want_so_bad

or more like, lack of boobies! so i knew when i started this journey that my body would be changing, DUH! i KNEW and expected to lose SOME in my chest. ummm, NOT THE WHOLE DAMN THING! seriously, my boobs are pretty much non-exsistant. and i am so not exagerrating and i cant spell today either dammit! my dh has been making comments for weeks now about how small they are getting. he sings these little songs about it..."my baby used to be a D cup, now she is an A cup..." isnt he just a funny man. so, i dont think they are really an A cup, but probably a B. no kidding! i still have 30lbs to go! i am gonna be left w/ nipples at this rate! i saw this infomercial type thing for this thing that is suppose to target your breast muscles, to lift and enhance your breasts. think it works? anyone seen it? for the life of me now i cant remember what it was called. dang it anyhow! i have always planned on getting a breast lift and augmentation. now there is no question that i will be in desperate need of it. especially after last night...my dh informed me that they are still getting smaller! why cant that be happening at this rate to the rolls of fat just south of the girls! stupid stupid stupid! ok, so that was my vent for now. sorry and thanks!

i am so getting the girls done! lifted and implants. as of right now, with 40lbs gone, i basically have a flap of skin with nipples! its so sad. and gross. i hate it. i really lost all of my boobs. but i just keep tellin myself that i will get them back! and they will look great! keeps me from getting depressed, lol...

i weigh 3 times a day. twice in the morning. i get up, pee, strip down, weigh. step off scale, turn on shower, get back on scale. then again at night before bed. i have issues, yes i know. i couldnt weigh when we went to vegas in april and i was having serious issues with it! first bathroom we stopped in on the drive home that had a scale i jumped right on it! it used to drive me crazy as well, the flucuations, but now i know that i will weigh 3-4lbs different am to pm and i gain anywhere up to 5lbs during that time of the month.

i am on cymbalta. i find that if i dont take it (forget a day or something) i am STARVING. it has been a great appetite supressor for me. i had a few side effects when i started taking it but they are all gone now. sometimes it takes some extra effort to orgasm, other times it doesnt. that was my biggest complaint, but even its getting better, thank goodness, lol.

i know you said you moved the rock already but i was reading an article that says if you put down layers of newspaper that the weeds/grass cant grow through it. dont know if it works, but thought i would through that out there.

i dont envy you at all! i have boys that are 8 and 9 and even though they get into the "normal" type kid trouble, some of the stuff they tell me about the kids at school, can we just say, omg? where are the parents? but i have to say, your whole "i grew up in that town, and the kids do start drinking and doing other things parents dont like to think about young because there is nothing else to do (population of about 2000, with most of them being elderly)" is bull! i grew up and live in a small rural town. there are things to do, you just have to do them. find things for the kids to do. i keep my boys busy to instill in them that there ARE better things to do with your time then to get into trouble. i want them to be involved in as much as possible at this age so they will already be involved when they are older and the trouble is more of a possibility. i know you were just saying that is how the town was/is, it just bothers me when i hear that. especially growing up in a small town! i dont mean to come down on you if thats what it seems like. hell, i even used that saying when i was a teen...we went to the party because there was nothing else to do...bull-phooey. it just happens to be what we choose to do! i hope you get things figured out that work for your daughters time away!

yes, toradol works nicely too. the last time i was in the er i was asking the nurses to just shoot me. they thought it was funny, but i was so serious! at the time anyways. i always get it the same side of my head, behind my left eye. sometimes i think that if i were so use a screwdriver and push it through my ear, it would help. oh my, desperate times! i drink lots of Water (now), but i think she was onto something with the being dehydrated because of the migraine. i know when i have one, i dont eat or drink anything. i agree with you, the pain takes so much out of me! even into the next day, i am sore all over and just feel icky, even without a headache. sometimes i get a little "normal" headache the day after, but they say that is probably because of the drugs. ok, i am still curious. where does he give you the injections? not like in his office, where on you will you get them? into what area?

your description of relpax is just what i experience too! and i dont take it unless i can be at home also. trying to work with a migraine is utter hell! every time the phone rings, or i have to get up from my desk and walk...ugh! not to mention the lights... me and percocet dont mix well. sometimes loritab helps take the edge off if i cant leave work. but it also ups the nausea, so its a trade off. my all time favorite (haha, wink wink) would have to be the shots of morphine at the emergency room. we have a new doctor at our local er (very small rural town) and she is great. never before have they started an iv to rehydrate me (she says that its typical to be dehydrated, from the vomitting--something i had never given a thought too---and it will make the headache worse) and then the little magic syringe of relief! of course i am out like a light and that way for the rest of the day and night, but sweet relief! i hate when they get that bad. i have had that kind of migraine twice since being banded. this is going to sound so stupid, but where do you get the botox injections? best of luck!

