want the DS? If for some reason he refuses to do it for me, can I transfer the evaluations I've done to another practice/surgeon without having to start all over?

Next issue: I had my first dietitian appointment on Monday and I'm very worried that he doesn't know and understand my insurance requirements. My Cigna plan requires 3 months (so 4 consecutive monthly appointments) of a physician or dietitian supervised weight loss program. When he mentioned I would be seeing him one more time, I told him that my insurance requires 3 months of visits. He went and got a packet with a description of the requirements for all the different insurance companies and said I was right about that. He then said that I could just see my PCP for some of the appointments. I said I want to do the 4 appointments all with him because it is supposed to be with the same doctor and I do not want to do ANYTHING that could get me denied. He said that was fine and we could meet monthly. Another concern of mine is that my monthly weight loss program requires documentation of my weight, dietary program and physical activity. He recorded my weight and taught me about the 1200 calorie diet plan he is prescribing for me and gave me papers with all the details and recommendations, and he taught me about the Protein and other diet requirements for after my surgery. The appointment was very informative and helpful, but we never touched on a physical activity plan at all. Maybe I am being paranoid, but I'm very worried about problems with insurance after the horror stories I've seen in the forums. I want to make sure every detail is perfectly followed.

So what I was thinking of doing is seeing my PCP every month on top of the dietitian appointments, just in case it's not done correctly by the dietitian. My PCP is great and strongly supports my surgery. I'm positive he would do the weight loss program with me and follow all my requirements. Do you guys think this is a good idea? Could seeing both the doctor and dietitian at the same time for the weight loss program possibly be a problem for any reason you can think of?

Okay, now one more topic! I am really sorry for this incredibly long post, I just have so many questions and concerns.

I have checked and confirmed my bariatric surgery coverage in a few ways. I call the Cigna customer service line twice to confirm that my specific plan covers weight loss surgery and both times was told yes, it is covered. But I just don't trust the people on the phone to always be correct. I also signed into my account on the Cigna website and used the cost estimator for my plan, and it said that I can expect to pay a $300 co-pay for bariatric surgery. Lastly I read the coverage booklet posted by the employer providing the plan. The only mention of bariatric surgery is in the exclusions section, but this is what it says: "Payment for the following is specifically excluded from this plan: .... • for medical and surgical services intended primarily for the treatment or control of obesity. However, treatment of clinically severe obesity, as defined by the body mass index (BMI) classifications of the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute guideline is covered if the services are demonstrated, through peer-reviewed medical literature and scientifically based guidelines, to be safe and effective for treatment of the condition."

Is it just me or is that a bit confusing? I'm thinking this means that the plan does not cover any obesity treatment for those who do not have "clinically severe obesity". A BMI over 40 or between 35-39.9 with co-morbidities is defined as clinically severe obesity. So I definitely meet this requirement with a BMI of about 52. I'm also thinking that the last part about treatments that are peer reviewed and scientifically shown to be safe and effective means that the 5 procedures covered in the Cigna bariatric surgery coverage policy are all covered (gastric Bypass, gastric banding, RNY, vertical banded gastroplasty and BPD/DS for those with BMI over 50).

I just find it odd that weight loss surgery is ONLY mentioned in the exclusions section. This booklet may be outdated - the "effective date" in the beginning is February 2009.

Well, if you made it through this post, I appreciate it and applaud your patience! :-) Thanks so much for any advice or insights you can provide.

I am seeing this thought repeated over and over by people who are doing research and want the most effective surgery. What seems to be lost in translation is that no matter what surgery you have, eventually you will reach a point where you have to work at it to keep momentum going. Surgery is a tempory fix, an effective separation from your addiction, a marvelous tool but eventually you have to deal with all of it. People much larger than I was have had great success because they deal with the triggers and issues that caused the obesity. They are mindful of what they put in their bodies. They exercise. They take vitamins....it's work we all have to do. No easy fixes.

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Yes, the one asking if anal sex will hurt the sleeve

I come here to read valuable information not to get a pornographic title shoved in my face. Seriously? Take it to another forum. Don't demean this page. Administrators, please remove it. It's HIGHLY offensive.

Your opinion is valuable but please don't ask the administrators to supress any speech that isn't violent, hateful or illegal. They may censure someone for saying something you didn't like but next time the one censured may be you. It is wrong to do that, please don't. :-)

You can loose weight, you can't fix stupid

I saw a bumper sticker last week that said "Stupid Should Hurt". I just now decided I agree with it....lol