want_so_bad

yeah, i dont really know to be honest. i think so. i have just made sure i am drinking extra water through the day.

thank you cathy. i dont really think i have one. just get paranoid sometimes when i know i havent done the greatest with sticking to it, ya know? plus, since my last fill i can eat more (in quanity and variety) then before the fill. i have another fill scheduled for the 14 and its w/ fluoro so i will be able to know for sure. thanks!

i am so there with you! from the slow but steady weight loss to the plateau and then to the eating around the band. i too am working on getting back onto plan. any threads/posts you find to help you out, please let me know!

4/1/09 started morning off right! so happy about this after last night! 5:00 am- 25 minutes on treadmill! 6:00 am- cup coffee w/ sugar and vanilla creamer 10:00 am- dannon light and fit strawberry yogurt cup (4oz-60 cal) 1:00 pm- reese's Peanut Butter cup 2:00 pm- chocolate slim fast 4:30 pm- other reese's peanut butter cup 6:45 pm- 1/4 c mashed potato, 1/2 cup mixed green salad w/ small amt ranch dressing, 1/2 roll 8:00 pm- 1/2 roll w/ honey ***i should have drank my slim fast earlier instead of eating the candy. bad choice. and i am going to buy some fruit and more yogurt so i have better choices available at home if i feel the need to have that late evening snack.***

i had a complete hysterectomy in october and having been struggling with losing, more like lack of losing, since then. more so then before to say the least. i am wondering if anyone else has experienced this. my doc says its normal, but i wanna hear experiences from other bansters. i am really freaking out about it. i am on a replacement hormone, estradial (sp?). when having the hysterectomy, i figured i would gain some, but not like this. and i didnt think it would be so hard to lose. i have gained 15 lbs since surgery. its killing me.

i am struggling with when i am going to get my tummy tuck. my plan was no tummy tuck until i was at goal. but now i am kinda waivering on that. i THINK i would be happy at where i am now, if the nasty tummy was gone. but if not i am just screwed because i wont be able to afford another tummy tuck if i decide to lose more weight. how did you know if you were ready for the tummy tuck? did you just know? were you back and forth any like i am?

mimi- same here. not one pant size have i been able to change. just because of the shape of my belly. i know what i want to do, why is it so hard? lol, stupid me!

i am not really sure which forum to post this is so if anyone thinks it should be somewhere else to get a better response, please let me know. i have been thinking a lot lately about what i chose as my goal weight versus being at a weight/place that i am happy with my body and weight. i chose my goal weight because it was in the middle of the healthy bmi scale. no other reason then that. the plus was that weight seemed like it was good and small (for me). at the start of all this the thought that i would be happy at a weight different from that never crossed my mind. i had it set that i had to get to that weight and then i would be happy. but now i find myself not to that goal, and relatively happy with myself. of course here lately i have been struggling and am about 10 pounds from where i was really happy. but you get the general idea. so for those at goal or at a happy place, how did you know that was right for you? did you just wake up one day and that was it? i am also wondering because i am struggling with when i am going to get my tummy tuck. again to start with my plan was no tummy tuck until i was at goal. but now i am kinda waivering on that as well. i THINK i would be happy at where i am now, if the nasty tummy was gone. but if not i am just screwed because i wont be able to afford another tummy tuck if i decide to lose more weight. so how do i know? (i am also gonna post this last paragraph in the cosmetic surgery forum. sorry for the repeat) my sister in law tells me i need to get over the whole numbers on the scale thing. i know i should, but cant. why is that number so important to me? to me to means healthy. skinny. how do i adjust my way of thinking about that number on the scale?

what the hell is wrong with me lately? since my last fill it seems i can eat anything and am doing so. last week i had a migraine that required me going to the hospital. in the 3 days since then i have gained almost 10 lbs! 10 lbs! at first i thought it was from the shots i got. but today i was almost like binging. i ate so much. i feel so nasty and gross. i feel out of control. i walked/jogged with my sauna suit on for 15 minutes this afternoon. but then i ate a bunch of chicken at dinner. and a pudding cup. not to mention all the other crap i ate today. why am i feeling so out of control? why am i doing this to myself? i am gaining all the weight back that i have lost. i cant do this anymore. why am i able to eat so much since my fill? i have to schedule another fill. i have to get restriction. i have to get control of myself. i have to get my head back in the right place. i hate being fat. i hate feeling like this. omg i am just rambling on here. i dont know what i need. yes i do. how do i get back to the right place? why do my bad times like this seem to come w/ the pain i have in my back? i have back problems and when its at its worst seems to be when i eat like this out of control. are they related? well duh, they sure seem to be. its not like the eating makes the pain go away. it just makes me feel worse and then i eat more and then i feel worse. why cant i get a grip on this and get the damn disgusting weight back off? i am getting fat again. seriously fat! i am going to start all liquids tomorrow for the week. i bought slim fast and fat free milk. that and water is all i can have this week to get a jump start on this until i can get scheduled for a fill. why have i done this? i was so close to being at goal and getting to schedule my tummy tuck. why? so close to goal! i could touch it. but not now. not now.

noel- congrats on the amount you have lost thus far. great job. i hope your fill goes well next week and gives you back the control you are looking for. i am going to call this afternoon and make another fill appointment as well. i bet that will help us both. since you need both knees replaced, what kinds of exercises can you do? even something small, like walking around the block would be a good place to start. or have you tried water aerobics? that would probably be excellent for you since the water would keep your weight off your knees. please let us know how your fill goes.

i was that way too. liquid only each morning. mine used to last until noon or so. oh how i miss that! lol. are you following the rules but eating more? has your exercise changed? have you tried changing up what you do or the amount of calories for a few days? i know i have read lots and lots of threads where people suggest this. good luck!

