Fluffnomore

I haven't yet a clue what "maintenance" should look like for me. In my dreams, it is "eat whatever I want, just smaller amounts" but I suspect the reality for maintenance will more likely be "eat very carefully so as not to regain." I wish I knew. My hope is that with tons of practice, eating very carefully will eventually feel like eating whatever I want, just in smaller amounts. Because with my "naturally skinny" friends, that is what I observe. It's not that they never indulge, but if I am paying attention they indulge in a very measured way.

If I'm really busy that sometimes happens to me. But it means lunch at 2, not NO lunch. I also loved Phentermine for that reason. Note to self: stop planning next meal.

It is interesting though. The common theme that I see is that food is not just fuel to any of us. Regardless of what our parents did or didn't do, said or didn't say, etc, food in some way played a bigger part in our lives than in others'. My husband once said to me about an ex-girlfriend, "She sometimes would forget to eat! Can you imagine?" And neither of us really could. The older I get and the more involved with my work I get, I see it now, but I have been well and truly conditioned to start worrying about what I'm going to make for dinner by mid-afternoon. So, in the spirit of solidarity let me say about my parents, "Those bastards!" and then move on.

Darling dear, our lives and weight loss may be complicated by (in my case at least) ages, I I still have a lotta life in me. So do you. And thinner will help. What do do with our freakin fat brains is another freakin matter. Pleople say "man you look good", rather than say thanks, I often say, well, I see myself naked... Okay, sounds like we all need to learn a very important lesson here. When someone says something nice to us, we need to learn what to say in response. It takes almost no preparation, no explanation…and it works better than any half-assed thing we can pull out of our fat brains. It is... Wait for it….. "Thank you." And then you stop talking. No excuses, no "Oh no I don't," no "But I'm not where I should be." Just "Thank you." (I've had to learn this from being a singer. Something almost always goes just a little bit wrong, in my opinion anyway. People don't notice and generally don't care. The best defense is NO defense and no defensiveness.)

That was incredibly easy shitted to understand, LSL. What a story! And I'm going to give this subject more thought, because elaborate food was love in my household growing up…and perhaps also in my current one. Other kids had mac-n-cheese and hot dogs; we had fettucine alfredo and veal marsala. Shopping, preparing, planning…it was all a huge deal. Both of my parents are very good in the kitchen, and so are most of us kids. Maybe it's a better problem to have, but it's still problematic. Like I said, I need to ponder.

And it might also be worth exploring why his reaction is so extreme and taking away focus from what you might need emotionally right now. My husband has had some ups and downs in the last couple of weeks as he was turned down for the surgery 2-3 weeks after mine was done. He is worried about being left "in the dust" and has made comments about me getting the jump on him, etc. I don't mean to add a sinister twist to this, because I know my own husband's behavior isn't sinister. But "guilting" me over my surgery isn't helping the overall situation, for all I understand that he is dealing with his own fears and anxieties. I have had to say calmly, many times…"My surgery wasn't about you; my results are not about our relationship." He needs to be made to feel calm and safe, but I'm post-op…you need to feel calm and safe right now, too. For what it's worth.

I have one very obese, diabetic brother who my mother is hoping she can talk into the surgery, and one sister whose self-esteem has always been wrapped up in being thin…and she is not right now. If anything, I think the surgery has the potential to damage my relationship with my sister. I hope not, but I don't know. As for the brother, I have already told my mother that unless he asks her for help, her urging him will probably continue to drive the problem underground. Not that it's underground now, but he won't necessarily want to do anything unless it's his idea.

Laura, I also just wanted to say that it's possible your burnout is from caring too much here. You have been a great supporter of so many newbies and I am grateful. But I also know that in the month I have been active there have already been a number of times I see the "same" questions/justifications/issues raised over and over. You have generally been very patient as these things come up again and again. And it is probably frustrating at best to be earnestly making peace with your past and then hearing different people continually come to the forum and not understand what they're undertaking. I may be overstepping here, but I do hope if you take a break that you come back quickly. You would be greatly missed.

This is one of the harder things to get used to. I actually spent a few minutes beating myself up over eating 900-ish calories today. And then I had to stop and say WTF to myself…a 900 calorie day is just fine, especially when balanced out over my last 7 days. As a matter of fact, because I'm cleared to start back to exercise later this week, I will probably find that I need to keep it around 900-1000 calories. I don't know if it's that I don't yet believe this will work, or what. I'm still my own worst enemy here.

I have it, take synthroid, and have had no issues.

I really really want to believe all of this. Aside from certain things giving me more room, I haven't officially dumped a full size yet. Sigh.

I realize that I act like a total git sometimes, but the truth is that we are all right there with you. Did some people have crappy childhoods? Yes. Poor examples? Most totally. I had my share of smaller issues growing up, but I was looking around at the adults at our wedding this week (more or less a huge family reunion on that side.) The kids still in their 20's look great. To a person we all put on weight in our 30s. It's a constant struggle for almost everyone else. I can think of 4 diabetics. It's scary. So there is a lot deeper to this, and I guess the message I want to give you is that as special as you are, you're not alone. Not one of us is, if we're honest.

I am proud to think of you both as Bariatric Pals.

You're fine, L-V. You have come a long way and you are doing great. Pei Wei is PF Chang's answer to a lower-cost, not exactly fast food chain.