i had migraines before being banded and still have them. i say normally mine are hormone related and come with my period. but occassionaly i get them at other times. they have never been food related. i can eat or not eat any of the triggers and it has no effect. i have tried many different migraine medicines. maxalt-that disolved in my mouth. it worked a little, took the edge off anyways. imitrex, pill form, nasal spray, and injector pen. they all worked for a time, but seem to lose effectiveness. now i use relpax when one hits. it is working for now. the side effects suck, i get this heavy feeling in my arms and chest for about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes and sometimes get sleepy, sometimes not. i also feel very out of it. like i cant think. but like i said, that only lasts for a time. thank goodness. at times, since being banded, it does seem they are worse. but that must be explained by the previous post about estrogen being released and such. sorry this wasnt helpful for you.

i just finished eating my lunch and now i feel huge and gross! what is wrong with me? i ate 1/4 of a chicken strip, maybe 1/4 cup coleslaw and then 1/2 cup mashed potatos. i feel like i ate a ton! this is not my usual lunch and now i just feel icky. i think i need a fill. i find myself able to eat more and hungrier then in the past. i have one scheduled for june 11, but i think i am going to see if i can move that up. i fear what i will do to my weight loss if i wait that long. my ability to eat more came on pretty quickly. is that normal for needing a fill? this will be my third fill. the first fill basically didnt do anything. so when i got the second fill it wasnt because i suddenly needed it, i just needed it to reach restriction. does that make sense? what are the symptoms of a slipped band? would it/could it be that? or is there pain associated with it? sorry, just kinda thinking outloud here. aghhh, i feel stuffed. i havent felt like this for SO LONG! how icky it is.

only a few people know that i had surgery. my husband, my mom, my sisters and brother, my dad, and 2 very good friends. i didnt want to deal with the questions and being watched every second. i get that enough from my husband! he means well.... but its hard to listen to his comments sometimes. one of the friends is super supportive. she had gastric bypass a little over a year ago, so we share our experiences. its great. the other friend that knows, she is supportive as well, but... well, first she freaked because i was going to Mexico for surgery. "OMG, havent you watched dateline?" but overall she has been perty good about it. as for my family that knows. they are great. sometimes my mom forgets and asks if i want this or that and then she feels bad when i tell her i cant/dont want it. i think its just a personal choice. you have to do what you feel is best for you. if you dont tell anyone at first, and then decide you want to share, thats great. thats kinda what i figured. if i decide i want to tell someone, then i have the option. but if i tell and then regret it, well, i cant take that back.

well, i figured out my icky-ness yesterday. i hadnt pooped in a few days! after doing that last night i felt so much better. and i feel so much better today. i have noticed that i go longer between bm's now, is that the case for anyone else? i cant believe i am sharing this....lol.

so here we are, 7 months since we started this crazy journey. i thought maybe we could all check-in, share how we are doing, what's working, what's not. so i have lost 40 pounds. i am in need of a fill now, as i find myself with the ability to eat more and more. i am hoping to get one scheduled in the next few weeks before i start gaining any back! over all i am feeling really good. i notice myself playing on the floor more with my baby girl and just being more happy with myself. i struggle with my body shape now, mainly and mostly my stomach area. i have this apron of fat and skin, yuck. not to mention the boob problem! but oh well, all will be better in good time i keep telling myself. hope everyone is coming along great.

totally off topic, sorry, but i agree. i love top chef. i think the first season's chef's were the best so far.

i had a total HOLY COW BATMAN moment last night. i think i have figured out what part of my problem is when i have days where i am just "starving". i think those may be days that i forget to take my antidepressant. no joke. i realized last night as i took it that i had forgotten to for a few days. and today, NOT HUNGRY! what a good incentive for me to remember to take them...well, besides you know, they keep me sane! anyone else notice this/experience this? hurray for me. i thought i was losing my mind! not to mention that i was freakin worried that i was gonna gain back a bunch of weight!

