SKNYMEBY47

I am wondering how or if my relationship with my husband may change after I have my surgery. In the beginning he was so against my having the surgery, mainly because he knew nothing about the current procedures and such for the surgery, he only knew of the old days when a lot of people died from complications and stuff. It took quite a while to get him to come around and thanks so much to his daughter who is going through nursing school she helped quite a bit in reassuring him that the advances in technology these days makes the surgery so much safer, and then when he finally saw how many medications I have to take daily, he finally got it. The part that has me a little worried is if and when I start to loose the weight, I worry he may start to feel differently towards me. My husband in a rare man, who actually likes woman who are large, fuller size woman. I'm worried that he may start to "fall out" of love with me. I know I just may be thinking silly thoughts but every now and again those thoughts do creep into my head. Most of my family and friends are very supportive and actually happy that I'm having the surgery and even though my husband as come around and now accepts that I am having this surgery no matter what. My medical condition has forced me to go forward with the surgery now rather than wait any longer and I know he fully supports me when it comes to my health. I also sometimes wonder if he is worried too, worried that if and when I loose the weight that maybe I won't be interested in him any longer. But that is completely silly to me, he is my husband and I waited 11 years for him to finally marry me (he had been married before and it ended in a very nasty divorce) so I understood he didn't want to rush into marriage too quickly, so I loved him and he loved me so it was worth the wait in my mind. But I wonder if somewhere in the back of his mind he fears I will loose the weight and leave him for some other man. I'm wondering if anyone out there who has already had their surgery is going through any of these kinds of things in their relationships. Does getting this surgery put a lot of pressure on relationships? And if it does, can it all still work out in the end?

I'm glad someone thought to ask this question, I'm also pre-op but have been thinking about that. My husband and I don't have much sex now, we have all the excuses of I'm too tired, too busy, too whatever and in the beginning I wanted it all the time but because he is 13 years older than I am I thought for him he was just loosing his drive but I later discovered we are usually on totally different schedules... he is more frisky in the morning and I'm more frisky at night.... so he is usually too tired and exhausted at night and I'm so busy trying to get up and get ready for work mornings are no good for me.... but I recently went through this whole medical issue with my periods (they were really bad, heavy and unstoppable.... I have PCOS also and it took about 20 years between being diagnosed with it and the first cysts to develop) so after several constant trips to the ER and my Doctors, my Doctor finally did an Endometrial ablation, so for several weeks after that procedure we could have sex anyway, but now I don't know if it has something to do with that procedure or something else but I too have lost my drive. I just don't care about sex the way I use to. I am hoping that will change after surgery and hoping that maybe I will gain the energy and "drive" back... but I am worried that I might have gone through the "change" and didn't even notice. Which would totally bite, cause once I loose the weight I'll probably be able to do all kinds of "things" and it would kind of bite if I had gone through the change and never cared about sex again....

Talk about revenge, I have a friend who when her husband told her he wanted a divorce she got so mad, she started feeding him Alpo.... No lie, she started making his meals with freaking dog food and he gobbled it up, and loved it... which should have been is first clue cause she even admits she is not a good cook generally.... but then he would take the left overs to work for lunch the next day as well.... and when they finally split up she had left him with several dishes in the freezer all made with the dog food... which I'm guessing not only did he eat and love, but I'm sure he shared it with his new girlfriend that he started seeing before they got divorced..... Now that is revenge to the extreme....

My Husband sometimes does the same thing to me, If I bring something into the house that I know I probably shouldn't really have anyway, but once in a great while I might pick something up..... like the other day I picked up some muffins for "breakfast" I picked up a few different kinds because I prefer blueberry and cranberry, and he likes ones like corn and bran.... so I brought them home at night and within a few minutes he was already eating one and it wasn't the ones I bought him.... Now he is not skinny or anything but it just makes me so mad that I have to (like some of you mentioned) hide food if I ever want to get any of it. It makes me feel guilty as if I'm doing something wrong. And he always says to me, you know I hate that stuff being in the house, so I say then why do you eat it on me... he says well I eat it cause I don't want it in the house.... Are you freaking serious....LOL

Wow, i was getting a bit scared reading this thread I'm still in the pre-op stage but i take a ton of pills for all kinds of stuff but my surgeon said he believed for the most part I would probably be eliminating most of them right after surgery, but then as I was reading this thread and seeing how many of you still have to take them I started thinking holy cow there is no way I'd be able to crush all those pills and no way I'll be able to swallow them whole. Thank goodness you guys mentioned they make this stuff in liquid form, that is great to know just in case i still will have to take some of my pills. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS INFO... It's a life saver.