100% vanity. was sick to death of looking like i did. never being able to buy or fit into the clothes i wanted to buy/wear. improving health is the nice side effect for me. i was pretty healthy (besides being fat) before and led an active lifestyle. it has been all about how i look.

mimi- i went the beginning of march for my consult and quote. the doctor was very excited that he could really help me with it and make me look "incredible". he loves to work with weight loss patients. he told me if losing more weight was my 100% mission and i wouldnt be happy until that certain number was on the scale then i should wait until i was there and stable. he said if i was going to be happy where i am and didnt plan on losing a big bunch of more weight, then i should go ahead because he could really help me. so that just didnt help me at all. probably made my choice even harder!

honestly i could have used a tummy tuck BEFORE losing weight. i know 35 doesnt seem like much. at one point it was closer to 50. since my hysterectomy i have gained 15. but like i said, i could have used one before. my stomach HANGS like no other. i havent gotten to buy not even one size smaller pants because of the shape of it. that is very frustrating. my pants look horrible! my legs are so much thinner and toning up and i have no butt to speak of, so my pants are big and baggy. but to fit my belly, same size. i really have some overlapping skin issues! no i dont think we ever did discuss a goal weight for me beyond me saying how much i wanted to lose. but i was self pay and went to Mexico, so that whole process is much less involved then in the states.

thanks rockin. great job yesterday! i am going to redo my way of posting and follow you. post it all in one for the day. much easier then posting like i was yesterday. keep up the good work, only 2 weeks left of the mushies for you!

4/1/09 started morning off right! so happy about this after last night! 5:00 am- 25 minutes on treadmill! 6:00 am- cup coffee w/ sugar and vanilla creamer

oh this is gonna hurt so bad to post. but thats why i started this whole thread, right? right? oh this is so horrible. but here goes. this is from 5:00 pm to 10 pm. 4 lofthouse sugar Cookies 1 slice chicken pizza 1 breadstick 1 med roll w/ slice cheese and slice chicken breast lunch meat this is more then i used to eat in a whole day!!! i am calling to make the fill appt today. it was emotional eating. i was extremely stressing out about money and fighting w/ my hubby. and my 2 year old was just unhappy and letting me know all about. i dont think she felt good. i was also wigging out about my weight...how freakin dumb, huh? freakin out about it so i eat a ton???? wth is wrong with me?

i have the exact same problem right now. i cant wait to see the responses you get. nessa- my doc does the same thing in regards to pulling out the Fluid in the band before adding the new amount. is that to make sure its all there? funny thing, i have never thought to ask him.

i have either 1.8 or 2.0 in my band right now. i cant remember which though now that i think about it. i have the 9.75 band. last august i got greedy and thought i wasnt losing fast enough and got 2 fills really close together. i got overfilled and was sick sick for a week. i ended up having to get totally unfilled. i stayed that way for months, until december i think. tried a fill then, did too much, had to have most of it removed. same thing the next time. now when i get a fill its tiny amounts at a time! like .2 was the last one. its so frustating!!!! i usually take until the next day before i can tell if the fill is too much. and thats hard because i live like 90 miles from the fill doctor. so there is lots of time off work and traveling to get it right.

i am excited to see people joining me in this! its nice to not feel alone, lol. kinda pathetic of me but true. live- your lunch has given me new ideas of stuff to bring to work. i always forget about hard boiled eggs! and i would think you could go longer then 2 hours. has it been long since your last fill? i am going to schedule a fill. i got one a few weeks ago but i can eat more (not just quanity but variety too) then before the fill! i am not getting that stuck feeling, or my normal, slow down tightness or anything. it just sucks! rockin- welcome to the land of the band. there is another good thread for meal/food ideas. it has a ton of posts. i go look there sometimes when i need ideas or am bored of eating the same old same old. and i am trying to stay at 1200 a day. after i finish off the slimfast i bought i am going to try going back to the high Protein, low carb way. i feel better then. i dont totally eliminate carbs, just try to be very careful/selective about what i eat. and i so hear ya sexy. stupid chips! i think they must add something addicting to the salt. funny though, since being banded i noticing i crave sweet more then salt. before it was the opposite. weird! lately though, its just EVERYTHING.

live- that is exactly it-sneaking! sneak a bite of this or that here and there. doesnt seem like much until the end of the day and this or that here and there ends up being a bunch! i am sad that i have come to and am at this point. but i need to be sad and then get over it and start anew and move on. its that moving on part i am having troubles with. afternoon snack: 1 clementine orange (12:50 p.m) i have a slimfast shake to have for "lunch", but havent had that yet. i think they are nasty so i am holding off as long as i can. lol.

no problem, lol. i wear them and my PINK muckin boots (think wader type boots, just not as tall) and my hubby just laughs. everyone laughs at my pink muckin boots but i like 'em!

tapshoes- anytime you need some "therapy" you are more then welcome at my house! lol, my hubby wouldnt let you leave.

http://carharttimages.carhartt.com//is/image/Carhartt/R03BRN?$BLG$ there is a picture of what they are.

thanks mimi for the concern. i am really yo-yoing right now. with everything! up one minute, down the next. you would think i had gone off my meds or something, lol. i was feeling better until i got on the scale this morning! i am headed in the wrong direction! but i know i can get it turned around and thats what i am gonna do. i brought my slimfast to work today and i have plenty of crystal light so i can drink drink drink Water. yesterday i got rid of the junk food i had accumulated in my desk over the past week or so. so that's another step in the right direction. i just have to try and stay positive. i find myself dwelling on the fact that i have regained so much weight and have all that to lose AGAIN, plus what i had left before hand. that is hard for me. i know that i need to just get over it, whats done is done, but i just cant seem to get there, ya know? i hope i do soon. and get outta this funk i am in.