i was taking it before i got banded. but i stopped when i got the band because it is a slow release so i couldnt crush it or anything. i was having a hard time (lots of family issues w/ stepson) and HAD to start taking something. i didnt like the others i tried and then my fill doctor told me that there shouldnt be a problem w/ the one i was on before. he said if i pb'ed it up, then there was a problem. and i never have had a problem. i take it at night because my band is always really tight in the am. angel--i get that icky icky feeling too! thats what made me remember that i hadnt taken it! but it doesnt sound like i get as bad as you. i get grumpy and dizzy and just dont feel right, if that makes sense.

why do i still have times i completely tank it? and then i have guilt and remorse and beat myself up. i dont know whats wrong with me! last night i had a horrible night! got stuck on some chicken, hurt like hell, pb'ed and slimed for what seemed like hours. so, what do i do when i feel better? gee, i am hungry so i try eating something else. which gets stuck. pb and slime all over again. i know i am super tight because it is about that time of the month. so why do i do this to myself? when i woke up w/ the baby i ate a little bit of Cereal, which finally went down. but that was at like 2 in the morning! and i dont even think i was really hungry!, i was more tired then anything! why the hell did i eat? and that was just the topping on a bad choice filled day! i had a few chips at work that were sitting there for a birthday party. i have been doing good passing on that stuff. i keep healthy Snacks in my desk and in the fridge for such occasions. a few to start, and then a few later...well hello stupid, a few here and there adds up! i know even with what i did eat, i still didnt eat what i would have eight months ago. so why am i beating myself up? why do i feel so guilty? i dont even know what the point of my post is. i am not seeking some back patting its ok. its not that. i know i screwed up. i know i need to just continue on my way and make better choices today and tomorrow.... i just wonder why i tank it like this occassionaly.

looks like everyone is doing well, thats great!

after reading several posts about body shape, apple, pear, hourglass...i decided that none of those really describe my shape. as i was getting out of the shower this morning it came to me! i am the shape of a snake that swallowed a basketball. but only if you are viewing from the front, as i have no rear! quite funny i think. thinner up top and the legs, larger in the belly. my husband didnt think i was very funny as i was explaining it to him, but i sure got a good laugh. which for me is a change because it bothers me so much! anyone else have a humorous body shape explaination?

sorry, i posted in the wrong spot!

yes yes, of course in the good weigh (i know, wrong word, kinda)! but i also think i am getting shorter! no joke. anyone else have this problem? i put on a pair of pants today that are getting pretty dang loose. but today they are also pretty dang longer then they used to be! i wear my pants long anyway, but today they are catching under my shoes far more then they usually do. and these are the shoes i usually wear, so i know its not that. weird...

yesterday we had a 4-h meeting. my sil who had the tummy tuck was there as well. after each of these meeting we have an assortment of Cookies and juices and fruits for everyone to enjoy. my niece brought some oreo's over for my sil. she offered me one, i declined. my sil started giving me a super hard time about not eating cookies anymore. she was licking it and oohhhing and aahhing, just being dumb! but she would not let up. on and on, waving the cookie in my face, saying how great they tasted. so, knowing that i weigh less then her, like by 20lbs now (insert me doing a little "go me" dance), i come back w/ "guess how much i weighed this morning?" enough said. didnt ask her how much she weighs or anything. just left it at that. to which she of course started in about me weighing myself and bla bla bla.... made me feel better just throwing that out there. how bad is that? but i felt better, and i walked the 2 miles home! made me feel even better! how do you guys handle people like that? oh, and she doesnt know i had this surgery! as far as she knows, i am just making better healthier choices for MY life! which i am, but why does that bother her so?

sorry to hear this. hope you are doing well and i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

so today i am just having a hard time. this is my first "fat day" in a long time! i feel huge, i want to cry/scream/fight/sleep, i dont know. i am pretty sure i am pms'ing, so that explains it mostly. i havent lost any thing for weeks. i know why. i havent been eating right. i guess i just need a kick in the butt to snap out of this funk i am in and get back on track. i am now at the weight i was pretty much all through high-school. i have these weird feelings about getting smaller. i have never been there, so i dont know what to expect. it kinda scares me! i think alot of my problem is i have been sabotaging myself. i have upped my exercise, so i should be losing. but no, i choose to eat crap instead so i stay the same. how stupid is that? someone please please kick some sense back into me!

dave or sue-- could one of these be ridden on a dirt road?