Is it too late to get in on this one, it sounds like a really great idea. Jensbuddy9716@verizon.net Thanks

I know how you feel, I have to do 6 Nut sessions myself (I'm on month 4 in Jan), I go back to see the surgeon on Jan 17 and that's when we will actually schedule my surgery. I kind of know how you feel about not wanting to tell people, I felt the same way in the beginning. I am the youngest of 7 and I also have 20+ nieces and nephews so I know what it feels like to come from all that pressure. But early on, and once I started visiting sites like this and seeing everyone's video posts on YouTube and stuff, I suddenly realized this surgery is far more common place these days to the point that I don't think it carries the same stigma that it once did. There are still people out there that will give you a hard time about it, or try to accuse you of taking the easy way. That is all hog wash, as you know this is no easy road, there is so much you have to do to just to prepare for surgery and then all that you have to go through after surgery, there just is no way that this is the easy way out. But for some of us it is the difference between living and dying, plain and simple. You shouldn't feel awkward or ashamed to tell anyone that you're going to have this surgery, your deciding to live a better and healthier life, what is so wrong about that. You should feel proud that you're taking control of things and in the end you'll probably live a much happier and of course healthier life. I also think that it is a great idea about the journal, I've heard so many people who have already gone through surgery suggest doing that, they say it can help you through the rough spots and also help to point out issues or weak spots in your habits, etc. Good luck on your journey!

@ MamaJenHen, first off Congrats on your decision. I too have the PCOS, Diabetes, High blood pressure, Fibromyalgia, etc. so I know how you feel with have so many issues that Gastric Bypass Surgery is the only hope left. The only differences are I'm 46 so as I say the "Kids" ship has sailed for me (I'm just too old to start having them now) and I'm 5'6" and at my highest weight I've been 375 which is where I actually started this whole journey at. My surgeon also is making me loose weight in the hopes of shrinking the liver to make the surgery easier so I know how that goes too. The only thing I'm really hating is the wait, I've had to do 6 months of nutrition classes and this month will be month number 4 so I won't be done until March and even though it's only technically two months away it feels like forever away. I just want to get the surgery part over with but the closer I get to that point the more nervous I get. I'm pretty confident about the whole thing as I'm having mine done at one of the best hospitals in the country, specially for this type of surgery (Brigham & Women's Hospital in Boston) so I know the doctors are among the best, but I still feel a bit nervous cause there is still an element of risk to all this. But the more I see all the people on this site and others, I can't help but think there are so many people who get through this surgery just fine, so that eases my worries. But anyway, welcome aboard and good luck as you head into your surgery and new life.

Welcome, I wish you luck on your journey. I've haven't had my surgery yet either... mine hopefully will be in the beginning of April... I have to get through all the classes and stuff for the insurance company. But I'm really looking forward to it.

Wow, thank you all for the great advice. You are all so right, communication is the most important part. and to "Shrinking Don" thank you so much for the male point of view, and I love the group thing idea, that is such a great way to meet and get to get together with others going through what your going through and including the spouses is a great way to give them people they can relate to as well, that sounds like a win, win situation to me..... Thanks everyone!

Thanks M'Lane, Your advice will really help, I will do just that... remember to reassure him, as I know men like to claim they are not emotional people but I have learned they are sometimes more emotional than women.

OMG, I went through the same thing, were I was eating everything I thought I would never be able to eat again. It's crazy, but I kept thinking I will never be able to eat this stuff again, but I've been told that not always true, so I stopped doing that granted I still eat some stuff I know I don't want to have ever again after surgery but that is by choice not because I won't be able to. Good luck on your surgery, I can't wait for mine. Keep up the posts after surgery, you and I seem to have a lot of the same situations or issues so I would really like to hear how you get along after surgery. Thanks,

I'm with you, I will be on my 4th Month in January and I too am so anxious to get the surgery part over with and to be able to get on with my new life.

First I want to say I love the other posts on this topic. Here are some of the things I can't wait for: Can't wait to go to the movies and not have to lift both arm rests just so I can fit in the seat, Not have to shamelessly ask the stewardess for the seat belt extender on an air plain cause the regular one just doesn't cut it, ​To be able to pass through a turnstile without having to stand on my tippy toes because my stomach just doesn't fit, To not be completely out of breath just getting dressed in the morning, To be able to stand up straight for more than 5 mins. without feeling like I'm going to collapse, To be able to shop in the "cheap" stores for clothes instead of having to pay so much just for a top, just because it takes more material to make it, ​To also be able to sit in booths without having to move the table to accommodate me, and sit in doctor office seats with arms, or any chair with arms, To be able to fit comfortably behind the wheel of my cars, To be able to use a regular bathroom stall and not always the handicap one because there is more room to fit in there, To finally look good in nice clothes (why is it they make larger sizes so ugly most of the time), To be able to go food shopping without having to lean on the carriage and feeling like I'm going to collapse by the last isle, To stop being treated "differently" by people because of my size, That's all I can think of at the moment, will add more if I think of them....