OregonHolly

food was my "best friend" and companion since age 11 (those painful years of puberty and learning where we fit in the big wide world...) and as I prepare for banding I feel almost a sense of sadness that I will be saying goodbye to food as I had known it. Food was my "lover" - always available, there to comfort and entertain me, favorite textures and flavors were seductively delightful, and recipes and cooking was fun and creative. The problem was, I was "in love" with food in the same way as sometimes I found myself in love with men - with abandon and lack of restraint - absolutely unwilling to see how my lover" was hurting me in ways I didn't want to acknowledge - leaving "my lover" (dieting) "for good this time!" and then returning over and over for more abuse. Can anyone relate to this? Now as I get ready to say "farewell my lover" to that relationship with food, I feel a bit of sadness over that "relationship" that was so damaging, a glimmer of grief that my "love" had harmed me so and I had allowed it to happen. :think Maybe I'm just grieving the lost years stuck in that one-way relationship with food? Has anyone else experienced this? I long for my "new life" as a bandster, learning to put food in it's rightful place in my life (i.e. nourishment for the body - not the soul)...... yet there is a sadness to the letting go as well, like leaving a partner who has hurt and wounded you. I read that some people feel depressed after banding and I guess that maybe I'm having a bit of "pre-banding" depression. Hopefully after surgery I won't go through that depression. Maybe after banding, when my self esteem finally starts to climb, I'll actually be open to receiving love and comfort from -- gasp - HUMANS (what a risk!) and life as I have known it will really change. Or am I expecting too much? See this smiley icon >>> this is how I want to feel after banding and saying goodbye to my dysfunctional relationship with food: :clap2::clap2: Can anyone relate? Share?

Wow great responses everyone, thanks so much for keeping this thread going. I think the emotional attachment to food is what can make-or-break you after banding, in terms of success or failure. What kept coming to my mind was the way I used to bravely say "goodbye" to junk food and bad habits "for GOOD!" with every diet, and then when I couldn't hang on and began to slip up, the cycle of humiliation in crawling back to food in shame for the comfort I craved, followed by isolation because I felt like a failure yet again. Anyone else been there? I can predict that same pattern possibly repeated itself after banding, if I let it. I plan to get some counseling after banding (maybe before too) to deal with the emotional issues. I'll be damned if I'm gonna accept the risk and expense of banding only to sneak around with chocolate shakes, and become discouraged, ashamed and isolated again. I plan to stay on this board and connect with other bandsters, attend my support groups, and seek out my fills when I need them. I hope others who are struggling with letting go of the emotional attachment to food - will turn here. Keep posting, it comforts others. Obesity used to be primarily a self esteem struggle for me; I worked hard at accepting myself and loving myself only to find that after I turned 50 I was on 2 blood pressure meds, had high cholesterol, depression, osteoarthritis, urinary incontinence, asthma, etc. So it's not about loving myself or self esteem anymore - this weight is going to shorten my life, and make what's left of it miserable. I took a bunch of savings last year and went on a single's tour of Greece because I decided that the problem wasn't ME, it was American culture and obsession with thinness. - I knew I'd be accepted there in Europe, etc. and would have a great time. Well guess what? My favorite quote kept coming to mind: "no matter where you go, there you are!" I was huffing and puffing trying to climb the steps of the Acropolis, I was spilling my bulk all over the poor passenger next to me on the 12 hour plane flight, I had terrible heartburn every night, my knees and joints were killing me on the long walks and tours, it was humid and I was sweating through my expensive Clinique foundation, while others jumped and frolicked in the Aegean Sea and got massages on the beach, I was trying to hide my fat thighs with my bathing suit coverup and hope nobody noticed me. Was I accepted (even desired?) in Greece by all the men? No, none of them even glanced my way and I have a pretty face like most of us ladies! I'M DONE! No more "love myself" & "find myself" in a foreign country because I blamed American culture for my problems, etc. This is MY journey now, and damn it all -- I'm ready to go to war! Bring it on baby! I WILL succeed and SO CAN YOU!

Hi WanaBeThin, I'm pre-band like you and can relate. Thank God for this forum so we don't have to feel ALONE. Post daily for encouragment while your DH is out of town. I don't have any other tips yet, except to say "keep your chin up" and take courage. I just posted about saying goodbye to my old dysfunctional relationship with food (post is "goodbye my lover") if you read it you'll see how I feel about this journey. We were probably all good dieters, full of resolve, right? What will make this time different? Permanent change this time. Permanent, no turning back (the band won't let you!). Keep doing the next right thing, and looking FORWARD, not back. And keep posting. (((hugs)))

I'm a newbie (no surgery yet) with a question for you old time bandsters: banding requires a serious lifestyle change - new eating habits, less dependence on food, increased activity level (i.e. exercise, yikes), close medical supervision, etc. I understand that. My worry and fear is this: I've never been too good at making serious lifestyle changes in regards to my weight/health -- if I had, I'd be thin and healthy! Surely I'm not alone here, right? So how do people go from being undisciplined eaters who don't exercise - to being a changed person after banding? If I failed before banding - will I fail afterwards too? I don't want to, I really feel motivated! But I always felt motivated before starting all the other gazillion diets too! :help: Please share your story about how you made the switch to new healthy behaviors after banding -- especially those of you who were once like me -- constant failures at "lifestyle change". I want to be successful this time, but will I be? I know myself and I'm scared of failure...:phanvan

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling better about this surgery already! I'll be cash pay, and facing that kind of expense with that old ugly "negative voice" in my head telling me "You can't do it, you always fail, you'll gain it back before you get your bill paid off..." is scary! So really while I'm focusing on the lifestyle changes, I need to be focusing on shutting up that negative voice FOR GOOD. I never really had much support before, just doubting family members giving me "the look" after I lost weight and saying "you look great, try to keep it off this time...". I'll turn to this board for the encouragement and support I need, as well as to the local support groups. I'm proud to be among a group of such strong "warriors" in this challenging battle. I can do it. I can!

Hi all, my name is Holly and I've been lurking on this excellent site. What a relief to have this great online community to join! Tonight I'm going to my "educational seminar" at the local hospital. So many of my questions have already been answered by reading the posts here, everyone is so supportive and informative. I guess my main question/worry is this: having a Lap-Band requires a serious comittment to a lifestyle change, and so far I really suck at making a serious lifestyle change - if I was good at it I'd be THIN and healthy already! I'm sure I'm not alone, right? How do others who are banded finally make the "jump" (or is it more like CLIMB?) to a new lifestyle after all the past failures? I'm anxious to meet you all :-) thanks for any responses!

Hello, I'm an Oregon newbie too! I'm in Medford. Tonight I go to my seminar, after reading and researching and agonizing over this decision! But I'm ready, I'm excited, "bring it on!" Nice to meet you. Where do you and your friend live?