I realize that part of my work persona (that of being outgoing, funny, witty, and only dressing up for events) has as much to do with my being overweight as anything else. If people are laughing with me, they won't laugh at me so much. If I don't put much effort into my appearance on regular days, I will look much nicer at the big events and surprise everyone. I have started to wonder how much of my self esteem is tied up in stuff like this, and how much of it has to do with, "If I'm not going to look smoking hot, I'm not even going to try."

Shoot. I meant to figure out how to put pictures up for this. I heated up refried black Beans with some cheese and meant to have some guacamole with that…but forgot the guac. Then the whole thing looked like a hot mess for all that it was delicious. Our "nice" grocery store puts together meals every night, and one of the family's favorites is the enchilada one, that comes with the refried black beans and rice. I went to the deli to find out if they ever sell it on its own, and fortunately they use it in their 7-layer dip and were willing to sell me a big container of it. I figure that by the time I get through this I won't want it for a while. It's perfect for this phase. And delicious. Funny, I probably wouldn't have spent $10 or $11 on this a few weeks ago, but it's so easy to justify since it's easily 8 meals. I love this part of sleeving.

I love the happiness in your pictures. Way to go!

Same thing has happened to me occasionally (sleeve 10/24.) The main thing is that in both cases it happened before a period of greater loss. Once, it was due to monthly fluctuations. I really do believe it has a lot to do with poop…I'm not nearly as regular as before, but not bad enough to start taking Miralax or something.

"I'm not saying they do or don't need therapy. I guess I'm saying therapy shouldn't be suggested or dismissed flippantly or offhandedly." Fair enough. Then I am picking up what you are throwing down.

I am Irish by descent and for SURE there are some of those attitudes in my past. But on the whole I think our parents do their best (and sometimes, their best is completely sucky.) I don't blame my parents at this point for my weight: I blame my own sneaky mind. I can't tell you the number of times that I have joked with people that losing weight is as simple as decreasing calories eaten and increasing calories burned. Joked, because we all somehow want to hear that there is a magic bullet that will cure us of this, once and for all. I am not one of those people who "didn't know" what to do. I knew what calorie counts were for almost every food, I exercised, and I lamented the fact that I stayed at a set point pretty easily and was going up slowly in weight. There was some denial of my habits, and I never measured anything. But I suspect that my uncomfortable truth will be coming to grips, eventually, with why I didn't do it, or think I could do it long term. And why I didn't make my own health and comfort a priority. The sleeve is creating accountability for me, in a strange way. In these early days while it is still difficult, uncomfortable, and harmful to overeat, I'm working on making over my habits. Yes, I know a couple of people who appear to have no trouble with their weight. Who are talented athletes. Who make their own health a priority, sometimes to the detriment of those around them. Who count their calories religiously. Who work out like demons. And, some who are young enough, lucky enough, or blessed enough with the type of metabolism that they can eat what they want and suffer seemingly no ill effects. Those are my skinny friends. So my continued accountability is probably going to be a combination of everything except the last three.

Here's the crazy thing: my kids ended up eating deep dish pizza…from frozen, it was still better in EVERY protein/carb/calorie count than Pei Wei... It was more than I would eat in most days also but it wasn't as bad as a chicken and vegetables dish. We just have to be so vigilant.

Purees and mushies can be tough to distinguish. I'm in week two of purees and having traveled without access to a blender I've had to incorporate some mushies this week. I just chewed like crazy whenever I had borderline stuff and now that I'm back home I'm back to straight purees, although my PA had already said "Don't worry about things like chili that have been cooking all day, just chew." It's confusing. But it is great to be eating regular food, however the delivery system works out!

You know, that's a good question, Amanda. I don't know that *every* self-proclaimed food addict needs therapy. This is goofy, but one of the things I have learned in the last 6 weeks is the difference between addiction and a really bad habit. I was regularly drinking 2-3 glasses of wine per night before surgery prep started. Once that started, the wine drinking stopped completely. And I never missed it. But I tossed around the question in my mind a bit ahead of time. I think in my case therapy for my wine "addiction" wouldn't have accomplished very much. What had to change was the habit of pouring a glass at 6, and then another... Now, there are all sorts of behaviors that I continue to address. Maybe it would be helpful to have a guide with some of them. Maybe not. I will note that I have had enough therapy over the course of my life to know that I need to stop and listen to what is really going on in my head when I am tempted by avoidance and denial. So maybe my previous work with a therapist helped me, and maybe I may want to work with one eventually. But I would hesitate to make a generalization about what someone else needs.

Jesus likes waffles, but I hear he LOVES Protein shakes. Good luck hon! You got this.

This is an interesting post. Strangely, having a friend who had this done in June and had done some pretty amazing research on our surgeon/his practice and WATCHING her go through the whole process, I was pretty confident on that. She's one of those people; if she has researched it, she has done a thorough job. In retrospect I would say I took a lot on faith and it feels like I more or less skipped through the stages of pre-surgery and surgery, and maybe even post-op so far. And the ironic thing is that it's been a much smoother process for me than it was for her. Her rate of weight loss is a constant concern to her, and mine has been faster at this point. Who knows where we will be in a year? But I would say that she has some regrets…possibly. We just don't know what we don't know until we're in the middle of it. That's all.